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Introduction

Manners (Part 2)

Chapter 1

Relationships between the two genders

49024: He wants to look at women in the street with the intention of proposing marriage

Question:

I live in a kaafir country where there is a lot of temptation. I want to get married and I am looking for a wife with certain features, especially beauty. I know that it is permissible to look at women with the intention of proposing marriage; is it permissible for me to look at women in the street in order to choose the one to whom I will propose marriage? Is it permissible, if I choose some girl and I like her and want to be sure that my family (who live in another country) will like her, to show her to a friend of mine even if it is for a few seconds?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to look at women in the street, because Allaah has commanded the believers to lower their gaze. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do"

[al-Noor 24:30]

If a person opens this door to himself, that is a dangerous matter. At first the Shaytaan makes the idea of proposing marriage attractive to him, until this becomes a regular habit, then he looks at women with no intention of proposing marriage, rather just for the purpose of looking at their beauty.

The man who wants to get married should not look at the unveiled women in the street, especially in that kaafir country where most of the people are kaafirs or immoral. Rather he should ask virtuous and knowledgeable people about virtuous and righteous women, and approach the matter in the proper manner.

With regard to looking at women in the street, this is looking at their external beauty only, not their inward beauty which is more important than outward beauty. What is the point if a man marrying the most beautiful of women if she is lacking in good attitude and religious commitment?

You should check yourself and review the qualities that you want in the woman you choose to marry, the most important of which is that she should be religiously committed and have a good attitude. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)."

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466)

The purpose of marriage is not merely to satisfy one's desires and enjoy intimacy, so that the man need care about nothing more than beauty; rather marriage is more sublime than that. So you should study the true qualities of your potential life-partner, those qualities that will make your life happy and calm, not a temporary happiness that will disappear as desire fades, leaving nothing but trouble and sadness after that. And Allaah knows best.

It is not permissible for you to show your friend the women to whom you propose marriage, and it is not permissible for him to look at her. A man should have protective jealousy (gheerah) concerning his wife and his honour. The Sahaabah were impressed by the strong gheerah of Sa'd ibn `Ubaadah (may Allaah be pleased with him), and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Are you amazed by the gheerah of Sa'd? I have more gheerah than him, and Allaah has more gheerah than me."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6846; Muslim, 1499.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

36741: Children who have reached the age of ten must be separated in their beds

Question:

Is it permissible for me to sleep beside my friend with only one blanket when we do not have anything else to protect us from the cold, or if there are two blankets but they do not protect against the cold unless they are used together?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for two who have reached the age of puberty to sleep together under one blanket. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten years old, and separate them in their beds." Narrated by Ahmad, 6689; Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.

If this is the ruling concerning those who are ten years old, then how about those who are older than that, who should not be in one bed but rather should be in two separate beds with two separate blankets? If there are only two covers and one of them is not sufficient to ward off the cold, then each person should take one cover and fold it in half so that it will be thicker and will ward off the cold, or he should buy another blanket.

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said concerning a number of people sleeping in one bed: It was proven via another isnaad that this is subject to the condition that they do not sleep under one blanket. Fath al-Baari, 7/204. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

45883: He is studying in a mixed university; how should he deal with female teachers and students?

Question:

I am a young man who is religiously committed. I am studying in a mixed university and I would like to develop my specialty further, but that requires me to interact in class, which will open channels of communication between me and other students. In addition to that there are female teachers who teach us very important subjects. How should I interact with the female students and teachers?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Studying in mixed schools, institutes and universities is not permitted. The evils that exist in these institutions because of that mixing are no secret, let alone the fact that people do not learn much, if anything, in these institutions. Wise people even in kaafir countries have called for segregation between the sexes in educational institutions because of the moral damage they have noticed and the weakening of educational standards. Trustworthy have scholars have issued fatwas stating that this kind of education is not permissible.

The scholars of the Standing Committee said:

It is haraam for male and female students and teachers to mix in educational institutions, because of the fitnah and provocation of desires and immoral conduct that results from that. The gravity of the sin is compounded if the female teachers and students uncover any part of their `awrahs or wear see-through or tight clothing, or if the students or teachers flirt or joke together, which may lead to transgression of limits and violation of honour.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/102, 103

Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked:

Is it permissible for a man to study in a mixed university where men and women mix in one classroom, knowing that the student has a role to play in calling people to Allaah?

He replied:

What I think is that it is not permissible for anyone, man or woman, to study in a mixed school, because of the grave danger that it poses to his chastity, integrity and morals. No matter how great a person's integrity, morals and innocence, if a woman is sitting beside him on the seat _ especially if she is beautiful and unveiled _ he can hardly avoid fitnah and evil. Everything that leads to fitnah and evil is also haraam and is not permitted. We ask Allaah to keep our Muslim brothers safe from such things which will only bring evil, fitnah and corruption to their youth. If there is no other university apart from this one, he should go and study in another city or country where this mixing does not happen. I do not think that this is permissible but others may have a different opinion.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/103

We have already discussed the ruling on mixing in detail in the answer to question no. 1200.

See also the answers to questions no. 8827, 22397 and 6666.

This is easy those who do not have the problem of mixed schools in their country or who have access to colleges and universities that are not mixed, so they have no need to study in mixed colleges. But there remains the question of those who are faced with the problem of mixed schools in their countries. What should they do, especially if that will affect their chances of earning a living or of getting married in the future, since if they do not study in these colleges they will not be able to find a job or get married.

In this case, there is no option, and the need is great, and when the need is great, the matter may come under the heading of necessity. This necessity may be taken into consideration, provided that the following conditions are met:

1- That there be no other place where he can study, even if it is in another country

2- That he cannot obtain this certificate by means of distance learning or studying via the internet, for example

3- That he goes to study in these mixed places seeking the help of Allaah to confront fitnah.

He should take care to lower his gaze as much as he can and not touch or shake hands with non-mahram women or be alone with them, and he should not sit right next to them.

He should advise the girls to sit away from the boys and adhere to other Islamic guidelines as well.

4- If he notices himself slipping towards haraam things and being tempted by those of the opposite sex who are with him, then the soundness of his religious commitment is more important than any worldly aims, so he has to leave the place immediately and Allaah will make him independent of means by His bounty. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

And Allaah knows best.

There follows a list of colleges and universities that are not mixed:

1- The Medical College in Dubai

2- Al-Azhar University in Egypt

3- The Imam Muhammad ibn Sa'ood Islamic University in Saudi

4- Umm al-Qura University in Makkah al-Mukarramah

5- The Islamic University in Madeenah al-Munawwarah

6- The King Sa'ood University in Saudi.

Islam Q&A

(www.islam-qa.com)

45668: Is what he did to find out about his fiancée correct?

Question:

I have a cousin (daughter of my maternal aunt) who seems to be religiously committed and of good character, but I do not know much about her personality and outlook on life, or how well we would get along. I used the internet as a means to get to know her, whilst being very careful to adhere to proper etiquette, especially since we come from a conservative family. Praise be to Allaah, I reached the decision to marry her in sha Allah, but it may take two years or more until I am ready, because I am still a student in the last year of university.

My question is: Is what I did permissible? Especially since it went on for nearly a year, because the customs of marriage in our society do not allow one partner to get to know the character of the other until they get engaged, but after that if it becomes clear that the two are not compatible and they cancel the engagement, that will lead to problems and severing of family ties. I feel worried about what I did and I am afraid that it may be considered a sin or an act of treachery. It is permissible to continue our correspondence until I come and propose marriage to her?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a non-mahram woman. If a man intends to propose marriage then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is one of his relatives, then it should be more straightforward because either he will knows about her or he will be able to find out about her from the women of his own family.

It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out about the real character of one another through correspondence and conversing before marriage, because neither of them will show anything but their best side.

Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked:

If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in love, is this regarded as a haraam action?

He replied:

This action is not permitted, because it provokes desire between them and makes them hope to meet and get in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral actions or the things that lead to them. We advise all those who want to protect themselves to avoid corresponding and the like, so as to protect their religious commitment and their honour. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579

We have already stated that correspondence between the two sexes is haraam, in the answers to questions no. 26890 and 10221.

It is permissible for the man who has proposed marriage to look at his fiancée, without being alone with her or shaking hands with her. So you could do the marriage contract and delay consummation of the marriage, so that your meeting with her will be acceptable according to sharee'ah, and during this period you could focus on getting to know her more and more.

In the answer to question no. 7492 there is an important discussion of this matter.

See also the answers to questions no. 7757, 2572 and 20069 to find out more about the limits of the relationship between a man and his fiancée. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

40618: Can she uncover her face in front of her sister's husband?

Question:

My sister's husband sleeps in our house sometimes and sometimes he stays all day, and I cannot cover my face in front of him. Am I sinning thereby? What is the solution?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Your sister's husband is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, and you have to cover your face in front of him and not be alone with him. Similarly it is haraam for him to look at you or to be alone with you. Unfortunately people are careless in their homes with regard to the in-laws, even though sharee'ah speaks strongly concerning them more than others, because people mix freely with them in their houses and the family members trust them.

It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?" He said: "The in-law is death."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172.

The in-law is the husband's relative.

We notice here that the Sahaabi wanted to make an exception in the case of the husband's relatives, but the ruling was re-emphasized in the strongest terms, because no one regards it as strange if he enters the house.

Al-Nawawi said:

With regard to the Prophet's words, "The in-law is death," what this means is that the fear in his case is greater than in the case of others, and evil is expected on his part and the fitnah (temptation) is greater, because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her with no one denouncing him, unlike the stranger or non-mahram. What is meant by the in-law here is the husband's relatives, except for his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons.His father/grandfather and sons/grandsons are mahrams of the wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her; they are not described as "death". Rather what is meant here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and others who are not mahrams. People customarily take things lightly with regard to them, so a man will often be alone with his brother's wife. This is what is described as death and it is more important that he be stopped than a stranger, for the reasons we have mentioned above. What I have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth… Ibn al-A'raabi said: This is something that the Arabs say, as in the phrase al-asad al-mawt (the lion is death), because meeting it is like dying. Al-Qaadi said: What is meant is that being alone with the in-laws leads to fitnah (temptation) and the destruction of one's religious commitment, so this is described as being akin to the destruction of death.

Sharh Muslim, 14/154.

We advise this sister and others to fear Allaah and strive to wear proper hijaab in front of non-mahram men.

Please see also questions no. 13728, 6408, 13261

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

36548: What is the relationship of a woman to the man who has divorced her?

Question:

Is it permissible for me to go out with my ex-husband in the company of our children on occasion, so that they can be together with both parents like other children. That is done is public places. Also, he does not pray _ is the money that he spends on them haraam?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has issued the last of three talaaqs (divorces), or he has divorced her once or twice and her `iddah has ended, then she becomes a stranger (non-mahram) to him, and it is not permissible for her to be alone with him or to touch her or to look at her.

The relationship of an ex-husband with his ex-wife is like his relationship with any other non-mahram woman. The fact that they have children does not justify his looking at her, being alone with her or travelling with her. He can go out with his children without her being there, or she can be present with one of her mahrams, without doing any of the haraam things that we have mentioned.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

A thrice-divorced woman is a stranger (non-mahram) to the man like any other non-mahram woman, so the man does not have the right to be alone with her, just as he does not have the right to be alone with any non-mahram woman. And he cannot see of her what he cannot see of any non-mahram woman, and there are no special rulings concerning the relationship between them (other than the rulings governing all interactions between non-mahrams).

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/349.

With regard to accepting what the divorced husband spends on his children, there is no reason not to do so, even if he does not pray. She should remind her children of the importance of advising their father to pray, and may Allaah guide him through this advice.

If the mother fears that her children may be adversely affected by their kaafir father or that he may lead them to do something that Allaah has forbidden, it is not permissible for her to allow them to go out with him, because their going out with him is causing them harm.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

27329: She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him

Question:

I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim

Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th
he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible
unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..
and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call "preventing the means (that lead to haraam)."

The basic principle of sharee'ah is that when Allaah forbids a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may indeed be forbidden.

We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and making them go astray again.

Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting to get married according to sharee'ah.

For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. See questions no. 23349, 20949and 10221.

Secondly:

With regard to the answer to your question, which may be summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee'ah the word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. See question no. 20069.

If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage, and he agreed to marry her.

Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question: If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage to him through a trustworthy relative of yours.

You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

39931: He has repented from a relationship with a non-mahram woman but he still loves her and feels attached to her

Question:

I am a young man who had a relationship with a girl, but I did not commit any haraam action with her. I know that what I did is not permissible according to sharee'ah, so I ended my contact with her and she accepted that. But I cannot forget her. I love her very much but I cannot marry her, and I often meet her. Is there any means of ridding myself of these feelings and forgetting this girl? I am confused and my confusion may cause me to make a mistake.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We have already explained in the answers to more than one question that it is haraam for a man to have a relationship with a non-mahram woman outside the framework of marriage. See the answer to question no. 23349 and 9465.

The haraam things that the people who have these relationships fall into include: betrayal, being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, touching and looking; these are the ways that lead to falling into the sin of zina (fornication, adultery). This is in addition to the harmful effects it has on the heart, causing confusion and distracting it from the purpose for which it was created.

You say that you still meet this girl, and the results of these meetings are obvious to anyone with common sense. You have to persist in your repentance from your former relationship with her, and cut off all ties with this girl.

The solution to such a problem is to marry this girl, thus foiling the Shaytaan and protecting yourself from falling into sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage."

Narrated by Ibn Maajah, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1847.

What this hadeeth means is that the greatest remedy for treating love is marriage, because this is the only cure for it. See Fayd al-Qadeer by al-Mannaawi, 295.

But you say that you cannot marry her, so you have no choice other than to be patient, strive to control your nafs (self), and keep yourself busy so that you will not think of her. Your marriage to someone else may be the means of your forgetting her, and you should avoid meeting her as much as you can.

You should know that the life of this world is very short, and the shortest thing in this life is haraam pleasure and the moments in which a person disobeys his Lord. But the joy of the Hereafter will last forever, so how can a smart person like you sacrifice that eternal joy for a moment of brief pleasure that will blacken the record of his deeds?

You should know that Allaah may decree death for you when you are alone with her, so how will you meet your Lord in such a state? What will you leave behind of shame and scandal for your family and for hers?

You should know that Allaah may punish you through your daughter or sister, because you were content to besmirch the honour of another, so you may expect the punishment of Allaah in this world rather than the Hereafter. Allaah protects the family and children of the righteous Muslim by means of his righteousness, but if a man is corrupt the only result can be is that his family and sons and daughters will be corrupt too. How can it be otherwise when he has set them the example by his own actions?

There is no way to forget about this girl except by filling your heart with the love of Allaah and fear of His punishment, and trying to keep the blessing of Allaah from being diminished because of this sin. Think about the consequences of this action whether in this world or in the Hereafter. Hasten to give up this sin and seek the reward for that with Allaah, so that you will then see _ in sha Allaah _ the blessings of faith, piety and delight in worship that your Lord will bestow upon you.

And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

20949: Friendship and love between a man and a woman

Question:

I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love .

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says "no one knows about us" is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people's honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur'aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?

Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation). As'ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly:

With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar'i rulings, because the rulings of sharee'ah having to do with what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the shar'i evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and the commands and prohibitions contained therein.

Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as `Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar'i rulings from this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

43104: It is not permissible to shake hands with a non-mahram woman, even from behind a barrier

Question:

Is it permissible to greet woman by shaking hands if they put part of their hijab over the hand of the man who is greeting them?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a man to touch in greeting the hand of a woman who is not his mahram, even if she covers her hand with her garment, because of the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh from `Urwah, from `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), in which she told the story of how the women gave their bay'ah (oath of allegiance) to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She said: "No, by Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any woman when accepting the oath of allegiance, all he said was, `I accept your oath of allegiance on this basis.'"

And Ahmad narrated with a saheeh isnaad from Umaymah bint Raqeeqah that she said: "I came to the Messenger of Allaah (S) with other women to give the oath of allegiance to him, and he accepted our pledge to abide by what is in the Qur'aan… We said: `O Messenger of Allaah, will you not shake hands with us?' He said, `I do not shake hands with women. Rather what I say to a hundred woman is what I would say to one woman.'"

And we have in the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) the best example. The One Who sent him said (interpretation of the meaning):

"Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the Meeting with) Allaah and the Last Day, and remembers Allaah much"

[al-Ahzaab 33:21]

And Allaah is the source of strength.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/30. (www.islam-qa.com)

22101: He married her in order to forget his ex-fiancée; and the ruling on correspondence between the sexes

Question:

My husband came home from work and told me he did not want to be married any more because he wants to be alone and than we went to Jumah. That Tue. After having intercourse he told me his ex fiancé found him by e-mail, a week prior. He allowed me to see the e-mail she sent him. To my surprise there was more than 1. They were e-mailing each other but he did not tell me that. In the e-mails they were discussing each other's body parts. He was calling her everyday that he had to work & said he will not loose her again. He said he married me for two reasons. He didn't want anyone else to have me & thinking it would get her out of his system but it did not and he has been looking for her since and now they have found each other. He has giving the girl our mailing address as well and she has used it. I spoke with her asking if she would not bother with him. She told me he is a free man. I know he is allowed up to 4 wives. He has his name on a list with the high school graduated from so that other people can get in touch with him. So far 3 females has found him. I would like to know if it is okay for my husband to have female friends and they are all non-Muslims. Please help me. Sometimes I feel he doesn't want me for the right reasons. We are overseas and she is in the states & now he wants to go back.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has made marriage one of His signs, and has created love and compassion between the spouses, and He has made each spouse a garment for the other. The basic principle regarding marriage is that it should be lasting: it is not permissible for either spouse to go against the purpose of marriage. Your husband should have feared Allaah and had a good intention before embarking on marriage. So long as he married you with your consent and all the conditions of marriage were fulfilled, then your marriage is valid and there is no doubt about it.

It is also haraam for him to establish relationships with women who are "strangers" to him [i.e., non-mahrams] and to correspond with them, so how about if that correspondence also involves obscene words such as words of love and romance? See the answer to question no, 23349.

With regard to yourself, why don't you speak frankly with your husband and advise him? That may bring him back to his senses. Or you could ask some good people to intervene and advise him.

If he cannot forget her, then it is permissible for him, according to Islam, to marry her if she is a kitaabi [one of the People of the Book, i.e., a Jew or a Christian], subject to the condition that he repents from having had haraam relationships and he comes back to being chaste.

In that way he will protect himself from falling into haraam actions. Allaah permits Muslim men to marry chaste women from among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians).

You have to be patient and not hasten to separate from him. Perhaps if you stay with him and are patient with him, and keep on advising him, that may be the cause of his being guided and coming back to his senses.

If he insists on separating and continuing to do haraam things, then you should not feel bad about it and should not be keen to stay with him. Whatever the case, we ask Allaah to guide us and you and him and give us strength.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

34841: Men and women talking in chat rooms

Question:

I am a sister, who usually logs in to Paltalk and then goes to the Islamic rooms so that I may gain some knowledge related to our religion. Sometimes while I am in one of those Islamic rooms in Paltalk,a muslim brother(looking for a wife) in the room asks me to have a private written chat with him so that we get to know one another. Some of the questions he asks me are: where i live, my age, whether i am married(by the way I am not married), if I am planning to get marry, whether I live with my parents, and so on. My problem is, I don't know whether I am allowed(Islamicly) to give non-muharim brother those kinds of informations which related to me.
Is it really SIN to talk to a brother in writing ??.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men. That is because talking to men may turn into chat which usually leads temptation. Hence it is essential to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and fearing His punishment.

How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.

Sharee'ah blocks all the ways that may lead to fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech and does not allow a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes of fitnah as is well known.

What has happened to you is the best testimonial to the truth of what we are saying, because it is difficult for a man to ask these personal questions of a believing woman, unless he uses these means that are being used in a bad way.

Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men. This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:

It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.

Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love.

From Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96.

Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

26744: Marrying a woman who is not chaste

Question:

I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. However, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her.

My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy"
[al-Room 30:21]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.

According to another hadeeth: "This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife." Narrated by Muslim, 2668.

With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences.

We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.

I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby:

1 _ Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden.

2 _ Keep yourself busy with reading Qur'aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.

3 _ Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams.

4 _ Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters.

5 _ Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina.

6 _ Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo', for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness"

[al-Mu'minoon 23:1]

May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

27304: Ruling on talking to women at work

Question:

Sometimes I have to talk to some of the women [at work] and discuss with them some issues that have to do with work. Is there any sin on me for that? Is it permissible for me to work in this company or should I look for another job?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. There can be no doubt that the fitnah (temptation) of women is great. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "I have not left behind me any fitnah that is more harmful to men than women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 2704. Hence the Muslim has to be cautious of this fitnah and keep away from anything that may cause him to fall prey to it. Some of the greatest causes of this fitnah are looking at women and mixing with them.

Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful"

[al-Noor 24:30-31]

Here Allaah commands His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to tell the believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, then He explains that that is purer for them.

It is known that guarding one's chastity and avoiding immoral actions is achieved only by avoiding the means that lead to such actions. Undoubtedly letting one's gaze wander and mixing of men and women in the workplace and elsewhere are among the greatest means that lead to immorality.

These two things that are required of the believer cannot be fulfilled when he is working with non-mahram women as colleagues or partners at work.

Undoubtedly his working with her or her working with him in the work place is a situation in which it is impossible to lower one's gaze and guard one's chastity and attain purity of soul.

Hence Allaah commanded the believing women to lower their gaze, guard their chastity and not show their adornment except only that which is apparent, and Allaah commanded them to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms), which implies covering the head and face, because the jayb (pl. juyoob) is the site of the head and face.

So how can one lower one's gaze, guard one's chastity and avoid showing one's adornment when women go to men's workplaces and mix with them? Mixing will inevitably lead to falling into these haraam actions.

How can the Muslim woman lower her gaze when she is with a non-mahram man all the time, claiming that he is her work colleague and she is his equal with regard to work. (Khatr Mushaarikat al-Mar'ah li'l-Rajul fi Maydaan `Amalihi).

Conclusion:

If your work involves continually looking at and mixing with women, we advise you to leave this job and look for another, or to move to another department in the same company where there are no women.

If your work does not involve continually looking at and mixing with women, rather it only happens sometimes in an area other than the place where you work, then there is nothing wrong with staying in the job, so long as you lower your gaze and do the parts of your job that involve contact with women in the shortest possible time, and keep away from the causes of fitnah as much as possible.

We ask Allaah to help us to avoid fitnah (temptation, both obvious and hidden.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

26890: Correspondence between the sexes

Question:

I am a girl who believes in Allaah and His Messenger. Is it permissible for me to correspond with a young man through what is known as the "Pen pal corner"?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for you to correspond with a young man who is not a mahram for you through what is known as the "Pen pal corner", because that is something that leads to fitnah (temptation) and to evil and corruption.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/67. (www.islam-qa.com)

27109: He has repented from a relationship with a woman over the internet

Question:

I m so happy. the reason is i met this sister through internet, and well i started liking her.. but before things would go further .. i kinda stopped and i realized i just couldnt like her, for i truly luved Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. so i told her sorry i cant like u anymore i luv Allah. so i was wondering is their any sin which will go in my account in the hereafter since i liked her and told her.. but then realized that its wrong.. so i left and told her i luv Allah more and i cant go against Him. so i was wondering will i get a reward for this good deed? or will i be questioned abt the sin i did before leaving this sister? thank u dear imam.. sorry to ask u such a dumb question.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We are surprised that you describe your question as "dumb", rather it is very good, and is indicative of wisdom and religious commitment. We need people like you who strive to overcome their desires and who put obedience to Allaah and His Messenger above obedience to their own desires, and fear the standing before their Lord.

We give you glad tiding for what you have done by leaving this girl and putting love of Allaah above this sin. There follow some glad tidings:

1 _ The reward of two Gardens.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"But for him who fears the standing before his Lord, there will be two Gardens (i.e. in Paradise)"

[al-Rahmaan 55:46]

Ibn Katheer said:

The correct view is that this verse is general in meaning, as Ibn `Abbaas and others said. Allaah says "But for him who fears the standing before his Lord" i.e., on the Day of Resurrection, and forbids himself from following his whims and desires, and does not obey his desires or prefer the life of this world, and knows that the Hereafter is better and more lasting, and fulfils his duties towards Allaah, and avoids that which He has forbidden _ on the Day of Resurrection he will have two Gardens with his Lord…

Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/277

2 _ Bad deeds will be turned into good deeds.

Allaah says _ after mentioning the punishment for shirk, murder and adultery _ (interpretation of the meaning):

"Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is OftForgiving, Most Merciful"

[al-Furqaan 25:70]

According to the two views on the meaning of this verse, this is one of the glad tidings to those who give up sin. And it was said that their sins will be turned into acts of obedience, and it was said that their bad deeds themselves will be turned into good deeds.

Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di said:

"Except those who repent" from these sins and others, by giving them up immediately, regretting what they have done in the past, and resolving firmly never to go back to them.

"and believe" in Allaah with true faith, which implies giving up sin and doing acts of obedience.

"and do righteous deeds" means those that are enjoined by sharee'ah, if the intention is to seek the pleasure of Allaah.

"for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds" means, he will make their deeds different, so where they used to do bad deeds, they will now do good deeds. So their shirk is changed into faith, their disobedience into obedience. The bad deeds that they used to do, from which they repented, turning to Allaah, and worship, are turned into good deeds, as is the apparent meaning of the verse. This was narrated in the hadeeth of the man some of whose sins were counted by Allaah, then He turned each bad deed into a good deed and he said, "O Lord, I have other bad deeds that I do not see here." And Allaah knows best.

Tafseer al-Sa'di.

3 _ Feeling the sweetness of faith.

It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are three qualities, whoever possesses them will find the sweetness of faith: when Allaah and His Messenger are dearer to him than anyone else; when he loves a man and only loves him for the sake of Allaah; and when he would hate to go back to kufr as he would hate to be thrown into the fire."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 16; Muslim, 43.

4 _ Glad tidings of sincerity

Undoubtedly for those who strive against their whims and desires and ward off haraam love and replace it with love of Allaah, this is a sign of their sincerity (ikhlaas).

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Love of images [i.e. haraam love] is something which is suffered by those hearts that are devoid of love of Allaah. If the heart is filled with love of Allaah and longing to meet Him, that will ward off the sickness of love of images. Hence Allaah said concerning Yoosuf (interpretation of the meaning):

"Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves"

[Yoosuf 12:24]

This indicates that his being chosen was the reason why (haraam) love and its consequences of evil and illegal sexual intercourse were warded off from him. One of the salaf said: "Love is the movement of an empty heart" i.e., a heart that is empty of everything except the object of love.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And the heart of the mother of Moosa (Moses) became empty [from every thought, except the thought of Moosa (Moses)]. She was very near to disclose his (case, i.e. the child is her son)" [al-Qasas 28:10]

i.e., her heart was empty of everything except Moosa, because of her deep love for him and her heart's attachment to him. Love is composed of two things: admiring the object of one's love, and hoping to get what one wants. When one of them ends then the love ends too.

Zaad al-Ma'aad, 4/268.

Strive _ may Allaah bless you _ to strengthen your faith and to persist in obeying and worshipping Allaah, because that is one of the greatest signs of love of Allaah. Try to continue having no contact with that girl, then the Shaytaan will not trick you into going back to her and speaking to her. Then you will be fine, in sha Allah.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

34685 It is not permissible for a seller to touch the hand of a woman who is buying from him

Question:

There is a religiously-committed businessman who has a lot of customers, many of whom are women. When giving and taking his hand sometimes touches theirs, and that happens often. What should he do?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a man to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible for him, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. You have to avoid this and repent to Allaah from that. You can buy and sell with woman by words only. You have to fear Allaah and avoid that which leads to fitnah.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/28.

(www.islam-qa.com)

12710: Woman smiling at a non-mahram man

Question:

What is the ruling on a woman who smiles in front of a non-mahram man, but without showing her teeth or making any sound?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is haraam for a woman to uncover her face or to smile at a non-mahram man, because of the evil to which that may lead.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/25. (www.islam-qa.com)

33702: He fell in love with a girl then he repented. Can he be friends with her?

Question:

A young Muslim man went to study aboard, far from his family. He got to know a Muslim girl and the relationship between them grew until it became love, and they touched one another and kissed, but they did not commit fornication (zina). He feels fear of Allaah and he asked her to change the relationship with him or to give it up because what they did is a sin. She understood that and said, "Let's remain friends and we will never speak of love again, we can just be friends." He feels that he has made a sacrifice for the sake of Allaah, because he loves her very much, but he feels that this is not enough to please Allaah. Is it permissible for him to speak to her as just a friend? How can he explain to her that he does not want to be selfish, because he loves her very much but his love for Allaah is greater?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Following the paths of fitnah is one of the reasons why Muslims fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. The rulings of Islam bar the way to many of these paths and warn against following them. Islam also warns against following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan.

One of these reasons or causes is Muslims travelling to kaafir countries and settling there either alone or with their families; studying in mixed universities and keeping company with immoral people who do not point him in the direction of good or warn him against evil; giving his faculties free rein to commit sin, such as letting his ears listen to singing or his eyes look at haraam things, and so on.

A man cannot protect himself unless he keeps away from these paths that lead to evil, and looks for the ways of peace and guidance with which his Lord is pleased.

Secondly:

We think that our brother is on the right track and is guided in sha Allaah, because he fears his Lord and has given up his relationship with this girl, after committing sin with her because of his following the paths of evil mentioned above.

The attitude of fearing Allaah is very important, and giving up one's desires for the sake of Allaah is something which no one can achieve except those who understand Tawheed truly, in whose hearts faith is alive and manifests itself in their physical actions.

But he has to remain steadfast in his actions, and not let the Shaytaan lead him down another path that will lead to the same result of committing haraam actions. There can be no friendship between him and this girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to him. What this friendship leads to is well known, so he must not respond to her request. He should adhere to his stance and seek the help of Allaah, asking Him to guide him to the straight path and make him steadfast in following true guidance.

Thirdly:

If he really loves her, then the sound way that is prescribed in sharee'ah is for him to marry her; there is no other option. But if he thinks of marriage he should choose one who has a good character and is religiously committed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised. If he does not marry her, then being friends with her will lead to him doing haraam things, as he himself says happened. Indeed, if the heart remains attached in this way, even if no physical immoral actions take place, it will still affect his heart and his relationship with Allaah and his submission to Him, in a way that is worse than committing physical immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:

If it so happens that there is love between a man and a woman, the most effective means of warding off fitnah (temptation) and immorality is for them to get married, because his heart will still remain attached to her if he does not marry her, and that may lead to fitnah.

A man may hear that a woman has a good character, and that she is knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her; or she may hear that this man is of good character, knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she wants to marry him, but the communication between the two is not done in the proper Islamic manner _ this is very serious. In this case it is not permissible for the man to contact the woman or vice versa, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her guardian that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her guardian that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both).

But if the woman gets in touch with the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah.

As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, question no. 868.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

12832: Looking at a young female doctor who is teaching him

Question:

What is the ruling on looking at a young woman who us teaching us in the university, who makes some movements that are inappropriate?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is haraam to look at a non-mahram woman deliberately, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)"

[al-Noor 24:30]

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/19 (www.islam-qa.com)

20784: Dangers of mixing with male cousins and relatives

Question:

A Muslim girl who was born and lived in America, goes back to her homeland once or twice a year with her family. She has a male cousin (son of paternal uncle) in her homeland who, whenever he is alone with her, touches her, kisses her, enters her room and locks the door, etc, but he has not committed zina with her, praise be to Allaah. She does not like what he is doing and she feels upset and regrets what is happening. She wants to know what she should do because she is going to travel there soon.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. Undoubtedly what your cousin is doing to you is clearly haraam and a great evil, because that is only permissible with a wife with whom Allaah has permitted intimacy.

What you must do is to denounce that and refuse, and do not be a partner in the sin. A man usually cannot do that except with the consent of the woman.

You should note that a male cousin is a stranger to you, like any other non-mahram. It is not permissible for him to be alone with you or for you to uncover any part of your body in front of him. He is enjoined to lower his gaze and refrain from looking at you, and you are enjoined to do likewise.

A person who transgresses the sacred limits set by Allaah must be rebuked and spoken to harshly, and you should threaten to tell your family and his.

If he tries to grab hold of you, you must push him back and run away from him.

Beware of taking the matter lightly or being soft in the way in which you deal with him, for the Shaytaan may make this sin attractive to you and you may agree to it, in which case you would become subject to the wrath and punishment of Allaah.

Unfortunately many people are careless about protecting their daughters and sons, and they make it too easy for them to fall into this kind of sin, especially with regard to cousins, because they are ignorant of the obligation to be covered in front of them, or because their faith and protective jealousy is weak. Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.

You have to repent to Allaah from this haraam action; simply regretting it is not enough. Rather you must repent sincerely from committing sin and resolve not to go back to it.

You must also avoid the reasons that may lead you to commit this haraam action, such as being alone with your cousin, shaking hands with him, meeting him and talking to him. You must avoid him completely, so as to ward off evil and prevent immorality, and close the door to fitnah and sin.

Allaah forgives those who repent, give up their sin and turn to Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

20460: Female doctor treating men

Question:

I am a docter living in a western country so my work therefore requires me to see male and female patients. This means that I am often in a room alone with a male patient. Is this wrong islamically? Am I only allowed to treat females and children? I personally dont feel I am doing wrong because all patients regardless of their sex visit a docter to be treated. Your views would be much valued.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

From your question we sense that you are keen to find out the correct shar'i ruling and that you want to learn the teachings of your religion and what has to do with your work. We ask Allaah to help us and you to do that which pleases Allaah and to help us avoid disobeying Him or going against His commands in any of our affairs.

It is known that women are the twin halves of men in society, and that they have a great role to play in raising the next generation and in reviving the ummah. A woman may work outside her house in an appropriate job, without exposing herself to anything that goes against sharee'ah.

With regard to treating male patients, and all that it involves of mixing with them and being alone with them, this is not permissible according to sharee'ah, rather it is a fitnah (source of temptation) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has warned us against. It was reported that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man should alone with a (non-mahram) woman unless her mahram is present." Narrated by Muslim, 3259. And he said: "I am not leaving behind me any temptation more harmful to men than women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 6881.

It is not permissible for a woman to treat a man except in cases of necessity, such as if there is no male doctor available to treat him, or if the matter cannot be delayed as in the case of accidents etc.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"Female doctors must treat only women and male doctors must treat only men, except in cases of extreme necessity, if men are suffering a disease for which there is no male doctor available, in which case it is o.k. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

`He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of necessity' [al-An'aam 6:119]."

Fataawa `Aajilah li Mansoobi'l-Sihhah, p. 29

Hence you should limit your work to treating women and children as you mentioned, and seek reward for this work with Allaah. Whoever gives up a thing for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than that.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

38153: Shaking hands with women in Ramadaan

Question:

What is the ruling on touching women with one's hand only during Ramadaan and the emission of semen as a result?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The ruling on touching non-mahram women is that it is haraam, during Ramadaan and at other times, whether that is touching with the hand only or actions that are more serious than that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him." Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 5045.

See also question no. 2459, 21183

Sins in general _ including touching women _ are more serious in Ramadaan. They detract from the reward of fasting, and may even spoil the fast altogether so that the fasting person gets nothing from his fast except hunger and thirst. Hence the fasting person is told most emphatically to avoid sin.

The believer should make the most of Ramadaan to set himself straight, to repent from sin and to turn to Allaah. The day when he fasts and the day when he does not fast cannot be the same.

Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: When you fast, then let your hearing, sight and tongue fast and abstain from lies and haraam things, and refrain from harming your neighbour. Be tranquil and dignified on the day when you fast, and do not let the day when you fast and the day when you do not fast be the same.

Narrated by Ibn al-Mubaarak in al-Zuhd, 1308.

See also Question no. 37658

If a man shakes hands with a woman during the day in Ramadaan, and he ejaculates, his fast is invalidated, and there is no difference of opinion among the scholars on this point. He has to repent to Allaah from this sin, refrain from eating and drinking for the rest of the day, and make up that day's fast later on.

See al-Mughni by Ibn Qudaamah, 4/361

With regard to emission of semen whilst fasting, if that happens without desire, e.g. because of sickness, then it does not affect the fast.

The Standing Committee was asked:

I suffer from seminal discharge during the days in Ramadaan without any wet dreams or engaging in the "secret habit" (masturbation). Does this have any effect on the fast?

They replied:

If the matter is as described, the emission of semen without any feelings of pleasure during the day in Ramadaan does not affect your fast, and you do not have to make up that day.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 10/278.

But if the emission of semen is accompanied by desire, one of two scenarios applies:

1 _ That happens because the man does something that provokes his desires, such as kissing his wife, shaking hands with a woman with desire, etc. This invalidates the fast and he must make up that day later on.

2 _ The semen is emitted without the man doing anything, such as simply thinking about desire, or because of a wet dream. This does not invalidate the fast and his fast is still valid.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

With regard to the emission of semen as the result of desire, this invalidates the fast whether that happened because of touching or kissing or repeatedly looking, or any other reason that provokes desire, such as masturbation etc. With regard to wet dreams and thinking, these do not invalidate the fast even is semen is emitted as a result. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 2/135 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

8827: A mixed school is haraam according to sharee'ah

Question:

I am a 16 yr old girl.I recently changed my school.
Please could tou tell me how must i conduct myself in school.The girls to boys ratio is grossly unfair in this school.For eg in my chem class there are nearly 15 boys and only 3 girls!so sometimes when i need help with a ques or have an urgent doubt ihave to callup guys(vvvreluctantly).Moreover, since there are so few girls the guys are so frank with us. i spend about7hrs in school and i guess its not possible to not talk to anyone.Please let me know how should i behave in school .is it ok if i talk to guys or is it better that i not try be friendly with them?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Your attending a mixed school is haraam according to sharee'ah, because the mixing that you describe is exposing you to moral corruption and may be a means of causing you to commit sin.

In many ahaadeeth, the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned men against the fitnah (temptation) of women, and he indicated that the matter is so serious that their fitnah is the worst of fitnahs and the most harmful thing.

It was narrated from Usaamah ibn Zayd (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I am not leaving behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim 2740

It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said, "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?' He said, "The in-law is death."

Al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172

Ibn Hajar said, commenting on the first hadeeth:

This hadeeth indicates that the fitnah caused by women is greater than any other fitnah. This is supported by the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; women…"

[Aal `Imraan 3:14]

Allaah described them as being among the things that men covet, and He mentioned them first, before the other things, to indicate that they are the cause of the fitnah. We can see that a man is more inclined to love the children of a woman to whom he is still married than the children of a woman whom he has divorced.

Fath al-Baari, 9/138

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Undoubtedly allowing women to mix freely with men is the basis of all evils. This is one of the greatest causes of punishment coming down upon everyone and of public and private affairs becoming corrupt. Free mixing of men and women is the cause of much immorality and adultery, and it is the cause of general doom and diseases.

One of the greatest causes of general doom is the prevalence of adultery because of allowing women to mix freely with men and to walk amongst them making a wanton display of their beauty. If the powers that be knew how much corruption it causes to worldly interests and to people, they would prevent it most vigorously.

Al-Turuq al-Hakamiyyah, p. 408

In the mixing that you describe, it is not possible to lower one's gaze and it provokes women to desire men and vice versa. This is not permissible; rather this is the thing that leads to corruption. If the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade that for his own cousin (son of his paternal uncle) al-Fadl ibn al-`Abbaas, when he was riding with him on his mount and they were performing one of the dearest acts of worship to Allaah, namely the Hajj, when Al-Fadl was in the company of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and at the time of the Sahaabah who were the most pious of people, then how can we allow the women of our own times, when diseases of the heart are widespread and religious commitment is at such a low level, to sit in the same place as men without a mahram, for so many hours every day?

Fear Allaah, my sister, and do not go to this school, no matter how difficult that may be. We will quote to you the hadeeth of al-Fadl referred to above:

It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Al-Fadl was the riding partner of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). A woman from (the tribe of) Kath'am came, and al-Fadl started looking at her and she started looking at him, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned al-Fadl's face to the other side. She said, "O Messenger of Allaah, the command of Allaah enjoining Hajj upon His slaves has come when my father is an old man and is not steady on his mount; can I do Hajj on his behalf?" He said, "Yes." That was the Farewell pilgrimage.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1442; Muslim, 1334.

Ibn `Abd al-Barr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth:

This hadeeth demonstrates the natural desire for women that is created in human beings, and what may be feared from looking at them. Al-Fadl ibn `Abbaas was one of the young men of Banu Haashim, and he was the most handsome man of his time, according to what they said.

This also indicates that the ruler must prevent men and women from looking at one another. That includes preventing the women for whom there is no guarantee that they will not cause or be subject to temptation from walking in the streets and marketplaces and places where they can look at men. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I am not leaving behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women." And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)…"

[al-Noor 24:31]

This is sufficient for the one who ponders the meanings of the Book of Allaah and is guided to act upon it.

Al-Tamheed, 9/123-124

There is no need for mixing. Studying in this school is not essential; so long as a woman can read and write and knows the teachings of her religion, that is sufficient, because she was created for that, i.e., to worship Allaah. Anything beyond that is not essential.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

14508: Ruling on shaking hands with an old woman

Question:

What is the ruling on shaking hands with a non-mahram woman if she is old? And what is the ruling if she puts a barrier over her hand, such as part of her garment etc?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to shake hands with non-mahram women at all, whether they are young or old, and whether the man who is shaking hands is young or old, because of the danger of fitnah which that poses to both parties. It was narrated in a saheeh hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I do not shake hands with women." And `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "The hand of the Messenger of Allaah never touched the hand of any [non-mahram] woman, and he used to accept their oath of allegiance in words only."

It makes no difference whether shaking hands is done with a barrier in between or no barrier, because of the general meaning of the evidence, and so as to block the means that may lead to fitnah.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah li'l-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 6/280

(www.islam-qa.com)

6398: She wants to marry a person she loves but her family are refusing to let her

Question:

I have been talking to a guy that I have very stong feelings for, and now we are thinking of taking it to another level which is marriage. THe only problem is that my parents dont agree. They feel that he is not worth of me and they feel that he will not treat me right! They have no valid reason other than the fact that alot of times they see us arguing bas it's normal. I really love this guy and I am scared that when he comes and ask's for me my parents wont agree. What is the quaran's ruling on this?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a woman _ whether she is a virgin or previously married _ to get married without the permission of her guardian. This has been explained previously in a number of answers. Please see Question No. 2127.

Secondly:

The family _ customarily and usually _ is able to know what is best for their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because usually girls have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best for them, and they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their hearts rather than by their heads.

Hence a girl should not go against her family's opinion, if they are known for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman's guardians reject husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for choosing a husband are not acceptable by the standards of sharee'ah _ such as if they prefer a rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and of good character _ then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter to the qaadi (sharee'ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is not letting her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is not applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from agreeing to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of their daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the husband.

Thirdly:

The things that lead to love between a young man and a young woman may be things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing, being alone together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is the case then a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and this is not the standard by which the man's love for her should be measured. For usually at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his behaviour look as good as possible, so he can win the girl's heart and get what he wants. If what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim for the wolf and will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after her religion. If what he wants is permissible _ namely marriage _ then he has gone about it in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a shock when she sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This is the fate of many wives.

So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter. They should find out more about the husband, and they should not judge a person on the basis of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What matters is the man's attitude and religious commitment. The family should also remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage." (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624.

The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is in her best interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a husband who will respect her and give her her rights.

We also advise the sister who asked this question to look at the answer to question no. 23420.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

22003: His son got to know a girl through chat rooms, and he wants to marry her

Question:

My adult son who is twenty-one years old got to know a girl in another city through chat rooms. They kept in touch through the chat rooms, then he spoke to her on the phone and he liked her and she liked him. The relationship between them developed over a number of months until they agreed to marry, knowing that _ according to what he tells me _ they have not met. Then he asked me to arrange his marriage to this girl, but at first he did not make it clear to me that he had gotten to know her through chat rooms. At first he went to his paternal aunt who has a job and spoke to her confidentially, and he asked her to say that she knew this girl through one of her female colleagues at school and to get in touch with the girls' mother and tell her that his family was keen to get to know them with a view to arranging a marriage with one of their womenfolk. His aunt indeed did that, but I absolutely refused to agree to his request to marry her for a number of reasons:

1 _ The way in which he got to know this girl was not Islamically acceptable.

2 _ He does not know a lot about how she really is. All that he knows about her is through telephone calls only.

3 _ He lied to me at first, and went to his aunt about a sensitive subject which should have been kept secret even from the closest of people until arrangements were complete, then it could be announced to others.

4 _ We _ praise be to Allaah _ are a conservative family, and this way of getting in touch with a girl is not in accordance with our principles and values, let alone our traditions and customs.

To sum up, I am very confused about this matter, because now it is affecting his university studies and he has become withdrawn.

Please note that he was previously a high-achieving student. Every time we try to tell him to forget about this matter and to focus on his studies, he insists that if we agree to let him marry this girl it will make him happy again, and that we will accept this girl and like her.

What is your opinion on this confusing problem?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

This problem _ and many others _ confirm the truth of what many daa'iyahs and reformers are saying about the necessity of being careful about how our sons and daughters are using the internet, and to beware of entering conversations between men and women in chat rooms, because of the very real fitnah (temptation] to which that may lead, with subsequent contact and meetings.

Undoubtedly your son made a mistake by forming this relationship with a non-mahram woman who is not permissible for him. He made a mistake by lying to you and by discussing this matter with his aunt. But we do not agree with the idea of refusing his marriage to this girl, especially if you think that your son is deeply attached to her. That is for the following reasons:

1 _ Not every girl who acts in this manner can be judged to be deviant, badly brought up or of bad manners and attitude. This may have been a mistake on her part, as in the case of your son.

2 _ What is happening to your son now, with his wanting to be alone and his falling behind in his studies may be because of intense love for this girl on his part. In such cases it may be that the only efficient remedy is for him to marry the one whom he loves. According to a hadeeth narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), "There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage." (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah).

3 _ The fact that your son does not know much about the attitude and character of this girl may be dealt with by asking about her and finding out more about her background.

Hence we think that you should hasten to find out about this girl and her family. If her character is not good, then this will convince your son to stop thinking about her.

But if, after thoroughly investigating the matter, you like what you find out about her and her family, then there is no reason why your son should not marry her, rather this will be the best remedy for him and for her.

This suggestion applies if you feel that he is strongly attached to her and is keen to marry her, as referred to above. But if it is simply the matter of an idea that has occurred to him, and it is not the matter of love or deep attachment, and you hope that he will forget about her, then be firm in your refusal and help him to look for a woman who has good manners and is religiously committed and chaste. There are so many righteous and chaste women who have never had anything to do with men and have never faced temptation.

Turn to Allaah and ask Him to guide you, and seek His help by praying Istikhaarah concerning all the matters in which you want to take a decision.

And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

21934: She likes our website and wants to help her friend to find a job!

Question:

Since a few months I'm a loyal "fan" of your website. Since the internet, a new way of learning about Islam opened my eyes/heart. And I must say that I became a better Muslim since I surf your website and listen/read your lectures/articles etc.... So I would like to congratulate your team for the immense postive influence your site has on people (like me). As I'm extremely positive about the information on your site and the knowledge about Islam you provide, I would like to ask a question which is bothering me/my friend some time: Some time ago Dr Sakhar gave a lecture and talked about finding a job within 3 days if a Muslim knows how to proceed/behave... Unfortunately he did not mention the solutions/the way to handle. Please could you maybe help me how I can help a person finding a job through spiritual aide. If i may give you more background to the situation: Me and my friend know eachother through the net/phone since 1.5 year and we would like to make a life together. The problem is that he's abroad (Kuwait) and needs a workpermit if he wants to setle in my country (Belgium). He would like to come over to Belgium, find a job, settle over here, and if our contacts (but also with our families) are both positive we would like to live together (marriage). So since a few months, me and my friend, are surfing like crazy through the web to find him a job, put cv's online etc.. The difficulty is to find a job and an employer who would accept to make a workpermit for my friend (due to tough immigration law in Europe). We are intensively trying to find a solution since a few months but we still didnt succeed and we are both getting desperate, because we fear that not finding a job would be the answer that our destiny is not together. Please could you help us out how to come to peace with this situation as it is very stressy for both of us. Thank you so much in advance.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

We praise Allaah for blessing you with guidance and righteousness. We ask Allaah to make us and you steadfast in doing and saying that which pleases Him.

The believer turns to Allaah with regard to everything that happens to him, he turns to Him for all his needs. For Allaah is the One Who responds to the one in need when he calls upon Him and relieves his suffering. Allaah has told us that He is near and responds to the prayer of the one who calls upon Him. Du'aa' is like a weapon in the hands of the believer, which he should use properly. So call upon Allaah and be certain that He will respond, and pursue the means of having your du'aa' accepted, and choose the times when du'aa's are answered. You can refer to question no. 5113 to learn more about these means.

I would also like to point out a matter that is of the utmost importance, which is that Muslims, men and women alike, should protect themselves from the things that lead to forming an emotional attachment to someone who is not a spouse. Of course a person may have no control over love, [?] but he or she may do things that lead to an increase in emotional attachment, such as conversations between a man and a woman that lead to stirrings of emotions and desires. This is forbidden as a means of closing the door and so that a person will not form an emotional attachment to a person whom it is difficult to get married to, which will lead to hardship for both parties and will distract the heart from its obligation to love Allaah and obey Him.

Please see Question no. 9465 and 4775.

Hence we advise you to pray a lot of istikhaarah and make du'aa' and turn to Allaah. We ask Allaah to decree good for us and for you in this world and in the Hereafter, and to make this thing easy for you if it is good for you. And may Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

30791: Prohibition on shaking hands with paternal uncle's wife even if she is old

Question:

Is it permissible to shake hands with a paternal uncle's wife if she is old, and if not shaking hands will provoke rancour and resentment, because that is the custom among relatives?.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is haraam for a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman even if she is old. That is because of the general meaning of the evidence which states that it is forbidden.

Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is not permissible to shake hands with non-mahram women at all, whether they are young or old, and whether the man who is shaking hands is a young man or an old man, because of the danger of fitnah (temptation) that it poses to both parties. It was narrated in a saheeh hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I do not shake hands with women." And `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "The hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman, and he used to accept their oath of allegiance by words only."

It makes no difference whether one shakes hands with a barrier in between or with no barrier, because of the general meaning of the evidence, and so as to block the ways that may lead to fitnah. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/76

What some people believe, that the wife of a paternal or maternal uncle is not a stranger (non-mahram) is not correct, and there is no basis for that. Rather the wife of an uncle is a non-mahram. The question of a man shaking hands with a non-mahram woman has already been dealt with on this site; please see question no. 2459 and 21183

With regard to what the questioner says that not shaking hands will cause resentment and that this is customary among them, he should refrain from shaking hands with her, and should explain to her that he is not refraining from shaking hands because he despises her or thinks little of her, but rather because he is obeying Allaah and His Messenger. The Muslim has to obey the command of his Lord, and avoid that which He has forbidden, even if that goes against the people's customs. But he should explain to the people that he is doing that out of obedience to Allaah, and he should be gentle and polite so that he can convince them to follow the sharee'ah and so that they will not think badly of him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

11971: He is in love with a Christian woman at the expense of his wife

Question:

A young man is in love with a Christian woman for whom he cares, but he feels guilty. He wants to leave his first wife (the mother of his children) and call this Christian woman to Islam, then when she becomes Muslim he will marry her.

Leaving his first wife does not mean divorcing her, lest that affect his young children. His first wife is very angry and upset.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The questioner has done very well by seeking to advise his friend in the light of Islamic teachings. This is an example of perfect love and Islamic brotherhood. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Religion is sincerity (or sincere advice)." (Narrated by Imam Muslim). If such good care was widespread among the Muslims their situation would be far better than what we see now, especially in countries where Islam and its followers are strangers. The Muslim is in great need of his Muslim brother to give him advice and to love for his brother what he loves for himself. Perhaps a kind word or sincere advice that a man gives and pays little attention to may earn him the pleasure of Allaah, which will save him from eternal misery and doom.

If your friend really wants to know the truth, he has to be honest with himself and free himself from whims and desires, especially in such situations.

In the question itself there is the admission that his love for that Christian girl is a sin. How can it be acceptable for a Muslim man to love a woman in this way, when she is not his mahram and not his wife, and it may be said to him, this woman represents the honour of another man. Just as you would not accept for a non-mahram man to love your daughter or your sister when he is not her husband, then others would not accept this from you.

In such cases of love, the only thing that is permissible is marriage based on the sound principles of sharee'ah, not just love which the questioner himself accepts is a sin. When our pure monotheistic religion set out regulations governing the relationships between men and women, it set out a proper way for these relationships to be conducted. So marriage is the beginning of these relationships not the result thereof. Marriage is not the result of love which is a sin. Moreover, this system of relationships is in the interests of the Muslim society, and its stability and soundness, because going against the teachings of Islam leads to a great deal of corruption and mischief, such as that mentioned in the question which causes grief to the first wife.

One mistake leads to another, and another, and so on. This young man _ may Allaah bless him in this world and in the Hereafter _ wants to correct this sin by forsaking his first wife, but this is another sin which is no less serious than the first one; a sin cannot be corrected by means of another sin.

When Islam permits plural marriage, it stipulates the condition of fair and just treatment for all the wives, so it obliges the husband to treat all his wives fairly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess"

[al-Nisa' 4:3]

Undoubtedly it is not just or fair to forsake the first wife in order to marry the second, even if we assume that the intention in this case is good, which is to make the Christian woman embrace Islam, for the Islam of the second wife does not require that the first wife be mistreated. The end does not justify the means. Moreover, there are many ways and means of calling the Christian woman to Islam, all of which may be used.

How many people have been called to Islam without that involving wrongdoing or committing of sin.

Based on the above, there can be no doubt that his first wife will get angry; if he were in the same position he would get very angry too.

Read with me the following hadeeth: "Whoever has two wives and is more inclined towards one of them will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1141; al-Nasaa'i, 3942; Abu Dawood, 2133; it is saheeh according to Irwa' al-Ghaleel, 7/80, no. 2017)

Would you like to come on the Day of Resurrection with half of your body leaning? Undoubtedly you would not like that.

All of the above applies if he wants to forsake his first wife for a limited period of time. However, if he wants to forsake her permanently, then it is even worse. I do not know which is meant in the question.

Let us assume that you marry this woman after she becomes Muslim, then you come to know of another woman who, if you marry her as a third wife, that may be the reason for her becoming Muslim, but you do not know her or love her. Will you forsake the second wife so that this one will embrace Islam even though you do not love her? Answer yourself honestly.

Finally, I do not advise you to marry this Christian woman in such circumstances where the matter is based on a previous sin, which is loving her unlawfully. Yes, you are to be commended for your eagerness to guide someone else to Islam. You could give her some Islamic books, publications and tapes, and tell her about Islamic centers and female Muslim daa'iyahs, or try to get her married to someone who is committed to Islam and who could help her to remain steadfast, but without wronging a previous wife, etc.

Secondly, it is obligatory to treat wives fairly with regard to spending nights with them and spending on them. It is not permissible to forsake the first wife unlawfully, even if that is with a noble intention.

Thirdly: The Muslim who is keen to keep his religious commitment sound will keep away from love that is not based on a sound foundation, even if that has a strong effect on the heart at first. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah's religion — Islamic Monotheism)."

[al-`Ankaboot 29:69]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is nothing that you give up for the sake of Allaah, but Allaah will compensate you with something that is better for you than it." (Narrated by Imam Ahmad, 20222; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, al-Silsilat al-Da'eefah, 5)

You should strive to attain the mercy of Allaah and Paradise by being kind towards the mother of your children and pleasing her as you have angered her, and trying to make her happy after you have made her sad, after she has lived with you for more than seven years.

May Allaah help you to do all that is good. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

1105: Does Islam regard men and women as equal?

Question:

Is there a mention of the equality of women in the qur'an?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

This word _ equality _ which many thinkers in both the east and the west advocate in various fields of life is a word which is based on deviation and a lack of understanding, especially when the speaker attributes this idea of equality to the Qur'aan and to Islam.

One of the things that people misunderstand is when they say that "Islam is the religion of equality". What they should say is that Islam is the religion of justice.

Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"Here we should note that there are some people who speak of equality instead of justice, and this is a mistake. We should not say equality, because equality implies no differentiation between the two. Because of this unjust call for equality, they started to ask, what is the difference between male and female?' So they made males and females the same, and then the communists said, `What difference is there between ruler and subject? No one has any authority over anyone else, not even fathers and sons; the father has no authority over his son,' and so on.

But if we say justice, which means giving each one that to which he or she is entitled, this misunderstanding no longer applies, and the word used is correct. Hence it does not say in the Qur'aan that Allaah enjoins equality, rather it says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Verily, Allaah enjoins Al`Adl (i.e. justice)"

[al-Nahl 16:90]

"and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice"

[al-Nisa' 4:58]

Those who say that Islam is the religion of equality are lying against Islam. Rather Islam is the religion of justice which means treating equally those who are equal and differentiating between those who are different.

No one who knows the religion of Islam would say that it is the religion of equality. Rather what shows you that this principle is false is the fact that most of what is mentioned in the Qur'aan denies equality, as in the following verses:

`Say: Are those who know equal to those who know not?"

[al-Zumar 39:9]

`Say: Is the blind equal to the one who sees? Or darkness equal to light?'

[al-Ra'd 13:16]

`Not equal among you are those who spent and fought before the conquering (of Makkah, with those among you who did so later'

[al-Hadeed 57:10]

`Not equal are those of the believers who sit (at home), except those who are disabled (by injury or are blind or lame), and those who strive hard and fight in the Cause of Allaah with their wealth and their live'

[al-Nisa' 4:95]

Not one single letter in the Qur'aan enjoins equality, rather it enjoins justice. You will also find that the word justice is acceptable to people, for I feel that if I am better than this man in terms of knowledge, or wealth, or piety, or in doing good, I would not like for him to be equal to me.

Every man knows that he find it unacceptable if we say that the male is equal to the female." Sharh al-`Aqeedah al-Waasitah, 1/180-181

Based on this, Islam does not regard men and women as equal in matters where regarding them as equal would result in injustice to one of them, because equality that is inappropriate is a severe form of injustice.

The Qur'aan commands women to wear clothes that are different from those worn by men, because of the differences in the ways each sex is tempted by the other. The temptation posed by men is less than the temptation posed by women, so the clothes that women should wear are different than the clothes that men wear. It makes no sense to tell women to expose the parts of the body that men are allowed to expose, because of the differences in the temptation posed by a woman's body and a man's body _ as we shall explain.

Secondly:

There are matters in which men and women are treated differently in Islamic sharee'ah, such as:

1 _ Qiwaamah (being in charge of the household)

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means"

[al-Nisa' 4:34]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"Allaah says `Men are the protectors and maintainers of women' meaning that the man is in charge of the woman, i.e., he is the leader and head of the household, the one who disciplines her if she goes astray.

`because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other' i.e., because men are superior to women and are better than women. Hence Prophethood was given only to men, as was the position of khaleefah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, `No people shall ever prosper who appoint a woman as their ruler.' This was narrated by al-Bukhaari from the hadeeth of `Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Abi Bakrah from his father. The same applies to the position of qaadi (judge), etc.

`and because they spend (to support them) from their means' refers to the mahr and the spending on women's maintenance that Allaah has enjoined upon men in His Book and in the Sunnah of His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). So a man is inherently better than a woman, and he is superior to her because he spends on her. So it is appropriate that he should be in charge of her, as Allaah says, `but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them' [al-Baqarah 2:228].

`Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn `Abbaas: `Men are the protectors and maintainers of women' means that men are the leaders of women and they should obey them in areas where Allaah has enjoined obedience. Obedience may mean treating his family kindly and protecting his wealth."

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/490)

2 _ Testimony or bearing witness. The Qur'aan states that the testimony of one man is equivalent to the testimony of two women.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her"

[al-Baqarah 2:282]

Ibn Katheer said:

Two women are to take the place of one man because women are lacking in reason, as Muslim narrated in his Saheeh… from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "O women, give in charity and seek forgiveness a great deal, for I have seen that you form the majority of the people of Hell." A wise woman among them said, "Why is it, O Messenger of Allaah, that we are the majority of the people of Hell?" He said, "Because you curse too much, and you are ungrateful to your spouses. I have seen none lacking in common sense and failing in religion but (at the same time) robbing the wisdom of the wise, besides you." The woman asked: "O Messenger of Allaah, what is wrong with our common sense and our religion?" He said: "Your lack of common sense (can be well judged from the fact) that the evidence of two women is equal to that of one man, that is a proof of the lack of common sense, and you spend some nights (and days) in which you do not offer prayer and in the month of Ramadan (during the days) you do not observe fast, that is a failing in religion."

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/336)

There may be some women who are wiser than some men, but this is not the usual rule and such women are not in the majority. Sharee'ah is based on what is general and most common.

The fact that women are lacking in reason does not mean that they are crazy, rather their reason is often overtaken by their emotions, and this happens to women more often than it happens to men. No one would deny this except one who is arrogant.

3 _ A woman inherits half of what a man inherits.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Allaah commands you as regards your children's (inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two females"

[al-Nisa' 4:11]

Al-Qurtubi said:

Because Allaah knows better than they do what is in their best interests, He made the division of inheritance based on differentiation, because He knows what is in their best interests.

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 5/164

For example, a man is obliged to spend more than a woman, so it is appropriate that he should have a larger share of inheritance than a woman.

4 _ Clothing:

A woman's `awrah includes her entire body. The least that can be said is that she should not uncover anything except her face and hands, and it was said that she should not even uncover that.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever OftForgiving, Most Merciful"

[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

The `awrah of a man is the area from the navel to the knees.

It was said to `Abd-Allaah ibn Ja'far ibn Abi Taalib, "Tell us what you heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and what you saw of him, and do not tell us about anyone else, even if he was trustworthy." He said, "I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, `The area between the navel and the knee is `awrah.'"

Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (6418); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 5583.

Other examples include the following, which is not a comprehensive list.

There are other differences between the sexes, including the following:

· A man can marry four women, but a woman can only have one husband.

· A man has the right to issue a divorce and it is valid if he does so, but a woman does not have the right to issue a divorce.

· A man may marry a woman from among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), but a Muslim woman may not marry anyone but a Muslim.

· A man may travel without his wife or any of his mahrams, but a woman may not travel unless she is accompanied by a mahram.

· Prayer in the mosque is obligatory for men, but not for women; a woman's prayer in her house is more beloved to Allaah.

· A woman may wear silk and gold, but a man must not wear them.

Everything that we have mentioned is based on the difference between men and women, because the male is not like the female. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And the male is not like the female" [Aal `Imraan 3:36]

The male is different from the female in many ways, in his strength, in his body, in his toughness and roughness, whereas women are soft and gentle.

And men are different in intellectual terms, for men are known for their strength of understanding and their memory as compared to women. Women are weaker than men in memory and forget more than men do. This is well known, for most of the reputable scholars in the world are men. There are some women who are more intelligent and have better memories than some men, but this does not cancel out the general rule. Most cases are as we have described above.

With regard to emotions, men speak of them when they get angry or when they are happy, but women are affected by the slightest emotional effects, so their tears flow at the slightest emotional provocation.

Jihad is obligatory for men, but jihad in the sense of fighting is not obligatory for women. This is the mercy of Allaah towards them, and consideration for their nature.

In conclusion we may say that the rulings for men are not like the rulings for women.

Thirdly:

Islam regards men and women as equally obliged with regard to many acts of worship and interactions with others. For example, women do wudoo' just as men do, they do ghusl as men do, they pray as men do, and they fast as men do, except when they are menstruating or bleeding following childbirth. Women pay zakaah as men pay zakaah, and they do Hajj as men do, except for a few differences in the rulings. It is permissible and acceptable to buy from a woman, and if a woman gives charity, that is permissible. It is permissible for a woman to set free the slaves that she owns, and there are many other similar cases because women are the twin halves of men, as it says in the hadeeth:

It was narrated that `Aa'ishah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked about a man who finds some wetness (on his clothes) but did not have an erotic dream, and he said, "He should do ghusl." He was asked about a man who had an erotic dream but did not find any wetness, and he said, "He does not have to do ghusl." Umm Salamah said, "O Messenger of Allaah, if a woman sees that, does she have to do ghusl?" He said, "Yes, for women are the twin halves of men."

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 113; Ahmad, 25663. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 98)

Conclusion:

Women are like men in some aspects and they differ from them in others. Most of the rulings of Islam apply to men and women equally. In cases where a distinction is made between the sexes, the Muslim regards that as a mercy from Allaah and a sign of His knowledge of His creation, but the arrogant kaafir sees it as oppression and injustice, so he stubbornly insists on claiming that men and women are the same. So let him tell us how a man can carry a foetus and breastfeed it? He stubbornly ignores the weakness of women and how they bleed during their monthly period, and he stubbornly beat his head against the rock of reality. But the Muslim is still at peace with his faith, surrendering to the command of Allaah.

"Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves), AllAware (of everything)"

[al-Mulk 67:14 _ interpretation of the meaning]

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

2459: Ruling on shaking hands with the opposite sex

Question:

Is it allowable for a muslim woman to greet a muslim man by shaking hands?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

For a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman (one to whom he is not related) is haraam and is not permitted at all. Among the evidence for this is the hadeeth of Ma'qal ibn Yassaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to." (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 5045).

There is no doubt that for a man to touch a non-mahram woman is one of the causes of fitnah (turmoil, temptation), provocation of desire and committing haraam deeds. No one should say that their intention is sound or their heart is clean, because the one who was the purest of heart and the most chaste of all, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched a non-mahram woman, even when accepting bay'ah (oath of allegiance) from women. He did not hold their hands when accepting their bay'ah, as he did with men; their bay'ah was by words only, as was reported by his wife `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would test the believing women who emigrated to him with the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): "O Prophet! When believeing women come to you to give you the bay'ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood (i.e., by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that thye will not disobey you in any ma'ruf (Islamic monotheism and all that which Islam ordains), then accept their bay'ah and ask Allaah to forgive them. Verily Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." [al-Mumtahinah 60:12] `Aa'ishah said: "So whoever of the believing women agreed to these conditions, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say to her: `I have accepted your bay'ah by words.' By Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any woman when accepting their bay'ah; he accepted their bay'ah by saying `I have accepted your bay'ah on this basis.'"

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4512; according to another report: he accepted their bay'ah by words… the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman except a woman he owned . Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6674).

Some Muslims feel too embarrassed to refuse when a woman offers her hand to them. In addition to mixing with women, some of them claim that they are forced to shake hands with fellow-students and teachers in schools and universities, or with colleagues in the workplace, or in business meetings and so on, but this is not an acceptable excuse. The Muslim should overcome his own feelings and the promptings of the Shaytaan, and be strong in his faith, because Allaah is not ashamed of the truth. The Muslim could apologize politely and explain that the reason he does not want to shake hands is not to offend or hurt anybody's feelings, but it is because he is following the teachings of his religion. In most cases this will earn him respect from others. There is no harm done if they find it strange at first, and it may even be a practical opportunity for da'wah. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

12663: Ruling on a man kissing or hugging a woman on the grounds of friendship

Question:

Is it allowed for a muslim kiss (friendly) a non-mahrum muslim of the opposite sex on the cheek? How about friendly hugging?

Is the sin of the same magnitude if done when in need of friendly company which only the other person can provide?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is haraam for a man to take women as friends. See question no. 1114.

A person should be wise, because whoever says that a man may kiss his female friend on the face in a friendly manner and hug her in a friendly manner is saying something that is regarded as foolish and stupid. It is obvious to any wise person than this kind of behaviour provokes desire, and this is the path that leads to zina (fornication, adultery). It cannot be said that his intention is pure, because Allaah has created men with an inclination to be attracted towards women. Hence Allaah has forbidden men to look at women and has commanded them to lower their gaze. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)"

[al-Noor 24:30]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The eye may commit zina, and its zina is looking." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Nikaah, 1840; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, no. 1884).

Hence it is haraam to mix with women or to be alone with a woman, even if she is wearing hijaab, so how about if the woman is making a wanton display of herself? There are very many aayahs and ahaadeeth which forbid that. It is also forbidden to shake hands with women; see question no. 2459. A person who allows himself to do these things may start to commit zina zina with her on the grounds of friendship. It cannot be said that this is because of difficult circumstances where he needs a person to stand by him and be his friend. All of that is haraam and is not allowed. Whoever falls into such things must hasten to repent sincerely from this sin, and turn back to Allaah and regret what he has done. The Muslim must realize that if he turns to Allaah for help with the calamities and problems that befall him in this world, Allaah will relieve him of his trouble and grant him relief and a way out, so he should fear Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty)" [al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

"and whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him" [al-Talaaq 65:4]

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

21608: Ruling on male student shaking hands with a female classmate

Question:

What is the ruling on a male student shaking hands with a female classmate? What should he do if she holds out her hand to greet him?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permitted to study in a mixed setting with female students in one place or in one school or on one bench. This is one of the greatest causes of fitnah (temptation) and it is not permissible for a male or female student to take part in this, because of the fitnah involved. The Muslim should not shake hands with a non-mahram female, even if she holds out her hand for him to shake, and he should tell her that shaking hands with a non-mahram man is not permitted, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when accepting the allegiance (bay'ah) of women: "I do not shake hands with women." And it was narrated that `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "By Allaah, the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any (non-mahram) woman; he used to accept their allegiance in words only." And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the Meeting with) Allaah and the Last Day, and remembers Allaah much"

[al-Ahzaab 33:21]

For a woman to shake hands with someone who is not her mahram is something that may lead to temptation for both parties, so it must be avoided.

There is nothing wrong with the shar'i greeting of salaam in which there is no fitnah and no shaking hands, and which does not give rise to doubts and does not involve any softness in speech, and in which hijaab is observed and there is no being alone with a member of the opposite sex, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner"

[al-Ahzaab 33:32]

At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the women used to greet him and ask him questions concerning things they did not understand, and the women also used to ask the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning things they did not understand.

With regard to a woman shaking hands with other women, or shaking hands with men who are her mahrams, such as her brothers, uncles, etc., there is nothing wrong with that.

Al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah in al-Fataawa al-Jaami'ah li'l-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, part 3, p. 988 (www.islam-qa.com)

14044: Is a woman sinning if she shakes hands with a man?

Question:

Is a woman sinning if she shakes hands with a man when she is wearing gloves?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible for a woman to shake hands with a non-mahram man even if she is wearing gloves or she shakes hands from under a cloth or abayah. All of that counts as shaking hands even if there is some kind of barrier.

Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen in al-Fataawa al-Jaami'ah li'l-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, part 3, p. 992

(www.islam-qa.com)

26304: Is a woman's voice `awrah?

Question:

Is what is said about a woman's voice being `awrah correct?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The woman's voice is not `awrah in principle, for women used to complain to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and ask him about Islamic matters. They also did that with the Rightly-Guided Khaleefahs (may Allaah be pleased with them) and the rulers after them. And they would greet non-mahram men with salaams and return greetings, and none of the imams of Islam denounced them for that. But it is not permissible for a woman to speak in a soft or alluring voice, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner"

[al-Ahzaab 33:32]

because men may be tempted by that, as is indicated by this aayah. And Allaah is the source of strength.

From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Iftaa, 6/83.

Please also refer to Question no. 1121, where you will find limits and guidelines on speaking to non-mahram women. This is an important topic.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

10156: He feels that something is discharged when he talks to women

Question:

Right i have this embarrassing problem that, i try to read namaz by i cannot because i have some kind of discharge from the private part. I do talk to girls but i do not get an errection or anything and this liquid comes out, maybe it is because of girls but u cannot help that in this society, i am not talking in the wrong way and stuff. I do not know why this is happening? I want to know it is not sperm. So does my wudu break and what do i do to get rid of this discharge of this fluid. I am really stuck. Pls e-mail urgently?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is haraam for you to look at women in the first place, let alone talk to them, even if it is as you say, that you do not talk to them in a bad way, because this is something that may lead you to haraam actions. See Question # 1200, 1121. With regard to this liquid, it is not maniy (sperm). See Question # 2458 for the difference between maniy (sperm) and madhiy (prostatic fluid) and the rulings concerning them. You have to keep away from such things, especially since, as you say, you are praying and reciting dhikr. Do not use the society in which you live as an excuse, because this is one of the tricks and traps of the Shaytaan; undoubtedly there are men with whom you may speak in a manner that is pleasing to Allaah. Remember the hadeeth of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or else keep silent."

We ask Allaah to guide us and you.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

13804: A reply to a Christian who denies that the Quran was revealed from Allah

Question:

My peace and blessing of Allah be upon you I am writting in hope that you will be able to help me dissolve my dilema. I am a practicing muslim woman ( 20 years old). I `v moved to XXX 5 years ago. My parents were never praticing muslims, but i've been thought about Islam from my grandmother.

I've always been a believer in Allah . Until recently I did not know how to perform prayers, however I decided that there is nobody here to teach me so I had to do it myself.
With the help of Allah I learned how to perform them, also I started wearing hijab. The problem I am writing with is that I've been seeing this guy with whom I feel in love with. Unfortunately he is not a muslim, but also he does not belong in any faith. He does believe in God I've been trying to convince him to join Islam and become part of the only true religion, otherwise I cannot marry him. ( we've been together for 3 years). What I cannot convince him is that Muhammad ( pbuh) is the messenger of Allah. He keeps asking me questions like " How do you know that this is a word of God?, What if Muhammad just made it up as if it is a word from God.Please tell me how to convince him that Qur'an is a true word from none other but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger. Please help He keeps saying that if we were to get married he would not have a problem with me continuing to practice my religion. He is quite proud of me for starting to wear hijab in society where it is not common.( I might be one of the only people waaring hijab in this town, the beliefe in Allah gave me the strenght to do it)I know that he would not have a problem with me practicing my faith, but I would still like him to be a muslim. Even though he is a great person and does not do anything bad. It really hurts when I think that we cannot be together. Is it a major sin for me to get married to him? There is a lot of people who do it. Especially when there is no muslims around where I alive at all. There is a lot of muslim women that do it. Would I be terribly punished if I were to do marry him?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Praise be to Allaah Who has made good dear to you; we ask Him to increase you in guidance and faith, and to guide your parents to practise Islam and adhere to its rulings.

With regard to the Quraan and the proof that it is the word of Allaah, these are specious arguments which were put forward out of stubbornness and arrogance by the first kaafirs to whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was sent. Allaah refuted what they said in many ways, proving their words to be false and pointing out what was wrong with it. For example:

1- This Quraan is challenge from Allaah to mankind and the jinn to produce anything like it, but they were unable to. Then He challenged them to produce only ten soorahs like it, and they were unable to. Then He challenged them to produce something like the shortest soorah in the Quraan, and they could not do it, even though those who were being challenged were the most eloquent and well-spoken of mankind, and the Quraan was revealed in their language. Yet despite that they stated that they were completely incapable of doing that. This challenge has remained down throughout history, but not one person has been able to produce anything like it. If this were the word of a human being, some people would have been able to produce something like it or close to it. There is a great deal of evidence for this challenge in the Quraan, for example, the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

Say: If the mankind and the jinn were together to produce the like of this Quraan, they could not produce the like thereof, even if they helped one another ;

[al-Israa 17:88]

Allaah says, challenging them to produce just ten soorahs:

Or they say, He (Prophet Muhammad) forged it (the Quraan). Say: Bring you then ten forged Soorah (chapters) like unto it, and call whomsoever you can, other than Allaah (to your help), if you speak the truth!

[Hood 11:13 interpretation of the meaning]

Allaah says, challenging them to produce just one soorah:

And if you (Arab pagans, Jews, and Christians) are in doubt concerning that which We have sent down (i.e. the Quraan) to Our slave (Muhammad), then produce a Soorah (chapter) of the like thereof and call your witnesses (supporters and helpers) besides Allaah, if you are truthful

[al-Baqarah 2:23 interpretation of the meaning]

2- No matter how much knowledge and understanding mankind attains, they will still inevitably make mistakes, forget things or fall short. If the Quraan were not the word of Allaah, there would be some contradictions and shortcomings in it, as Allaah says:

Had it been from other than Allaah, they would surely, have found therein many a contradiction

[al-Nisa 4:82 interpretation of the meaning]

But it is free from any shortcoming, error or contradiction; indeed, all of it is wisdom, mercy and justice. Whoever thinks that there is any contradiction in it, that is because of his diseased thinking and mistaken understanding; if he refers to the scholars they will explain to him what is correct and clear up the confusion for him, as Allaah says:

Verily, those who disbelieved in the Reminder (i.e. the Quraan) when it came to them (shall receive the punishment). And verily, it is an honourable well fortified respected Book (because it is Allaahs Speech, and He has protected it from corruption).

Falsehood cannot come to it from before it or behind it, (it is) sent down by the All Wise, Worthy of all praise (Allaah)"

[Fussilat 41:41-42 interpretation of the meaning]

3- Allaah has guaranteed to preserve this Quraan, and He says:

Verily, We, it is We Who have sent down the Dhikr (i.e. the Quraan) and surely, We will guard it (from corruption)" [al-Hijr 15:9 interpretation of the meaning]

Every letter of it was transmitted by thousands from thousands down throughout history, and not one letter of it was altered. If any person tried to alter anything in it, or add something or take something away, then he would be exposed straight away, because Allaah is the One Who has guaranteed to preserve the Quraan, unlike the case with other divinely-revealed Books which Allaah revealed to the people of a particular Prophet only, and not to all of mankind, so He did not guarantee to preserve them, rather He delegated their preservation to the followers of the Prophets. But they did not preserve them, rather they introduced alterations and changes which distorted most of the meanings. The Quraan, on the other hand, was revealed by Allaah to all of mankind until the end of time, because the Message of Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is the final message, so the Quraan is preserved in mens hearts and in written form, as is proven by the events of history. How many people have tried to change the aayahs of the Quraan and deceive the Muslims, but they were quickly exposed and their falsehood was discovered, even by Muslim children.

Another of the definitive signs that this Quraan was not produced by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) but that it came revealed by Allaah to him is the following:

4- The great miracles which the Quraan contains of legislation, rulings, stories and beliefs, which could not be produced by any created being no matter how great his intelligence and level of understanding. No matter how hard people try to promulgate laws to regulate their lives, they can never succeed so long as they are far away from the teachings of the Quraan; the further away they are, the greater their rate of failure. This is something that has been proven by the kuffaar themselves.

5- Reports of matters of the unseen, both past and future, which no human being could speak of independently, no matter how great his knowledge, especially at that time which is regarded as primitive in terms of technology and modern tools. There are many things which had not been discovered yet, and which have only been discovered after lengthy and difficult exploration with the most modern equipment, but Allaah told us about them in the Quraan, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) mentioned them, fifteen centuries ago, such as the stages of embryonic development, the nature of the oceans, etc. These things have made some kaafirs state that this could only have come from God, as in the case of the development of the embryo:

Only 60 years ago, researchers confirmed that man does not come into existence all at once, but rather he passes through stages of development one after another. Only 60 years ago, science discovered this one Quraanic fact.

Shaykh al-Zandaani said, we met an American professor, one of the greatest American scientists, whose name was Professor Marshall Johnson, and we told him that it says in the Qur'aan that man is created in stages. When he heard this, he was sitting down, but he stood up and said, Stages? We said, That was in the seventh century CE! This Book came and said, man was created in stages. He said, That is impossible, impossible We told him, Why do you say that? This Book says (interpretation of the meaning):

He creates you in the wombs of your mothers, creation after creation in three veils of darkness

[al-Zumar 39:6]

What is the matter with you, that [you fear not Allaah (His punishment), and] you hope not for reward (from Allaah or you believe not in His Oneness).

While He has created you in (different) stages

[Nooh 71:14]

Then he sat back down on his chair and after a few moments he said, There are only three possibilities. The first is that Muhammad had a huge microscope through which he managed to study these things and he knew things that the people did not know, and he said these things. The second is that this happened by accident, it was a coincidence. The third is that he was a Messenger from God. We said, With regard to the first idea, that he had a microscope and other equipment, you know that a microscope needs lenses, and lenses need glass and technical expertise and other equipment. Some of this information can only be discovered with an electron microscope which needs electricity, and electricity needs knowledge which should have been acquired by an earlier generation. It is not possible for this knowledge to have been acquired all at once in a single generation; the previous generation would have had to strive hard in developing science and transmitting it to the next generation, and so on. But for this to be the work of one man, with no one coming before him or after him, either in his own land or the neighbouring lands for the Romans, Persians and Arabs were ignorant and had no such equipment for one man to have all these instruments and tools which he did not pass on to anyone else this is not possible. He said, Thats right, it would be very difficult. We said, And for it to have been an accident or coincidence, what would you think if we said that the Quraan did not mention this fact only in one verse but in several verses, and that it did not refer to it in general terms but that it gave details of every stage, saying that in the first stage such and such happens, in the second stage such and such happens, in the third stage and so on. Could that be a coincidence? When we explained to him all the details of those stages, he said, It is wrong to say that this is an accident! This is well-founded knowledge. We said, Then how do you explain it? He said, There is no explanation except that this is revelation from above! nbsp;

With regard to the many statements in the Quraan concerning the sea, some of these facts were not discovered until very recently, and many of them are still unknown. For example, these facts were discovered after hundreds of marine stations had been set up, and after images had been taken by satellites. The one who said this was Professor Schroeder, one of the greatest oceanographers in West Germany. He used to say that if science advanced, religion would have to retreat. But when he heard the translation of the verses of the Quraan, he was stunned and said, These could not be the words of a human being. And Professor Dorjaro, a professor of oceanography, told us of the latest developments on science, when he heard the aayah:

Or (the state of a disbeliever) is like the darkness in a vast deep sea, overwhelmed with waves topped by waves, topped by dark clouds, (layers of) darkness upon darkness: if a man stretches out his hand, he can hardly see it! And he for whom Allaah has not appointed light, for him there is no light [al-Noor 24:40 interpretation of the meaning]

He said, In the past, man could not dive to a depth of more than twenty meters because he had no special equipment. But now we can dive to the bottom of the ocean, using modern equipment, and we find intense darkness at a depth of two hundred meters. The aayah says a vast deep sea . The discoveries in the depths of the sea give us an understanding of the aayah, (layers of) darkness upon darkness. It is known that there are seven colours in the spectrum, including red, yellow, blue, green, orange, etc. When we dive down into the depths of the ocean, these colours disappear one after another, and the disappearance of each colour results in more darkness. Red disappears first, then orange, then yellow the last colour to disappear is blue, at a depth of two hundred meters. Each colour that disappears adds to the darkness until it reaches total darkness. With regard to the phrase waves topped by waves, it has been proven scientifically that there is a separation between the upper and lower parts of the ocean, and that this separation is filled with waves, as if there are waves on the edge of the dark, lower portion of the sea, which we do not see, and there are waves on the shores of the sea, which we do see. So it is as if there are waves above waves. This is a confirmed scientific fact, hence Professor Dorjaro said concerning these Quraanic verses, that this cannot be human knowledge.

(See al-Adillah al-Maadiyyah ala Wujood-Allaah by Muhammad Mitwalli al-Sharaawi)

And there are very many such examples

6- In the Quraan there are some aayahs which rebuke the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and mention some things to which Allaah drew his attention. Some of them may have been embarrassing for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). But if this Quraan had come from the Messenger of Allaah, there would have been no need for this; if he were to conceal any part of the Quraan, he would have concealed some of these verses which contained rebukes or drew his attention to certain matters which he should not have done, such as the verse in which Allaah says to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

But you did hide in yourself (i.e. what Allaah has already made known to you that He will give her to you in marriage) that which Allaah will make manifest, you did fear the people (i.e., their saying that Muhammad married the divorced wife of his manumitted slave) whereas Allaah had a better right that you should fear Him

[al-Ahzaab 33:37 interpretation of the meaning]

After this, can there be any doubt left in the mind of any intelligent person that this Quraan is the word of Allaah, and that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) conveyed that which was revealed to him in full?

Moreover, we tell this person, try it for yourself, read a sound translation of the Quraan and use your mind to ponder these rules and regulations. There is no doubt that any intelligent person who has the power of discernment will see a great difference between these words (of Allaah) and the words of any person on the face of the earth.

With regard to your relationship with this young man, this noble religion forbids women to mix with men for a great and wise reason. So you have to stop meeting him and break off your relationship with him until he becomes Muslim, in which case you can marry him in a proper Islamic marriage. In the answer to Question no. 1200 you will find an explanation of the rulings on a Muslim woman mixing with non-mahram men.

With regard to your love for him, this is a test from Allaah will you put your love of Allaah before your love for one of His creation, or will you put your love for this person before the love of your almighty Lord Who has forbidden such things. Note that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than that, the first of which is that you will find, in sha Allah, that Allaah will compensate you with comfort and tranquility in loving Him and striving to draw closer to Allaah by means of that which He loves; so your love for your Lord and your attachment to Him will increase, and your attachment to all of His creation will become weaker. In the answer to Question no. 10254 you will find some solutions to this problem.

With regard to the ruling on a Muslim woman marrying a kaafir man, this is haraam according to scholarly consensus, indeed it is one of the major immoral actions which Allaah has forbidden in the Quraan. In the answer to Question no. 8396 and 1825 you will find a detailed response to this question.

We advise you to be patient and to put up with difficulties, and to keep far away from everything that may cause you to do things that would anger your Lord. Note that Allaah has made this world a place of trial and testing for His believing slaves; whoever is patient and refrains from following his desries, seeking the pleasure of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with Paradise where He will bestow upon him all kinds of delight which cannot be compared with the fleeting worldly pleasures that he sacrificed. This is in addition to the happiness and tranquility that he will find in his heart when he obeys his Lord.

Perhaps if he sees how you adhere to your religion and avoid meeting him and sitting with him despite your love for him, he will come to realize the greatness of this religion which makes its followers prepared to sacrifice all that they love in order to please their Lord, and that they hope for a great reward from their Lord for their patience in obeying Him and keeping away from that which He has forbidden and perhaps that will be the cause of his becoming Muslim.

We ask Allaah to guide him to Islam, and to make goodness easy for you, and to keep all evil away from you Ameen.

Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

10254: She is attracted to a young man at school and wants a solution

Question:

I am having a really big problem. I am extremely attracted to this guy at my school. I can't stop thinking about him. When I can sometimes control my feelings, I end up seeing him at school, and then the feelings come back. I know in my heart that these kind of actions are haram in Islam, but despite my efforts, I can't stop. I try to avoid him as much as possible. We hardly ever speak to each other, and if we do, it's just an exchange of salam. I don't know what to do, I want these feelings to stop. It's like shaitan just wins every time despite my efforts. I was wondering if there was some kind of a Dua'a or a prayer or something to stop myself. It's like the more I try to stop myself from committing this sin, the less I can keep control. This is the first time I have had such strong feelings for a guy, and it's very scary because it's not right. Please, help me.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Feeling that the situation is dangerous is the most important step towards dealing with it. This feeling is present in your case, praise be to Allaah. Man will always need to strive against himself and give up sin. This is the wisdom of Allaah, so that the sincere and serious believer will be distinguished from others.

Among the most important means of ridding yourself of this problem are:

1. Generating love for Allaah through the prescribed means, such as pondering His Signs and blessings. This will keep you from loving anyone else.

2. Striving to avoid meeting this young man, or sitting with him or looking at him.

3. Stopping yourself from thinking about him, by keeping yourself busy with thoughts of useful things, both spiritual and worldly.

4. If you can marry him - if he is righteous - or someone else, this is the natural solution to many of these problems.

With regard to making du'aa', Allaah answers those who call upon Him and are sincere in their du'aa'. If you say any of the following du'aa's:

Allaahumma tahhir qalbi (O Allaah, purify my heart);
Yaa Muqallib al-quloob, thabbit qalbi `ala taa'atika (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in obedience to You);

Allaahumma iqsim li min khashiyatika ma tahoolu bihi bayni wa bayna ma'siyatika (O Allaah, give me a share of fear of You which will intervene between me and sin);
Allaahumma inni as'aluka al-hudaa wa'l-tuqaa wa'l-'afaaf wa'l-ghinaa (O Allaah, I ask You for guidance, piety, chastity and independence);

Allaahumma Faatir al-samawaati wa'l-ard, `Aalim al-ghaybi wa'l-shahaadah, laa ilaaha ill anta, Rabba kulli shay'in wa Maleekahu, a'oodhu bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-Shaytaan wa sharakihi, wa an aqtarif `ala nafsi soo'an aw ajurrahu `ala muslimin (O Allaah, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Knower of the unseen and the seen, There is no god except You, Lord and Sovereign of all things. I seek refuge with You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and traps of the Shaytaan, and from committing any sin against my own self or bringing evil upon any Muslim)

- all of these are good du'aa's which were narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
(See Tarteeb Ahaadeeth Saheeh al-Jaami': Baab al `Ad'iyah al-Ma'thoorah).

This must be accompanied by sincerity and persistence in making du'aa'. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

9280: Rulings concerning women riding with drivers and without a mahram

Question:

I am a woman who works as a student supervisor in one of the schools. The nature of my work is such that I go on trips to schools outside the city in which I work, where I go with some other women who work there, accompanied by a driver but without a mahram. What is the ruling on that, and what is the ruling on the salary I take? _ knowing that my personal circumstances and my work circumstances do not allow me to have a mahram with me.


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

If there is another woman or two women with you, or more, and the driver is trustworthy, there is nothing wrong with you riding with these women without a mahram, so long as this does not constitute travelling, because travelling is not permitted without a mahram, even if there are other women with you. Concerning the trips outside the city, if the places are nearby and you come back the same day, this is not travelling and you do not need a mahram.

From the Fatwas of al-Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen for al-Da'wah magazine. (www.islam-qa.com)

3807: Pre-marital relationships are not permissible

Question:

I am in a relationship with a guy who can not make up his mind to get married. I have not yet became a muslim and I will soon We have talked about this being wrong for us to be together and if he was back in XXX, that he would not be able. I feel like wrong is wrong, and even if I hav not yet converted, that should not be the problem. His family wants him to come home, but when does a man have the right to make a choice? Maybe, because I am from the US I don't understand the whole thing about family. When you have a wife or someone to be your wife, is she not your family too?Please help me to do what is right. Salaam,

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

It is true what you have said, that wrong is wrong. In Islam, pre-marriage relationships are not permissible. We believe that adultery is not permissible not only in Islam, but also in all religions of Allah (God). I believe that the gentleman of nationality XXX whom you are seeing is not serious in getting married, because if he were, he would have married you from the very beginning. In Islam, a man must respect the will of his parents, and in some cases he must obey them. You, in your present status, are not a member of his family. When you become his wife, then you are considered to be his family. Yet even then, if a father orders his son to divorce his wife because, for example, she has bad reputation or she is not a good Muslim, he must obey his father. My advice to you is to think seriously in embracing Islam, not for the sake of this man, but for the salvation of your soul and body from Hellfire. I believe by now, you have a good idea what Islam is, putting aside the bad example this gentleman has been setting.

Therefor, you should stop seeing this man and you should become Muslim. If his love to you is genuine, he will propose to you. If he doesn't, then be sure that Allah will not leave you alone, and as He guided you to his religion, He will send you a good Muslim who will cherish you and give you a decent life as a wife not as a mistress. I pray to Allah that He may enlighten your heart with Islam and guide you to make the right choice.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

(www.islam-qa.com)

1114: Ruling on taking boyfriends or girlfriends

Question:

I am deeply in love with a Muslim man and want to marry him. I know that Allah forbids girlfriend-boyfriend relationships, and feel very sorry in my heart for our relationship. I feel that because we have been in this relationship which is abhorred by Allah, he will never marry me because he has lost respect for me. What does the Quaran say about this?


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…" [al-Nisaa' 4:25]

In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"Muhsanaat [translated as "chaste"] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. Regarding the phrase wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan (`nor taking boyfriends'), Ibn `Abbaas said: `al-musaafihaat means those who are known to commit zinaa, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.' Ibn `Abbaas also said: `muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.' A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujaahid, al-Sha'bi, al-Dahhaak, `Ataa' al-Khurasaani, Yahyaa ibn Abi Katheer, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: `It means a (male) friend.' Al-Dahhaak also said: `wa laa muttakhidhaati akhdaan also means a woman who has just one boyfriend or lover with whom she is happy. Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…'"

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibaat [all kinds of halaal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allaah and in all the other Articles of Faith, the fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers." [al-Maa'idah 5:5]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

"Muhsineen ghayr musaafiheen wa laa muttakhidhi akhdaan (`desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends'). Just as Allaah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zinaa, so it is also imposed on men. The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musaafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes). Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdaan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Soorat al-Nisaa'. (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same. For this reason Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this aayah… We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

"Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." [al-Noor 24:3]

Among the stories that show that it is forbidden to have girlfriends or to marry them is the story of Marthad ibn Abi Marthad, who used to smuggle Muslim prisoners-of-war from Makkah to Madeenah. There was a prostitute in Makkah, called `Anaaq, who had been a friend of Marthad's. Marthad had promised to take one of the prisoners from Makkah to Madeenah. He said: "I came to the shade of one of the gardens of Makkah on a moonlit night, then `Anaaq came and saw my shadow by the garden. When she reached me, she recognized me and said: `Marthad?' I said, `Marthad.' She said: `Welcome! Stay with us tonight.' I said, `O `Anaaq, Allaah has forbidden zinaa (unlawful sexual relations)' … I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him, `O Messenger of Allaah, should I marry `Anaaq?' The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent and did not answer me at all, until the aayah `Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman; to the Believers such a thing is forbidden' [al-Noor 24:3 _ Yusuf `Ali's translation] was revealed. Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `O Marthad, Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman, so do not marry her.'"

(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 3101; he said: it is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth).

`Abd-Allaah ibn Maghfal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: "Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allaah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam." So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "You are a man for whom Allaah wishes good. When Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection." (Reported by al-Haakim, 1/349, who said this hadeeth is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Saheeh al-Jaami', 308).

These aayaat and ahaadeeth clearly indicate that it is haraam (forbidden) for men to have any kind of friendship or relationship with non-mahram women (women to whom they are not closely-related and to whom they could get married). The evil consequences and misery caused by such relationships are obvious to anyone who observes real life. A similar question has been asked under #2085. We ask Allaah to keep us far away from that which is forbidden, to protect us from all that may earn His wrath and to keep us safe from a painful punishment. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

2013: How to give classes to a mixed group of (teenage) boys and girls

Question:

I am a high school student who recently came to Toronto, Canada, I was in riyadh for 13 years and I am giving islamic halaqas in my high school to Muslim students. Boys to my left and girls to my right, the question is: Is this ikhtilat ?? Mixing between boys and girls?? I am the MSA leader and not quite sure of this issue ,,,, Salam


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

May Allaah reward you for your efforts in giving useful lessons to these Muslim students in your city, who are in the greatest need of learning about their religion in a land of kufr. Perhaps your background of having lived in Saudi Arabia will help you with this. I advise you to concentrate on teaching them about Tawheed and correct Islamic `aqeedah (belief), explaining how to do acts of worship from a Fiqh point of view, and teaching them the biographies of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his Companions.

As for the matter which you raised in your question, letting boys and girls sit together facing one another in one halaqah is not free from dangers, as you know. I think that you feel the same way, which is what made you ask this question, especially when we expect that the hijaab of the girls where you live is incomplete and that the faces of some of them, at least, are uncovered in front of the boys. For this reason I suggest one of two things: either get the girls to sit behind the boys, wearing full hijaab, so that you don't feel embarrassed when you face the group to give a lesson; or put up a barrier or screen between the boys and girls, such that they can still hear your voice, if the girls do not want to wear full hijaab. Then they can ask questions from behind the screen, so long as they are not soft in speech, or they can write questions on pieces of paper.

May Allaah help us and you to do good and to call people to His way and earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

1774: First and second glance at women

Question:

I know it is absolutely forbidden to gaze at women. If one accidentally catches my eyes sometimes I keep looking for a second or two and then I remember Allaah's command and immediately look down .
My question is for that very little time that I do look at the lady do I earn sins?

I was reading in Yusuf Qradawai's halaal wal haraam fil Islam that the Qur'aan says lower the gaze, and that the gaze is defined by "carressing the eyes with her beauty or thinking lustful thoughts while looking ". Alhamdulillaah, I have never gone to this point inshaa-Allaah . But I am worried about those two seconds . May Allaah bless you


Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Jareer ibn `Abdullaah said: "I asked the Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) about an accidental glance at a woman. He commanded me to turn my gaze away."

(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. See al-Sunan, 2700).

Commenting on this hadeeth, al-Mubaarakpoori said: " `Accidental' means that his gaze fell on a non-mahram woman unintentionally. `He commanded me to turn my gaze away' means that he was not to look a second time, because the first glance was not by choice and would be forgiven, but any further glances would be counted as sin, and he should heed the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): `Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)…'

[al-Noor 24:30]"

The Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said: "O Ali, do not follow a glance with another, for you will be forgiven for the first, but not for the second." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2701; see Saheeh al-Jaami', 7953)

In al-Tuhfah, he said: "The words `do not follow a glance with another' mean do not look again after the first glance. `You will be forgiven for the first' means that you will be forgiven if the first glance was unintentional, and `but not for the second' means that because the second glance was by choice, it will be counted against you."

So it is clear that deliberately looking at a non-mahram woman and continuing to look after a first accidental glance is haraam. It is forbidden to look at any part of her body, whether you think she is beautiful or not, whether it provokes sexual desire or not, whether it is accompanied by evil thoughts or not, and whether it leads to immoral deeds or not.

We ask Allaah to protect you and us from all haraam deeds. Allaah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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