Chapter 7
Etiquette of Marriage
12529: Is it permissible to engage in coitus interruptus or
to use a condom?
Question:
On the first night after getting married, can one
use contraception ( e.g condom ) or should this not be
allowed. This is because it may be possible (by the will of
Allah) for my future wife to get pregnant, but we may not
choose to have children so early in our marriage.Please advise.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible to engage in coitus interruptus if a
person does not want a child, and it is also permissible to use
a condom, but that is subject to the condition that the
wife gives her permission for that, because she has the right
to full enjoyment and also to have a child. The evidence
for that is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) who said: We used to engage
in coitus interruptus at the time of the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). News
of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he did not forbid us to
do that. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 250; Muslim, 160
Although that is permitted, it is nevertheless makrooh
and intensely disliked. Muslim (1442) narrated that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
was asked about coitus interruptus and he said: "That is
the secret burying alive of infants." This indicates that it
is strongly disliked.
Al-Nawawi said:
Coitus interruptus means intercourse in which,
when ejaculation approaches, the man withdraws and
ejaculates outside the vagina. It is makrooh in our view in
all circumstances and with all women, whether the
woman consents to that or not, because it is a means of
preventing offspring. Hence in the hadeeth it is called "the
secret burying alive of children," because it cuts off the
means of producing offspring, like killing a newborn by
burying him or her alive. With regard to it being haraam,
our companions said that it was not forbidden…
These ahaadeeth and others, when taken in
conjunction, may be understood as meaning that it is makrooh, but
not strongly so, and the reports in which permission is
given for that may be understood as meaning that it is
not haraam; they do not mean that it is not makrooh.
It is better for the Muslim not to do that, unless there is
a need for it, such as if the woman is sick and cannot
cope with a pregnancy or it would be too difficult for her
or would cause her harm. Also, coitus interruptus
cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to have
a lot of children, and it also means that the woman's
pleasure is incomplete.
See also question no. 3767 . Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
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5560: Etiquette of intimate relations
Question:
islam teaches us everthing..as to how to eat , dress,
etc...is there also a Sunnah way of sleeping with one's
wife.is any position Sunnah ..or is there nothing in Saheeh
Hadith with regard to this?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, you are right: Islam teaches us all things and
has brought all good teaching to mankind concerning
their livelihood, religion, living and dying, because it is
the religion of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Sexual relations are among the important matters of
life which Islam came to explain and to prescribe
proper conduct and rulings which elevate it from the level
of mere bestial pleasure and physical desire. Islam
connects it to a righteous intention, supplications
(adhkaar) and proper conduct which lift it up to the level of worship
for which the Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad
al-Ma'aad:
"Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most
perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and
people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil
the purpose for which it was created, because sex was
created for three basic purposes:
The preservation and propagation of the human race,
until they reach the number of souls that Allaah has
decreed should be created in this world.
Expulsion of the water (semen) which may cause
harm to the body if it is retained.
Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical
pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in
Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring
there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.
The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means
of maintaining good health.
(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze,
brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haraam
things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too.
It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and
the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too. Hence the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to
enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said,
"In your world, women and perfume have been made dear
to me." (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa'i, 7/61;
classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "O young men, whoever among you can
afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his
gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that,
let him fast, for it will be a protection for him."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400).
(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).
Among the important matters which should be
paid attention to when engaging in intimate relations:
Having the sincere intention of doing this thing only
for the sake of Allaah. One should intend to do this to
protect oneself and one's wife from doing haraam things,
to increase the numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to
raise its status, for there is honour and pride in large
numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for
this action, even if he finds immediate pleasure and
enjoyment in it. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there
is reward" (meaning, when he has intercourse with his
wife). They said, O Mesenger of Allaah, when any one of
us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do you
not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he
would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halaal
manner, he will be rewarded." (Narrated by Muslim, 720).
This is the great bounty of Allaah towards this
Ummah; praise be to Allaah Who has made us among them.
Intercourse should be preceded by kind words,
playfulness and kisses. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to play with his wives and kiss them.
When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should
say: "Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa al-shaytaan
wa jannib al-shaytaan maa razqtanaa (In the name of
Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep
the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children))." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that
they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm
him." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)
It is permissible for the husband to have intercourse
with his wife in her vagina in whatever manner he wishes,
from behind or from the front, on the condition that it is in
her vagina, which is the place from which a child is
born. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual
relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the
vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will"
[al-Baqarah 2:223]. Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if a man
had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind,
the child would have a squint. Then this aayah was
revealed: Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth
(have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as
long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or
how you will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the
vagina." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 8/154; Muslim, 4/156).
It is not permissible for the husband under any circumstances whatsoever to have intercourse with
his wife in her back passage. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go
to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in
any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the
anus), when or how you will" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. It is known that the place of tilth is the vagina, which is the
place from which one hopes for a child. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He is
cursed who has intercourse with women in their back
passages." (Narrated by Ibn `Udayy, 1/211; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 105). This is because
it [anal intercourse] goes against the fitrah
[natural inclinations of man] and is an action which is
revolting to those of a sound human nature; it also causes the
woman to miss out on her share of pleasure; and the back
passage is a place of filth and dirt _ and there are other
reasons which confirm the fact that this deed is haraam. For
more information see Question #1103.
If a man has intercourse with his wife and wants to
come back to her a second time, he should do wudoo',
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "If any one of you has intercourse with his wife
then wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo' between the
two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second
time." (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171). This is
mustahabb (recommended), not waajib (obligatory); if he is able
to do ghusl between the two actions, this is better,
because of the hadeeth of Abu Raafi' who said that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went
around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one's house
and in this one's house. He (Abu Raafi') said: I said to him,
O Messenger of Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl?
He said, "This is cleaner and better and purer."
(Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa'i, 1/79)
One or both of the spouses have to do ghusl in
the following situations:
when the "two circumcised parts" meet, because
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "When the circumcised part meets the circumcised
part (according to another report: when the circumcised
part touches the circumcised part), ghusl becomes
waajib (obligatory)." (Narrated by Ahmad and Muslim, no.
526). This ghusl is obligatory whether ejaculation takes
place or not. The touching of the circumcised parts means
that the glans or tip of the penis penetrates the vagina; it
does not mean mere touching.
Emission of semen, even if the two circumcised parts
do not touch, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, "Water is for water [i.e.,
the water of ghusl is necessary when the "water" of semen
is ejaculated]." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 1/269).
Al-Baghawi said in Sharh al-Sunnah (2/9): "Ghusl
for janaabah [impurity following sexual discharge] is
waajib in either of two cases: when the tip of the penis enters
the vagina, or when gushing water is emitted by either
the man or the woman." For more information on the
details of ghusl as prescribed in sharee'ah, see Question #
415. It is permissible for the husband and wife to do
ghusl together in one place, even if he sees her and she
sees him, because of the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah (may Allaah
be pleased with her) who said: "The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do
ghusl together from one vessel between me and him; we
would take turns dipping our hands in the vessel and he
would take more than me until I would say, `Leave some for
me, leave some for me.'" She said, and they were both
junub (in a state of janaabah). Narrated by al-Bukhaari
and Muslim.
It is permissible for a person who has to make ghusl
to sleep and delay the ghusl until before the time of
prayer, but it is definitely mustahabb for him to do wudoo'
before sleeping, because of the hadeeth of `Umar, who said
that he asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him), Can any one of us sleep when he is
junub? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Yes, but let him do wudoo' if he wishes."
(Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, 232).
It is forbidden to have intercourse with a woman
when she is menstruating (having her period), because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an adhaa (a
harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with
his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep
away from women during menses and go not unto them till
they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath).
And when they have prufieied themselves, then go in unto
them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in
any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly,
Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and
loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath
and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private
parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.)." [al-Baqarah
2:222]. The person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she
is menstruating has to give a dinar or half a dinar in
charity, as it was reported that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) obliged a man to do when
he came and asked him about that. This was reported by
the authors of al-Sunan and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 122. But it is permissible for
the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without
having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah
(may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: "The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to
wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with
her." (Agreed upon).
It is permissible for the husband to withdraw
(`azl) if he does not want to have a child; by the same token it
is permissible for him to use condoms _ if his wife
gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure
and to children. The evidence for this is the hadeeth of
Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
who said, "We used to do `azl at the time of the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid
us." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/250; Muslim, 4/160).
But it is better not to do any of that, for several
reasons, including the fact that it deprives the woman of
pleasure or reduces the pleasure for her; and that it cancels out
one of the purposes of marriage, which is to increase
the number of offspring, as mentioned above.
It is forbidden for both spouses to spread the secrets
of what happens between them in their private marital
life; indeed, this is one of the most evil things. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Among the most evil of people before Allaah on the Day
of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife
and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her
secrets." (Narrated by Muslim, 4/157).
It was reported from Asmaa' bint Yazeed that she
was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said, "Would any man say what he did with his wife?
Would any woman tell others what she did with her
husband?" The people kept quiet and did not answer. I
[Asmaa'] said: "Yes, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah,
they (women) do that, and they (men) do that." He said,
"Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female
devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst
the people are watching." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no.
1/339; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab
al-Zafaaf, p. 143).
This is what we were able to mention about the
etiquette of sexual relations. Praise be to Allaah Who has
guided us to this great religion with its sublime manners.
Praise be to Allaah Who has shown us the best of this world
and the next. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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13518: Younger brother getting married before
older brother
Question:
I am a young man aged 21 years. I want to get
married but I have two older brothers who have not got
married yet. Is it permissible for me to get married before them?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said:
I say to the brother who is asking the question, you
are not too young to get married. `Amr ibn al-`Aas got
married when he was 11 years old, and he had a child. Hence
it was said that that there was only thirteen years
between him and his son `Abd-Allaah.
I say to the brother who is asking the question, put
your trust in Allaah and get married, and when it is easy
for your two older brothers to get married they will
get married too.
This is one of the grievous mistakes that some
people make, when they do not let the younger daughter
marry so longer as there is an older sibling. This is a shame.
If someone whose character and religious
commitment are suitable proposes marriage to her, then they
should let her get married to him. Maybe there is
something preventing the older sister from getting married.
Often what happens is that it is decreed that the younger
sister will marry first, so if the younger sister is not allowed
to marry first, the older sister is prevented from
marrying. Then when the younger sister gets married, Allaah
opens the door for the older sister (to get married). This
is something which is well known from experience, i.e.,
that not letting one daughter get married may prevent
another from getting married. The same may apply to
having children. We have heard more than one story of a
man who gets married and remains childless for fifteen
years, then he takes a second wife and the second wife
gets pregnant from the first night of marriage, and then
the first wife get pregnant at the same time.
So we say to the one who is asking: get married and
do not think that this means you are disobeying your
parents or severing your ties of kinship with your brothers.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Uthaymeen From the tape al-Liqaa' al-Shahriyyah, 15. (www.islam-qa.com)
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11446: How should an Islamic wedding party be?
Question:
I am a new muslim and my parents are christian,
they agree to take part in a islamic wedding but what are
the steps we need to go about it? they are having it at
their house and agreed to the food and becerage requirments
fr the party following the ceremony. We are trying to
have it so that everyone is comfortable. but I have no idea
what to do before during or after and want to make
sure everything is in place so that later I don't have to find
out that it is void because of a step not taken. I thought
we were already married but I found out that we did not do
it right.I need to know .
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
For information on the steps involved in a correct
marriage contract, please see Question no. 2127.
With regard to having a wedding party in the
Islamic manner, you have to keep away from the things
which are forbidden in sharee'ah but which many people do
not pay attention to during celebrations, such as the following:
With regard to the woman: going to a male,
non-mahram hairdresser to have her hair done; or adorning herself
in ways that are haraam, such as thinning the eyebrows
by plucking them, or wearing tattoos, or wearing
hair extensions, or other kinds of haraam things, because
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) cursed the one who plucks eyebrows and the one
who has that done, the one who adds hair extensions and
the one who asks to have that done; imitating the kuffaar
in their dress, because usually the wedding dress shows
many of the woman's charms and her body, in such a way
that the dress is very revealing - we seek refuge with Allaah
_ and also a great deal of money is wasted on the dress.
Among the haraam actions that have to do with the
man are: shaving his beard for the wedding night, which
is done on the grounds that this makes him look
more handsome, but this is something which is
haraam according to sharee'ah; letting one's clothes hang
below the ankle (isbaal).
There follows a list of haraam things which both
men and women should avoid in the wedding party:
1- Mixing of men with women, and things that
are involved in that, such as greeting and shaking hands
with one another, and men and women dancing
together, because all of that is haraam and is a very serious matter.
2- Taking pictures, whether men do that amongst themselves or women do that amongst themselves.
3- Drinking alcohol or eating pork.
4- Letting the husband come in to where the women
are in order to take his wife.
5- Women wearing revealing, tight or short
clothes amongst themselves, because this is haraam _ so
how about wearing such things in front of men?
6- People should avoid spending extravagantly or
going to extremes in showing off in wedding parties,
because that may wipe out the blessing.
7- The husband and wife exchanging rings and
thus imitating the kuffaar, thinking that this will increase
the husband's love for his wife and vice versa.
Finally, both partners should know that the more
the teachings of Islam are followed in the wedding party,
the more blessed their marriage will be, the more love
and harmony there will be between them, and the
less problems they will encounter in their married life. For
if the married life is based from the outset on haraam
things which go against the commands of Allaah, how can
they expect the marriage to be successful after that? There
have been many marriages in which there were things that
went against the commands of Allaah, and they did not
last. Fear Allaah with regard to this party and keep it free
of things that are forbidden in Islam. May Allaah bless
you both. We ask Allaah to give you and your
husband strength. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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8866: Is it makrooh to have intercourse facing the
direction of the qiblah?
Question:
Is it makrooh to have intercourse facing the direction
of the qiblah either out of doors or indoors? Are there
any differences of opinion among the scholars concerning
this matter?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
That is not makrooh, either out of doors or indoors.
This is the view of al-Shaafa'i and all the scholars, except
for some of the companions of Maalik. And Allaah
knows best.
Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 190 (www.islam-qa.com)
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7838: Her husband forces her to have intercourse
during menstruation
Question:
I am a Muslim woman and am married, praise be
to Allaah. But my husband has intercourse with me
during my period. Is it permissible for him to do that, or
should I stop him? It also hurts me and upsets me. I am
asking this question because I heard from my friends that it
is not permissible for a man to have intercourse with
his wife during her period. May Allaah reward you with
good for this program which has given me the opportunity
to ask about an embarrassing matter such as this. I
am suffering from this problem and do not know what to
do. May Allaah make you a source of help for Islam and
the Muslims.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is haraam (forbidden) for a man to have
intercourse with his wife during her period.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is
an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a
sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her
menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and
go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and
have taken a bath)" [al-Baqarah 2:222].
So it is not permissible for a man to have intercourse
with his wife until she has become pure and has taken a
bath (made ghusl), because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And when they have purified themselves, then go in
unto them as Allâh has ordained for you (go in unto them
in any manner as long as it is in their vagina)."
[al-Baqarah 2:222]
Another indication of how abhorrent this sin is, is
the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him): "Whoever has intercourse with a
menstruating woman, or has anal intercourse with a woman, or goes
to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed
to Muhammad." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi from
Abu Hurayrah, 1/243; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5918).
So you have to prevent him and stop him from
doing that. If you obey him in this matter then you will be
a partner in the sin with him, but if he forces you to do
it then the sin will be on him.please see Question
#2121 And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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1696: What should a man say when he enters upon
his bride?
Question:
What is the Sunnah when entering upon one's wife
on the wedding night? Many people mistakenly think
that he should read Soorat al-Baqarah and pray, and
this custom is widespread nowadays.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah
When a man enters upon his wife for the first time,
he should take her forelock in his hand and say:
"Allaahumma innee as'aluka khayrahaa wa khayra ma
jabaltahaa `alayh, wa a'oodhu bika min sharrihaa wa sharri
ma jabaltahaa `alayh (O Allaah, I ask You for the
goodness within her and the goodness that You have made
her inclined towards, and I take refuge with You from
the evil within her and the evil that You have made
her inclined towards)." (Reported by Abu Dawood, no.
2160; Ibn Maajah, no. 1918), But if he fears that the
woman may get upset if he takes hold of her forelock and
recites this du'aa', then he can take hold of her forelock as if
he is going to kiss her, and recite this du'aa' to himself
under his breath, without letting her hear him, so that she
will not be upset. If she is a woman who has knowledge,
she will know that this is prescribed by Islam and that
there is nothing wrong with him doing and saying this in
such a way that she can hear it. As for praying two
rak'ahs when he enters the room where his wife is, it was
reported that some of the salaf did this, so if the man does this it
is good, and if he does not do it, there is nothing
wrong with that. As for reciting al-Baqarah and other soorahs,
I know of no basis for doing this.
Liqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh by Ibn al-`Uthaymeen,
52/41 (www.islam-qa.com)
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854: What should a Muslim do when he wants to consummate his marriage?
Question:
assalamuvalakum
I am a 21yr old young man and inshallah next year
getting married.
My question is that, i need to know the way a marriage
is set to be planned, i mean how is the nikah supposed to
be performed, how many people can i invite is there a
limit, can i have music, dancing during my wedding or
during reception or valima. Also i need to know is that,
whose responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and valima, is
it the brides, or the bride grooms.
I need to know this answer a.s.a.p. so i could inform
my family and inshallah i will implement it in my life,
so Allah will bless me and my marriage.
My family is from XXX and so show alot of custom.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage,
a number of things are recommended in the sunnah:
He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like
offering her something to drink and so on, because of the
hadeeth narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazeed ibn al-Sakan, who
said: "I prepared `Aa'ishah as a bride when she married
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see
her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and
a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) drank some,
then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy.
I rebuked her and said: `Take it from the hand of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).' So she
took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, `Give some to
your companion (meaning himself).'"
(Reported by Imaam Ahmad and deemed saheeh by
al-Albaani)
He should place his hand on his bride's head and pray
for her, saying "Bismillaah" and asking for
barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the
hadeeth narrated by `Abdullaah ibn `Amr ibn al-`Aas, who
said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "When one of you marries a woman or buys
a servant, let him say: `Allaahumma inni as'aluka
khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha `alayhi wa a'oodhu bika
min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha
`alayhi (O Allaah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which
You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from
her evil and the evil which You have created in her).'"
Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa'eed added: "Then let him
take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this
woman or servant." (Reported by Abu Dawud in
al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Nikaah, Baab fi jaami'
al-nikaah; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 341)
He should pray two rak'ahs with her, leading her in
prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the
salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning
this. (i) from Abu Sa'eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd,
which states that a group of the Companions of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught
him and told him: "When your wife comes in to you,
pray two rak'ahs and ask Allaah for the goodness of what
has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil."
(ii) from Shaqeeq, who said: "A man called Abu Hareez
came and said (to `Abdullaah ibn Mas'ood, may Allaah
be pleased with him): `I have married a young virgin
girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.' `Abdullaah
said: `Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes
from Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah
has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her
to pray two rak'ahs behind you.'" (These two reports
were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Aadaab
al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani).
When he wants to consummate the marriage, he
should say the words reported in the hadeeth reported by
Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his
father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) who said: "When one of you wants to approach
(have intercourse with) his wife, if he says:
`Bismillahi Allaahumma jannibna al-Shaytaan wa jannib
al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah,
protect us from Shaytaan and protect whatever You give to
us from Shaytaan)' _ then if they are given a child,
Shaytaan will not harm it." (Reported by al-Bukhaari,
Fath, no. 3271)
(For more information, see Aadaab
al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani, p. 91)
There is no limit to the number of guests one can
invite to a wedding feast (waleema), so invite whoever you
wish of your relatives, the bride's relatives, your friends
and anyone you have a good reason to invite.
It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is
haraam such as having music, letting men and women mix,
or letting women dance in front of men, or other things
that earn the wrath of Allaah. How can the blessing of
Allaah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality?
At weddings, women can do whatever is allowed in
Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words
or entertaining themselves by playing the
daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles)
only, so long as no men are present.
Providing the wedding feast (waleema) is the
husband's responsibility. The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep
or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to `Abd
al-Rahmaan ibn `Awf, "Give a wedding feast, even if it
is only one sheep." (Reported by al-Bukhaari,
al-Fath, no. 2048).
We ask Allaah to bless you and your bride and to
grant you a happy marriage.
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2375: When should one pray two rak'ahs with one's bride?
Question:
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
My question is regarding praying nawafil between
Asr and Maghrib. I am getting married this Wednesday,
insha' Allah.
The marriage ceremony (i.e. writing the contract) will
be right after Asr prayer. I wanted to know if it is
permissible to pray the two Sunnah rakat that are to be prayed
upon marriage. Does the specific order of praying these
two rakat over ride the general ruling of no nawafil
between Asr and Maghrib ? Also, is this the case in general
(i.e. specific over rides general) ?
P.S. Please answer quickly, I have two days to find out !
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
What was reported in the hadeeth of Ibn Mas'ood is
that the groom should lead his bride in praying two
rak'ahs when he goes in unto her, not immediately after
the marriage contract. What you should do is pray two
rak'ahs for istikhaarah and pray the du'aa' of istikhaarah
before you do the marriage contract. According to the
most correct opinion among the scholars, prayers for
which there is a reason are allowed at times when other
naafil prayers are prohibited. See question # (854).
And Allaah knows best.
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1202: What is Said Just Prior to Intercourse
Question:
Salam;
I have a question that everyone I asked had a
different answer for. Does the Muslim have to say anything
during the sexual intercourse "nikkah"?, and does the
Muslim "husband and wife " have to pray before the first day
of sexual intercourse "nikkah"?
Thank you for having this website to help us
understand our religion more.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah;
Among the manners prescribed by the shari'ah is that
the Muslim should say when he commences intercourse
with his wife:
"bismillaah, oh Allaah, shield us from Satan and
keep him away from us and from what You [may] bestow
upon us (i.e. children)" narrated by Al-Bukhari, Fath
ul-Baari # 138
[transliteration: "bismillaah, allaahumma
jannibnash-shaytaana wa jannib-ash-shaytaana maa razaqtana"]
This opening invocation is useful in that if Allaah
blesses the husband and the wife with a child, this child will
not be harmed by Satan.
As for what is to be said by the husband when consummating the marriage with his wife,(please
refer to Question# 854 which has been answered previously) .
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1103: Ruling on Intercourse with a Woman in her rectum
Question:
Please accept my apology if this questions offends, but
in the pursuit of Islamic knowledge, we cannot afford to
be shy for fear that if we are not well advised, we may
commit a sin.
I have been advised by a friend that there is a
"qawl" (opinion) among some ulamaa' (scholars) that it
is permissible to conduct anal sex (anal
penetration) (between man and wife only) during the time of the
wife's haydh (menstruation).
Is this correct?
Please also advise the laws and penalties relevant to it.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah.
Your apology is accepted. Striving to understand
the rulings of Sharee'ah in this and similar matters is
not haraam or shameful; it is necessary.
As regards your question, anal intercourse with one's
wife is a major sin, whether it occurs at the time of
menstruation or not. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of
Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this: "Cursed
is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum"
(Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5865).
The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be
upon Him) also said: "The one who has intercourse with
a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum,
or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what
was revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi,
no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5918).
In spite of the fact that many wives of sound nature
refuse this, there are some husbands who threaten their
wives with divorce if they do not obey them (in this
matter), and some even deceive their wives, who are too shy
to ask scholars about it, into thinking that it is
permissible. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be
upon Him) said that a man may approach his wife in any
way he likes, from the front or the back, so long as
intercourse takes place in the place from through which a child
is born. There is no doubt that the rectum is the place
from which waste matter is expelled, not the place from
which a child is born.
Another reason why some may commit this immoral
act is that they enter upon what should be a clean
married life with some jaahili (ignorant) traditions and
odd practices, or with memories of scenes from
indecent movies, for which they have not repented to Allaah.
It is known that this act is forbidden even if both
partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does
not make it halaal.
I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper understanding
of His religion and to make us adhere to its limits, for He
is the All-Hearing, the One Who answers prayers.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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