Chapter 4
6053: A young girl living in a corrupt society fears that
she may go astray
Question:
I am 15 years old and i have embraced islam 4-5
years ago. one of my parents is so called muslim but he
doesnt practice the religion. i run in problem all the time .
sooner or later i will become sick of following rules so i'll
just go out and have fun(go dancing start dating etc.)
i know it is wrong but i realise that after i do it. I am
not sure if i want to be religious any more, but then
something keeps coming back and telling me that i should be
a muslim. i am having hard time deciding what to do.
its hard for me to stay muslim because i live in non
muslim society and the muslims i know are not really muslims .
do you have any suggestions ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your problem is a sensitive and serious problem that
has to do with adhering to Islam and following its rules.
Whilst we understand your problem and feel your suffering
from afar, we want to remind you of the following points:
Firstly, this "something" that you say comes to you
and tells you that you have to be a Muslim could be one
of the angels, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "The Shaytaan has some
hold over the son of Adam and the angel has some hold
over the son of Adam. As for the hold of the shaytaan, it
is reminding him of evil and disbelieving the truth. As
for the hold of the angel, it is reminding him of
goodness and believing the truth. Whoever find the latter, let
him know that it is from Allaah, so let him praise
Allaah. Whoever finds the former, let him seek refuge with
Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan." Then he
recited (interpretation of the meaning): "Shaytaan
(Satan) threatens you with poverty and orders you to
commit Fahsha (evil deeds, illegal sexual intercourse,
sins); whereas Allaah promises you forgiveness from
Himself and bounty…"
[al-Baqarah 2:268].
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2914; he said it is a
ghareeb hasan hadeeth).
"Shaytaan" here refers to Iblees or one of his troops.
"A hold" (literally, touch) means coming close and
having an effect. Here it refers to what happens in the heart as
a result of the influence of the devil or angel.
"Reminding him of evil" such as Kufr (disbelief), immorality
and wrongdoing. "Disbelieving the truth" means denying
the rights of Allaah or the rights of creation, or
denying something that has been proven to be truesuch
as Tawheed, Prophethood, Resurrection, the Day of Judgement and Paradise and Hell. "As for the hold of
the angel, it is reminding him of goodness" such as
prayer and fasting. "And believing in the truth" such as the
Books and Messengers of Allaah. "Whoever finds that"
means in himself, or notices or recognizes it, i.e., the hold of
the angel. "Let him know that it is from Allaah" means it is
a great blessing and wonderful mercy that has come to
him because Allaah commanded the angel to touch him.
"Let him praise Allaah" for this great blessing, because it
has qualified him to be guided by the angel to this
goodness. "Whoever finds the former" means the hold of
shaytaan. "Then he recited" means the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) he quoted the aayah
(interpretation of the meaning): "Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you
with poverty" means he scares you with it to stop you
spending in good ways. "and orders you to commit Fahsha
(evil deeds, etc.)" means sins.
In the light of this great hadeeth, you can now
understand your situation. The "something" that is bringing
you goodness is bringing you a blessing from Allaah, so
give thanks and praise to Allaah for it. The other one who
is coming to entice you to go out and dance and form
illicit relationships with evil, dirty people is from the
Shaytaan, so seek refuge with Allaah from that every time he
tempts you with these evil dangers.
Secondly, do not worry about there being so many
lost souls around you, do not let these hordes of kaafirs
who are drowning in the sea of their reckless desires and
sins distract you from the purpose for which you were
created. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if you obey most of those on the earth, they
will mislead you far away from Allaah's path"
(al-An'aam 6:116)
"And most of mankind will not believe even if you
desire it eagerly" (Yoosuf 12:103)
O young Muslim woman, what is the value of life if
a person lives only to follow his or her own desires,
steeped in vice, dancing and singing, getting drunk and
causing uproar, engaging in illicit sexual conduct and
behaving like an animal? Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those!
They are the heedless ones" (al-An'aam 6:179).
Thirdly, as you are living in a negative atmosphere
filled with so many kuffaar and Muslims who do not adhere
to their religion and who may not know anything about
Islam other than its name, and surrounded with trials
and temptations as you are, you have to cling to Allaah
and adhere to His sharee'ah (laws), turn to Him and
pray always to Him to protect you from sin and help you
to adhere to your religion. Always repeat this du'aa':
"Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala
deenak (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart adhere firmly to
Your religion)." Because your mother, the Mother of
the Believers `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) narrated from her husband, your Prophet
Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that he
used to recite this du'aa' (Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit
qalbi ala deenak) frequently. She asked, "O Messenger
of Allaah, we believe in you and in what you have
brought. Do you fear for us?" He said, "Yes, for people's
hearts are between the fingers of Allaah and He turns them
as He wills."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2066. He said, this is a
hasan hadeeth).
Fourthly, try to look for other Muslim women so that
you can remind one another of the truth and encourage
one another to be patient. Do whatever you can to call
your parents to the way of truth, for how many young
people have been the cause of their elders being guided!
Finally we ask Allaah to guide you in the ways of
peace and to make you steadfast on the path of Islam and
to bless you with the sweetness of faith. We entrust you
to the care of Allaah, for those who are under His care
will never be lost.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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21510: My wife is not beautiful!!
Question:
I have been married for a few years. During the first
two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my
wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife.
That is not because of religion, because she is
religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to
Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is
not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me
lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do
not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for
no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another
wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking
a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in
poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about
divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her
with another, but I have children from her and she loves me
a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it
is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to
do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me
and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast,
and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer
the following comments:
1 _ The problem you have is not with regard to
marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem,
as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you
are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep
the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.
2 _ Whenever you are able and have the financial
means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted
plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a
woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have
children from her.
3 _ Try to look at the matter from a different angle.
You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is
not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats
you… and many things which are ultimately more important
than appearance. For with time you will get used to
her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…
4 _ Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman
and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant
or impolite manner… or she treats you and your
family badly… what would you do?!
5 _ You should be objective and not burden yourself
with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from
different aspects. "it may be that you dislike a thing and
Allaah brings through it a great deal of good" [al-Nisa' 4:19
_ interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the
advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): "Look for one [a wife] who is religiously
committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may
you prosper]!"
May Allaah help you, protect you and make you
steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.
Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil (www.islam-qa.com)
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21598: Her husband's mother dislikes her _ what
should she do?
Question:
I have done my nikah a few months ago and will do
the marriage ceremony soon insha'allah in order to
live together. My husband's family is not religious at
all. Unfortunately, I found out, after the fact, that my
in-laws are not happy about our marriage and because of that
my relationship with my in-laws, especially my
mother-in-law, is not in good terms. My husband is their only
son and he loves them very much. I am afraid that my
mother-in-law's dislike towards me might affect my
relationship with my husband in the future. What can I do to
prevent this? Is there any dua'a?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is no problem that cannot
by solved by anyone, as stated in the question. For
every problem there is a solution, but the problem is not
in finding the solution, rather it depends on the one who
is going to implement the solution. Many of those who
go through difficult circumstances and ask for a
solution imagine that the person they are asking is able to
take away the problem, but this is not correct. Rather all that
a human being can do is to suggest the best possible
ways of reaching the desired result, but the person must
still make the effort to solve his problem _ this is
very important and essential.
With regard to what you asked about:
Firstly:
This dislike that they are showing may be based
on incorrect ideas about you, so perhaps it is only
temporary and may disappear if you try hard to be pleasant to
them. I say this because we cannot be sure of what may
happen in the future. How often has a girl have been disliked
by her husband's family in the beginning, then as they got
to know her and saw her good manners and good
attitude, they changed their minds about her and
their condemnation turned to praise and their hatred to
love. So do not worry about what may happen, just be
cheerful and optimistic about your future with your husband.
Secondly:
You must show your best attitude towards your
husband's family, who have the right to be treated in a good
manner by you because they are the family of your husband.
Pay a great deal of attention to his parents, and take care
of his mother as if she were your own mother. If she
comes to your house, try to meet her with a friendly and
smiling face, and do not pay too much attention to your
husband whilst she is there with you, because this may stir
up feelings of jealousy, which are very strong in
human beings.
Thirdly:
Turn to Allaah and make du'aa', and ask Him to help
you to treat them well and to soften their hearts and
make them love you. Realize that no matter how hard you
look for a solution, help is ultimately in His hand. So turn
to Him with all sincerity. May Allaah send blessings
and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family.
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22877: He feels that his faith is weak and that worship
is burdensome
Question:
I have been a religious person for several years, but for
a few months I have been feeling that my mind and
heart are devoid of faith and will power. This matter
is tormenting me and I said to myself that perhaps this is
a touch from the Shaytaan or something like that, and
it will go away when Ramadaan comes. But it has not
gone away and I find it very difficult to pray qiyaam al-layl.
I have tried to read more Qur'aan despite this
waswaas and the distress it is causing me. My situation has
started to affect me socially, at work, in the family and in
my religion. Now I am living in torment because of this
and I cannot find the faith which I feel has been taken
away from me. I feel that I will have a bad end and that
my faith will never return to me and that a seal has been
placed over my heart. When I go to the mosque to pray, which
I have not stopped doing, I feel that I am not like the
other worshippers and I envy them for their faith. I also feel
put off by religion and often I cannot listen to the Qur'aan
or hadeeth, or listen to tapes, except with great
difficulty. This is tormenting me because I do not want this, and
I want to be like I was, a believer who loves the
religion because it is the truth, but I feel that I cannot control
my mind or my feelings. I have started to think about my
sins which I believe are the cause of this, and I have started
to remember many sins which I had forgotten, as if they
are appearing before me one after the other. Until now I
am living with this torment, misery and distress. I do not
know what has happened to me and what the solution and
the remedy is. Will my faith come back to me or is this a
bad end and a punishment from Allaah? Finally, please
do not forget to make du'aa' for me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My brother, have great hope in Allaah, and do not let
the Shaytaan cause you to despair of the vast mercy of
Allaah which He has guaranteed for His believing slaves.
What you are telling yourself about this being a sign that
you will die following something other than that which
Allaah wants is only insinuating whispers (waswaas) from
the Shaytaan and his deviant ideas by means of which
he wants to tempt the slaves of Allaah and lead them
away from their religion. So he comes to a righteous slave
and whispers to him that his good deeds are of no avail,
or that he is doing them not for the sake of Allaah but
to show off to people, so that they will think he is good.
All of these are the usual ways with which the Shaytaan
tries to trick the slaves of Allaah, especially those who
show signs of being righteous _ of whom I think that you
are one, although I do not praise anyone before Allah _
to hinder their efforts.
We seek refuge with Allaah from him.
You need to increase your hope and trust in Allaah
Who forgives all sins, and who accepts the slave who
seeks His protection and refuge, for He is the Most
Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving and the Most Loving.
You should increase your good deeds, such as
reading Qur'aan, giving charity, remembering Allaah
(dhikr), upholding the ties of kinship, etc. The weakness
which you feel also happens to others, for it is something
natural. How many people were examples followed by others
and had a great deal of drive and ambition, then they lost
their drive and ambition for a long time, then it came back
to them by the grace of Allaah. Remember the words of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him): "Everybody has his time of energy, and every time
of energy is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a
person tries to follow a moderate path, then I have hope for
him, but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the
street), then do not think anything of him." (Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, 2453; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1995).
What is meant by "Everybody has his time of energy"
is eagerness for a thing, energy and the desire to do good.
What is meant by "every time of energy is followed by
a time of lethargy" is tiredness, weakness and lack
of movement.
"But if a person tries to follow a moderate path"
means that the one who has energy does his deeds in
moderation and avoids going to extremes when he is feeling
energetic and avoids being negligent when he is feeling lethargic.
"Then I have hope for him" means, I have hope that
he will be successful, for he can continue following a
middle course, and the most beloved deeds to Allaah are
those which are continuous.
"but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the
street)" means, if he strives hard and goes to extremes in
doing good deeds so that he will become famous for his
worship and asceticism, and he becomes famous and people
point him out to one another,
"then do not think anything of him" means, do not
think that he is one of the righteous, because he is showing
off. He did not say, "do not have hope for him," as
an indication that he has already fallen, and he will not
be able to make up for what he has missed out on.
[From Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi]
Think about this hadeeth, and relate it to your
own situation and the situation of others: you will see a
clear similarity. This hadeeth clearly states that man
goes through a stage of incomparable eagerness and great
focus and ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and
loses that focus and eagerness and ambition. When he
reaches this stage, he must strive even harder to do
obligatory duties and avoid haraam things. If he does that, then
there is the hope that he will succeed and progress, but if
he falls into haraam things and stops doing obligatory
things, he will be lost and doomed.
So you must turn to Allaah a great deal, seek
His forgiveness and ask Him to make you steadfast until
death. I also advise you to keep away from haraam things.
May Allaah forgive your sins and make things easier for you.
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21149: Wife's family making the husband have
doubts about his wife
Question:
One of my friends came to me to ask my opinion about
a problem that he is facing. He says that there was a
big argument between him and his wife's family, so his
wife's family started making him have doubts about his
wife and telling him that she had been betraying him from
the first day of marriage until now (approximately
fifteen years). All of this was done by hints, not stated
bluntly, but these were obvious hints that were made
repeatedly. They got other people to help them in that so that he
would divorce her, and now he is suffering from
waswaas (whispers from the Shyatan). It should be noted that
they have children and that the wife prays regularly,
always on time. This has led to strong rumours circulating
among people and the husband is living in isolation; no one
visits him, not even his brothers, because of these
rumours. When he confronted his wife she denied it
vehemently and did not speak to him for several days, even
though when the disputes between him and her family
grow intense, she behaves in a manner that causes him to
have doubts about her and there are times when the
husband believes these rumours and times when he thinks that
they are untrue. He often thinks of divorce because she
has caused him problems in his social life and at work
and with his brothers. It should be noted that the husband
has never seen or heard his wife speak to any stranger
(non-mahram man). What is your opinion? May Allaah
help you to do that which is good for this ummah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. It is obvious that there has been
a misunderstanding between this man and his wife's
family, and that they want him to divorce her. It is essential
to find out the wife's point of view. If she wants a
divorce then he has to try to change her mind by tackling the
cause of the problem. Otherwise he may divorce her, and
perhaps Allaah will compensate each of them with someone
who is better than the other. He should however,
avoid discussing the issue of her betraying him. But if his
wife does not want a divorce then he should treat his wife
well and seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed
Shaytaan, and he should not pay any attention to the doubts for
which he has no proof. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said that there is gheerah
(protective jealousy) that Allaah loves and there is gheerah
which Allaah hates. The gheerah that Allaah loves is
gheerah which is cause for doubt, and the gheerah that Allaah
hates is gheerah when there is no cause for suspicion.
Shaykh Sa'd al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com)
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62839: Whispers from the Shaytaan and the remedy
for them
Question:
Because I am suffering from waswasah (whispers
from the Shaytaan), sometimes I do not answer my wife
when she tries to speak to me, because of this waswasah
or because I believe she is the cause of this waswasah.
Does the fact that I do not answer her count as a talaaq
(divorce)? If I speak to her angrily does that count as a talaaq?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Not answering your wife does not count as a talaaq,
neither does speaking to her angrily.
No matter how much you may think of divorce, or
intend and resolve to do it, talaaq (divorce) does not take
place until and unless you utter the words of talaaq. That
is because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Allaah has forgiven for my ummah
that which is whispered to them and which crosses their
minds, so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6664; Muslim, 127)
Based on this, according to the scholars if a man
thinks of talaaq, that does not mean anything unless he
speaks of it.
Indeed, according to some scholars, if a person is
suffering from waswaas his talaaq does not count even if he
utters it, so long as he did not have the intention of
talaaq. Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said:
"The talaaq of a person who is suffering from
waswaas does not count even if he utters the words, if that was
not done deliberately, because this utterance
happened because of waswaas, not because of his will or
intention. Rather it was forced upon him because of the strength
of the waswaas and his lack of self-control. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
`There is no divorce under compulsion.' So this divorce
does not count, because he did not really want to do that.
This was something that was forced upon him with no
intention or choice on his part to do that, so this does not mean
that talaaq has occurred."
(Fataawa Islamiyyah, compiled by Shaykh
Muhammad ibn `Abd al-`Azeez al-Musnad, 3/277)
We advise you not to pay any attention to these
whispers, and to ignore them, and to do the opposite of what
they are calling you to do. For these whispers (waswaas)
come from the Shaytaan to cause grief to those who
believe. The best way to deal with them is to remember Allaah
a great deal (dhikr), to seek refuge with Allaah from
the accursed Shaytaan, to keep away from sins and
wrong actions which are the means by which Iblees gains
control over the sons of Adam. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Verily, he [the Shaytaan] has no power over those
who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allaah)"
[al-Nahl 16:99]
It is worth quoting here what Ibn Hajar al-Haythami
(may Allaah have mercy on him) said about dealing
with waswasah in his book al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah
al-Kubra, 1/149. This is what he said:
"He was asked about the problem of
waswasah (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan), and
whether there is a remedy for it.
He replied by saying that there is an effective remedy
for it, which is to ignore them completely, no matter
how frequently they may come to mind. When these
whispers are ignored, they do not become established, rather
they go away after a short time, as many people
have experienced. But for those who pay attention to them
and act upon them, they increase until they make him
like one who is insane or even worse, as we see among
many of those who have suffered from them and paid
attention to them and to the devil whose task it is to insinuate
these whispers, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he
said, "Beware the whispers with regard to water (i.e.,
wudoo') which is caused by a devil called al-Walhaan" _
because that causes a person to go to extremes with regard to
doing wudoo', as was explained in Sharh Mishkaat
al-Anwaar.
In al-Saheehayn there is a report which supports
what has been mentioned above, which is that whoever
suffers from waswaas should seek refuge with Allaah and
turn away from the waswaas. So think about this
effective remedy which was taught by the one who does not
speak of his own whims and desires to his ummah,
and understand that whoever is deprived of this is
deprived of all goodness, because waswasah comes from
the Shaytaan, according to scholarly consensus, and
the accursed one (the Shaytaan) has no other desire than
to make the believers go astray, make them confused,
make their life a misery, cause them distress to the extent
that they leave Islam without realizing it.
"Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is an enemy to you, so
take (treat) him as an enemy"
[Faatir 35:6 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
According to another hadeeth, the one who suffers
from waswasah should say, "Aamantu Billaahi wa bi
rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His
Messengers)." Undoubtedly, whoever thinks of the paths of
the Messengers of Allaah, especially our Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will find that his
path and his law is easy and clear, with no hardship in it.
"… and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship"
[al-Hajj 22:78 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
Whoever ponders this and believes in it sincerely,
the problem of waswasah and listening to the Shaytaan
will go away. In the book of Ibn al-Sunni it is narrated
via `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her),
"Whoever suffers from this waswaas, let him say
`Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His
Messengers)', three times, and it will go away from him."
Al-`Izz ibn `Abd al-Salaam and others mentioned something similar to the above. They said: the
treatment for waswasah is to believe that this is an idea from
the Shaytaan and that Iblees is the one who is bringing
these thoughts to his mind, and he should strive to fight
him. Then he will have the reward of the mujaahid,
because he is fighting the enemy of Allaah. If he does that,
then the Shaytaan will flee from him. This is what
mankind has been tested with from the beginning of time,
and Allaah has given him (Iblees) some power over man as
a test for him, so that Allaah may show the truth to be
true and falsehood to be false, even though the
disbelievers may hate that.
In Muslim, hadeeth no. 2203, it is narrated that
`Uthmaan ibn Abi'l-`Aas said: "The Shaytaan was interfering
with my prayer and recitation of Qur'aan. He [the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ] said:
`That is a devil called Khanzab, so seek refuge with Allaah
from him and spit drily to your left three times.' I did that,
and Allaah took him away from me."
This hadeeth proves the point we are making, which
is that waswasah can only overpower the one who is
ignorant and confused and does not know what's what. But
the one who has knowledge and understanding will
the Sunnah and keep away from bid'ah. The worst of
the innovators are those who follow waswaas, hence
Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that his
shaykh al-Rabee' _ who was the imam of the people of his time
_ was the fastest of the people in relieving himself and
doing wudoo'.
Ibn Hurmuz used to be slow in relieving himself and
in doing wudoo', and he used to say "I have a problem,
do not follow my example."
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
that one of the scholars thought it was mustahabb for the
one who was affected by waswasah with regard to his
wudoo or prayer to say Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah, for when the Shaytaan hears dhikr (remembrance of Allaah) he
slinks away, and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah is the best of dhikr,
and the most effective remedy for warding off waswasah is
to remember Allaah a great deal.
We ask Allaah to take away the waswasah that you
are suffering and to increase us and you in faith,
righteousness and piety.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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21356: Should he leave home because of his sisters'
bad behaviour?
Question:
My life has fallen into a great difficulty. my sisters
have behaved badly. because of this, my father does not
want to stay with us so is living in pakistan. but my
sisters have got round my mother and they will not repent
for their evil ways. my iman has become a joke for
them. they have haram relationships. in their ignorance
they taunt me that i will marry my cousin and they say it
is illegal. i feel evil all around me. i am slowly becoming
an outcast in my family just as my father became. i am
losing my mind. i have no inner peace and when i do it
doesnt last. i feel helpless. every day is a difficulty for me. i
have conditioned myself to cope with the terrible situations
in my family. i feel stressed. i cannot concentrate
on anything.
please brother can you give me some advice - should
i leave home? should i stay with my father in
Pakistan? please can you tell me if Allah is testing me or
cleansing me of my sins.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Your father made a grave mistake when he left the
house and went back to his own country. Allaah has
entrusted him with something and he has neglected that trust.
What he should have done was to stay with his children in
order to discipline them, look after them and take care of
their affairs. Perhaps it is your father's leaving that made
your sisters' behaviour even worse.
So we advise you, first of all, to convince your father,
as a matter of necessity, to come back to his wife
and children, so that he can take care of them and
discipline them, or for all of them to join him in Pakistan _ even
if that is done by force or by trickery _ and perhaps
that would be better, because your staying in that land
where there is kufr, evildoing and moral laxity is what is
affecting your sisters' attitude and behaviour.
Secondly:
Your mother, likewise, has to fear Allaah with regard
to her daughters and not give them free rein. Now she
has taken on a heavy burden of responsibility, especially
since your father has left. So she should not take things
lightly with regard to her daughters. Your mother has to
realize the seriousness of what your sisters are doing and
the damage their actions may do to all of you in this
world, and the sin which will be upon them in the Hereafter
and upon those who approved of their actions or who
allowed them to do that and made it easy for them to do
evil actions.
Thirdly:
You have to be patient and to give thought to every
action before you do it. Staying with them is not entirely
good, and leaving them is not entirely good. Rather the
matter depends on the effects of your staying and the effects
of your leaving. If your staying in the home will affect
your religious commitment and your sanity, and make you
fall into sin, then we advise you to leave. If your leaving
will make their behaviour worse and your staying will
not affect your religious commitment and sanity, then it
is haraam for you to leave, because your leaving may
make the sin worse, which would mean that you were
neglecting your responsibility and being careless about that
which has been entrusted to you.
Fourthly:
Perhaps this is a test from Allaah for you, to expiate
for your bad deeds and to raise you in status, not a
punishment. Hence we advice you to be patient, not to make any
hasty decisions, to make du'aa' and to beseech your Lord
to guide your sisters to be good and chaste. We advise
you to look for means of guiding them such as getting
them married, looking for good sisters for them to mix
with, moving house, and so on. Perhaps when Allaah sees
that you are sincere, He will help you and will guide
your sisters and your mother, and will unite the family
in religious commitment and goodness. For He is able to
do that and He is the Guide to the Straight Path.
We will tell you the following story, from which you
may learn a lesson:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I used to call
my mother to Islam when she was a mushrikah. I called
her one day and she said something about the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
that I did not like to hear. So I went to the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
weeping, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have been
calling my mother to Islam, but she refuses. I called her
today and she said something about you that I did not like
to hear. Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu
Hurayrah." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said, "O Allaah, guide the mother of
Abu Hurayrah." I went out feeling optimistic because of
the du'aa' of the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). When I came home and
reached the door, I saw that it was slightly ajar. My mother
heard my footsteps and said, "Stay where you are, O
Abu Hurayrah!" and I could hear the trickling of water.
She took a bath and got dressed, and put on her
headcover, then she opened the door and said, "O Abu Hurayrah,
I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah, and I
bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger!"
I went back to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I came to him weeping
with joy. I said, "O Messenger of Allaah, rejoice, for
Allaah has answered your prayer and guided the mother of
Abu Hurayrah." So he praised Allaah and said good words.
I said, "O Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make
my mother and me beloved to His believing slaves, and
to make them beloved to us." The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,
"O Allaah, make this slave of Yours _ meaning Abu
Hurayrah _ and his mother beloved to Your believing slaves,
and make the believers beloved to them." So there are
no believing people who hear of me even though they do
not see me, but they love me.
Narrated by Muslim, 2491
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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3793: Are there social classes in Islam?
Question:
What is the structure of the Islam social class?
How does it work? And to what extent does it exist?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Human societies have known all kinds of class
systems. In some societies there is a class of princes, a class
of warriors, a class of farmers and a class of slaves,
and based on this there is a lot of oppression, abuse
and trampling on people's rights. But the sharee'ah or law
of Allaah does not recognize such systems at all. Islam
gives equal rights to all, rich and poor, noble and ignoble.
The basic principle on which people are differentiated in
Islam is mentioned in the Holy Qur'aan, in Soorat
al-Hujuraat (interpretation of the meaning):
"O mankind! We have created you from a male and
a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that
you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable
of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has al-taqwa
[i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]. Verily, Allaah is
All-Knowing, All-Aware"
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "O people! Verily your Lord is One and your
father [Adam] is one. An Arab is no better than a non-Arab,
and a non-Arab is no better than an Arab; a red man is
no better than a black man and a black man is no better
than a red man _ except if it is in terms of taqwa
(piety)…" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 22391;
al-Silsilat al-Saheeh, 2700).
This is the principle on which society is based in
Islam. This is the global human society which mankind is
trying to attain through its far-fetched ideas, but is failing to
do so, because they are not following the one straight
path that will lead them there, the way to God, may He
be glorified, and because they are not standing under the
one banner that could unite them, the banner of God, may
He be exalted.
People live on this earth connected by all kinds
of relationships, all of which carry some weight or have
some attraction in their lives… these include lineage,
power, wealth, etc. From these stem other connections,
practical, economic, etc., where people have different positions
and levels of status with regard to one another. So some
people have more status than others in worldly terms…
Then Islam comes and says: "the most honourable of you
with Allaah [God] is that (believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e.,
is one of the muttaqoon or pious]" so it ignores all the
values that carry weight in people's lives, and replaces them
all with this new value that is derived directly from
the Revelation and is the only one that is recognized in
the standards of God. This is piety and consciousness of
God, which is manifested in the worship of God lone, with
no partner, no son, no equal… obeying what He
commands and avoiding what He forbids, seeking His pleasure
and Paradise, and fearing His punishment and Hell-fire.
Allaah is All-Seer of His slaves.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
23317: Problem of forgetting appointments
Question:
I am a young mother of two young children.
I have found that since i have had my children my
memory has gotten very bad. Subhanallah I forget so much.
So many people ask things of me and i say yes to
them and have full intention of doing it for them however
i simply forget. I know that this is a problem also for
most of the sisters these days also.
I was told by my maternal nurse that it is normal
when women start having children. can it also be because
of sins? Will i be in sin for not keeping my word?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Perhaps your forgetfulness _ or your weak memory _ is
a result of giving birth, as your doctor said. This is
not something to worry about. Or this forgetfulness may
be caused by sin, because sins result in punishments
that affect the heart and the body. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim
(may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned more than
sixty punishments for sin in his book al-Daa'
wa'l-Dawa'.
So if a person feels that he is losing some blessing,
he should hasten to repent to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"That is so because Allaah will never change a
grace which He has bestowed on a people until they
change what is in their ownselves"
[al-Anfaal 8:53]
If a person makes a promise then forgets it
unintentionally, there is no sin on him, because Allaah has forgiven
this ummah for what they forget, as is indicated by the
texts. For example, the last two verses of Soorat
al-Baqarah (interpretation of the meaning):
"Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
And Allaah has said: "I have done that."
(Narrated by Muslim)
There are also means that will help you to
remember appointments, such as using a diary (in book or
electronic form) to record appointments by day and date. This is
a means which is proven to work. How many people
forget their appointments, but they organize them by using
these reminders.
Another means is using an electronic alarm clock or
a mobile phone to remind you of the time of an appointment… and other modern means that are available.
There are also audio reminders on which you can
record appointments and it will speak to remind you of
the appointment.
Each person must pay as much attention as possible
to this matter, because breaking promises is one of the
signs of the hypocrites, as it says in the hadeeth: "There
are four characteristics, whoever has them is a pure
hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the attributes
of hypocrisy until he gives it up: when he speaks, he
lies; when he makes a pledge he betrays it; when he makes
a promise he breaks it; and when he disputes he resorts
to obscene speech." (Narrated by Muslim, 53)
Keeping appointments is one of the signs of the
people of faith.
Similarly those who miss appointments for a reason
such as that mentioned in the question should explain
their reasons to the other party involved, so that he will not
be offended. We ask Allaah to protect us and you from
all kinds of evil. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
12734: How can she tell her non-Muslim mother that
her husband is going to take a second wife?
Question:
what is the best way to tell my non muslim mother,
who is very critical of islam, that my husband is about to
take on another wife?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with
you happening to mention to your mother whilst you
are talking to her that your husband is thinking of taking
a second wife, and telling her that he has valid reasons
for doing so, such as not having any children from you,
or that he is not satisfied with one wife, and so on. That
will be like an introduction for her if she knows. But do
not tell her about the matter now, less that open the door
to problems for you that you can do without. If she finds
out about that in the future, then you can explain to her,
one way or another, that Islam is the religion of justice
and does not approve of injustice on anyone's part, and
that in a plural marriage there are many great benefits
which the countries which claim to be civilized cannot
attain. (See question no. 12528). Even if she is not convinced
at first, she will become convinced as the days and years
go by. But you should not express too many objections
about this matter in front of her, because by doing so you
will provoke her to criticize Islam. Rather you have to
show her that you accept this and approve of it, and show
her that it is not affecting your relationship with your husband.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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20161: Resisting sexual desires
Question:
I am a young married girl of twenty-one,my desires
rule over me and leave me restless, confused, frustrated
and resentful, tell me o honorable sir how to get rid of
evil desires in islam ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Sexual desire is something that has been created in
man and it cannot be got rid of. Getting rid of it is not
something that is required of the Muslim; rather what is required
of him is to refrain from using it in haraam ways, and to
use it in the ways that Allaah has permitted.
The problem of desire in a young woman may be
solved by taking two steps.
The first step is to reduce and weaken the things that
may provoke desire in a person. This may be achieved in
a number of ways, including the following:
1 _ Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at
that which Allaah has forbidden. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze
(from looking at forbidden things), and protect their
private parts (from illegal sexual acts)"
[al-Noor 24:31]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Do not follow one glance with another, for the
first is allowed but not the second." There are many
sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young
men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking
at pictures in magazines and movies.
2 _ Avoiding reading stories and novels which focus
on the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading internet
websites which deal with such topics.
3 _ Keeping away from bad company.
4 _ Avoiding thinking about desire as much as
possible. Thinking in and of itself is not haraam, but if one
thinks about it for too long, that may lead a person to
haraam actions.
5 _ Spending one's time in useful pursuits, because
spare time may lead one to fall into haraam things.
6 _ Avoiding as much as possible going to public
places where young men and women mix.
7 _ If a girl is tested with studying in a mixed
environment, and cannot find any alternative, she has to remain
modest, serious and dignified, and should avoid sitting with
young men and speaking to them as much as possible. She
should restrict her relationships to friendships with
righteous female classmates.
The second step is:
To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting
in accordance with one's desires. This is achieved in
a number of ways, including the following:
1 _ Strengthening the faith in one's heart and
strengthening one's relationship with Allaah. This may be achieved
by remembering Allaah a great deal, reading
Qur'aan, thinking of the names and attributes of Allaah, and
doing a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the heart
and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation.
2 _ Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: "O young
men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get
married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in
guarding one's chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him
fast, for it will be a shield for him." This is addressed to
young men, but it also includes young women.
3 _ Strengthening one's resolve and willpower, for
this will make a young woman able to resist and control
her desires.
4 _ Remembering what Allaah has prepared for
righteous young women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allaah in
Islam) men and women, the believers men and women
(who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the
women who are obedient (to Allaah), the men and women
who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and
the women who are patient (in performing all the duties
which Allaah has ordered and in abstaining from all that
Allaah has forbidden), the men and the women who are
humble (before their Lord Allaah), the men and the women
who give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men and
the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the obligatory
fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and the optional
Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their
chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the
women who remember Allaah much with their hearts and
tongues. Allaah has prepared for them forgiveness and a
great reward (i.e. Paradise)"
[al-Ahzaab 33:35]
5 _ Thinking about the lives of righteous women
who guarded their chastity, such as Maryam, whom
Allaah praises in the Qur'aan (interpretation of the meaning):
"And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of `Imraan
who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve
of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e.
Jibreel (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words
of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: "Be!"
and he was; that is `Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as
a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e.
obedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tahreem 66:12]
And thinking about the immoral, fallen women,
and comparing between the two types, for there is a
huge difference between them.
6 _ Choosing righteous companions and spending
time with them, so that they can help one another to obey
and worship Allaah.
7 _ Comparing the effects of immediate fulfillment
of desire when a girl responds to haraam, which is
followed by loss of pleasure and all that is left is regret and
sorrow, with patience and striving against one's whims
and desires, and realizing that the pleasure of conquering
one's whim and desires is far greater than the pleasures
of enjoying haraam things.
8 _ Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and asking
Him for help. The Qur'aan tells us the lesson to be
learned from the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him):
"He said: `O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that
to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their
plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one
(of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those
who do deeds) of the ignorant'
So his Lord answered his invocation and turned
away from him their plot. Verily, He is the AllHearer,
the AllKnower"
[Yoosuf 12:33 _ interpretation of the meaning]
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
22704: How to be successful in life
Question:
How to obtain success and prosperity in this world
and hereafter.What kind of success or prosperity that
islam want the ummah islam gain in this world.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Peace of mind,
contentment, happiness and freedom from worries and anxiety…
these are what everyone wants, and these are the ways in
which people can have a good life and find complete
happiness and joy. There are religious means of achieving that,
and natural and practical means, but no one can combine
all of them except the believers; although other people
may achieve some of them, they will miss out on others.
There follows a summary of the means of achieving
this aim for which everyone is striving. In some cases,
those who achieve many of them will live a joyful life and
a good life; in other cases, those who fail to achieve all
of them will live a life of misery and hardship. And
there are others which are in between, according to what
the means he is able to attain. These means include
the following:
1 _ Faith and righteous deeds:
This is the greatest and most fundamental of means.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or
female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of
Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life
(in this world with respect, contentment and
lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward
in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e.
Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
Allaah tells us and promises us that whoever
combines faith with righteous deeds will have a good life and
a good reward in this world and in the Hereafter.
The reason for that is clear: those who believe in Allaah
_ with sincere faith that motivates them to do
righteous deeds that change hearts and attitudes and guides them
to the straight path in this world and the Hereafter _
follow principles and guidelines by means of which they
deal with everything that happens to them, be it the causes
of happiness and excitement or the causes of anxiety,
worry and grief.
They deal with the things that they like by accepting
them and giving thanks for them, and using them in good
ways. When they deal with them in this manner, that creates
in them a sense of excitement and the hope that it
will continue and that they will be rewarded for their
gratitude, which is more important than the good things that
happen to them. And they deal with bad things, worries
and distress by resisting those that they can resist,
alleviating those that they can alleviate, and bearing with
goodly patience those that they cannot avoid. Thus as a result
of the bad things they gain a lot of benefits,
experience, strength, patience and hope of reward, which are
more important and which diminish the hardships they
have undergone and replace them with happiness and hope
for the bounty and reward of Allaah. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) expressed this in
a saheeh hadeeth in which he said: "How wonderful is
the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good.
If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for
it and that is good for him; if something bad happens
to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for
him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer."
(Narrated by Muslim, no. 2999).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) told us that the believer is always gaining and the
reward for his deeds is always multiplying, no matter
what happens to him, good or bad.
2 _ Being kind to people in word and deed, and
all kinds of doing good. This is one of the means
of removing worry, distress and anxiety. By this
means Allaah wards off worries and distress from righteous
and immoral like, but the believer has the greater share
of that, and is distinguished by the fact that his kindness
to others stems from sincerity and the hope of reward,
so Allaah makes it easy for him to be kind to others
because of the hope that this will bring good things and ward
off bad things, by means of his sincerity and hope of
reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"There is no good in most of their secret talks save
(in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah's Cause),
or Ma`roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good
and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does
this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him
a great reward"
[al-Nisa' 4:114]
Part of that great reward is relief from worry,
distress, troubles, etc.
3 _ Another of the means of warding off anxiety
that stems from nervous tension and being
preoccupied with disturbing thoughts is to occupy oneself with
good deeds or seeking beneficial knowledge, for that
will distract one from dwelling on the matters that are
causing anxiety. In this way a person may forget about the
things that are making him worried and distressed, and he
may become happy and more energetic. This is another
means that believers and others have in common, but the
believer is distinguished by his faith, sincerity and hope of
reward when he occupies himself with that knowledge which
he is learning or teaching, or with the good deeds that he
is doing.
The work with which he occupies himself should
be something that he likes and enjoys, for that is more
likely to produce the desired results. And Allaah knows best.
4 _ Another thing that may ward off worry and
anxiety is focusing all one's thoughts of the present day,
and not worrying about the future or grieving about
the past. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) sought refuge with Allaah from worry
and regret, from regret for things in the past which one
cannot put right or change, and worry which may come
because of fear for the future. So one should focus only on
the present day, and focus one's efforts on getting things
right today. For if a person is focused on that, this means
that he will do things properly and forget about worry
and regret. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said a du'aa' or taught a du'aa' to his
ummah, as well as urging them to seek the help of Allaah
and hope for His bounty, he was also urging them to strive
to attain the thing they were praying for through their
own efforts and to forget about the thing which they
were praying would be warded off from them. Because
du'aa' (supplication) must be accompanied by action. So a
person must strive to attain that which will benefit him in
worldly and spiritual terms, and ask his Lord to make his
efforts successful, and he should seek His help in that, as
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Strive for that which will benefit you and seek the
help of Allaah, and do not be helpless. If anything
(bad) happens to you, do not say, `If only I had done
such-and-such, then such-and-such would have happened.'
Rather you should say, `Qaddara Allaah wa ma sha'a
fa'ala (Allaah decrees, and what He wills He does),' for
(the words) `If only' open the door to the Shaytaan."
(Narrated by Muslim). The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) connected the matter of striving to
achieve good things with the matter of seeking the help of
Allaah and not giving in to feelings of helplessness which are
a harmful kind of laziness, and with the matter of
accepting things in the past which are over and done with,
and acknowledging that the will and decree of Allaah
will inevitably come to pass. He described matters as
being of two types:
1 _ Matters which a person may strive to achieve or
to achieve whatever he can of them, or to ward them off
or alleviate them. In such cases a person must strive
and make the effort, and also seek the help of Allaah.
2 _ Matters where such is not possible, so he must
have peace of mind, accept them and submit to Allaah's will.
Undoubtedly paying attention to this principle will
bring happiness and relieve worry and distress.
5 _ One of the greatest means of feeling content
and relaxed and of acquiring peace of mind is to
remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr). That has a great effect
in bringing contentment and peace of mind, and
relieving worry and distress. Allaah says:
"verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find
rest" [al-Ra'd 13:28]
Remembering Allaah (dhikr) has a great effect
in achieving this aim because it has a special influence
and because of the hope that it brings of reward.
6 _ Another of the means of bringing happiness
and relieving worry and distress is striving to
eliminate the things that cause worry and to achieve the
things that bring happiness. That may be done by
forgetting about bad things in the past which cannot be
changed, and realizing that dwelling on them is a waste of time.
So a person must strive to stop himself from thinking of
that, and also strive to stop himself from feeling anxious
about the future and the things that he may imagine of
poverty, fear and other bad things that he thinks may happen
to him in the future. He should realize that the future
is something unknown, he cannot know what good or
bad things are going to happen to him. That is in the hand
of the Almighty, the Most Wise, and all that His slaves
can do is to strive to attain the good things and to ward off
the bad things. A person should realize that if he diverts
his thoughts from worrying about his future and puts his
trust in his Lord to take care of his situation, and puts his
mind at rest concerning that, if he does that, then his heart
will be at peace and his situation will improve and he will
be relieved of worry and anxiety.
One of the most effective ways of dealing with
worries about the future is to recite this du'aa' which the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to recite:
"Allaahumma aslih li deeni alladhi huwa `ismatu
amri, wa aslih li dunyaaya allati fiha ma'aashi, wa aslih
li aakhirati allati ilayha ma'aadi, waj'al
al-hayaata ziyaadatan li fi kulli khayr, wa'l-mawta raahatan li
min kulli sharr (O Allaah, correct my religious
commitment which is the foundation of my life, and correct my
worldly affairs in which is my livelihood, and grant me good
in the Hereafter to which is my return. Make my life a
means of accumulating good, and make death a respite for
me from all evil)." (Narrated by Muslim, 2720).
And he said, "Allaahumma rahmataka arju fa la
takilni ila nafsi tarfata `aynin wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu,
laa ilaaha illa anta (O Allaah, for Your mercy I hope, so
do not abandon me to myself even for a moment. And
correct all my affairs. There is no god but You)." (Narrated
by Abu Dawood with a saheeh isnaad, no. 5090; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Kalim
al-Tayyib, p. 49).
If a person utters these du'aa's, which ask that his
spiritual and worldly affairs may be set right or corrected,
with proper presence of mind and sincerity of intention,
whilst striving to achieve that, Allaah will grant him what
he has prayed for, hoped for and striven for, and He will
turn his worry into joy and happiness.
7 _ If a person experiences anxiety and distress
because of a disaster, then one of the most effective means
of relieving himself of that is to think of the
worst scenario to which that may lead, and try to accept
that. When he has done that, then he should try to alleviate
it as much as possible. By means of this acceptance
and these efforts, he will relieve himself of his worries
and distress, and instead of worrying he will strive to
bring about good things and to deal with whatever he can
of the bad things. If he is faced with things that cause fear
or the possibility of sickness or poverty, then he should
deal with that by striving to make himself accept that,
or something even worse, with contentment, because
by making himself accept the worst-case scenario, he
lessens the impact of the thing and makes it seem less
terrible, especially if he occupies himself with efforts to ward
it off as much as he can. Thus as well as striving to
achieve something good which will distract him from his
worries about calamity, he will also renew his strength to
resist bad things, and put his trust and reliance in
Allaah. Undoubtedly these matters are of great benefit in
attaining happiness and peace of mind, as well as bringing the
hope of reward in this world and in the Hereafter. This
is something which is well known from the experience
of many who have tried it.
8 _ Steadfastness of heart and not being
disturbed about the imaginary things that bad thoughts
may bring to mind. For when a person gives in to
his imagination and lets his mind be disturbed by
these thoughts, such as fear of disease and the like, or
anger and confusion stirred up by some grievous matter, or
the expectation of bad things and the loss of good
things, that will fill him with worries, distress, mental
and physical illness and nervous breakdowns, which will
have a bad effect on him and which causes a great deal of
harm, as many people have seen. But when a person
depends on Allaah and puts his trust in Him, and does not give
in to his imagination or let bad thoughts overwhelm
him, and he relies on Allaah and has hope of His bounty,
that wards off his worries and distress, and relieves him of
a great deal of mental and physical sickness. It
gives indescribable strength, comfort and happiness to the
heart. How many hospitals are filled with the mentally
sick victims of illusions and harmful imagination; how
often have these things had an effect upon the hearts of
many strong people, let alone the weak ones; how often
have they led to foolishness and insanity.
It should be noted that your life will follow your train
of thought. If your thoughts are of things that will bring
you benefit in your spiritual or worldly affairs, then your
life will be good and happy. Otherwise it will be the opposite.
The person who is safe from all of that is the one who
is protected by Allaah and helped by Him to strive to
achieve that which will benefit and strengthen the heart and
ward off anxiety. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He
will suffice him"
[al-Talaaq 65:3]
i.e., He will be sufficient for all that is worrying him
in his spiritual and worldly affairs. The one who puts
his trust in Allaah will have strength in his heart and will
not be affected by anything he imagines or be disturbed
by events, because he knows that these are the result
of vulnerable human nature and of weakness and fear
that have no basis. He also knows that Allaah has
guaranteed complete sufficiency to those who put their trust in
Him. So he trusts in Allaah and finds peace of mind in
His promise, and thus his worry and anxiety are
dispelled; hardship is turned to ease, sadness is turned to joy, fear
is turned to peace. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and
sound, and to bless us with strength and steadfastness of
heart, and complete trust, for Allaah has guaranteed all
good things to those who put their trust in Him, and
has guaranteed to ward off all bad and harmful things
from them.
If bad things happen or there is the fear of such, then
you should count the many blessings that you are still
enjoying, both spiritual and worldly, and compare them with
the bad things that have happened, for when you
compare them you will see the many blessings that you
are enjoying, and this will make the bad things appear
less serious.
See al-Wasaa'il al-Mufeedah li'l-Hayaat
al-Sa'eedah by Shatkh `Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Sa'di
Ibn al-Qayyim summed fifteen ways through which
Allaah may dispel worries and regret. These are as follows:
1- Tawheed al-Ruboobiyyah (belief in the Oneness
of Divine Lordship)
2- Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (belief in the Oneness of
the Divine nature)
3- Tawheed of knowledge and belief (i.e., Tawheed
al-Asma' wa'l_Sifaat, belief in the Oneness of the
Divine names and attributes)
4- Thinking of Allaah as being above doing any
injustice to His slaves, and above punishing anyone for no
cause on the part of the slave that would require
such punishment.
5- The person's acknowledging that he is the one
who has done wrong.
6- Beseeching Allaah by means of the things that are
most beloved to Him, which are His names and attributes.
Two of His names that encompass the meanings of all
other names and attributes are al-Hayy (the Ever-Living)
and al-Qayyoom (the Eternal).
7- Seeking the help of Allaah Alone.
8- Affirming one's hope in Him.
9- Truly putting one's trust in Him and leaving matters
to Him, acknowledging that one's forelock is in His
hand and that He does as He wills, that His will is
forever executed and that He is just in all that He decrees.
10-Letting one's heart wander in the garden of
the Qur'aan, seeking consolation in it from every
calamity, seeking healing in it from all diseases of the heart, so
that it will bring comfort to his grief and healing for his
worries and distress.
11-Seeking forgiveness.
12-Repentance.
13-Jihad.
14-Salaah (prayer).
15-Declaring that he has no power and no strength,
and leaving matters to the One in Whose hand they are.
We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound from
worries and to relieve us of distress and anxiety, for He is the
All-Hearing, Ever-Responsive, and He is the
Ever-Living, Eternal.
See Alhomoom _ Dealing with Worries and
Stress, in the Books section of this site.
And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings
and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family
and companions.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
26784: Her husband sits with non-mahrams and
she objects to that
Question:
My husband & his family members act as is they are
all mahrum.[eg;with his brothers wife,uncle's wife etc]
when i tell him that this is not permissable he says that he
can not do anything about it.
He also enjoys watching movies[in which there
sometimes are bad things].My telling him over & over not to do
these things are making him very angry.He has asked me not
to pester him.
He has so many other little bad habits. but he is kind
& good.
I am a very emotional person & I feel very very sad,
jelouse & angry. I am very young and unable to handle
these situations sometimes.please tell me what to do.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We begin by thanking Allaah for this
gheerah (protective jealousy); may Allaah help you to enjoin what is
good and forbid what is evil. We advise you to continue
with what you are doing of advising your husband and
his relatives in the best manner, until you find among
these people someone whom Allaah will guide at your
hands to give up these haraam actions. In this way it will
become easier for those who think that they are weak and
unable to change, to mend their ways and adhere to the
commands of sharee'ah. You have to seek help in your efforts
to advise them by praying to Allaah for these people,
being kind to them and not acting superior to them, but
rather showing kindness and compassion towards them,
because that is more likely to be accepted and this is
something that may earn their respect despite your young age.
In addition to that, you must also strive to avoid
joining them in the wrong things that they are doing, lest
you yourself weaken with regard to these evil
actions, especially the bad movies that you mentioned.
The believer cannot assume that he is safe from
temptation, rather he must help himself to fight it by keeping
away from bad things and by making du'aa'.
With regard to what you said about feeling sad,
jealous and angry for the sake of one's religion, this is a
blessing from Allaah to His slave _ but these feelings must
be controlled according to the guidelines of
sharee'ah. Sadness should not lead to despair and so on. Allaah
said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him):
"So destroy not yourself (O Muhammad) in sorrow
for them"
[Faatir 35:8]
Anger should not put off those whom you are calling,
for the purpose is to reform him, not simply to express
one's frustration and anger.
So long as your husband is a Muslim who prays and
is kind (as you mention), then be patient with him
and continue to call him (da'wah); perhaps Allaah will
bless you by guiding him and causing him to follow the
ways of chastity.
Perhaps if you think about the calamities that have
befallen other wives who have suffered because of husbands
who are worse than yours, that will make you put
your husband's sins into perspective. We ask Allaah to
guide him and you, and to guide us and all of mankind to
that which He loves and is pleased with. And Allaah is
the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
20130: Our worries are bothering us a great deal!
Question:
My question is about a problem that my husband and
I are suffering from, namely that we think about every
little thing and we worry a great deal. This is affecting
our worship; all the time we think about the worries
and problems that we are going through. Is there any
solution to this? Thank you very much
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to give us
and you strength and wisdom, and to show us what is
true and help us to follow it, and to show us what is false
and help us to avoid it, and not to let it confuse us and lead
us astray… With regard to what you asked about,
my comments on it are as follows:
1 _Thinking about the matters of our daily lives, and
our private and public affairs is something that is
essential and important, it is necessary in order for us to deal
with these matters and benefit from them in the
appropriate manner. The Qur'aan _ which is the word of Allaah
_ urges us to think, in more than one verse, for example:
"…and think deeply about the creation of the
heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not
created (all) this without purpose…"
[Aal `Imraan 3:191]
"And on the earth are signs for those who have
Faith with certainty.
And also in your ownselves. Will you not then see?"
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21]
"Will you not then take thought?"
[al-An'aam 6:50]
"Have you then no understanding?"[al-Baqarah
2:76]
And there are other verses which encourage us to
think about our affairs and indeed about the life and
creation around us.
So thinking in and of itself is not a problem, rather it
is required, important and essential, and it is enjoined
by our religion and encouraged by our Qur'aan.
2 _ This "thinking" may become a psychological or
social problem if it prevents a person from playing his
natural role that is expected of him in life.
Such as thinking that things are more serious than
they really are, or thinking too much about matters
where thinking about them will not change anything at all,
rather that only causes distress and becomes an obstacle
prevents one from taking any initiative, and make him
hesitant and confused, and unable to take any decision.
Thinking may become a problem in shar'i terms if
it makes a person go beyond his intellectual limits
in thinking about matters of the unseen and things that
he can never comprehend, which may open many doors
for the accursed Shaytaan to influence him.
3 _ With regard to thinking a great deal about
everything and worrying about every problem, this is to some
extent a natural thing, so long as it does not prevent you
from living your lives in a natural manner. What I mean
here is, is this thinking helping you to come up with
solutions to these problems that you are facing? Do these
situations deserve all the time that you are spending on
thinking about them? If the answer is yes, then there is no
problem! But if the answer is no, then you yourself are
admitting that they do not warrant that, and then you are halfway
to solving the problem, which is to identify the problem
and take a decision concerning it. Because when we
know what the problem is, it is easy for us to find the right
way of dealing with it.
4 _ Overcoming these problems needs some
discipline and some time. You can make the decision to start
and you are able, with the help and support of Allaah, to
do that. You have to trust yourselves in this regard!
5 _ I suggest to you that you divide your concerns
and problems into three Islam & Muslims or levels:
· Concerns and problems that have a direct impact
upon your married and social lives in a serious manner
that may lead to breakdown in relationships. These must
be given their due measure of objective thought and
you should try to reach an agreement and settle the
matter. They should not be ignored for so long that it
becomes too difficult to deal with them.
· The second level is concerns or problems in which
the positive and negative aspects are equal and in which
you are involved. In these cases you should pray
istikhaarah to Allaah, and it is o.k. to consult others concerning
them and to weigh up alternatives, then decide what you
think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of sharee'ah
and custom, without going to extremes in worrying about it.
· The third level is concerns and worries that do
not concern you at all, because they have to do with
other people. It is better not to get involved in them and
waste your time with them, because they simply do not
concern you and your opinion does not matter.
6 _ The concerns and matters of our daily lives
inevitably fall into one of three Islam & Muslims:
. Matters which are in the past and are over and
done with. We should not worry about these too much,
except to the extent from which we can learn from our
mistakes and experiences when dealing with things in the
future. The past cannot come back and there is no need to
worry about things that are over and done with.
· Matters which lay ahead in the future. It is
more appropriate not to think about these a great deal
before they happen, because the future is part of the unseen,
and all that we have to do in this case is to examine the
choices we have in this matter if it comes to pass. When the
time comes, we have to put our trust in Allaah and take
a decision.
· Matters of day-to-day life. This is where we attempt
to weigh up all the available alternatives, and it is o.k.
to consult others with regard to these things and to
exchange ideas without going to extremes or worrying too
much. In the end, things will turn out as we hope, by
Allaah's leave, so long as we pursue the means of
praying istikhaarah and consulting others, and good lies in
that which is chosen by Allaah.
7 _ Getting used to this requires some discipline.
You could agree with your husband to cooperate in this
matter and remind one another when you are worrying more
than you need to about a matter. Gradually you will find
that you are becoming able to deal with day-to-day matters
in an objective manner.
8 _ There is a good book on the topic of anxiety
which gives practical means of dealing with this matter, and
I advise you to read it. It is called How to Stop
Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
9 _ First and last, have a good intention and pray
sincerely that Allaah will give you strength and help you and
set your thinking straight.
Ahmad al-Muqbil :
(islam Today)
(www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
22706: Mixing with relatives who backbite
Question:
I have recently started to make a conscious effort
to become a good practicing muslim. Beyond the
basics tenants of faith I have also started to read about and
gain knowledge about Islam. Keeping ties with relatives
is good practice in Islam. To gain the pleasures of
Allah (SWT) I am making a conscious effort to meet them
whom previously i used to avoid. It seems though the more
I and my family mix with relatives the more they talk
behind our backs and spread baseless slanderous remarks.
This is very hurtful and it takes a lot of patience to ignore
and be indifferent to people with such habits. What would
be the correct way to deal with the such relatives?
Previously i would have confronted such people with anger, but
now i know nothing will be gained only bad feelings and
anger. Should I leave such people for Allah to deal with?
Please advise on this also which duas can i recite to increase
my patience?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The attribute of patience is a high status with which
Allaah blesses whomsoever He wills among His slaves, to
make it easy for them to obey His commands and heed
His prohibitions. Your attempts to bring people together
and to get closer to your relatives is a praiseworthy effort
which points to your success and correct thinking. For
many people, if they are faced with even a part of what
you have suffered, quickly lose patience and respond to
cutting off of ties in like manner, because they think
that upholding family ties is only obligatory when
relatives respond in the same manner. This is a mistaken
notion and the fact that it is mistaken is indicated by the
hadeeth which was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, which says
that a man said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have relatives
with whom I uphold the ties of kinship but they cut me off;
I treat them well but they mistreat me; I am patient
with them but they treat me in an ignorant manner."
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "If it is as you say, then it is as if you are stuffing
hot ashes [in their mouths], and you will have with you
[an angel] from Allaah to support you against them so
long as you continue to be like that." (Narrated by
Muslim, no. 2285).
In this hadeeth, a man came to the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) complaining of
his relatives' bad treatment of him, and in his complaint
he mentioned something similar to what you have
mentioned: he upheld the ties of kinship but they cut him off, he
treated them well but they treated him badly. Yet despite that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
told him that if he was telling the truth, then his situation
with them would be like one fills their mouths with ashes,
so he is the one who is doing the right thing, and he
would continue to have support from Allaah against them.
The general meaning of the hadeeth is to encourage
the upholding of family ties even with those who doe
not themselves uphold those ties. Praise be to Allaah that
this is what you have done and have forced yourself to do.
I ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good.
After that there is nothing more that you can do except
to follow one good deed with another, one kind action
with another. If they mistreat you then do to them the
opposite of that which they have done to you.
You should note that when you do that, you are doing
it only to earn the pleasure and mercy of Allaah. Do
not expect any response to your good deed from them.
But try not to tell people what they are doing to you. If
you think that one of the causes of this problem is too
much contact with them, there is nothing wrong with
your reducing your visits with them.
Pray to Allaah to guide them; pray to Him when you
are certain of a response, for Allaah is Able to turn their
hatred into love and their neglect into close ties.
With regard to your question about du'aa's that will
help you to be patient when faced with difficulties, there
are many such du'aa's, and we will tell you some of
them here:
-1-
It was narrated that Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: "When faced with difficulties the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would
say: `Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah al-`Azeem al-Haleem, laa
ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-`Arsh il-`Azeem, laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah Rabb ul-samawaati wa Rabb ul-`Arsh il-Kareem
(There is no god except Allaah, the Almighty, the
Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah the Lord of the
Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the
heavens and Lord of the noble Throne).'" (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 7426).
According to a report narrated by Muslim: "When
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
was concerned about an important matter or when he
was worried…" (Muslim, 2130).
-2-
It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: "When the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) was distressed by something,
he would say, `Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyoom, bi
rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living, O Eternal One, by Your
mercy I seek help).'" (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3524); classed
as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 4777).
We also want to tell you of something important
which will help you to be more patient and will give you
certain faith in Allaah, especially when you are upset and
worried. This is something which many people neglect. Do
you know what it is?
It is prayer, for prayer has a great effect in bringing
peace to the heart and in dispelling worries and distress. It
is one of the greatest means of being patient. This is
indicated by the Qur'aan and Sunnah. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the
prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for
Al-Khaashi`oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah —
those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much
from His punishment, and believe in His Promise
(Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]"
[al-Baqarah 2:45]
Prayer is the greatest thing by means of which help
may be sought.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Indeed, We know that your breast is straitened at
what they say.
So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of those
who prostrate themselves (to Him).
And worship your Lord until there comes unto you
the certainty (i.e. death)" [al-Hijr 15:97-99]
Imaam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari said in his
Tafseer: " `So glorify the praises of your
Lord': with regard to matters which are worrying you, turn to Allaah and give thank to
Allaah and praise Him, and pray, and Allaah will take care
of that which is troubling you.
This is similar to the hadeeth narrated from the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
`When something troubled him, he would turn to prayer.'"
(7/553)
Finally I ask Allaah the Almighty, the Lord of the
Mighty Throne, to bless us and you with certain faith, for He
is Able to do that.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Search Inside This Book At Google Book Search - (280 pages)
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