Chapter 1
49708: His wife and her family accused him of
having something wrong with his mind; should he take a
second wife?
Question:
I am 24 years old and I got married a year ago.
My marriage lasted only 6 months, after which my
wife's family accused me of being mentally ill. I proved
that this was not the case with the help of a
government psychiatrist. This is happening to me because my
wife's family is accusing me and she is agreeing with them,
may Allaah forgive her. What should I do? Should I
take another wife? Please note that the problem with my
wife has been referred to the court and divorce
proceedings are under way. If I get married [to a second wife]
now, will there be any sin on me?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Proof that a person is in good mental health and
treats others well does not require the testimony of a
doctor. What matters is what people see of a man, not the
papers he produces.
Hence if the accusations of your wife's family are
based on things that they have seen you do or words that
they have heard you speak, then they may have a reason.
You have to sort yourself out and mend your ways so that
there will be nothing for others to judge you by.
If what they said about you has no real basis, rather it
is false and sinful testimony, then we think that you
should advise them and explain to them that their false
accusation against you is sinful, and tell them how that has
caused division between you and your wife. If they recant,
then all well and good, otherwise you should shun them,
and not let them visit you or let your wife visit them, lest
they turn her against you.
With regard to your intention of taking a second
wife, what we advise you is to wait and to examine the
real motive for that, because often in such cases the
decision is based on the desire for revenge against the first
wife and her family because of the trouble they caused,
and usually when a man marries with this attitude it leads
to trouble for the second wife too, if the husband has not
set things straight with his first wife and her family.
If you have not set things straight between you and
your wife and her family, we think that if you want to take
a second wife, you should let the first wife go and
divorce her, or you can keep the first wife if you intend to
keep both wives if Allaah guides her (the first wife). We
also advise you to have a good intention and try to do the
right thing, for Allaah says concerning spouses between
whom there are difficulties (interpretation of the meaning):
"if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause
their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever
AllKnower, WellAcquainted with all
things" [al-Nisa' 4:35]
We advise you to fear Allaah with regard to every
step you take and not to let this problem cause you to treat
her unjustly or to keep reminding her of mistakes that
she made but that she has apologized for.
We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to make
it easy for both of you to do the right thing. And Allaah
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49666: He married her on the basis that he would
come back to his country after a certain amount of time, then
he decided not to go back
Question:
A man came to propose marriage to me, and he
was working in another country. He agreed with my
father that I would travel with him after marriage and stay
there with him for no more than three years, and we
would come back together after that time was up. I actually
did marry him and I traveled with him, and I have
two children. Three years went by, and when I asked him
to go back, based on the agreement, he went mad and
told me that he will never go back; he has migrated and I
have to accept this situation. In addition to that, he is a
man who does not help me to obey Allaah. He brought
a satellite dish into our home and he leaves me alone
all day feeling lonely in this foreign land, and I cannot
resist watching it. Also, he does not allocate any time to
spend with me and relieve my loneliness. All his time is
spent at his work or with his friends. When I realized that
I could not stand to put up with this situation for the rest
of my life, I decided to go back to Egypt and never
come back and delegate my affairs to Allaah with regard to
this bad marriage. But the problem is that he is accusing
me of being a wife who does not obey him and of
being disobedient, and he tells me that Allaah will punish
me on the Day of Resurrection because I went against
my husband's commands. Am I really a disobedient wife,
or does the fact that he did not adhere to the agreement
on the basis of which I married him exonerate me from
any blame?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The Muslim is obliged to adhere to the conditions that
he set and to fulfil his promises. Among the conditions
that are most deserving of fulfillment are those by means
of which it becomes permissible for a man to enjoy
intimacy with his wife, namely the conditions of marriage.
Al-Bukhaari (2821) and Muslim (1418) narrated that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "The conditions that most deserve to
be fulfilled are those by means of which it
becomes permissible for you to enjoy intimacy."
Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (7/448):
The conditions of marriage fall into three Islam & Muslims:
1 _ Those which must be fulfilled, which are those
which benefit the wife, such as the condition that he will
not make her leave her house or city, or make her travel
with him (i.e., take her to another country).
These must be fulfilled. If the husband does not do
that then the wife has the right to annul the marriage,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "The conditions that most deserve to be
fulfilled are those by means of which it becomes permissible
for you to enjoy intimacy." End quote.
It is essential to differentiate between that which
the husband stated as a condition in the marriage, and
a promise that he made after the marriage contract was
done. If it was a condition of marriage (i.e., the marriage
contract was done on the basis of this condition), then the
wife has the choice of waiving that condition or of
annulling the marriage, if her husband does not fulfil this
condition. In this case she should be given her rights in full.
If it was a promise that he made after marriage, then
he has to fulfil his promise if he does not have an
excuse. But the wife does not have the right to annul the
marriage if he does not fulfil it. This is the ruling on this situation.
We advise the husband to fulfil the condition and to
keep his promise, or to ask for his wife's consent to waive
the condition or to delay fulfillment of the promise until
a later, stated time. He has to fear Allaah with regard to
his wife and not bring haraam things and haraam entertainment into the house.
The sister who asked this question should be more
patient and put up with it. She should also try to get wise
people from her family and from his to intervene, in order
to resolve the differences between them.
Secondly:
The husband has made a serious mistake by bringing
the satellite dish into the home and enabling his wife to
see all the sinful content that the dish brings. The one
whom Allaah has put in charge of others should be
sincere towards them and not be negligent or heedless in his
duties towards them.
Thirdly:
The sister made a mistake, because she is not forced
to look at the evil scenes brought by the dish, and her
being alone is no excuse. She can occupy herself by
worshipping Allaah, keeping company with righteous women,
doing permissible things, and reading and listening to
things that will benefit her in both her religious and
worldly affairs.
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45858: Her brother's wife mistreats her because she
is religiously-committed and she hates her
Question:
I am an eighteen-year-old girl, and my problem is
that my brother's wife always mistreats me. When my
sister asked her why she does that, she said "Because she
does not like religious people"! What she means is that I
am religiously committed, hence she does not like me. I
have suffered so much from her bad treatment that when
she visits us I greet her then I go and sit in my room until
she had left, because if I sit with her, she starts to insult
those who are religiously-committed, with the intention
of offending me. When I try to advise her she looks at
me scornfully and in a mocking manner, then she goes
away. Recently she does not want to speak to me at all. Is
it permissible for me to treat her in like manner, i.e.,
not speaking to her at all _ knowing that I have tried to
advise her on numerous occasions but she just becomes
more stubborn? One of my committed sisters advised me
to keep away from my brother's wife as much as
possible because she only prays rarely and she often insults
those who are religiously-committed. Now I am confused and
I hope that you can advise me as to the best way to
deal with this problem.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
With regard to one who does not pray, we have
explained the ruling on that, and stated that some of the scholars
_ who expressed the correct view _ have ruled that such
a person is a kaafir and it is not permissible to marry
such a person or to remain married to him, and that
meat slaughtered by him is haraam, and so on. We
have discussed these rulings in detail. Please see questions
no. 34795 and 20059.
Secondly:
With regard to your brother's wife making fun of
those who are religiously-committed and insulting them
and mocking them, she should understand that by doing
these things she is in serious danger, and that these actions
may put her beyond the pale of Islam.
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) was asked about the ruling on making fun of those
who adhere to the commandments of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?
He replied: Making fun of those who adhere to
the commandments of Allaah and His Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) because of
their commitment is haraam and is very dangerous and
serious, because there is the fear that his hatred for them may
be based on hatred of what they are adhering to, namely
the religion of Allaah. In that case mocking them is
mocking the path that they are following. They are like those
of whom Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"If you ask them (about this), they declare: `We were
only talking idly and joking.' Say: `Was it at Allaah, and
His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons,
signs, revelations, etc.) and His Messenger that you
were mocking?"
Make no excuse; you disbelieved after you had believed'"
[al-Tawbah 9:65-66]
These words were revealed concerning some of
the hypocrites who said: "We have never seen anything
like these reciters _ meaning the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his
companions _ they are the most greedy, the most false of speech
and the most cowardly in battle." Then Allaah revealed
this verse concerning them.
Those who make fun of the followers of truth
because they are religiously-committed should beware, for
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, (during the worldly life) those who
committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed.
30. And, whenever they passed by them, used to wink
one to another (in mockery).
31. And when they returned to their own people,
they would return jesting;
32. And when they saw them, they said: `Verily, these
have indeed gone astray!'
33. But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent
as watchers over them (the believers).
34. But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those
who believe will laugh at the disbelievers
35. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things).
36. Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they
used to do?" [al-Mutaffifeen
83:29-36]
Majmoo' Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen,
2/question no. 236.
Insulting a Muslim is a major sin, especially if one
insults him for being religiously committed and righteous.
There is the fear that the one who does this may fall into
apostasy as stated above with regard to mocking them.
It was narrated from `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood
(may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Insulting a
Muslim is immorality and killing him is kufr."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 48; Muslim, 64.
Al-Nawawi said:
In Arabic the word sabb (translated here as
insulting) means slandering a person and speaking of his honour
in a disparaging fashion. And fisq (translated here
as immorality) means going out; in sharee'ah
terminology it means going out of obedience (i.e., transgressing
the bounds of obedience).
With regard to the meaning of the hadeeth: Insulting
a Muslim for no reason is haraam according to the consensus of the ummah, so the one who does that is
a faasiq as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said.
Sharh Muslim, 2/53, 54.
We advise you to continue advising her, and if that is
via your brother, that will be better. Tell him of the
Islamic rulings on what she is doing, and encourage him to
guide her by whatever means he can.
We do not advise you to sit with her unless she
repents and turns back to her Lord. We fear that you may
react towards her, and we fear that she may increase in sin
every time she sees you or sits with you.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And when you (Muhammad) see those who engage in
a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur'aan)
by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn
to another topic. And if Shaytaan (Satan) causes you
to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in
the company of those people who are the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers)"
[al-An'aam 6:68]
But if you speak to her and do not shun her, that may
be more beneficial for her because it may soften her
heart. You can limit it to greeting and welcoming her, and
asking how she is, without indulging in any arguments with
her that may lead her to do something haraam.
Do not forget _ as well as doing what you can to
advise her _ to pray that she may be guided aright.
And Allaah knows best.
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43347: I want my relationship with my husband to go
back to the way it was
Question:
I have a problem and only my Lord knows how bad it
is. My problem is that my husband treats me badly
and betrays me and does not acknowledge his Lord.
This complete change happened three years ago and I
have been putting up with it for so long for the sake of
my children and in the hope that he would change. I used
to think that his mother was influencing him, because
his mother used to criticize me all the time behind my
back even though I treated her well and respected her and
took care of her. But she used to feel jealous of my
husband's love for me, and I felt that, even though in front of
me she pretended to show love because I used to treat
her well. This happened three years ago when she stayed
with us in our house for five months after her husband
passed away, and she left us after we traveled abroad for
work. Since that time I have been suffering terribly.
My husband is no longer the husband that I know. I
hope that you can help me, because I do not know what to
do any more to bring him back to the way he was before.
My sister is certain that he has been bewitched and is not
in his right mind. Is this possible? And if it is then what
can I do? I hope that you can advise me, because I do
not want to get divorced or to turn to charlatans. My
sister told me that there is a man of religion who treats
people by means of Qur'aan, and she asked me to give her
my picture and a picture of my husband. But I was afraid
that this might incur the wrath of Allaah. Is that
permissible? What should I do in this situation? I hope that you
will help me, because I am in a difficult situation. I hope
that you will answer me quickly. I am turning to you _
after Allaah _ in the hope that my Lord will show me a
way out. May Allaah relieve you of all difficulty and
may Allaah reward you with all good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that by His wisdom, Allaah tests
His slaves with good and evil, to show who among them
will obey Him in all circumstances and who will only
obey Him in some circumstances. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Who has created death and life that He may test
you which of you is best in deed. And He is the AllMighty,
the OftForgiving"
[al-Mulk 67:2]
"and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with
good. And to Us you will be returned"
[al-Anbiya' 21:35]
One of the kinds of tests is that Allaah may test one
spouse with bad treatment on the part of the other, for
whatever reason. Based on this, if what you have mentioned
is correct and your husband has been bewitched or
affected by strong hasad (envy) _ for witchcraft and the evil
eye do have an effect, as the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, "The evil eye is real"
(narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5408; Muslim, 2187) _ then you
have to do the following:
1 _ Remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr) and pray
for forgiveness. Ask Allaah to heal your husband and to
make him be as he used to be. Nothing can alter the divine
decree except du'aa'.
2 _ Think about yourself and the way you treat
your husband. It may be that you have changed in the way
you treat him, without realizing. Be the best wife you can
to him, and the best help, after Allaah. Stand be his
side during this trial and be his support, after Allaah.
3 _ Do not go to that so-called man of religion, for he
is asking for your picture in order to practice trickery.
See question no. 21124.
4 _ There is nothing wrong with you going with
your husband to a trustworthy shaykh, who treats people
by means of the Qur'aan and du'aa's prescribed by
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
You could also recite Qur'aan over some water and you
and your husband drink from it, and you could recite
ruqyah over him every day, and recite Soorat al-Baqarah in
the house. For more information on the ways of undoing
the effects of witchcraft please see the following
questions: 11290, 4010, 21124,
12198, 8291, 20954. For
information on protection against witchcraft, please see questions
no. 2662 and 22816. For information on various kinds
of witchcraft please see questions no. 12578
, 9432, 240.
5 _ Assuming that what has happened to your husband
is not witchcraft or hasad (envy), then sit with him
and discuss things frankly. Tell him what you feel, and
agree to go back to the way things were.
6 _ You can ask some people _ especially
trustworthy relatives - to intervene and seek a solution to this
problem, and to look into its causes and try to find a way of
resolving it.
Finally, we advise you to weigh up your husband's
good points and bad points, and do not forget his good
qualities and his kind treatment of you, because that will
motivate you to try to bring him back to the right path in his
religion and in his relationship with his Lord, first of all, then
in his relationship with you.
May Allaah make things easy for you, and make
your husband happy with your obedience and make you
happy with his good treatment. And Allaah knows best.
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45847: He has taken on the responsibility and feels
anxious and depressed
Question:
Firstly, I am a young man, 20 years old, and am
studying in the Faculty of Medicine. My father died recently,
most of the responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. I
have a brother who is older than me but he is disabled. A
few days ago I went through a psychological crisis. I
started feeling afraid of sickness and death, and thinking that
I would die that day, and other such strange thoughts.
I went to a psychiatrist and he said to me: "You are
suffering from anxiety and depression." He gave me some
medicine but I am not taking it.
I started to follow the teachings of Islam, praise be
to Allaah, and I turned to Allaah and now, praise be to
Allaah, I feel much better. I am also reading Qur'aan and
praying in the mosque. My question is: in this situation do I
need to take medicine or not? Is this from the Shaytaan or is
it a nervous disease?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The believer cannot do without his Lord. He is the
only One Who can bring benefits or ward off harm. By
turning to Allaah you did the right thing.
Death is a reality, and Allaah has decreed it for every
soul, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Everyone shall taste death"
[Aal `Imraan 3:185]
No matter how hard a person tries, he can never ward
off that which Allaah has willed and decreed for him,
namely death.
But fear should not prevent a person from
worshipping and obeying Allaah, rather it should do the opposite.
Fear should motivate one to worship and obey Allaah. Fear
_ as Ibn Qudaamah said _ is the whip of Allaah with
which He drives His slaves to persist in seeking knowledge
and acting upon it, so that they may attain the status of
being close to Allaah.
Fear may cause a person to become worried, anxious
or ill, which may in turn cause him to despair of the
mercy of Allaah; in this case his fear is not something good, it
is bad.
It should be noted that a lot of worry and
psychological stress is caused by not being content (with the will
and decree of Allaah). We may not get what we want,
and even if we do get what we want that may not make us
feel content as we had hoped; the idea that we had in our
minds before getting it was better than the reality.
Even after getting what we want we may still suffer
from anxiety and fear of losing that blessing. There is no
remedy for this apart from accepting the decree of Allaah,
thanking Him for His blessings and patiently bearing the
difficulties and calamities that Allaah has decreed for us.
Your situation may require a doctor, but you should
note that most people's diseases are not physical, rather
they are psychosomatic.
Dr al-Faarez says: It became clear that for four out of
five patients their sickness had no physical basis at all,
rather their sickness stemmed from fear, anxiety, resentment
and selfishness, and a person's inability to create
harmony between himself and life.
Look at how Ya'qoob (peace be upon him) wept for
his son Yoosuf (peace be upon him) and lost his sight.
Look at how distress overwhelmed `Aa'ishah (may Allaah
be pleased with her) when the people slandered her by
telling lies about her, and she kept weeping so much that
she said: "I though that grief would tear me apart."
Agreed upon.
Dr Hassaan Shamsi Pasha said:
In the event of anxiety, secretion of a substance
called adrenaline increases in the blood, the blood pressure
rises, the heart rate increases, and a person feels
heart palpitations or may feel as if something is sinking to
the bottom of his chest.
He may become paranoid and rush from one doctor
to another, wondering what is wrong with his heart,
when there is nothing wrong in his body but he still suffers
pain in his stomach and has indigestion, or bloating in
his abdomen, or frequent urination or headaches.
You have to have faith and fear Allaah; always recite
dhikr and wirds that are prescribed in sharee'ah, because this
is one of the greatest remedies that will get rid of the
thoughts that are going around in your mind and the things
that hearts grieve over.
Some of the du'aa's narrated from the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that deal with
such matters include the following:
1 _ It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to say: "Allaahumma inni
a'oodhu bika min al-hammi wa'l-hazani wa'l'ajzi
wa'l-kasali wa'l-jubni wa'l-bukhli wa dala' il-dayn wa ghalbat
al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry,
grief, incapacity, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, from
being heavily in debt and from being overcome by
men)." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008.
2 _ It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "If a person who is afflicted by
anxiety or sorrow says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka wa
ibnu `abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin
fiyya hukmuka `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka as'aluka bi kulli
ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw `allamtahu
ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw
asta'tharta bihi fi `ilm il-ghaybi `indaka an taj'al
al-Qur'aana rabee'a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa'a huzni
wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of
Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in
Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed
and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every
name belonging to You with which You have named
Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or
You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved
in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You
make the Qur'aan the life of my heart and the light of my
breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for
my anxiety)', then Allaah will take away his anxiety
and sorrow, and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah, should we not
learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears it should learn
it." Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 199.
3 _ It was narrated that Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqaas said:
The Messenger of Allaah (S) said: "The prayer of
Dhu'l-Noon which he said when he was in the belly of the fish:
`Laa ilaaha illa Anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min
al-zaalimeen (none has the right to be worshipped but You (O
Allaah), Glorified (and Exalted) be You [above all that (evil)
they associate with You]! Truly, I have been of the
wrongdoers' [cf al-Anbiya' 21:87]. No Muslim man calls upon
Allaah with these words concerning any matter but Allaah
will answer him."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3505; classed as saheeh
by al_Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 3383.
See also questions no. 21677 and
32457.
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45864: Her father mistreats her and her mother resents
her, and this has affected her relationship with her husband
Question:
I got married two years ago. My husband _ praise be
to Allaah _ fears Allaah with regard to the way he treats
me, but I have a psychological complex because of a
father who did not fear Allaah with regard to me, my
siblings and my mother, which created resentment in my
heart and in my siblings' hearts towards him. Even though
I have got married and moved away from that horrible
life, I cannot help but be upset because of my mother's
and siblings' suffering. They are still suffering and that
affects the way I treat my husband who respects me, but
his patience sometimes runs out when he sees me so sad
most of the time and he thinks that I like to be miserable.
What should I do? Also, my siblings and I cannot respect
my father because of the way he has treated us; what
should we do to rid ourselves of our resentment towards
him? We try to respect him, but he does not respect anyone
and he suffers from a complex whereby he hates
everyone who is better than him, and he loves to show off and
to stand out, i.e., he wants to show people that he owns
a great deal even though he does not own anything,
rather he is in debt. I hope that you can help me to solve
this problem.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
With regard to your father, you have to keep on
advising him and reminding him of what Allaah has enjoined
upon him with regard to himself and to his family.
You have to try different methods of advising him. It
may be hard for him to hear it from you, but do not despair
of reminders and exhortations reaching him by way of
your relatives or his friends. You could also let him listen
to some useful tapes.
Secondly:
You have to fear Allaah with regard to your husband.
You should not bring the worries of your family into
your husband's house and place them on his
shoulders, especially since he treats you well and you do not
see anything from him that upsets you. What you have to
do is to appreciate him and treat him kindly. This is
what Allaah commands you to do.
Thirdly:
No one is free of diseases _ except those on whom
Allaah has mercy. The fact that your father likes to show off
and to appear to be better than others means that you have
to be compassionate towards him, not resent him. The
fact that he has treated you badly and is still doing so
means that you should show mercy towards him, for if he
dies and meets his Lord in that state, then he will meet
Him with many sins.
Hence you and your siblings and family have to look
again at your relationship with your father and your
attitude towards him, for Allaah has commanded us to treat
parents well and honour them, even if they call us to shirk
and kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join
in worship with Me others that of which you have
no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them
in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns
to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will
be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to
do" [Luqmaan 31:15]
Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) debated with his
mushrik father politely, as Allaah tells us (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And mention in the Book (the Qur'aan)
Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he was a man of truth, a Prophet.
42. When he said to his father: `O my father! Why do
you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot
avail you in anything?
43. `O my father! Verily, there has come to me of
the knowledge that which came not unto you. So follow me,
I will guide you to the Straight Path.
44. `O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan).
Verily, Shaytaan (Satan) has been a rebel against the
Most Gracious (Allaah).
45. `O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from
the Most Gracious (Allaah) should overtake you, so that
you become a companion of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hellfire).'
46. He (the father) said: `Do you reject my gods,
O Ibraaheem (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will
indeed stone you. So get away from me safely (before I
punish you).'
47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: `Peace be on you! I
will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto
me Ever Most Gracious'"
[Maryam 19:41-47]
Look at the etiquette of this Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how he addressed his
mushrik father who was threatening his Muslim son. In this
there is a great lesson for those who suffer a similar
problem with their fathers.
Fourthly:
With regard to the grief that you feel, it should not
make you stop doing things or prevent you from doing acts
of worship, or make you fall short in doing that which
Allaah has enjoined upon you, such as the duties that Allaah
has enjoined upon you towards your husband, or the duty
to call your father to Allaah.
We advise you to recite a du'aa' for protection, and
another for healing.
The du'aa' for protection is as follows:
It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased
with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) used to say: "Allaahumma inni a'oodhu
bika min al-hammi wa'l-hazani wa'l'ajzi wa'l-kasali
wa'l-jubni wa'l-bukhli wa dala' il-dayn wa ghalbat
al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry,
grief, incapacity, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, from
being heavily in debt and from being overcome by
men)." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008.
The du'aa' for healing is as follows:
It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "If a person who is afflicted by
anxiety or sorrow says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka wa
ibnu `abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin
fiyya hukmuka `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka as'aluka bi kulli
ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw `allamtahu
ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw
asta'tharta bihi fi `ilm il-ghaybi `indaka an taj'al
al-Qur'aana rabee'a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa'a huzni
wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of
Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in
Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed
and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every
name belonging to You with which You have named
Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or
You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved
in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You
make the Qur'aan the life of my heat and the light of my
breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for
my anxiety)', then Allaah will take away his anxiety
and sorrow, and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah, should we not
learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears it should learn it."
Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 199.
And Allaah knows best.
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43476: He is having a problem with his second wife and
he fears for his daughter
Question:
I would appreciate if you could guide me and let me
know about below mentioned queries as per Islamic Ruling
and Values, those are as follows: A. If a wife (my 2nd
wife) fabricate false documents and files cases one after an
other about dowry, maintenance etc and abuse her
husband behind his back while living with her mother. What
are the Islamic ruling on this. (I have tried to reconcile
with her but no avail and this will be her 3rd divorce but
she doesn't feel ashamed. She just want money.) B. She file
a divorce case in the court. Should it be considered a
Khula. if not then why not. C. Who should have the custody of
a child. I don't want to say bad things about her
just describing few facts. As her life style is not caring
and good enough to raise a child. Her formal and
informal education is low level. So in future her style will
influence the child's characters. On top of that by phone she
told me that she will make my child a bad person. To save
that child who should have the custody. Even-though, if
she works and makes some money but money is not a
life, life means values, such as living with high social,
moral and religious values. From above mentioned values
side, she is not very strong. D. When she works, her
mother can take care of our child. Her mother's is an
illiterate person and she, (I overheard) her mother use bad
words for our child. How can she educate her etc. As per
Islamic law, is it right to let some else in a family to take care
of the child instead of her father. Who is more educated
and have high standard for religious and other values.
More respectable in the society. I believe I can make my child
a good citizen with high social, moral and religious values.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The basic principle concerning divorce is that it
is makrooh (disliked), as is indicated by the verse in
which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Those who take an oath not to have sexual relation
with their wives must wait for four months, then if they
return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
227. And if they decide upon divorce, then Allaah is
All-Hearer, All-Knower"
[al-Baqarah 2:226]
In relation to changing their minds He said
"Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful" and in relation to divorce He said
"All-Hearer, All-Knower". This indicates a kind of
warning, which in turn indicates that divorce is disliked by
Allaah (makrooh).
But there may be some cases in which divorce is inevitable, and even essential. In the case which
you mention, divorce may be the appropriate solution,
because it is unthinkable that a wife would treat her husband
in such a bad way as you describe in your question. A
woman could say or do something to offend her husband, but
to be constantly ungrateful is very strange.
But before divorce, you have to try to reconcile first,
and put up with the woman. If she has some bad characteristics, you will also find some good qualities,
so you can put up with the bad characteristics because of
the good ones. See questions no. 20044 and
2076.
If you can get some relatives involved to solve
the problem, then do so, as an act of mercy to this poor
girl who will suffer _ no matter what the situation _ from
the bitterness of separation and the break-up of the family.
If divorce is the final solution, and you have
exhausted all possible solutions, then pray istikhaarah (asking
for guidance) and consult others, and put your trust in Allaah.
With regard to the matters that she has referred to
the court, this may be a request to the qaadi (judge) to
compel the husband to divorce her by talaaq or it may be
khula', depending on the situation. If she is going to give
the husband some money or return the mahr to him in
return for getting a divorce, then this is khula'; if she is not
going to pay anything then this is talaaq, if it takes place.
With regard to custody, the basic principle is that
the mother has more right to custody, so long as there is
no impediment to that. If there is any impediment, such
as the mother marrying someone who is a stranger
(non-mahram) to the child, or the mother's character or
attitude is bad, then custody passes to the mother's
mother according to the majority. If the mother's mother is
the same (i.e., of bad character etc) then custody passes
to the father. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was of the
view that in the case of a dispute between the mother's
mother and the father, custody should be given to the
father, because he is closer to the child. This view was
also favoured by Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen in his
commentary on the chapter on custody in Zaad
al-Mustaqni'. We have already discussed this in detail in question no.
5234, 9463, 8189, and
21516. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and
he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce?
Question:
Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah,
I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The
first time was because I asked my husband to give me and
my children just one day each month when we could
sit together, against his wishes and those of his family.
The second time was because he loves another woman and
he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows
favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the
feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the
phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is
not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me
alone with our children, and he has no connection with us
apart from some money which he sends via his family.
If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with something better and make me independent of means
by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the
wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man?
Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree
of Allaah?
Do I have the right to have a husband with whom I
can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have to put
up with living a life of humiliation, me and my children,
for the sake of this monthly allowance that he sends via
his family in order to humiliate me even further?
Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken
because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of
the word of divorce?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives,
and has forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man
wants to have more than one wife, then he can keep the
first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or he can let
her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him
to keep her married to him whilst forsaking her and
not giving her her rights. It is not permissible for him to
be negligent with regard to his family and the upbringing
of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed
in order to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to
build families and increase their numbers.
This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam
for him, even if he had another wife according to
sharee'ah, so how about if he is forsaking his wife and
neglecting his family for an illegitimate reason such as a
haraam relationship and corrupt desires?
Secondly:
The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from
her husband if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This
does not mean that she does not accept the decree of
Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her to
stay with a husband who commits major sins and
whose children are not safe from his evil influence and
bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in Islam and it may
even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases, there
is no need to think that this may go against belief in
the divine will and decree, because Allaah has decreed
both marriage and divorce.
The wife has the right to live with her husband and
be treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have
a husband with whom she can feel happy and who will
be like a garment for her, so that there will be love
and compassion between them. This is the reason for
which marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts
from what we have mentioned, then it is contrary to the
reason for which marriage was prescribed.
Hence the husband should choose a woman who is religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians
should marry their daughters and female relatives under their
care to men who are religiously-committed and of
good character, because if the Muslim household is
established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing
or cruelty will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her
husband for a legitimate shar'i reason, then she can ask for
divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula', and if he
dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights
in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms
or release her with kindness.
If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that
she finds a good, righteous husband, as He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will
provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty"
[al-Nisa' 4:130]
Thirdly:
Some woman stay and put up with their husbands
because of the possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so
that he will remain in contact with his children and take
care of them and spend on them. If a long time goes by and
he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children
too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on
herself and her children, then there is no point in her staying
with him. Rather the right thing to do is to rid herself of
him so that she can live a better and more decent life,
and raise her children to obey Allaah and His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
You should take stock of yourself and repent to
Allaah for any sins or transgressions that you may
have committed against the rights of Allaah or the rights
of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has
happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you
have committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because
of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much"
[al-Shoora 42:30]
Think long and hard about your situation and how
likely it is that you may find a husband after him or live
a peaceful life without him. Consult people around you
who are close to you and are sincere. I advise you, if they
agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you
describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah
for guidance, and if you feel at ease with the idea of
divorce then go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you
independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set your
affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile
between you if that is better for you both. And Allaah knows
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38245: Her father tries to hit her and prevent her
from fasting
Question:
I have done things that are haram but this month i
feel very close to Allah that I decided to keep all
my fasts(inshallah if allah allows by health)My question
is my father this month of bless has made my life harder
for which i was going to stop fasting so i can go out and
walk around cause i cannot stay home he had tried to hit
me.my mother works so i will be alone with him, and I decided
i would never let him take away my month of ramadan
so i continue to fast but now i go out in my lobby and
sit outside from the time i wake up till the time he leaves
the house which is almost near sunset,,i feel sick cause
im anemic and i have allergies that dont go away. I
wanted to know what hes doing is haram or it holds
nothing against him by Islam and allah?when he sees me out
he laughs at my pain please answer I would greatly
appreciate it cause i feel i am hopeless.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
You should praise Allaah for having guided you
and brought you back to Him. You have to observe the
fasts that Allaah has enjoined upon you, even if your
father dislikes that, because there is no obedience to any
created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.
Secondly:
You say that you feel ill and that you suffer from
anaemia and allergies. In that case you have to refer to a
trustworthy doctor and ask him whether fasting is harmful for you
or not, and whether there is any hope of a recovery
from this disease or not. If fasting will harm you because
of this sickness, or will make the sickness worse, or
delay recovery, or make it very hard for you to fast, then
Allaah has made things easy for you and has allowed you not
to fast. So you should not fast, and you should make up
the days that you do not fast after you recover, in sha Allaah.
But if this sickness is ongoing and there is no hope
of making up the fasts, then do not fast, and you have
to feed one poor person for each day that you do not
fast. See question no. 12488.
Thirdly:
The father has to look after his family properly, and
tell them to do what is enjoined upon them and not to do
that which is forbidden. If he falls short in that then he
is exposed to divine wrath and punishment. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe,
who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded"
[al-Tahraam 66:6]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "There is no person whom Allaah appoints in
charge of others and he dies having betrayed his charges,
but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock… The man is the shepherd of his family
and is responsible for his flock…" Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 844; Muslim, 3408. Each person who was in a
position of authority and responsibility _ including fathers _
will be questioned as to whether he did what was required
of him, or not?
It is well known that blessings and reward will result
from this questioning, if he did what was required of him,
and that he will deserve to be punished if he was careless
and negligent. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.
If the father's negligence is compounded by his
having forbidden his family to do good things or things that
are obligatory, then his sin will be even greater. Allaah
has told us that this is the characteristic of the hypocrites
and evildoers, who enjoin evil and forbid good. He
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"The hypocrites, men and women, are one from
another; they enjoin (on the people) AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief
and polytheism of all kinds and all that Islam has
forbidden), and forbid (people) from AlMa`roof (i.e.
Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and
they close their hands [from giving (spending in
Allaah's Cause) alms]. They have forgotten Allaah, so He
has forgotten them. Verily, the hypocrites are the
Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tawbah 9:67]
You have to be patient and seek reward, and continue
to advise your father. Seek the help of righteous
people among your family and relatives in doing so, and pray
for him to be guided aright.
You should beware of staying outside the home when
there is no need, because of the harm and fitnah
(temptation) that may result from that. If you need to go out, or
are forced to do so, then you should observe correct
shar'i hijaab. In question no. 6991 you can find out
the conditions of correct shar'i hijaab.
We ask Allaah to protect You and to guide your father
to the right way.
And Allaah knows best.
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32450: Her husband repented from taking drugs then
he went back to it. Does she have the right to seek
annulment of the marriage?
Question:
I am married for 5 years with 2 kids. Before our
marriage he was once a drug addict but he has leave his pass
and turn to a new life.On our first year of marriage, he
has stop working and spent all his time on religion. He is
a follower of a group called Tabligh. He spent his time
going for 3 days every month, 40 days every year & at he
mosque most of the time.As a result,I hv to bear all the
household & my children expenses. He has not given any nafkah
for the past 4 years as he is not earning anything.I
tolerated all this since I still love him. Unfortunately,lately he
has been lying to me. He has gone back to drug and I did
not even know the reason for him taking it. He was once
a loving husband has turn to a wife beater.He has left
me with debts and I have to sell our house in order to pay
the debtors. I and my children have gone back to my
mother's house.He was caught las month and will be inprison
for 1 year or so. My question is, since I have suffered
enough, I have decided to divorce him by taking fasakh.Am I
at the right path. All I wanted is to start my life fresh
with my two kids.For your info, he has beg me to wait for
him and not to leave him. But I don't think I can as I do
not trust him anymore.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Our sister, may Allaah grant you relief from your
distress, make things easier for you, and guide you to that
which is good.
One of the decrees of Allaah is that He tests His slaves
in this world to see if they are patient and content (with
His decree).
"Great rewards come from great tests. When Allaah
loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts that
earns Allaah's pleasure, and whoever is angry with that
earns Allaah's wrath."
(Hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; classed as
hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 146).
So be patient and seek reward.
With regard to what you mention about your husband,
it is regrettable. He has committed three haraam actions:
1 _ Not spending on you and your children. The
husband is commanded to spend on his wife and children. If
he fails to do that then the wife has the right to refer
the matter to the court, and she may also ask for divorce.
2 _ His neglecting to look after his household and
children is a sin on him, even if he claims that this is for the
sake of da'wah, because his soul has a right over him, and
his wife has a right over him, and his Lord has a right
over him. He must give each of them his right. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
regarded neglect of those who are under one's care as a sin, and
he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It
is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those whom
he supports." Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1484.
Raising children and looking after them and the house
is a trust that rests on the father's shoulders. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you
is responsible for his flock… the man is the shepherd of
his household and is responsible for his flock." Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1829.
Please see also questions no. 20064 and
45359.
3 _ Taking drugs is a haraam action, and indeed is a
major sin. It corrupts a person's religious commitment and
his worldly interests, as well as damaging the body and
mind, wasting money, and destroying honour. It includes
all kinds of evil.
So beware of opening the door to it and falling in its trap.
How many households has it destroyed, how many
people has it killed, how many blessings has it ruined, how
much calamity has it brought about!
When people fall into the trap of drugs, hardly any
are saved therefrom, except those upon whom Allaah
bestows His mercy and guidance.
With regard to your desire for divorce, if your husband
is sincere in his repentance and truly regrets what he
has done, and is determined to reform himself, and if
you still want him, then be patient and seek reward for
staying with him. Perhaps Allaah will reform him, especially
if he has asked you to stay with him and to wait for
him. The fact that you have children together may also
make you think more carefully before you ask for a
divorce, because it is better for children to be raised with
both their father and their mother than for them to be raised
by one parent only.
If the man is sincere in his repentance and his regret
(of the past), then it is better for you to be patient and to
wait until he comes out of prison, because that is in his
interests and in the interests of your children, and also in your
own interests.
But if you cannot bear to be patient and to stay without
a husband for this length of time (one year), or if the
man is not sincere in his repentance, there is no sin on you
in that case if you seek a divorce, and there is nothing
good in your staying with him when he is persisting in that sin.
You have to make a great deal of du'aa' to Allaah,
and seek His guidance by praying istikhaarah before you
take any step. For information on how to pray
istikhaarah, please see questions no. 11981 and
2217.
May Allaah set your affairs straight and guide you
both to the Straight Path.
And Allaah knows best.
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21515: She feels anxious _ what should she do?
Question:
I have some few question. first i don't know now a day
i feel worried for something that i don't know. i tryed
to forget it but i wouldn't worked. i really need your
helped as a muslim girl (married) what should i do forget it
this thing.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The best remedy for anxiety is remembrance of
Allaah (dhikr), and regularly praying on time, and avoiding
too much free time.
Allaah says concerning dhikr (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allaah —
Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in
the remembrance of Allaah verily, in the remembrance
of Allaah do hearts find rest"
[al-Ra'd 13:28]
and He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And We send down of the Qur'aan that which is a
healing and a mercy to those who believe (in Islamic
Monotheism and act on it)"
[al-Isra' 17:82]
"O mankind! There has come to you a good advice
from your Lord (i.e. the Qur'aan, enjoining all that is
good and forbidding all that is evil), and a healing for
that which is in your breasts, — a guidance and a
mercy (explaining lawful and unlawful things) for the believers"
[Yoonus 10:57]
And He said concerning prayer (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Verily, man (disbeliever) was created very impatient;
Irritable (discontented) when evil touches him;
And niggardly when good touches him.
Except those who are devoted to Salaah (prayers).
Those who remain constant in their Salaah (prayers)"
[al-Ma'aarij 70:19-23]
"O you who believe! Seek help in patience and
As-Salaah (the prayer). Truly, Allaah is with As-Saabiroon
(the patient)"
[al-Baqarah 2:153]
When something distressed the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) he would turn to
prayer (Narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood, 1319; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami' no. 4703).
And he used to say: "O Bilaal, give the call to
prayer (iqaamah) and let us find rest in it."
Narrated by Ahmad, and Abu Dawood; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 7892.
Prayer brings comfort to the heart and is a delight, and
is a remedy for worry and grief.
Free time leaves the door open to bad thoughts and
the distress, worry and anxiety that result from them.
Whenever you feel anxious and worried, hasten to
do wudoo' and pray, and read Qur'aan, and keep
yourself busy with beneficial actions, especially the dhikrs
for morning and evening, and when going to sleep,
eating, drinking, and entering and leaving the home.
The Muslim who believes in the will and decree of
Allaah should not worry about his provision or children or
the future in general, because that was written before he
came into existence. Rather he should worry about his sins
and shortcomings before his Lord, the way of dealing
with which is to repent and hasten to do good deeds.
Allaah has guaranteed the believers a good life, as He
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or
female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of
Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life
(in this world with respect, contentment and
lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward
in proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97].
For more information see question no
22704 and 21677.
And Allaah knows best.
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32725: She is complaining about her husband's
attachment to the Society for the Promotion of Virtue
Question:
I am a girl who is married to a religiously
committed young man, and I am happy with him, praise be to
Allaah. He works with some men from the Society for
the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. I
know that his working with them is regarded as an honour
for me and Allaah knows that I am happy when he is able
to change some evils.
But my problem with him is that he is so strongly
attached to them. For example, when we go out for a walk, if
he sees something bad he follows it until he can contact
some men from the Society and they come. If I argue with
him about it, he thinks that I do not want to put an end to
evil! Allaah knows that that is not true, but I want him to
take it easy. Also, what bothers me about this matter is that
he speaks to women a lot, and this makes me crazy and
makes me jealous when he says that this one was dressed
like this and that one looked like that.
Tell me what I should do, may Allaah reward you
with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly we congratulate you on your good attitude of
being pleased with what your husband does, which is the
work of the Prophets themselves (peace be upon them),
namely enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil,
and calling people to Allaah.
We advise you to stand by your husband's side
and encourage him in this work, and not to have any
doubts about him or to feel fed up with what he does.
With regard to what he tells you about women, it
seems that he is telling you because he trusts you, and is
not telling you in order to upset you, or to express
his admiration for them. Rather he is telling you that in
order to inform you of some of the evil actions that people
do, so that you can beware of them, or so as to get it off
his chest. When some people see evil actions, it affects
them deeply, and they need someone to talk to about it so as
to get it off their chests. So you should be aware of that
and not let the Shaytaan get to you with regard to this matter.
There is no reason why you should not advise him
with regard to the things in which he is falling short
towards you, so long as that is done in the way that is better
and without casting aspersions on his decency and morals.
Our advice to the husband is to give his family their
rights, and to treat them in a reasonable manner. He
should respect their feelings and not describe women to his
wife; just as a man would not like his wife to describe men
to him, so too a woman does not like her husband to
describe women to her.
He should avoid speaking too much to women, and
restrict it only to what is needed in order to change the evil or
to draw attention to it, etc, because being too careless
and lax about that may lead to bad consequences. And
he should strive to lower his gaze, because looking is one
of the arrows of Iblees.
May Allaah help you both to do that which He loves
and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
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44684: Her son controls her
Question:
Our problem concerns my husband's mother. Her youngest son is living with her and he does not do
anything for himself and does not work, even though he is
in excellent health. He is forty years old and he controls
his mother. She does whatever he dictates to her to do.
My husband has been spending on them for 35 years.
This son of hers incites her against everyone and dictates
who she may be pleased with, according to his interests.
My husband works abroad and I cannot visit her because
he does not want me there. She threw me and my
children out and she is foul-mouthed and does not fear
Allaah. They visited me when my husband was here and she
and her son attacked me and tried to hit me, and they
managed to hurt me. My husband and my son who is a
university student defended me. The outcome was that they hurt
us, then she went out in the street where she started to
scream. She went to the police, and she made a complaint
against everyone and demanded that my daughters and I
be detained in a place that was not befitting for us. Even
the police officer told her that we are respectable. My
husband and son were detained and he was supposed to sit
exams. His studies have been delayed for a year because of
this. After the trial, we paid her the required
maintenance; before that my husband used to give her more, but
my husband cannot visit her, and the reason for that is
that she had her daughter's husband and his son jailed
when they visited her. The problem is that whoever visits
her, her son locks the door and calls the police; even her
own daughters have the same problem. When her oldest
son visited her, he could not enter and her youngest
son stopped him and took the money and gifts (that he
had brought) and told him, "Your mother will pray to
Allaah against you."
I do not know what to do or say. I complain to Allaah
of my worries. I would like to visit her and honour her,
but they is no way I can do that because they fabricate
lies against everyone who visits them. What should I
do, knowing that I am a grandmother and I fear Allaah.
What can I do and what is the shar'i ruling on this?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The way your husband's mother has behaved is
strange. How can her son control her and make her act in
this manner? But despite all that your husband has to
honour his mother as much as he can, and Allaah does not
burden any soul beyond its scope. If he can visit her when
this son is not present, that is good. If he can keep in
touch with her by phone, then let him do so, and explain to
her what he feels, this is good as well. If he can get
some people to intervene, women and others, who can
influence his mother, then let him do so. And he should seek
the help of Allaah and make a lot of du'aa'.
The fact that your husband defended himself in court
and in front of the police is also good.
If he takes his brother who wronged him to court to
stop him from doing more harm, that is permissible, but if
he bears it with patience that is better for him.
Trying to get your husband's mother away from
this oppressive brother (as described in the question) is a
good idea, so as to remove the means that your brother is
using to try to control the whole family.
There is nothing wrong with you stopping visiting
her for now, until things settle down, so that you will not
be harmed again as happened before, especially since
your husband's mother is not one of your relatives with
whom you are enjoined to uphold ties and honour them. If
you do not visit her this is not regarded as disobedience
or severing of family ties.
Yes, you will be rewarded for visiting her and
treating her kindly, if you do that sincerely for the sake of
Allaah, and this is part of treating your husband kindly, but it
is not obligatory for you to do that, especially since she
is badly behaved and has a bad attitude. And Allaah
knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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26282: Bringing servants from abroad
Question:
What is the ruling in islam about serving the inlaws
if husband is making good money can he get a servant
for his wife even though his parents did not like this but
wife is very busy with the little kids and cleaning the
house and husband does not have any time to help.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is much that could be said about female
servants and the bad consequences of bringing them from
abroad and letting stay in Muslim homes. Hence the
Muslim should not resort to bringing servants to live in the
home, especially if there are adolescent boys in the house. If
the servants are not Muslim, then it is even more
definite that they should not be brought into the home.
The regrettable consequences of such actions are greater
than can be enumerated.
The one who brings in a servant also commits
other haraam actions, such as bringing her from her
country without a mahram; causing her to be alone with
non-mahram men in rooms and houses; and looking at
her and vice versa.
Hence our scholars have warned against
employing servants except in cases of necessity.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn `Uthaymeen said:
Firstly:
We should not employ female or male servants except
in cases of necessity. That is because bringing these
servants involves spending money that a person does not need
to spend. It was proven that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade wasting money.
Secondly:
Some of them are not honest enough to deserve the
trust we place in them, hence I say that we should not
bring male or female servants from abroad unless the
following conditions are met:
With regard to women:
Firstly:
The female servant should have a mahram with
her, because it is not permissible to bring her to the
country otherwise. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said, "No woman should travel without
a mahram." If a woman is brought in and has no
mahram with her, this is going against the prohibition of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Secondly:
There should be a need for her services. If there is
no need and the only reason for bringing her here is to live
a life of luxury and have no obligations, or to make
life easy for his wife even though the housework is not
much, then the issue is subject to further discussion.
The third condition:
There should be no fear of fitnah (temptation). If a
man fears that he or one of his sons _ if he has sons _ may
be subject to temptation, then it is not permissible for him
to expose himself to that.
The fourth condition:
She should adhere to what is required of her of hijab,
so she should cover her face and not uncover it. It is
not correct to quote as evidence the verse (interpretation
of the meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze
(from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private
parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off
their adornment except only that which is apparent (like
both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of
hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover,
apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e.
their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal
their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers,
or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their
husband's sons, or their brothers or their brother's sons, or
their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their
sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right
hands possess"
[al-Noor 24:31]
and it is not correct to interpret that as meaning that it
is permissible for a female servant to uncover her face
in front of her male employer, because the one who hires
a servant does not own her (as in the case of a slave);
rather she is a hired worker employed by him, and a hired
worker is like any other non-mahram female when it comes
to hijab.
The fifth condition:
He should not be alone with her. If there is no one else
in the house with him, it is not permissible for him to
employ her at all. If there are other people in the house with
him but the household members go out from the house
and leave him alone with this servant, that is not
permissible, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "No man should be alone with a
woman unless her mahram is present."
As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 619
He also said:
Bringing a female servant from her country without
a mahram is haraam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No woman
should travel alone without a mahram." But if she is already
in the country and he brings her to work as a servant in
his house, if she is going to come to the house, do what
is needed then go back to her own house, there is no
doubt that this is permissible, but if she is going to stay in
his house, this is a dangerous matter, especially if he
has adolescent sons, for then there is the fear of
immorality as has happened on some occasions. But if he does
not have adolescent sons, then we hope _ in sha Allaah _
that there is nothing wrong with that, but it is better to
avoid that and for her to stay elsewhere and come to do
her work in the morning or afternoon and then go back.
As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 526.
In conclusion: because of the shar'i restrictions that
we have noted above, and because there is no need in
your case _ since the parents do not want to bring a servant
_ then we do not advise the brother to bring a servant.
And Allaah knows best.
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32731: He is complaining of a problem between his
wife and his sisters
Question:
My sisters do not like my wife and are always
causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with
my sisters or with my wife?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and
kind treatment of one's wife. We will never tell you to
sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather
we tell you: bring them together and do not make the
division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of
love and causes of hate. So you have to look at
your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and
enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to
bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These
causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting
people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and
many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds
and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also have to
remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against
gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people's
private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each
party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other
party and not belittling them or annoying them, will
also guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in
your relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your siblings to
treat one another well, and try to remove the problems
and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and
siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong
with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if
you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be
a means of removing the disputes between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be
friendly towards her husband's family and treat them kindly
as much as she can, without doing anything that is
forbidden according to sharee'ah. Respecting her husband's
family will make the relationship between her and her
husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves
and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of
words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
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