Chapter 1
Relationships between the two genders
49024: He wants to look at women in the street with
the intention of proposing marriage
Question:
I live in a kaafir country where there is a lot of
temptation. I want to get married and I am looking for a wife
with certain features, especially beauty. I know that it
is permissible to look at women with the intention
of proposing marriage; is it permissible for me to look
at women in the street in order to choose the one to whom
I will propose marriage? Is it permissible, if I choose
some girl and I like her and want to be sure that my
family (who live in another country) will like her, to show her
to a friend of mine even if it is for a few seconds?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to look at women in the street,
because Allaah has commanded the believers to lower their
gaze. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts
(from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily,
Allaah is AllAware of what they do"
[al-Noor 24:30]
If a person opens this door to himself, that is a
dangerous matter. At first the Shaytaan makes the idea of
proposing marriage attractive to him, until this becomes a
regular habit, then he looks at women with no intention
of proposing marriage, rather just for the purpose of
looking at their beauty.
The man who wants to get married should not look at
the unveiled women in the street, especially in that
kaafir country where most of the people are kaafirs or
immoral. Rather he should ask virtuous and knowledgeable
people about virtuous and righteous women, and approach
the matter in the proper manner.
With regard to looking at women in the street, this
is looking at their external beauty only, not their
inward beauty which is more important than outward
beauty. What is the point if a man marrying the most beautiful
of women if she is lacking in good attitude and
religious commitment?
You should check yourself and review the qualities
that you want in the woman you choose to marry, the
most important of which is that she should be
religiously committed and have a good attitude. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A
woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her
lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the
one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be
rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466)
The purpose of marriage is not merely to satisfy
one's desires and enjoy intimacy, so that the man need care
about nothing more than beauty; rather marriage is more
sublime than that. So you should study the true qualities of
your potential life-partner, those qualities that will make
your life happy and calm, not a temporary happiness that
will disappear as desire fades, leaving nothing but trouble
and sadness after that. And Allaah knows best.
It is not permissible for you to show your friend the
women to whom you propose marriage, and it is not
permissible for him to look at her. A man should have
protective jealousy (gheerah) concerning his wife and his
honour. The Sahaabah were impressed by the strong gheerah
of Sa'd ibn `Ubaadah (may Allaah be pleased with
him), and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Are you amazed by the gheerah of Sa'd?
I have more gheerah than him, and Allaah has more
gheerah than me."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6846; Muslim, 1499.
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36741: Children who have reached the age of ten must
be separated in their beds
Question:
Is it permissible for me to sleep beside my friend
with only one blanket when we do not have anything else
to protect us from the cold, or if there are two blankets
but they do not protect against the cold unless they are
used together?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for two who have reached the age
of puberty to sleep together under one blanket. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old
and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten
years old, and separate them in their beds." Narrated by
Ahmad, 6689; Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
If this is the ruling concerning those who are ten
years old, then how about those who are older than that,
who should not be in one bed but rather should be in
two separate beds with two separate blankets? If there are
only two covers and one of them is not sufficient to ward
off the cold, then each person should take one cover and
fold it in half so that it will be thicker and will ward off
the cold, or he should buy another blanket.
Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said concerning a number of
people sleeping in one bed: It was proven via another isnaad
that this is subject to the condition that they do not sleep
under one blanket. Fath al-Baari, 7/204. Islam
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45883: He is studying in a mixed university; how should
he deal with female teachers and students?
Question:
I am a young man who is religiously committed. I
am studying in a mixed university and I would like to
develop my specialty further, but that requires me to interact
in class, which will open channels of
communication between me and other students. In addition to that
there are female teachers who teach us very important
subjects. How should I interact with the female students
and teachers?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Studying in mixed schools, institutes and universities
is not permitted. The evils that exist in these
institutions because of that mixing are no secret, let alone the
fact that people do not learn much, if anything, in
these institutions. Wise people even in kaafir countries
have called for segregation between the sexes in
educational institutions because of the moral damage they
have noticed and the weakening of educational
standards. Trustworthy have scholars have issued fatwas stating
that this kind of education is not permissible.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
It is haraam for male and female students and teachers
to mix in educational institutions, because of the fitnah
and provocation of desires and immoral conduct that
results from that. The gravity of the sin is compounded if
the female teachers and students uncover any part of
their `awrahs or wear see-through or tight clothing, or if
the students or teachers flirt or joke together, which may
lead to transgression of limits and violation of honour.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/102, 103
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) was asked:
Is it permissible for a man to study in a mixed
university where men and women mix in one classroom,
knowing that the student has a role to play in calling people
to Allaah?
He replied:
What I think is that it is not permissible for anyone,
man or woman, to study in a mixed school, because of
the grave danger that it poses to his chastity, integrity
and morals. No matter how great a person's integrity,
morals and innocence, if a woman is sitting beside him on
the seat _ especially if she is beautiful and unveiled _ he
can hardly avoid fitnah and evil. Everything that leads to
fitnah and evil is also haraam and is not permitted. We ask
Allaah to keep our Muslim brothers safe from such things
which will only bring evil, fitnah and corruption to their
youth. If there is no other university apart from this one, he
should go and study in another city or country where this
mixing does not happen. I do not think that this is
permissible but others may have a different opinion.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/103
We have already discussed the ruling on mixing in
detail in the answer to question no. 1200.
See also the answers to questions no.
8827, 22397 and 6666.
This is easy those who do not have the problem of
mixed schools in their country or who have access to
colleges and universities that are not mixed, so they have no
need to study in mixed colleges. But there remains the
question of those who are faced with the problem of mixed
schools in their countries. What should they do, especially if
that will affect their chances of earning a living or of
getting married in the future, since if they do not study in
these colleges they will not be able to find a job or get married.
In this case, there is no option, and the need is great,
and when the need is great, the matter may come under
the heading of necessity. This necessity may be taken
into consideration, provided that the following conditions
are met:
1- That there be no other place where he can study,
even if it is in another country
2- That he cannot obtain this certificate by means
of distance learning or studying via the internet, for example
3- That he goes to study in these mixed places
seeking the help of Allaah to confront fitnah.
He should take care to lower his gaze as much as he
can and not touch or shake hands with non-mahram
women or be alone with them, and he should not sit right next
to them.
He should advise the girls to sit away from the boys
and adhere to other Islamic guidelines as well.
4- If he notices himself slipping towards haraam
things and being tempted by those of the opposite sex who
are with him, then the soundness of his religious
commitment is more important than any worldly aims, so he has
to leave the place immediately and Allaah will make
him independent of means by His bounty. And Allaah is
the One Whose help we seek.
And Allaah knows best.
There follows a list of colleges and universities that
are not mixed:
1- The Medical College in Dubai
2- Al-Azhar University in Egypt
3- The Imam Muhammad ibn Sa'ood Islamic
University in Saudi
4- Umm al-Qura University in Makkah al-Mukarramah
5- The Islamic University in Madeenah al-Munawwarah
6- The King Sa'ood University in Saudi.
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45668: Is what he did to find out about his fiancée correct?
Question:
I have a cousin (daughter of my maternal aunt) who
seems to be religiously committed and of good character, but
I do not know much about her personality and outlook
on life, or how well we would get along. I used the
internet as a means to get to know her, whilst being very
careful to adhere to proper etiquette, especially since we
come from a conservative family. Praise be to Allaah, I
reached the decision to marry her in sha Allah, but it may
take two years or more until I am ready, because I am still
a student in the last year of university.
My question is: Is what I did permissible? Especially
since it went on for nearly a year, because the customs
of marriage in our society do not allow one partner to get
to know the character of the other until they get
engaged, but after that if it becomes clear that the two are
not compatible and they cancel the engagement, that will
lead to problems and severing of family ties. I feel
worried about what I did and I am afraid that it may be
considered a sin or an act of treachery. It is permissible to
continue our correspondence until I come and propose marriage
to her?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a
non-mahram woman. If a man intends to propose
marriage then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed
means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is
one of his relatives, then it should be more
straightforward because either he will knows about her or he will be
able to find out about her from the women of his own family.
It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out
about the real character of one another through
correspondence and conversing before marriage, because neither of
them will show anything but their best side.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked:
If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in
love, is this regarded as a haraam action?
He replied:
This action is not permitted, because it provokes
desire between them and makes them hope to meet and get
in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows the
seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral actions or
the things that lead to them. We advise all those who want
to protect themselves to avoid corresponding and the
like, so as to protect their religious commitment and
their honour. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579
We have already stated that correspondence between
the two sexes is haraam, in the answers to questions no.
26890 and 10221.
It is permissible for the man who has proposed
marriage to look at his fiancée, without being alone with her
or shaking hands with her. So you could do the
marriage contract and delay consummation of the marriage, so
that your meeting with her will be acceptable according
to sharee'ah, and during this period you could focus
on getting to know her more and more.
In the answer to question no. 7492 there is an
important discussion of this matter.
See also the answers to questions no.
7757, 2572 and 20069 to find out more about the limits of the
relationship between a man and his fiancée. And Allaah knows
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40618: Can she uncover her face in front of her
sister's husband?
Question:
My sister's husband sleeps in our house sometimes
and sometimes he stays all day, and I cannot cover my face
in front of him. Am I sinning thereby? What is the solution?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your sister's husband is a stranger (non-mahram) to
you, and you have to cover your face in front of him and
not be alone with him. Similarly it is haraam for him to
look at you or to be alone with you. Unfortunately people
are careless in their homes with regard to the in-laws,
even though sharee'ah speaks strongly concerning them
more than others, because people mix freely with them in
their houses and the family members trust them.
It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women."
A man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger
of Allaah, what about the in-law?" He said: "The in-law
is death."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172.
The in-law is the husband's relative.
We notice here that the Sahaabi wanted to make
an exception in the case of the husband's relatives, but
the ruling was re-emphasized in the strongest terms,
because no one regards it as strange if he enters the house.
Al-Nawawi said:
With regard to the Prophet's words, "The in-law is
death," what this means is that the fear in his case is greater
than in the case of others, and evil is expected on his part
and the fitnah (temptation) is greater, because he is able
to reach the woman and be alone with her with no
one denouncing him, unlike the stranger or non-mahram.
What is meant by the in-law here is the husband's
relatives, except for his father/grandfather and
sons/grandsons.His father/grandfather and sons/grandsons are mahrams of
the wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with
her; they are not described as "death". Rather what is
meant here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and others
who are not mahrams. People customarily take things
lightly with regard to them, so a man will often be alone with
his brother's wife. This is what is described as death and it
is more important that he be stopped than a stranger, for
the reasons we have mentioned above. What I have
mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth… Ibn
al-A'raabi said: This is something that the Arabs say, as in the
phrase al-asad al-mawt (the lion is death), because meeting it
is like dying. Al-Qaadi said: What is meant is that
being alone with the in-laws leads to fitnah (temptation)
and the destruction of one's religious commitment, so this
is described as being akin to the destruction of death.
Sharh Muslim, 14/154.
We advise this sister and others to fear Allaah and
strive to wear proper hijaab in front of non-mahram men.
Please see also questions no. 13728,
6408, 13261
And Allaah knows best.
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36548: What is the relationship of a woman to the man
who has divorced her?
Question:
Is it permissible for me to go out with my ex-husband
in the company of our children on occasion, so that
they can be together with both parents like other children.
That is done is public places. Also, he does not pray _ is
the money that he spends on them haraam?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If a man has issued the last of three talaaqs (divorces),
or he has divorced her once or twice and her `iddah
has ended, then she becomes a stranger (non-mahram) to
him, and it is not permissible for her to be alone with him or
to touch her or to look at her.
The relationship of an ex-husband with his ex-wife is
like his relationship with any other non-mahram woman.
The fact that they have children does not justify his looking
at her, being alone with her or travelling with her. He
can go out with his children without her being there, or
she can be present with one of her mahrams, without
doing any of the haraam things that we have mentioned.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said:
A thrice-divorced woman is a stranger (non-mahram)
to the man like any other non-mahram woman, so the
man does not have the right to be alone with her, just as
he does not have the right to be alone with any
non-mahram woman. And he cannot see of her what he cannot see
of any non-mahram woman, and there are no special
rulings concerning the relationship between them (other than
the rulings governing all interactions between non-mahrams).
Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/349.
With regard to accepting what the divorced
husband spends on his children, there is no reason not to do
so, even if he does not pray. She should remind her
children of the importance of advising their father to pray,
and may Allaah guide him through this advice.
If the mother fears that her children may be
adversely affected by their kaafir father or that he may lead them
to do something that Allaah has forbidden, it is
not permissible for her to allow them to go out with
him, because their going out with him is causing them harm.
And Allaah knows best.
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27329: She has repented from an illicit relationship but
she wants to contact him in order to get married to him
Question:
I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and
since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab..
This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying
my best to become a better muslim
Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other ..
i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't
aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina..
i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th
he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to
guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i
wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell
me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible
unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my
question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should
wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want
to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh..
and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore..
so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he
is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt
talk to girls anymore.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is
forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all
the steps that may lead to falling into something haraam
are forbidden, even if they are permitted in principle. This
is what the scholars call "preventing the means (that lead
to haraam)."
The basic principle of sharee'ah is that when
Allaah forbids a thing, He also forbids the ways and means
that lead to it, so that it may indeed be forbidden.
We are happy when we hear of or see someone who
has come back to Allaah and to His religion after having
lost their way, but at the same time we fear that the
Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were
astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from
following guidance and making them go astray again.
Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who
asked this question and for her former friend who has
also repented. Hence we cannot condone her idea of
getting back in touch with the one with whom she had
a relationship before she was guided, even if that is on
the basis of wanting to get married according to sharee'ah.
For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a
person with whom it is not permissible for her to be in
touch leads to evil consequences which are obvious to any
wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden
establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We
have already posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on
this issue. See questions no. 23349,
20949and 10221.
Secondly:
With regard to the answer to your question, which
may be summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to
propose marriage to a man or to tell him that she wants to
marry him? The answer is that in sharee'ah the word
khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman.
See question no. 20069.
If a woman wants to marry some man, there is
nothing wrong with her sending someone whose
religious commitment and honesty she trusts to offer her in
marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) and saw his good attitude
and trustworthiness, and wanted to marry him. So she
sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage,
and he agreed to marry her.
Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this
question: If you want to marry this young man, and he has a
good attitude and is religiously committed, then there is
nothing wrong with suggesting marriage to him through
a trustworthy relative of yours.
You should avoid getting in touch with him or with
any other non-mahram men, because of the fitnah
(temptation) involved in that.
And Allaah knows best.
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39931: He has repented from a relationship with a
non-mahram woman but he still loves her and feels attached
to her
Question:
I am a young man who had a relationship with a girl,
but I did not commit any haraam action with her. I know
that what I did is not permissible according to sharee'ah, so
I ended my contact with her and she accepted that. But
I cannot forget her. I love her very much but I cannot
marry her, and I often meet her. Is there any means of
ridding myself of these feelings and forgetting this girl? I
am confused and my confusion may cause me to make
a mistake.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We have already explained in the answers to more
than one question that it is haraam for a man to have
a relationship with a non-mahram woman outside the framework of marriage. See the answer to question
no. 23349 and 9465.
The haraam things that the people who have
these relationships fall into include: betrayal, being alone
with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, touching
and looking; these are the ways that lead to falling into
the sin of zina (fornication, adultery). This is in addition
to the harmful effects it has on the heart, causing
confusion and distracting it from the purpose for which it
was created.
You say that you still meet this girl, and the results
of these meetings are obvious to anyone with common
sense. You have to persist in your repentance from your
former relationship with her, and cut off all ties with this girl.
The solution to such a problem is to marry this girl,
thus foiling the Shaytaan and protecting yourself from
falling into sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "We do not think there is anything
better for two who love one another than marriage."
Narrated by Ibn Maajah, classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1847.
What this hadeeth means is that the greatest remedy
for treating love is marriage, because this is the only cure
for it. See Fayd al-Qadeer by al-Mannaawi, 295.
But you say that you cannot marry her, so you have
no choice other than to be patient, strive to control your
nafs (self), and keep yourself busy so that you will not
think of her. Your marriage to someone else may be the
means of your forgetting her, and you should avoid meeting
her as much as you can.
You should know that the life of this world is very
short, and the shortest thing in this life is haraam pleasure
and the moments in which a person disobeys his Lord.
But the joy of the Hereafter will last forever, so how can
a smart person like you sacrifice that eternal joy for
a moment of brief pleasure that will blacken the record
of his deeds?
You should know that Allaah may decree death for
you when you are alone with her, so how will you meet
your Lord in such a state? What will you leave behind of
shame and scandal for your family and for hers?
You should know that Allaah may punish you
through your daughter or sister, because you were content
to besmirch the honour of another, so you may expect
the punishment of Allaah in this world rather than
the Hereafter. Allaah protects the family and children of
the righteous Muslim by means of his righteousness, but if
a man is corrupt the only result can be is that his
family and sons and daughters will be corrupt too. How can it
be otherwise when he has set them the example by his
own actions?
There is no way to forget about this girl except by
filling your heart with the love of Allaah and fear of
His punishment, and trying to keep the blessing of Allaah
from being diminished because of this sin. Think about
the consequences of this action whether in this world or
in the Hereafter. Hasten to give up this sin and seek
the reward for that with Allaah, so that you will then see _
in sha Allaah _ the blessings of faith, piety and delight
in worship that your Lord will bestow upon you.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam
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20949: Friendship and love between a man and a woman
Question:
I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and
so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no
one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until
marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are
there any cases in the old times of love .
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family,
it destroys society, and those who do this are
threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is
a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil
and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them
and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and
thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.
There are many forbidden matters associated with
this, such as transgressing against the honour of
others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the
opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then
the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin
of zina.
The fact that the questioner says "no one knows
about us" is strange. How can he forget about his Lord
Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden,
and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the
hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).
Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to
discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He
is watching; fear Allaah concerning people's honour;
strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your
deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world
and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and
will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one
of them what you are doing with the daughters of
the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not
like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember
that you may see the results of your sin in some of your
family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.
You have to look for righteous friends, and you have
to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and
is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most
sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile
things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and
worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to
Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and
younger who were men who had memorized the Qur'aan,
who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others
to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.
We advise you to get married to a righteous,
religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to
your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of
Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up
with good morals and religious commitment. Give up
this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a
stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him;
if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is
going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?
Remember that you are angering your Lord with
such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking
to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.
You should realize that zina does not only involve
the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the
ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the
foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads
to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the
Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes
you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:
Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful
ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible
for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for
the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants
to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that
he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that
she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be
pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah
in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allaah be
pleased with them). But if the woman contacts the man
directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).
As'ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).
Secondly:
With regard to your question about such
forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that
such stories existed among those who came before us
cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar'i rulings,
because the rulings of sharee'ah having to do with what
is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from
the shar'i evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and
the commands and prohibitions contained therein.
Some of those mentioned in these stories came
before Islam, such as `Antarah and others, and such stories
are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But
we cannot take shar'i rulings from this because Islam
came to bring people forth from being controlled by their
desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us
strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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43104: It is not permissible to shake hands with a
non-mahram woman, even from behind a barrier
Question:
Is it permissible to greet woman by shaking hands if
they put part of their hijab over the hand of the man who
is greeting them?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a man to touch in greeting
the hand of a woman who is not his mahram, even if
she covers her hand with her garment, because of the
hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his
Saheeh from `Urwah, from `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), in which
she told the story of how the women gave their bay'ah
(oath of allegiance) to the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She said: "No,
by Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any
woman when accepting the oath of allegiance, all he said was,
`I accept your oath of allegiance on this basis.'"
And Ahmad narrated with a saheeh isnaad from
Umaymah bint Raqeeqah that she said: "I came to the Messenger
of Allaah (S) with other women to give the oath of
allegiance to him, and he accepted our pledge to abide by what is
in the Qur'aan… We said: `O Messenger of Allaah, will
you not shake hands with us?' He said, `I do not shake
hands with women. Rather what I say to a hundred woman
is what I would say to one woman.'"
And we have in the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) the best example. The One Who sent
him said (interpretation of the meaning):
"Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad)
you have a good example to follow for him who hopes
for (the Meeting with) Allaah and the Last Day,
and remembers Allaah much"
[al-Ahzaab 33:21]
And Allaah is the source of strength.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth
al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/30. (www.islam-qa.com)
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22101: He married her in order to forget his
ex-fiancée; and the ruling on correspondence between the sexes
Question:
My husband came home from work and told me he
did not want to be married any more because he wants to
be alone and than we went to Jumah. That Tue. After
having intercourse he told me his ex fiancé found him by
e-mail, a week prior. He allowed me to see the e-mail she
sent him. To my surprise there was more than 1. They were
e-mailing each other but he did not tell me that. In the
e-mails they were discussing each other's body parts.
He was calling her everyday that he had to work & said
he will not loose her again. He said he married me for
two reasons. He didn't want anyone else to have me &
thinking it would get her out of his system but it did not and he
has been looking for her since and now they have found
each other. He has giving the girl our mailing address as
well and she has used it. I spoke with her asking if she
would not bother with him. She told me he is a free man. I
know he is allowed up to 4 wives. He has his name on a
list with the high school graduated from so that other
people can get in touch with him. So far 3 females has
found him. I would like to know if it is okay for my husband
to have female friends and they are all non-Muslims.
Please help me. Sometimes I feel he doesn't want me for
the right reasons. We are overseas and she is in the states
& now he wants to go back.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has made marriage one of His signs, and
has created love and compassion between the spouses,
and He has made each spouse a garment for the other.
The basic principle regarding marriage is that it should
be lasting: it is not permissible for either spouse to go
against the purpose of marriage. Your husband should have
feared Allaah and had a good intention before embarking
on marriage. So long as he married you with your
consent and all the conditions of marriage were fulfilled, then
your marriage is valid and there is no doubt about it.
It is also haraam for him to establish relationships
with women who are "strangers" to him [i.e.,
non-mahrams] and to correspond with them, so how about if
that correspondence also involves obscene words such
as words of love and romance? See the answer to
question no, 23349.
With regard to yourself, why don't you speak frankly
with your husband and advise him? That may bring him
back to his senses. Or you could ask some good people
to intervene and advise him.
If he cannot forget her, then it is permissible for
him, according to Islam, to marry her if she is a kitaabi [one
of the People of the Book, i.e., a Jew or a Christian],
subject to the condition that he repents from having had
haraam relationships and he comes back to being chaste.
In that way he will protect himself from falling into
haraam actions. Allaah permits Muslim men to marry
chaste women from among the People of the Book (Jews
and Christians).
You have to be patient and not hasten to separate
from him. Perhaps if you stay with him and are patient
with him, and keep on advising him, that may be the cause
of his being guided and coming back to his senses.
If he insists on separating and continuing to do
haraam things, then you should not feel bad about it and
should not be keen to stay with him. Whatever the case, we
ask Allaah to guide us and you and him and give us strength.
And Allaah knows best.
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34841: Men and women talking in chat rooms
Question:
I am a sister, who usually logs in to Paltalk and then
goes to the Islamic rooms so that I may gain some
knowledge related to our religion. Sometimes while I am in one
of those Islamic rooms in Paltalk,a muslim
brother(looking for a wife) in the room asks me to have a private
written chat with him so that we get to know one another.
Some of the questions he asks me are: where i live, my
age, whether i am married(by the way I am not married), if
I am planning to get marry, whether I live with my
parents, and so on. My problem is, I don't know whether I
am allowed(Islamicly) to give non-muharim brother
those kinds of informations which related to me.
Is it really SIN to talk to a brother in writing ??.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman
making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website
for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to
anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately
with men. That is because talking to men may turn into
chat which usually leads temptation. Hence it is essential
to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of
Allaah and fearing His punishment.
How often have these conversations lead to bad
results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led
some to do things that are even more serious than that.
The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive
qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment
that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.
Sharee'ah blocks all the ways that may lead to
fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech
and does not allow a man to be alone with a
non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not
regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved
cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes
of fitnah as is well known.
What has happened to you is the best testimonial to
the truth of what we are saying, because it is difficult for
a man to ask these personal questions of a believing
woman, unless he uses these means that are being used in a
bad way.
Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men.
This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for
your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous
man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot
be acquired by means of sin.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was
asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young
men and women, if this correspondence is free from
immorality and love?
He replied:
It is not permissible for any man to correspond with
a woman who is not his mahram, because of the
fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think
that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying
until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the
Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may
approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until
he leads him astray.
Correspondence between young men and women
involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid
it, even though the questioner says that this
correspondence is free from immorality and love.
From Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad
al-Musnad, p. 96.
Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is
more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad.
And Allaah knows best.
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26744: Marrying a woman who is not chaste
Question:
I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my
fiancee however before engage, she used to act like
Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while
she was in high school I did not know. When we got
engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this
guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around
with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she
is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the
reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or
in their house watching Indian movies and used
smoke because her friend led her to this path. However,
she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did
not liked these things she said and i start disliking her
little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The
quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being
so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth
did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As
a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we
had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a
restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep
with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but
it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee
is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question
is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue
in my life. I really need help?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got
engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she
repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose
of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has
repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious
about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding
being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to
marry her.
My advice to you is to look for a righteous and
chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness
in this world and will be one of the means of your
salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the
mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and
your wealth, and in that way there will be the love,
compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital
happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for
you wives from among yourselves, that you may find
repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy"
[al-Room 30:21]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Women are married for four reasons: wealth,
beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one
who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed
with dust (i.e., may you prosper)." Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.
According to another hadeeth: "This world is
temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of
this world is a righteous wife." Narrated by Muslim, 2668.
With regard to what you mention about what
happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having
enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards
you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the
things which lead to such serious consequences.
We wish to point out that repentance must be for the
sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that
she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to
renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to
make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.
I also offer the following advice, and hope that
Allaah will benefit you thereby:
1 _ Lower your gaze and do not look at that which
Allaah has forbidden.
2 _ Keep yourself busy with reading Qur'aan and
hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.
3 _ Beware of being alone with women who are
not mahrams.
4 _ Keep company with righteous people who will
help you with religious and worldly matters.
5 _ Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are
a means that lead to zina.
6 _ Strive to offer prayers regularly with the
Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer
with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo', for it
keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe
regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer
their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness"
[al-Mu'minoon 23:1]
May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good,
and may He make things easy for you.
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27304: Ruling on talking to women at work
Question:
Sometimes I have to talk to some of the women [at
work] and discuss with them some issues that have to do
with work. Is there any sin on me for that? Is it permissible
for me to work in this company or should I look for
another job?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There can be no doubt that the
fitnah (temptation) of women is great. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "I have not
left behind me any fitnah that is more harmful to men
than women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim,
2704. Hence the Muslim has to be cautious of this fitnah
and keep away from anything that may cause him to fall
prey to it. Some of the greatest causes of this fitnah are
looking at women and mixing with them.
Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said:
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts
(from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily,
Allaah is AllAware of what they do.
And tell the believing women to lower their gaze
(from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private
parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off
their adornment except only that which is apparent (like
both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of
hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover,
apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e.
their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal
their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers,
or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their
husband's sons, or their brothers or their brother's sons, or
their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their
sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right
hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or
small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let
them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of
their adornment. And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you
all, O believers, that you may be successful"
[al-Noor 24:30-31]
Here Allaah commands His Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) to tell the believing men
and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity,
then He explains that that is purer for them.
It is known that guarding one's chastity and
avoiding immoral actions is achieved only by avoiding the
means that lead to such actions. Undoubtedly letting one's
gaze wander and mixing of men and women in the
workplace and elsewhere are among the greatest means that lead
to immorality.
These two things that are required of the believer
cannot be fulfilled when he is working with non-mahram
women as colleagues or partners at work.
Undoubtedly his working with her or her working
with him in the work place is a situation in which it
is impossible to lower one's gaze and guard one's
chastity and attain purity of soul.
Hence Allaah commanded the believing women to
lower their gaze, guard their chastity and not show
their adornment except only that which is apparent, and
Allaah commanded them to draw their veils all over
Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and
bosoms), which implies covering the head and face, because
the jayb (pl. juyoob) is the site of the head and face.
So how can one lower one's gaze, guard one's
chastity and avoid showing one's adornment when women go
to men's workplaces and mix with them? Mixing will inevitably lead to falling into these haraam actions.
How can the Muslim woman lower her gaze when she
is with a non-mahram man all the time, claiming that he
is her work colleague and she is his equal with regard
to work. (Khatr Mushaarikat al-Mar'ah li'l-Rajul
fi Maydaan `Amalihi).
Conclusion:
If your work involves continually looking at and
mixing with women, we advise you to leave this job and look
for another, or to move to another department in the
same company where there are no women.
If your work does not involve continually looking at
and mixing with women, rather it only happens sometimes
in an area other than the place where you work, then there
is nothing wrong with staying in the job, so long as
you lower your gaze and do the parts of your job that
involve contact with women in the shortest possible time,
and keep away from the causes of fitnah as much as possible.
We ask Allaah to help us to avoid fitnah (temptation,
both obvious and hidden.
And Allaah knows best.
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26890: Correspondence between the sexes
Question:
I am a girl who believes in Allaah and His Messenger.
Is it permissible for me to correspond with a young
man through what is known as the "Pen pal corner"?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for you to correspond with a
young man who is not a mahram for you through what is
known as the "Pen pal corner", because that is something
that leads to fitnah (temptation) and to evil and corruption.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth
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27109: He has repented from a relationship with a
woman over the internet
Question:
I m so happy. the reason is i met this sister through
internet, and well i started liking her.. but before things would
go further .. i kinda stopped and i realized i just couldnt
like her, for i truly luved Allah, Most Gracious, Most
Merciful. so i told her sorry i cant like u anymore i luv Allah. so
i was wondering is their any sin which will go in my
account in the hereafter since i liked her and told her.. but
then realized that its wrong.. so i left and told her i luv
Allah more and i cant go against Him. so i was wondering
will i get a reward for this good deed? or will i be
questioned abt the sin i did before leaving this sister? thank u
dear imam.. sorry to ask u such a dumb question.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We are surprised that you describe your question
as "dumb", rather it is very good, and is indicative of
wisdom and religious commitment. We need people like you
who strive to overcome their desires and who put
obedience to Allaah and His Messenger above obedience to
their own desires, and fear the standing before their Lord.
We give you glad tiding for what you have done by
leaving this girl and putting love of Allaah above this sin.
There follow some glad tidings:
1 _ The reward of two Gardens.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But for him who fears the standing before his Lord,
there will be two Gardens (i.e. in Paradise)"
[al-Rahmaan 55:46]
Ibn Katheer said:
The correct view is that this verse is general in
meaning, as Ibn `Abbaas and others said. Allaah says
"But for him who fears the standing before his
Lord" i.e., on the Day of Resurrection, and forbids himself from following
his whims and desires, and does not obey his desires or
prefer the life of this world, and knows that the Hereafter is
better and more lasting, and fulfils his duties towards
Allaah, and avoids that which He has forbidden _ on the Day
of Resurrection he will have two Gardens with his Lord…
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/277
2 _ Bad deeds will be turned into good
deeds.
Allaah says _ after mentioning the punishment for
shirk, murder and adultery _ (interpretation of the meaning):
"Except those who repent and believe (in
Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those,
Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah
is OftForgiving, Most Merciful"
[al-Furqaan 25:70]
According to the two views on the meaning of this
verse, this is one of the glad tidings to those who give up
sin. And it was said that their sins will be turned into acts
of obedience, and it was said that their bad deeds
themselves will be turned into good deeds.
Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di said:
"Except those who repent" from these sins and others,
by giving them up immediately, regretting what they
have done in the past, and resolving firmly never to go back
to them.
"and believe" in Allaah with true faith, which
implies giving up sin and doing acts of obedience.
"and do righteous deeds" means those that are
enjoined by sharee'ah, if the intention is to seek the pleasure
of Allaah.
"for those, Allaah will change their sins into good
deeds" means, he will make their deeds different, so where
they used to do bad deeds, they will now do good deeds.
So their shirk is changed into faith, their disobedience
into obedience. The bad deeds that they used to do, from
which they repented, turning to Allaah, and worship, are
turned into good deeds, as is the apparent meaning of the
verse. This was narrated in the hadeeth of the man some of
whose sins were counted by Allaah, then He turned each
bad deed into a good deed and he said, "O Lord, I have
other bad deeds that I do not see here." And Allaah knows best.
Tafseer al-Sa'di.
3 _ Feeling the sweetness of faith.
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah
be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are three
qualities, whoever possesses them will find the sweetness of
faith: when Allaah and His Messenger are dearer to him
than anyone else; when he loves a man and only loves him
for the sake of Allaah; and when he would hate to go back
to kufr as he would hate to be thrown into the fire."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 16; Muslim, 43.
4 _ Glad tidings of sincerity
Undoubtedly for those who strive against their whims
and desires and ward off haraam love and replace it with
love of Allaah, this is a sign of their sincerity (ikhlaas).
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
Love of images [i.e. haraam love] is something which
is suffered by those hearts that are devoid of love of
Allaah. If the heart is filled with love of Allaah and longing
to meet Him, that will ward off the sickness of love
of images. Hence Allaah said concerning Yoosuf (interpretation of the meaning):
"Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil
and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of
Our chosen, (guided) slaves"
[Yoosuf 12:24]
This indicates that his being chosen was the reason
why (haraam) love and its consequences of evil and
illegal sexual intercourse were warded off from him. One of
the salaf said: "Love is the movement of an empty
heart" i.e., a heart that is empty of everything except the
object of love.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And the heart of the mother of Moosa (Moses)
became empty [from every thought, except the thought of
Moosa (Moses)]. She was very near to disclose his (case, i.e.
the child is her son)" [al-Qasas
28:10]
i.e., her heart was empty of everything except
Moosa, because of her deep love for him and her
heart's attachment to him. Love is composed of two
things: admiring the object of one's love, and hoping to get
what one wants. When one of them ends then the love
ends too.
Zaad al-Ma'aad, 4/268.
Strive _ may Allaah bless you _ to strengthen your
faith and to persist in obeying and worshipping Allaah,
because that is one of the greatest signs of love of Allaah. Try
to continue having no contact with that girl, then
the Shaytaan will not trick you into going back to her
and speaking to her. Then you will be fine, in sha Allah.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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34685 It is not permissible for a seller to touch the hand
of a woman who is buying from him
Question:
There is a religiously-committed businessman who has
a lot of customers, many of whom are women. When
giving and taking his hand sometimes touches theirs, and
that happens often. What should he do?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a man to touch the hand of
a woman who is not permissible for him, because of
the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. You have to
avoid this and repent to Allaah from that. You can buy and
sell with woman by words only. You have to fear Allaah
and avoid that which leads to fitnah.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth
al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/28.
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12710: Woman smiling at a non-mahram man
Question:
What is the ruling on a woman who smiles in front of
a non-mahram man, but without showing her teeth or making any sound?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is haraam for a woman to uncover her face or to
smile at a non-mahram man, because of the evil to which
that may lead.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth
al-`Ilmiyyah wa'l-Ifta', 17/25. (www.islam-qa.com)
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33702: He fell in love with a girl then he repented. Can
he be friends with her?
Question:
A young Muslim man went to study aboard, far from
his family. He got to know a Muslim girl and the
relationship between them grew until it became love, and they
touched one another and kissed, but they did not
commit fornication (zina). He feels fear of Allaah and he
asked her to change the relationship with him or to give it
up because what they did is a sin. She understood that
and said, "Let's remain friends and we will never speak
of love again, we can just be friends." He feels that he
has made a sacrifice for the sake of Allaah, because he
loves her very much, but he feels that this is not enough to
please Allaah. Is it permissible for him to speak to her as just
a friend? How can he explain to her that he does not
want to be selfish, because he loves her very much but his
love for Allaah is greater?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Following the paths of fitnah is one of the reasons
why Muslims fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. The
rulings of Islam bar the way to many of these paths and
warn against following them. Islam also warns
against following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan.
One of these reasons or causes is Muslims travelling
to kaafir countries and settling there either alone or
with their families; studying in mixed universities and
keeping company with immoral people who do not point him
in the direction of good or warn him against evil; giving
his faculties free rein to commit sin, such as letting his
ears listen to singing or his eyes look at haraam things, and
so on.
A man cannot protect himself unless he keeps away
from these paths that lead to evil, and looks for the ways
of peace and guidance with which his Lord is pleased.
Secondly:
We think that our brother is on the right track and is
guided in sha Allaah, because he fears his Lord and has given
up his relationship with this girl, after committing sin
with her because of his following the paths of evil
mentioned above.
The attitude of fearing Allaah is very important, and
giving up one's desires for the sake of Allaah is something
which no one can achieve except those who understand
Tawheed truly, in whose hearts faith is alive and manifests itself
in their physical actions.
But he has to remain steadfast in his actions, and not
let the Shaytaan lead him down another path that will
lead to the same result of committing haraam actions.
There can be no friendship between him and this girl who is
a stranger (non-mahram) to him. What this friendship
leads to is well known, so he must not respond to her
request. He should adhere to his stance and seek the help of
Allaah, asking Him to guide him to the straight path and
make him steadfast in following true guidance.
Thirdly:
If he really loves her, then the sound way that is
prescribed in sharee'ah is for him to marry her; there is no
other option. But if he thinks of marriage he should choose
one who has a good character and is religiously
committed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) advised. If he does not marry her, then being
friends with her will lead to him doing haraam things, as
he himself says happened. Indeed, if the heart
remains attached in this way, even if no physical immoral
actions take place, it will still affect his heart and his
relationship with Allaah and his submission to Him, in a way that
is worse than committing physical immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said:
If it so happens that there is love between a man and
a woman, the most effective means of warding off
fitnah (temptation) and immorality is for them to get
married, because his heart will still remain attached to her if
he does not marry her, and that may lead to fitnah.
A man may hear that a woman has a good character,
and that she is knowledgeable, so he may want to marry
her; or she may hear that this man is of good
character, knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she
wants to marry him, but the communication between the two
is not done in the proper Islamic manner _ this is
very serious. In this case it is not permissible for the man
to contact the woman or vice versa, and say that he wants
to marry her. Rather he should tell her guardian that he
wants to marry her, or she should tell her guardian that she
wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage
to Abu Bakr and `Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased
with them both).
But if the woman gets in touch with the man directly,
this is what leads to fitnah.
As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, question no. 868.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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12832: Looking at a young female doctor who is
teaching him
Question:
What is the ruling on looking at a young woman who
us teaching us in the university, who makes some
movements that are inappropriate?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is haraam to look at a non-mahram woman
deliberately, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things)"
[al-Noor 24:30]
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah li'l-Buhooth al-`Ilmiyyah
wa'l-Ifta', 17/19 (www.islam-qa.com)
Our Price: $15.95 Pages: 300 Downloadable
20784: Dangers of mixing with male cousins and relatives
Question:
A Muslim girl who was born and lived in America,
goes back to her homeland once or twice a year with her
family. She has a male cousin (son of paternal uncle) in
her homeland who, whenever he is alone with her,
touches her, kisses her, enters her room and locks the door,
etc, but he has not committed zina with her, praise be to
Allaah. She does not like what he is doing and she feels
upset and regrets what is happening. She wants to know
what she should do because she is going to travel there soon.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Undoubtedly what your cousin
is doing to you is clearly haraam and a great evil,
because that is only permissible with a wife with whom
Allaah has permitted intimacy.
What you must do is to denounce that and refuse, and
do not be a partner in the sin. A man usually cannot do
that except with the consent of the woman.
You should note that a male cousin is a stranger to
you, like any other non-mahram. It is not permissible for
him to be alone with you or for you to uncover any part
of your body in front of him. He is enjoined to lower
his gaze and refrain from looking at you, and you are
enjoined to do likewise.
A person who transgresses the sacred limits set by
Allaah must be rebuked and spoken to harshly, and you
should threaten to tell your family and his.
If he tries to grab hold of you, you must push him
back and run away from him.
Beware of taking the matter lightly or being soft in
the way in which you deal with him, for the Shaytaan
may make this sin attractive to you and you may agree to it,
in which case you would become subject to the wrath
and punishment of Allaah.
Unfortunately many people are careless about
protecting their daughters and sons, and they make it too easy
for them to fall into this kind of sin, especially with regard
to cousins, because they are ignorant of the obligation to
be covered in front of them, or because their faith
and protective jealousy is weak. Allaah is the One Whose
help we seek.
You have to repent to Allaah from this haraam
action; simply regretting it is not enough. Rather you must
repent sincerely from committing sin and resolve not to go
back to it.
You must also avoid the reasons that may lead you
to commit this haraam action, such as being alone with
your cousin, shaking hands with him, meeting him and
talking to him. You must avoid him completely, so as to ward
off evil and prevent immorality, and close the door to
fitnah and sin.
Allaah forgives those who repent, give up their sin
and turn to Him.
And Allaah knows best.
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