Chapter 1
Transactions
Marriage: General
46979: Ruling on the bride sitting on a dais
Question:
My question is about the dais on which the bride is
placed, which is a kind of platform or stage which is on a
higher level than the people who are present, so that the
bride may be easily seen by all the people present. Is this a
kind of arrogance, knowing that some of the friends of the
bride sit with her? Please advise us, may Allaah reward
you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The dais on which the bride sits is something that
has been well known from ancient times and is mentioned
in several classical texts.
There is nothing wrong with the bride sitting on a
dais, subject to the condition that it be screened from the
gaze of non-mahram men. This is not regarded as a kind
of arrogance, rather the aim, as you stated, is for
everyone to be able to see her.
Here we should point out the evils that happen in
some societies on such occasions, where the husband sits
with his wife on this dais when she is wearing all her finery,
in front of both men and women, or the husband comes
in and sits with his wife on the dais when there are
women present who are not his mahrams, wearing all
their adornments.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
For the husband to appear on the dais in front of
women who are not his mahrams and who are present at
the wedding party, where he can see them and they can
see him, and they are wearing all their adornments and he
is wearing all his finery, is not permissible, rather it is
an evil action which must be denounced.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 19/120.
And Allaah knows best.
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45789: Attending wedding parties which involve some evils
Question:
Celebrations nowadays are not free of some evils,
such as songs, dancing, music, improper clothing, etc.
My question is very important:
1- Is it permissible to attend and accept invitations to
these occasions?
2- As 99% of these events are not free of songs,
especially those that are accompanied by haraam
musical instruments or indecent words, does this mean that
we should have nothing to do with them and not attend
any such occasions?
3- If we do not attend these parties, does that mean
we are severing the ties of kinship, cutting ourselves off
from people and causing enmity between us and them?
4- The scholars have stipulated that if we attend
these celebrations we must denounce what goes on, but
such denunciations receive no response and there is no
real opportunity at such times which they claim are times
of joy.
5- I hope that you can find the time to explain for us
in detail about this matter which is so widespread nowadays.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
1 _ It is not permissible to attend wedding parties
that involve evil actions, such as singing that is
accompanied by music or that includes indecent words. The fact
that this is widespread among people does not mean that it
is permissible and should not be denounced.
2 _ Not attending these parties is not regarded as
severing the ties of kinship, rather it is protecting oneself
from seeing or hearing evil. Your family and relatives
should understand that you would be keen to attend and
take part, were it not for the evil things that they do.
3 _ If a person who is invited to such an event knows
that there will be evil things happening and that he is not
able to denounce them, it is not permissible for him to attend.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
in al-Mughni (7/214): If a person is invited to a
wedding feast in which evil things will take place, such as
wine, musical instruments, etc, and he is able to attend
and remove those evils, then he must attend and
denounce them, because then he will be fulfilling two
duties: accepting the invitation of his Muslim brother
and removing evil. But if he is not able to denounce
them then he should not attend. If he does not know about
the evils until he gets there, he should remove them. If
he cannot, then he should go away. Something similar
was stated by al-Shaafa'i.
It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah:
If wedding parties are free of evils such as men
mixing with women and indecent songs, or if you attend
then these evils will be changed, then it is permissible to
attend, so as to share in the occasion of joy. Rather it is
obligatory to attend if there is some evil that you can remove.
But if there are evil things in these parties that you
cannot denounce, then it is haraam to attend them because of
the general meaning of the words of Allaah (interpretation
of the meaning):
"And leave alone those who take their religion as
play and amusement, and whom the life of this world
has deceived. But remind (them) with it (the Qur'aan) lest
a person be given up to destruction for that which he
has earned, when he will find for himself no protector
or intercessor besides Allaah"
[al-An'aam 6:70]
"And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks
(i.e. music, singing) to mislead (men) from the path of
Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of Allaah,
or the Verses of the Qur'aan) by way of mockery. For
such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hellfire)"
[Luqmaan 31:6]
And because of the many ahaadeeth which condemn singing and musical instruments.
From Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad
al-Musnad, p. 92.
And Allaah knows best.
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44990: The reason why the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) married `Aa'ishah despite the
age difference
Question:
A Christian colleague of mine asked me why the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
married `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when
she was nine years old and he was nearly sixty, and was
he intimate with her at that age or what? In fact I do
not know how to respond to that.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) married `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her)
after he married Sawdah bint Zam'ah (may Allaah be
pleased with her). She _ `Aa'ishah _ was the only virgin
whom he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
married. And he consummated the marriage with her when
she was nine years old.
Among her virtues was the fact that the Revelation
did not descend when he under one cover with any of
his wives other than her. She was one of the dearest of
all people to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him), and news of her innocence was revealed
from above the seven heavens. She was one of the
most knowledgeable of his wives, and one of the
most knowledgeable women of the ummah as a whole.
The senior companions of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to refer to her opinion
and consult her.
With regard to the story of her marriage, the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had
grieved over the death of the Mother of the Believers
Khadeejah, who had supported him and stood by his side, and
he called the year in which she died The Year of
Sorrow. Then he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) married Sawdah, who was an older woman and was
not very beautiful; rather he married her to console her
after her husband had died and she stayed among
mushrik people. Four years later the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) married `Aa'ishah (may
Allaah be pleased with her), and he was over fifty. Perhaps
the reasons for the marriage were as follows:
1 _ He saw a dream about marrying her. It is proven in
al-Bukhaari from the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah (may Allaah
be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: "You were shown
to me twice in a dream. I saw that you were wrapped in
a piece of silk, and it was said, `This is your wife.'
I uncovered her and saw that it was you. I said, `If this
is from Allaah then it will come to pass.'" (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 3682). As to whether this is a
prophetic vision as it appears to be, or a regular dream that may
be subject to interpretation, there was a difference of
opinion among the scholars, as mentioned by al-Haafiz in
Fath al-Baari, 9/181.
2 _ The characteristics of intelligence and smartness
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) had noticed in `Aa'ishah even as a small child, so
he wanted to marry her so that she would be more able
than others to transmit reports of what he did and said. In
fact, as stated above, she was a reference point for the
Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) with regard to
their affairs and rulings.
3 _ The love of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) for her father Abu Bakr (may Allaah
be pleased with him), and the persecution that Abu Bakr
(may Allaah be pleased with him) had suffered for the sake
of the call of truth, which he bore with patience. He was
the strongest of people in faith and the most sincere in
certain faith, after the Prophets.
It may be noted that among his wives were those
who were young and old, the daughter of his sworn
enemy, the daughter of his closest friend. One of them
occupied herself with raising orphans, another distinguished
herself from others by fasting and praying qiyaam a great
deal… They represented all kinds of people, through whom
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) was able to set out a way for the
Muslims showing how to deal properly with all kinds of
people. [See al-Seerah al-Nabawiyyah fi Daw' al-Masaadir
al-Asliyyah, p. 711].
With regard to the issue of her being young and your
being confused about that, you should note that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) grew up in
a hot country, the Arabian Peninsula. Usually in
hot countries adolescence comes early and people marry
early. This is how the people of Arabia were until
recently. Moreover, women vary greatly in their development
and their physical readiness for marriage.
If you think _ may Allaah guide you _ that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not
marry any virgin other than `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be
pleased with her), and that all his other wives had been
previously married, this will refute the notion spread by many
hostile sources, that the basic motive behind the
Prophet's marriages was physical desire and enjoyment of
women, because if that was his intention he would have
chosen only those who were virgins and beautiful etc.
Such slanders against the Prophet of Mercy (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by kaafirs and others
of their ilk, are indicative of their inability to find fault
with the law and religion that he brought from Allaah, so
they try to find ways to criticize Islam with regard to
issues that are not related to sharee'ah.
And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah
send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad
and his family and companions.
For more information see Zaad al-Ma'aad, 1/106.
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13492: Encouragement to have a lot of children
Question:
I noticed that people are of two types: those
who encourage us to have few children and those
who encourage us to have a lot of children. Is there is
evidence to support either of these two opinions?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma'qil ibn Yasaar
said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and said, "I have found a woman who is
of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not
children. Should I marry her?" He said, "No." Then he came
again with the same question and he told him not to marry
her. Then he came a third time with the same question and
he said: "Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I
will be proud of your great numbers before the other
nations." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Irwa' al-Ghaleel, 1784.
This hadeeth indicates that it is encouraged to
marry women who are fertile, so that the numbers of the
ummah will increase, and so the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of his ummah
before all other nations. This shows that it is encouraged to
have a lot of children.
Al-Ghazaali said that when a man gets married,
intending thereby to have children, that this is an act of worship
for which he will be rewarded because of his good
intention. He explained that in several ways:
1 _ This is in accordance with what Allaah wants,
which is to perpetuate the human race.
2 _ Seeking the love of the Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in having many
children, so that he will feel proud of them before the other
Prophets and nations on the Day of Resurrection.
3 _ Seeking barakah (blessing) and a great deal of
reward, and forgiveness of sins through the du'aa' of a
righteous child after one dies.
It is well known that since ancient times children
have been the hope of the Prophets and Messengers and all
of the righteous slaves of Allaah, and that will continue
to be the case so long as man's innate nature (fitrah)
remains sound. Children are a blessing whom people love and
on whom they pin their hopes.
Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) prayed to his Lord,
saying (interpretation of the meaning):
"My Lord! Grant me (offspring) from the righteous"
[al-Saafaat 37:100]
And Allaah says of Zakariya (peace be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):
"When he called out his Lord (Allaah) a call in secret.
He said: `My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown
feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, and I have
never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord!
And verily, I fear my relatives after me, and my wife
is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir.
Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity
of Ya'qoob (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious
knowledge and Prophethood, not of wealth). And make him, my
Lord, one with whom You are WellPleased!'
(Allaah said) `O Zakariyya (Zachariah)! Verily, We
give you the glad tidings of a son, whose name will be
Yahyaa (John). We have given that name to none before
(him)'" [Maryam 19:3-7]
Allaah praises His righteous slaves in many ways,
such as when He said (interpretation of the meaning):
"And those who say: `Our Lord! Bestow on us from
our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and
make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the
pious)'" [al-Furqaan 25:74]
And Allaah tells us that Shu'ayb (peace be upon
him) commanded his people to remember Allaah's blessing
to them when He made them many after they had been
few. He said (interpretation of the meaning):
"And remember when you were but few, and He
multiplied you"
[al-A'raaf 7:86]
He regarded their being multiplied after they had
been few as a great blessing which obliged them to obey
Allaah and obey His Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him).
Undoubtedly the benefits of increasing the
nation's offspring are obvious to everyone who thinks about
the matter. Hence nations who understand this matter
have been keen to encourage their people to increase
their numbers and also to make their enemies reduce
their numbers by means of specious arguments and
sometimes by using means that lead to infertility and having
few children, by means of drugs, contaminated food
stuffs that reduce fertility and so on. This is one of the means
of war used against the Muslim ummah by its enemies.
We ask Allaah to ward off the evil of those who
disbelieve and to thwart their plots against the Muslims.
And Allaah knows best.
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11565: Which is better, marriage or Hajj?
Question:
Which is better, to fulfil the obligation of Hajj or to
get married, for one who is single?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If you fear that you may commit zina (fornication),
then you should give priority to marriage over performing
the obligatory Hajj and `Umrah. But if you do not fear
that you may commit zina, then you should give priority
to performing the obligatory Hajj and `Umrah over marriage.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 18/13.
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8805: She wants to marry a student like her and her
family doesn't agree
Question:
A men, who I think is a very good muslim and Allah
knows the best, has asked for my hand in marriage. I love
him very much but my parents disapprove of this
marriage for the following reasons. They think I am too
young. They think that he (we) will not be able to
support ourselves since both of us are students. They want me
to finish school (i am in my last year of high school)
and maybe even finish university before getting married
for they think that is i get married i will not complete
my studies. Please advise me on what i should do and
what right i have in this.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen (may Allaah mercy on him) was asked a similar question
and said:
The ruling on that is that it is contrary to the command
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "If there comes to you one with whose
religious commitment and character you are pleased, then
marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to
him." Undoubtedly your father's preventing you from
marrying one who is suitable is something that is haraam.
Marriage is more important than study, and it does not mean
that you cannot study, because the two can be combined.
What I advise my brothers who are the guardians of women
to do, is to let them complete their studies; a woman
may stipulate as a condition of her marriage that she be able
to continue studying until her studies are complete.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/704-705.
Secondly:
With regard to what you mention about the situation
of the one who has proposed marriage and that he is still
a student, being a student is not regarded as an
impediment to marriage if he can afford to get married and to
spend on his wife on a reasonable basis.
But if his being a student means that he cannot afford
to get married and spend on his wife _ apart from
the unreasonable demands that some families make in
the conditions that they stipulate _ this is addressed by
the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"And let those who find not the financial means
for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah
enriches them of His Bounty"
[al-Noor 24:33]
Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: In
this verse, Allaah commands everyone who is unable to
get married and cannot find any means of doing so to
keep himself chaste, because the most common obstacle
to marriage is lack of money. So Allaah promises independence of means by His bounty, so that He
will provide what one needs to get married or to find a
woman who will accept a small mahr, or else remove from
him the desire to marry." Tafseer
al-Qurtubi, 12/242
It should be noted that the mahr and maintenance are
the rights of the woman, not of her guardians. She has
the right to agree to a little and to marry one whom she
knows is poor, but it has to be pointed out that many
woman may agree to marry a man even though he is poor
when he proposes to her, then shortly after marriage the
woman may start to complain, and that leads to arguments
and divorce. This should be taken into consideration.
Thirdly:
We advise families and guardians not to be an obstacle
to keeping their daughters and female relatives
chaste because of the unreasonable conditions that they
stipulate regarding spending on the basis that they want to
be reassured about their daughters' future. This puts off
the men who want to marry them, which leads to them
being left on the shelf and the evils that result from
that, especially nowadays when fitnah (temptation) is
so widespread. Thus they harm themselves and their daughters when their intention is to do good.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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33656: Muslim man marrying a chaste Christian woman
Question:
I would be most grateful for your help with the
following issue.
My daughter is a Christian (Woman of the Book) and
she would like to marry a Muslim man and she does not
want to change her religion.
They are both living in Singapore and I have been
told that in Singapore because the Muslim relogion is not
the dominant religion he cannot marry her unless she
becomes a Muslim. Is this the case? If it is not, can they both
be married in a Muslim wedding service even if my
daughter remains a Christian and could the Muslim man also
take part in a Christian wedding service after he has
been married according to the Muslim tradition.
I am sorry to submit such a long question but this issue
is causing considerable difficulties in our family and I
would like to have the correct Muslim law on this issue so I
can resolve the problem with the least upset to all. I
thank you in anticipation.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Islam does not prevent marriage to a Christian woman
if she is chaste. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"…The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of
the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful
to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you
in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and
chaste women from those who were given the Scripture
(Jews and Christians) before your time when you have
given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband
to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity
(i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing
illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends…"
[al-Maa'idah 5:5]
What is meant by chaste women is that they are free
(not slaves) and chaste (not loose or immoral).
See also question no. 2527
But if a woman is not chaste, and she has boyfriends
or lovers with whom she is intimate, then Islam
forbids marriage to her, whether she is a Muslim or a
woman from among the People of the Book, just as it
forbids marriage to a man who has girlfriends or lovers, to
protect married life from collapse and to protect against
mixing of lineages and to avoid causes of dispute, accusation
and suspicion.
With regard to the Muslim husband attending
marriage parties according to the Christian tradition, this is
not permissible because there will be many things in
these celebrations that are forbidden in Islam, such as
free mixing between men and women, listening to
music, drinking alcohol, dancing etc.
In the hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever believes in Allaah and
the Last Day, let him not sit at a table where wine is
being drunk." Narrated by Ahmad, 1/20; al-Bayhaqi, 7/366.
Al-Albaani said in al-Irwa', 7/6: it is saheeh.
We thank you for your noble feelings and this good
attitude and your keenness to ask about the Islamic rulings
on this matter.
We ask Allaah to help you and guide you to the
religion of Islam. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds.
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22897: Ruling on a woman letting a man know that
she wants to marry him
Question:
Islamically , Is it okay for a sister to let a brother (in
islam) know that she cherishes him and she has the intention
to get married to him? Is it considered to be bold approach?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with a woman letting a man
know that in principle, however the woman should not
propose herself, rather it is better if that is done via her
wali (guardian) or someone else who can let the man
know. This is indicated by the fact that `Umar (may Allaah
be pleased with him) offered his daughter Hafsah in
marriage to Abu Bakr and `Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased
with them).
Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com)
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9694: Can a woman look for her life partner herself?
Question:
I have been accused repeatedly for finding a
boyfriend while wearing hijab. Personally i don't think wearing
a hijab should stop me from choosing a suitable
partner. When i found him, i showed him to my parents
asking for their openion on him. Some say "better not to
wear hijab at all than doing this". Am i right to say that
Islam does not prevent any girls from finding a suitable
partner and wearing hijab has nothing to do with it?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The Muslim woman must know that she is obliged
to wear hijaab and observe proper Islamic hijaab at all
times. It is not permissible for a woman to make a wanton
display of herself (tabarruj). Tabarruj is a major sin for which
the one who does it deserves the wrath and punishment
of Allaah. A woman, as the saying goes, is a jewel, and
when she is shown to people and makes a wanton display
of herself she loses her value.
So I advise the questioner and every Muslim woman
to adhere to proper Islamic hijaab, which is pleasing
to Allaah and is an act of obedience to Him, and is a
means of Allaah guiding His slave and making things easier
for him.
Secondly:
With regard to marriage, it may be obligatory if a man
or woman longs for marriage and fears falling into
immoral ways. It is also the Sunnah of the Prophets (peace be
upon them). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And indeed We sent Messengers before you
(O Muhammad), and made for them wives and
offspring"[al-Ra'd 13:38]
Thirdly:
There is a difference between a Muslim woman
looking for a husband and her mixing with and talking to men
for that purpose, and meeting by accident a man who
she thinks is a potential husband. The former is contrary
to modesty, for a woman is required to be of modest
character and shy, which is an adornment and beauty for
women; the virgin is the epitome of modesty as it says in
the hadeeth of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be
pleased with him): "The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to be more shy than the virgin in
her seclusion, and if he disliked something it would be
known from his face."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5751; Muslim, 2320
A woman can do something better than that, which is
to make du'aa' asking Allaah to give her a good and
righteous husband. Du'aa' is one of the best things with which
a Muslim may equip himself and the best way in which
a Muslim may seek to meet his needs. She can also
speak to some of her Muslim sisters whose
religious commitment and honesty she trusts to tell her of
someone who can tell a young Muslim man who wants to
get married about a Muslim girl. This is better than her
doing something that is contrary to modesty.
Fourthly:
Undoubtedly the one who told you to take off the
hijab and that that is better than wearing it is wrong. How
can a woman give up her religious commitment and hijab
and ignore something that Allaah has enjoined upon her
and said that if she forsakes it then she will deserve the
wrath and punishment of Allaah and will not be granted
His support?
The Muslim woman must adhere to this virtue
which many Muslim women have forsaken, for it is the
symbol of the Muslim woman, a sign of her commitment,
sincere faith and piety.
I advise the sister to fear Allaah and to adhere to
hijab, and Allaah will help her and make her life easier for
her. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.
And Allaah knows best.
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21818: The situation of one who is illegitimate and
the ruling on marrying him
Question:
Is it true that our beloved prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) has strongly forbidden to
marry iligitimate person eventhough this person is very pious?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There are some ahaadeeth that condemn the
illegitimate child, but most of these ahaadeeth are da'eef (weak)
and are not saheeh (sound). It was narrated by Abu
Dawood in his Sunan (4/39) and by Ahmad in
al-Musnad (2/311) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "The illegitimate child is the most evil of
the three" meaning more evil than his parents. Among
the scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn al-Qayyim
in al-Manaar al-Muneef (133) and al-Albaani in
al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672).
The scholars interpreted this hadeeth in a number of
ways, the most famous of which was that suggested by
Sufyaan al-Thawri, who said: it means he is the most evil of
the three if he does the same action as his parents did
(i.e., zina or adultery).
This was narrated from `Aa'ishah, who said that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "He is the most evil of the three if he does the same
action as his parents did _ meaning the illegitimate
child." Although its isnaad is da'eef, it was interpreted in
this manner by the salaf, as stated above.
This interpretation is supported by the report narrated
by al-Haakim (4/100) _ with an isnaad of which
al-Albaani said, "It may be regarded as hasan" _ from `Aa'ishah
(may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
illegitimate child does not bear any part of his parents' burden of
sin. `and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden
of another' [al-An'aam 6:164 _ interpretation of
the meaning]." (al-Silsilat
al-Saheehah, 2186)
Some scholars said that this hadeeth is to be
interpreted as meaning that there is some evil in most
illegitimate children because they are created from an evil
nutfah (sperm drop), and usually nothing good is created
from an evil nutfah. If a good soul comes out of this
nutfah then it will enter Paradise. This hadeeth is to be taken
as a general rule to which there may be exceptions. (See
al-Manaar al-Muneef, 133).
Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: "If an illegitimate child believes
and does righteous deeds, he will enter Paradise,
otherwise he will be punished for his deeds just like anyone
else. The punishment is for the deeds, not for the lineage.
Rather the illegitimate child is condemned because he is
expected to do evil deeds, as often happens. By the same
token, good lineages are regarded as praiseworthy because
such people are expected to do good deeds. But when a
person does a deed, then the reward or punishment is based
on that, and the most noble of people before Allaah are
those who are most pious. (al-Fataawa
al-Kubra, 5/83).
It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah: "If
an illegitimate child dies in Islam (as a Muslim), he will
enter Paradise, and his being illegitimate does not have
any effect on that, because that was not due to his own
actions, rather it was the action of someone else. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
`and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden
of another'
[al-An'aam 6:164]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
`Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned'
[al-Toor 52:21]
And there are other similar verses.
With regard to the words narrated from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), `No
illegitimate child will enter Paradise,' this hadeeth is not saheeh.
It was mentioned by al-Haafiz Ibn Jawzi in
al-Mawdoo'aat, but it is one of the ahaadeeth that were fabricated
against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). And Allaah is the Source of strength."
With regard to the ruling on marrying one who
is illegitimate, none of the reputable fuqaha' have stated
that this is haraam. However there was some difference
of opinion among the Hanbalis as to whether such a
person is compatible with a woman of good lineage. Some
of them said that he is compatible with her, and othesr
did not agree with that because that will be a source of
shame for the woman, because he will be her guardian, and
that would also affect her child. (See
al-Mughni, 7/28).
(al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 34/282).
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked about a man who married his daughter to a
person who was apparently illegitimate _ what was the ruling
on that? He answered as follows:
"If he is Muslim, then the marriage is sound, because
the sin of his mother and the one who committed zina
with her does not rest on him. Allaah says `and no bearer
of burdens shall bear the burden of another'
[al-An'aam 6:164 _ interpretation of the
meaning]. And there is no shame on him because of their action, if he
adheres steadfastly to the religion of Allaah and develops
good characteristics, because Allaah says
`O mankind! We have created you from a male and
a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that
you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable
of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has AtTaqwa
[i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah
is AllKnowing, AllAware'
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said, when he was asked who is the most noble
of people, `Those who are most pious.' And he (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `If a
person's actions make him less worthy than others, his lineage
will not make him more worthy.'"
From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/166.
And Allaah knows best.
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11885: `Azl (coitus interruptus) and using birth
control pills
Question:
according to Jabir radiyaahu canhu said: "we use to
do cazli while Quran is revealing and Prophet did
not prohibit? my question is as follows
1- Is it allowed to use a condom/pill?
2- if so what is the conditions?
3- what type of niyyah do we need to have at
performing either or both"Condom/Pills/cazli?
4- Why the Companion doing this?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly, what the Muslims should do is to try to have
as many children as they can, because this is the
command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him), who said: "Marry the one who is loving and
fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before
the nations." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2050; classed
as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi
Dawood, 1805).
Having more children increases the numbers of
the ummah, and increasing the numbers of the ummah is
a source of its glory, as Allaah says, reminding the
Children of Israel of His blessings:
"and made you more numerous in manpower"
[al-Isra' 15:6 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
And Shu'ayb said to his people:
"And remember when you were but few, and He
multiplied you"
[al-A'raaf 7:86 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
No one can deny that having a large number is a
source of pride and strength for the ummah, contrary to
what those pessimists think who say that large numbers
causes poverty and starvation in a nation.
If the ummah increases in number, puts its trust in
Allaah and believes His promises as mentioned in the aayah,
"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but
its provision is due from Allaah"
[Hood 11:6 _ interpretation of the meaning], then
Allaah will make things easy for them and will grant
them independence of means from His bounty. Based on
that, the answer to your question is as follows:
Birth control pills:
A woman should not use birth control pills, unless
the following conditions are met:
1- She should need to use them, for example if she is
ill and cannot cope with a pregnancy every year, or she
is physically unfit, or there is some other reason that
getting pregnant every year may harm her.
2- Her husband should give his permission, because
the husband has the right to have children. There must
also be consultation with the doctor, to find out whether
these pills are harmful or not.
If these two conditions are met, there is nothing
wrong with taking these pills, but that should not be on
a permanent basis, because that means preventing
having children.
With regard to `azl (coitus interruptus), or
withdrawing during intercourse, the correct scholarly view is that
there is nothing wrong with it, because of the hadeeth of
Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him): "We used to
practise `azl at the time when the Qur'aan was being revealed"
_ i.e., at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). If that action had been haraam,
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) would have forbidden it. But the scholars say that
one should not engage in `azl with a free woman except
with her permission, because she has the right to have
children. Moreover, withdrawing without her
permission diminishes her pleasure, because the woman's
pleasure can only be completed after ejaculation. So not
asking her permission causes her to lose out on pleasure and
on the possibility of having children. Hence we state
the condition that this may only be done with her permission.
From Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Uthaymeen.
From Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 190.
Thirdly: the reason why the Sahaabah engaged in
`azl was because they did not want the woman _ especially
a slave woman _ to get pregnant, so that they could
continue to enjoy a physical relationship with them and the
woman would still be able to do their work. Abu Dawood
narrated that a man said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have a
slave woman and I engage in `azl with her, because I do
not want her to get pregnant, but I want what men want.
But the Jews say that `azl is a lesser form of infanticide."
He said, "The Jews are lying. If Allaah wants to create
(a child) you cannot prevent that." (Narrated by
Abu Dawood, Kitaab al-Nikaah, 1856; classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1903).
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10140: If they agree on khula', does the husband have
the right to change his mind?
Question:
If a man agrees to grant his wife a divorce by khula',
on the basis that she will return the mahr to him, then
before she gives him the mahr the husband wants to change
his mind, does he have the right to do that?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If he has indeed divorced her by khula', in the sense
that the marriage has been annulled and there is nothing
left to be done except handing over the compensation
(i.e., the mahr), then he has no choice in the matter, even if
he has not yet taken back the mahr. But if they have
agreed to khula' without yet having the marriage annulled,
rather they have agreed that he will let her go when she
hands over the mahr, then this does not mean that the
marriage has been annulled, rather it is promise to annul it. So if
it has not yet been annulled, then he has the right to
change his mind and not do that which he had intended. If he
had said, "If you give me the mahr you will be free (I
will give you khula')," then according to the Hanbali
madhhab he does not have the right to change his mind.
But according to Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, if he has
not yet taken back the mahr then he has the right to
change his mind. In order to be on the safe side, if the
latter scenario has taken place and they want to get
back together, they should make a new marriage contract so
as to put themselves beyond any area of scholarly dispute.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/785; fatwa of
Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di. (www.islam-qa.com)
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22446: His family want him to marry a girl who is
not religious and they say that she will change in time
Question:
Im 27 years old and have been looking for a wife for
past two years....there are not many muslim girls in
my country...My parents would like for me to marry one
of the musim girls here ....hiwever she does not pray
much nor wear niqab. they said that inshallah shell change
when she comes into our environment.My problem is that
there are not many choices in my country only 1500
muslims here. Do u recmmend that i marry this girl?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) commanded the one who wants to get married to look
for a religious woman. He (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "A woman may be married for four
things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her
religious commitment. Look for the one who is religious, may
your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)."
A wife is a life-long companion, and she will take care
of his household and all his affairs. She will be the one
to bring up and teach his children. Religious
commitment is the thing that makes a woman chaste and keeps
her away from bad things. So you must choose a wife
from among those women who are religiously-committed
and fear Allaah.
What I think you should do is to strive to influence
her and make da'wah to her through your family or some
of your mahrams so that she will improve and adhere to
the straight path. If she adheres to the straight path
and improves, then marry her.
Otherwise, I think that you should look for someone
else, for you have no guarantee that you will be able to
influence her; she may not respond, or you may be influenced
by her, for no matter how much faith and taqwa (piety)
a person may have, he is still human and is still subject
to change or influence.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh.
(www.islam-qa.com)
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21441: Ruling on wearing engagement and wedding rings
Question:
What's the ruling regarding wedding rings for men?
If permissible, can they be of any material other than
gold? What other metals, other than gold, is prohibited for men?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to men wearing gold, whether it is a ring
or anything else, it is not permissible under any circumstances, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade gold for the males of
this ummah. He saw a man wearing a ring of gold and
he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took if
from his hand and said, "Would any one of you take a
coal from the fire and hold it in his hand?" (Narrated
by Muslim, al-Libaas wa'l-Zeenah, 3897). So it is
not permissible for the Muslim male to wear a gold ring.
But with regard to rings of silver or any other kind of metal,
it is permissible for men to wear them even if they
are precious metals.
With regard to the wedding ring, which is worn on
the occasion of marriage, this is not one of the customs
of the Muslims. If it is believed that it generates love
between the spouses, and that taking it off and not wearing it
will have an effect on the marital relationship, then this
is regarded as a form of shirk and is a kind of jaahili
belief. Based on the above, it is not permissible to wear a
wedding ring under any circumstances.
Firstly, because it is an imitation of those who are no
good; it is a custom that has come to the Muslims from the
non-Muslims.
Secondly, if that is accompanied by the belief that it
has an effect on the marital relationship, then this is a kind
of shirk. Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa
Billaah (there is no power and no strength except with Allaah).
(From a fatwa issued by Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan).
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen was asked about the ruling
on wearing engagement rings. He said: The engagement
ring is a kind of ring, and there is nothing wrong with rings
in principle, unless that is accompanied by some belief,
as some people do when the man writes his name on
the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and she writes her
name on the ring that she gives to him, believing that this
will create strong bonds between the couple. In this case,
this ring is haraam, because it is an attachment to
something for which there is no basis in Islam and which makes
no sense. Similarly, with regard to the engagement ring, it
is not permissible to the man to put it on his fiancée's
hand, because she is not his wife yet and she is still a
stranger (non-mahram) to him, because she is not his wife
until after the marriage contract has been done.
See al-Fataawa al-Jaami'ah li'l-Mar'ah
al-Muslimah, vol. 3, p. 914-915
See also Question no. 11446.
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12555: Should i marry him
Question:
I have a problem as regard marriage. I am engaged to
my cousin. we are both muslims, but out degree of
knowledge about islam is very different. Infact i wear the hijab
and try to be a good muslim while on the other hand he
tries to be a good muslim but i get the impression that he
is not trying hard. He is a very nice and sweet person,
but sometimes i am scarred that he would not be up to
standard as regard islamic practices.. for example on the
weekend he goes clubbing with his friends. I am scarred
and confused!! Should i marry him? we decided to get
married in 5 years time, so is there time to charge him? He
is always accusing me of trying to change him, but i
want him to change for the better.
What should i do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We share your fears concerning marriage to this man,
and we urge you to agree to marry a man who is
religiously committed and of good character if one comes
and proposes to you, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If there comes to you
one with whose religious commitment and character you
are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your
care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be
tribulation in the land and great mischief."
The decision mentioned in the question to get
married after five years is strange, but so long as your relative
has chosen this lengthy period, you have plenty of time
to find someone else who is more suitable, if such a
one should come and propose _ so long as there is no
marriage contract (nikaah) between you and your relative. If
no one who is more suitable comes along during this time,
it is permissible for you to marry him (your relative),
so long as He is a Muslim and he is not doing anything
that would put him beyond the pale of Islam. We ask
Allaah to give you strength.
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22219: How much should a man take from his wife who
is divorced by khula'?
Question:
If a woman asks for divorce (khula'), how much is
her husband permitted to take from her?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Ibn Qudaamah said: It is recommended that he not
take from her more than he gave to her. If he does that, it
is makrooh (disliked) but it is still valid. This was
narrated from `Uthmaan, Ibn `Umar and Ibn `Abbaas,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"then there is no sin on either of them if she gives
back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul` (divorce)"
[al-Baqarah 2:229]
Al-Rabee' bint Mu'awwidh said: I asked my husband
for a divorce (khula') for everything except my head
cover, and `Uthman ibn `Affaan permitted me to do that.
Such incidents become well known, (and as no one
spoke against it), thus there is consensus on this matter.
Since this is proven to be the case, then it is a permissible
action, even though it is disliked (makrooh), because it
was narrated in the hadeeth of Jameelah: "So he
commanded him to take his garden back from her and no more
than that." And it was narrated from `Ataa' (from Ibn
`Abbaas) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) regarded it as makrooh to take more from a
wife divorced by khula' than had been given to her. So
we may reconcile the aayah and the hadeeth by saying
that the aayah indicates that it is permissible to take more
than was originally given, and the prohibition on taking
more in the report indicates that doing this is makrooh.
al-`Iddah Sharh al-`Umdah, p. 482
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11137: Ruling on marrying one's daughter to an
AIDS patient
Question:
Is it permissible to marry one's daughter to an
AIDS patient?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
He should not marry his daughter to him unless he
has explained his situation and said, "I have such and such
a disease." Then if they agree to that, then that is
fine, otherwise the marriage should not proceed, because if
he conceals the matter from them he may have cheated
them and deceived them, and the woman may pass the
disease to her husband, or the husband may pass it to his
wife, and to their children after that. But if she accepts you
and agrees, and accepts the will and decree of Allaah,
then that is OK
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12277: Is masturbation permissible if a person knows
that he would not be able to give a wife her rights?
Question:
According to Islam a person must get married as soon
as possible so as to prevent him from commiting
illegal sexual acts, including masturbation.But if the person
is sure that he will not be able to respect the haququl
Ibad of his wife then what is to be done?Should he still
go ahead and get married or is it permissible for him
to masturbate?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "O young men, whoever among you
can afford to marry, let him get married, and whoever
cannot do that, then he should fast, for it will be a protection
for him." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
al-Nikaah, 4677)
Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari: With respect to
marriage, the scholars have divided men into several Islam & Muslims.
The first is those who have the desire to get married
and who have the financial means to do so and who fear
for themselves. It is recommended for such a person to
get married according to all the scholars; according to
one report the Hanbalis said that it is obligatory. The
well-known view of Ahmad is that it is not obligatory for
the one who is able and has the desire, unless he
fears hardship.
Ibn Daqeeq al-`Eid said: Some of the fuqaha'
divided marriage into five rulings. They said that it is
obligatory in cases where there is the fear of hardship, where a
man is able for marriage and it is difficult to find a
concubine. This was narrated by al-Qurtubi from one of their
scholars, namely al-Maaziri, who said: it is obligatory in the
case of one who cannot keep away from zinaa otherwise,
as stated above.
He said: it is forbidden in the case of one who will
not take care of his wife with regard to intercourse
and spending on her, who is not able for marriage and has
no desire for it. Al-Safaareeni said: the poor man who
cannot spend on a wife and has no income, and has no desire
_ in this case it is said that marriage is makrooh for
him, because he is cannot afford it and he cannot provide
his wife with enjoyment to protect her, and he has no
need for it.
See Ghidhaa' al-Albaab, vol. 2, p. 434
`Iyaad said: it is recommended in the case of
everyone who hopes for offspring even if he has no desire
for intercourse, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "I will be proud of your
great numbers." And because of the encouragement
for marriage and the commands to marry. The same
applies to the one who has any desire for other kinds of
enjoyment of women besides intercourse. But in the case of one
who is sterile or has no desire for women or for
physical pleasure, marriage is permissible for him if the
woman knows and accepts that.
The hadeeth indicates that masturbation is
haraam, because if it were prescribed the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have
indicated that. See also Question no. 329
If a person is patient in abstaining from that which
Allaah has forbidden and gives it up because he is seeking
the pleasure of Allaah, then Allaah will reward
him abundantly on the Day of Resurrection, because
whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah
will compensate him with something better.
And Allaah says, describing the believers
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private
parts, from illegal sexual acts)" [al-Mu'minoon 23:5]
The Muslim has to follow the path prescribed by
Islam, as taught by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), which is fasting. May
Allaah protect you and us from falling into haraam. And
Allaah knows best.
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9126: He is confused as to whether he should marry
a virgin or a widow
Question:
I know a widow who has children, and I want to
get married. I am wondering whether I should marry her or
a virgin who has not been married before?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This depends on the situation of the husband; it may
be that marriage to a widow is more suitable for him,
and better.
The widow may be a lady of religious commitment
and good character, such that you would not want to let
the opportunity to marry such a woman "slip through
your fingers", and you could not find a virgin of such
religious commitment and character.
But generally speaking, the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marriage to virgins.
There is the story of Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased
with him), whose father had died, leaving him with sisters.
In his case it would not have been suitable for him to
marry a virgin who was young like them. So he wanted to
marry a woman who had been previously married, who
could take care of them and look after them, and the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) approved
of his decision.
It was narrated that Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may
Allaah be pleased with them both) said: "The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked me,
`Have you got married?' I said, `Yes.' He said, `A virgin or
a previously-married woman?' I said, `A
previously-married woman.' He said, `Why not a young girl, whom you
could play with and she could play with you?' I said, `I
have sisters and I wanted to marry a woman who could
gather them together and comb their hair and take care of
them.' He said: `You will reach, so when you have arrived
(at home), I advise you to associate with your wife (that
you may have an intelligent son).'"
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1991; Muslim,
715)
According to another report narrated by
al-Bukhaari (2257), "… so she could teach them and discipline them."
According to another report narrated by
al-Bukhaari (2805) and Muslim (715): "He said: `The Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said to me, when I asked his permission (to participate
in jihaad), "Have you married a virgin or a
previously-married woman?" I said, "A previously-married
woman." He said, "Why did you not marry a virgin whom you
could play with and she could play with you?" I said,
"O Messenger of Allaah, my father has died (or has
become a shaheed/martyr), and I have young sisters, so I did
not want to marry someone like them who could not
discipline them or take care of them, so I married a
previously-married woman who could take care of them
and discipline them."'"
It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: "My father died, leaving seven _ or nine
_ daughters, and I married a previously-married
woman. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) asked, `Did you get married, O Jaabir?'
I said, `Yes.' He said, `A virgin or a
previously-married woman?' I said, `A previously-married woman.' He
said, `Why not a young girl whom you could play with and
she could play with you, and you could laugh with her
and she could laugh with you?' I told him that
`Abd-Allaah had died and left behind daughters, and I did not want
to bring to them someone like them. So I had married
a woman who could take care of them and discipline
them. He said, `May Allaah bless you,' or similar kind words."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5052)
Shaykh Mustafa al-Ruhaybaani said:
"It is Sunnah for the one who wants to get married
to marry a virgin, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Jaabir, `Why not a
virgin whom you could play with and she could play with
you?' (agreed upon) _ unless there is a reason for
which marrying a previously-married woman is better, in
which case he should choose such a woman over a virgin,
in order to serve that interest."
(Mataalib Uli al-Nuha, 5/9, 10)
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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12819: Undoing the effects of magic on the groom on
his wedding night
Question:
Here in Egypt they say that when a man gets married,
on the first night of his marriage he cannot consummate
the marriage because there is some kind of magic, which
they call ribaat or marboot or rabt, i.e., he is restrained or
tied up (marboot) and cannot have intercourse with his
wife, and so he need something to undo this magic. Is
this correct?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This is not necessarily the case, but it could happen.
Some people are tested by means of someone else putting
a magic spell on them which prevents them from
having intercourse with their wives. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And from these (angels) people learn that by which
they cause separation between man and his wife, but they
could not thus harm anyone except by Allaah's Leave
[al-Baqarah 2:102]
But if a person uses the prayers for refuge prescribed
in Islam, Allaah will be sufficient for him against the evil
of the magicians and others, and Allaah will take that
(magic) away if it is present. So he has to read
Aayat al-Kursi over himself, and
al-Faatihah, and the verses which speak of
sihr (magic), and "Qul Huwa Allaahu
Ahad" and the Mi'wadhatayn, and it will go away by Allaah's
Leave. This has been tried a great deal. A good qaari'
(reader) from among the good and righteous people from
whom one hopes for good may also recite for him. The
reader may recite into water which the man may then drink
from or wash with, and the harm will go away from him, or
the reader may recite over him and blow onto him, and
Allaah will cure him of that. All of these are means of
keeping safe and sound.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanaww'iah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-`Allaamah `Abd al-Azeez
ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 116 (www.islam-qa.com)
Our Price: $13.95 Pages: 300 Downloadable
10048: Is it makrooh to leave a long interval between
the marriage contract and consummation of the marriage?
Question:
Is it makrooh to leave a long interval between the
marriage contract and consummation of the marriage?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Saalih al-`Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who
answered as follows:
It is not makrooh, because the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concluded the
marriage contract with `Aa'ishah when she was six years old,
and consummated the marriage with her when she was
nine. The prospective husband may do that sometimes
because he is keen to get married and is afraid that the woman
or her family may change their minds, so he hastens
to conclude the marriage contract. There is nothing
wrong with that from the point of view of sharee'ah, but I
think that the marriage contract should be concluded at the
same time as the marriage is to be consummated, or
shortly before, because that helps to avoid problems that
may arise, such as differences that lead to divorce, or death
of one of the spouses, etc… And Allaah is the source
of strength. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
(www.islam-qa.com)
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4536: Is having intercourse with one's wife equivalent
(in reward) to praying 70 naafil prayers?
Question:
According to hadith (Muslim) there is reward for
husband & wife's sexual intercourse. I heard that this reward
is equivalent to merit point of 70 rakah of optional
(nafl) prayer. Is it true?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
If a man has intercourse with his wife, he will be
rewarded for that, because he is doing something halaal
and avoiding something haraam. This is what is stated in
the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him):
It was narrated from Abu Dharr that some people
from among the companions of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
"O Messenger of Allaah, the rich people will get more
reward. They pray as we pray, and they fast as we fast, but
they give in charity from their excess wealth." He said,
"Has not Allaah given you things with which you can
give charity? Every tasbeehah (saying `Subhaan
Allaah (Glory be to Allaah)') is a charity. Every
Takbeerah (saying `Allaahu akbar (Allaah is Most Great)') is a charity.
Every Tahmeedah (saying
`al-hamdu-Lillaah (praise be to Allaah)' is a charity. Every
Tahleelah (saying `Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah (there is no god but Allaah)') is a
charity. Enjoining what is good is a charity. Forbidding what
is evil is a charity. Having intercourse (with one's wife) is
a charity." They said, "O Messenger of Allaah, if one of
us fulfils his desire, is there reward in that?" He said,
"Do you not see that if he does it in a haraam way he will
have the burden of sin? So if he does it in a halaal way, he
will have a reward for that." (Narrated by Muslim, 1674)
Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
"The phrase, `Having intercourse is a charity' _ the
word bud' (translated here as `having intercourse') may
mean intercourse, or it may refer to the private part itself…
This indicates that permissible actions may become
acts of worship, if there is a sincere intention. Intercourse
may be an act of worship if the intention behind it is to
fulfil the rights of one's wife, to treat her kindly as enjoined
by Allaah, to seek a righteous child, to keep oneself or
one's wife chaste, to prevent both partners from looking
towards or thinking of haraam things, and other good
intentions. `O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire,
is there reward in that?'" (Sharh
Muslim, 7/92)
Secondly:
With regard to your comment that the reward is
equivalent to seventy naafil prayers"
Perhaps this question about the reward for
having intercourse with one's wife comes from your reading
of Imaam Nawawi's commentary on Saheeh
Muslim (Sharh al-Nawawi `ala Saheeh
Muslim). It is a comment which we will quote below, where the shaykh (al-Nawawi _
may Allaah have mercy on him) was discussing the issue
of enjoining what is good and saying that it is
obligatory. Then he discussed the issue of saying Tasbeeh and
dhikr, which he noted is Sunnah. Then he explained that
the fard act of worship is equivalent to seventy times the
naafil act, and said: they reached this conclusion from
a hadeeth… Then at the end of this discussion he
referred to the phrase "Having intercourse…"
If this is indeed the case, then you should note that
the first comment has nothing to do with what follows
it. The phrase "from a hadeeth" means from some
hadeeth, but Imaam al-Nawawi does not quote it. When he
finishes discussing the issue of fard and naafil acts of
worship, and the status of each, he then starts his discussion of
the phrase "Having intercourse..." So the confusion has
arisen from this juxtaposition.
This is what we think. But if you mean that the
reward for fard acts of worship is equivalent to the reward
for seventy naafil acts, then al-Nawawi did discuss this
point and said that there was a hadeeth about it, but he did
not quote it.
We know what al-Nawawi was referring to, and this
is what was pointed out by al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may
Allaah have mercy on him).
Al-Haafiz said:
"Note:
In Ziyaadaat al-Rawdah, al-Nawawi narrated from
the imaam of the Haramayn from some of the scholars
that the reward for a fard act ofworship is seventy times
more than the reward for a naafil act. Al-Nawawi said:
they reached this conclusion from a hadeeth."
The hadeeth in question was quoted by Imaam
al-Nawawi in al-Nihaayah. It is the
marfoo' hadeeth of Salmaan concerning the month of Ramadaan: "Whoever seeks
to draw closer to Allaah during (this month) by doing
some good deeds will be like one who does an obligatory
action at any other time, and one who does an obligatory
action (during Ramadaan) will be like one who does
seventy obligatory actions at any other time."
This is a da'eef (weak) hadeeth which was narrated
by Ibn Khuzaymah, but he was uncertain as to whether
it was sound or not. (al-Talkhees al-Habeer, 3/118)
What he meant (may Allaah have mercy on him) by
saying that Ibn Khuzaymah was uncertain as to whether it
was sound or not may be understood more clearly by
referring to Saheeh Ibn Khuzaymah (3/191), where he includes
it under the chapter heading, Baab Fadaa'il
Sharh Ramadaan in sahha al-khabr (Chapter on the virtues
of the month of Ramadaan, if the report is saheeh).
And the isnaad of this hadeeth includes `Ali ibn Zayd
ibn Jad'aan, who is a da'eef (weak) narrator.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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7885: He got married to a girl but he does not feel
any attraction towards her
Question:
I would like some advice on a problem that is
literally ruining my life. For a long time I was a practicing
Muslim, who was happily involved in following the message
of our prophet (s.a.w.)and following the commands of
Allah. About two years ago, I decided that it was time that
I should fulfill the other half of my religion and get
married, as living as single man in a western country sets you
up for all kinds of temptations. Anyway, I went to my
home country, where I felt the chances of meeting someone
that suited me was greater, and was introduced to
several different girls, until finally I came across a girl who I
felt I would like to know better. Being overseas, I had
little time to really spend too much time with her, so I did
the following things before I made a decision: my mother
sat with her and told me she was a wonderful girl and
she would be good for me. I asked several people about
her and not one person had a bad thing to say. I met with
her also and found her to be extremely well mannered,
have strong knowledge in religion and someone that
would make a good wife. And obviously, in the end, I relied
on Allah. Both my mother and I prayed that I was doing
the right thing, and I also prayed Istikhara to help with
my decision. Well, we got married without a problem,
and she got a visa extremely easily to come to where I live.
I though everything was going well. Now please let
me make one thing clear, she is an absolute dream to
live with. I have absolutely no problem with her and she
is loved by my whole family. My problem is this: I
cannot for the life of me find any interest in her sexually.
Before we were married I did look at her with interest, but
now, for some unbeknown reason, I can't even go near her
in that way. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating this
is. Not only is it driving me crazy but she is starting to
really be bothered by it too. I don't kno
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Praise be to Allaah in all circumstances.
My dear brother, what you have described is
indeed difficult and hard, but the Muslim can do nothing
but accept the decree of Allaah and face whatever
difficulties Allaah sends by following the means prescribed
in sharee'ah.
What we advise you to do is the following:
- Consult a trustworthy Muslim psychologist.
- Seek help through ruqyahs prescribed in sharee'ah
[i.e., reciting Qur'aan and du'aa's for the purpose of
seeking healing]. You can recite ruqyah over yourself, or ask
a righteous person to do this for you.
- If things do not change, we advise you to have
patience, to fear Allaah and do your duty towards Him, and to
persist in making du'aa'; Allaah will make a way out for you.
- If this goes on for a long time and causes difficulties
for your wife, there may be no option other than
separation (divorce), and Allaah will provide abundance for
everyone of them from His bounty (cf. Al-Nisaa' 4:130)
- You have to have faith in Allaah and be optimistic.
As time goes by, things may change.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to help
you soon. And Allaah is the source of strength.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor
Question:
please tell me if i should wait to try and have
children based on my concern for giving any children Allaah
ta'Ala might give me a good islamic family environment. i
have debts from long ago that involve paying ribaa and i
feel that i should wait to have children until i can pay off
these debts. please advise. jazakum Allahu khairan
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings)
"And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but
its provision is due from Allaah" [Hood 11:6]
"And so many a moving (living) creature carries not
its own provision! Allaah provides for it and for you.
And He is the AllHearer, the AllKnower" [al-`Ankaboot 29:60]
"Verily, Allaah is the AllProvider, Owner of Power,
the Most Strong" [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58]
"so seek your provision from Allaah (Alone), and
worship Him (Alone), and be grateful to Him"
[al-`Ankaboot 29:17]
Allaah condemned the people of the Jaahiliyyah
who killed their children for fear of poverty, and He
forbade doing what they did. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We
shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing
of them is a great sin" [al-Israa' 17:31]
Allaah has commanded His slaves to put their trust
in Him in all their affairs, and He is Sufficient for
those who put their trust in Him. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"and put your trust in Allaah if you are believers
indeed" [al-Maa'idah 5:23]
"And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He
will suffice him"
[al-Talaaq 65:3].
So you have to put your trust in your Lord and
believe that He will provide for you and your children. Do not
let the fear of poverty prevent you from seeking to
have children, for Allaah has guaranteed provision for all.
By not wanting children for fear of poverty, you are
imitating the people of the Jaahiliyyah.
You should also note that taking out loans with interest
is ribaa (usury), for which Allaah issues the warning of
a painful torment. It is one of the seven sins which
condemn a person to Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Avoid the seven sins
which condemn a person to Hell…[which include]
consuming ribaa." And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Allaah has cursed the one who consumes
ribaa, the one who pays it…" Consumption of ribaa is one
of the greatest causes of poverty and loss of blessings,
as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Allaah will destroy Ribaa and will give increase
for Sadaqaat (deeds of charity, alms)" [al-Baqarah 2:276]
I think that you do not know the ruling on
interest-based loans. So seeks Allaah's forgiveness for what is in
the past, and do not do it again. Wait for your Lord to
grant you a way out and seek provision from Him. Put
your trust in Him for Allaah loves those who put their trust
in Him.
Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Barraak (www.islam-qa.com)
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8391: He has found a religious woman but he does not
find her appearance attractive _ should he marry her?
Question:
I am seeking to get married and I was reffered to a
sister ho comes from a good family, has a lot of
Qur'an memorized (By Allah's Mercy.) She comes from a
good family and she is of the same reace and same
upbringing as I. I am not really attracted to her physically. She
is attractive but not a lot to me. I wanted to know is
her deen, good family, relationship with the Qur'an,
proper dress, etc. sufficiant? Or maybe I should say, Allah
knows best, however do you think that I should proceed?
How much does physical attraction a factor? She is not
bad looking but not as nice as I wanted, May Allah guide me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. If you want to get married, then
look for one who is religious, as the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised when he
said: "Choose the one who is religious, may your hands
be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]." There is
no reason why a man should not also look for other
things, such as beauty etc., that will help him to keep his
gaze lowered. This is something which should be taken
into account. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) mentioned it when he said, "Women
may be married for four things" _ and he mentioned beauty
as one of them. If you are afraid that you may treat
this woman badly because you do not find her attractive,
then do not go ahead and marry her. And Allaah knows best.
Written by: Shaykh `Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com)
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8891: Is marriage one of the actions of this world or of
the Hereafter?
Question:
Is marriage one of the actions of the Hereafter or one
of the actions of this world which are solely for enjoyment?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. If the aim is to obey Allaah, to
follow the example of the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), to have a
righteous child, to keep oneself chaste and to protect one's
private parts, eyes and heart, etc., then it is one of the actions
of the Hereafter and a person will be rewarded for it. If
there is no such intention, then it is permissible and is one
of the actions of this world which is solely for enjoyment.
It will not be rewarded, but there is no sin involved.
And Allaah knows best.
Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 179 (www.islam-qa.com)
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9848: validity of a marriage
Question:
What is the validity of a marriage in this situation: A
man has a sexual relationship with a woman. The
relationship results in a pregnancy. When the pregnant is in the
third month they get married. The couple repent for
the relationship, and continue to live as husband and wife
for another 20 years or so as good muslims and they have
5 children in total. Some scholars referring to Aya 3 of
Surat Noor say the marriage is void. Please advice. If it is
Void is there a way of making it Halaal I will appreciate
it highly if .
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your wife's brother can assume the (wali) position. If
there is not a brother then an uncle would do. He second
eldest son would also do, if he is an adult. In the absence of
all of these, an Islamic judge or the head of the Islamic
center can renew the contract. You don't have to tell anyone
about the reason. You can say that you just want to renew
it because you don't feel good about the first one.
Publicity is not needed at all. There was an addition to my
answer to you, but apparently it was lost for one reason or
another. Here is the full answer once again:
The marriage contract is void because it was made
without fulfilling its necessary conditions. One of these
conditions is the readiness of the womb. This means that the
woman whom is to get married must have her womb
unoccupied. For example, a man may not marry a woman who
is pregnant. He may not marry a woman who was
divorced until she is out of her idd'ah (a period where a widow
or a divorced woman may not marry). Also a man may
not marry a woman he has been having intercourse with
until they both repent and she gets her monthly period. This
is a sign that her womb is clean. The Prophet
forbade Muslims to have intercourse with female slaves
they bought recently until they are certain that their
wombs are clear from any pregnancy. Waiting for the
monthly period does this. In your case, the marriage contract
must be renewed. This is not a difficult thing to do. The
first boy is not Islamicly your son, as he was not created in
his mother's womb through a valid marriage contract.
Some scholars say he is not to be called after you as he is
born out of adultery. He is to be called after his mother's
family. He is not to inherit you and you are not to inherit him.
As for the remaining children, they are yours and they
carry your name. Other scholars, such as Ibn Taymiyah and
Ibn AlQayyim say that if the woman is not married at
the time of committing adultery, then the adulteress
father may give his name to this boy and that he may be
treated as his son. In your case, this last opinion may be the
most suitable for you and your family. Yet you must renew
your marriage contract at any Islamic center, and Allah
knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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3347: Hitting children for purposes of discipline
and threatening to punish one's wife
Question:
Is it a sin to hit one's children by hand or stick. I only
do this when I feel the child has not obeyed my
instruction after several warnings. Also, is it a sin to lift a hand
for one's wife. There are times when I feel that it should
be done but have resisted thus far. As for the case of
the children, I feel extremely guilty after the spanking
given and beg The Almighty for his forgiveness if the act
is wrong. Is there duaas which I may read daily for
The Almighty to guide my children and bless them with
good Aqaa'id?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The father's duty is to bring his children up well and
to take care of them, and hitting may be used as a means
of discipline when the situation requires that. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
commanded us to smack children for not praying when they reach
the age of ten, but this should be the last resort, when
all others have failed, and there should be no harshness
in the hitting, and we must not hit the face. The father
should not hit his child at the time of extreme anger, or with
a sharp instrument that may injure him, or with
anything that may break bones, and he should not hit him in a
place where a blow may be fatal. Brandishing the stick may
be more effective than actually hitting. The point is that
when disciplining his child, a father should follow the
principle of using the gentlest means then the next gentlest;
he should not resort to the harshest and most difficult
means if he can achieve his aim with something that is
easier and gentler.
With regard to hitting one's wife, this is not the first
choice of ways to discipline her. First of all one should
exhort and advise her. If that does not work, then (the
husband) should forsake her in bed [i.e., not have conjugal
relations with her]. If that does not work, then he may hit her,
but not severely, as Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning);
"As to those women on whose part you see
illconduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their
beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if
they return to obedience, seek not against them means
(of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High,
Most Great" [al-Nisaa' 4:34].
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) has told us that the best of people are
not those who beat their wives.
With regard the guidance of children, the parents
must do the things that will lead to that, such as advising
them, keeping them away from bad company, helping them
to maintain ties with righteous friends, treating them
well and continuing to pray for them to be righteous and to
be guided. Among the du'aa's for children that have
been narrated are:
"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our
offspring the comfort of our eyes" [al-Furqaan 25:74
_ interpretation of the meaning]
and:
"and make my offspring good" [al-Ahqaaf 46:15
_ interpretation of the meaning]
— or any other good du'aa', but along with making
du'aa' one must also use other means that will help to
make them strong and steadfast in Islam. And Allaah is the
guide to the Straight Path.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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7577: The wife's family want to do forbidden things
during the wedding party
Question:
I'm getting married soon and my future wife and
her family want an expensive wedding with haram stuff
such as music, mixing of the sexes etc. What should I
do? Should I call the wedding off and marry someone else?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
What the girl's family wants to do is undoubtedly
haraam and is unacceptable. It is not permissible to please
people by doing something that angers Allaah. We do not
advise you at all to start your married life with haraam
actions. The Muslim should disassociate himself and his
family from the idea that his wife is a cheap product to be
looked at by all and sundry when she is wearing all her
make-up and jewellery etc.
We advise you to deal with the situation by doing
the following:
You should advise them, politely, and explain to
them the Islamic ruling concerning what they are planning
to do. Warn them of the wrath of Allaah, and explain to
them that music and mixing are haraam. Tell them that
they could still have a successful wedding without
these haraam things, and it is not in their interests at all _
in this world or in the Hereafter _ to respond to the
blessing of Allaah, i.e., their daughter's marriage, by
disobeying Him and going against His commands and doing
things that anger Him.
If that does not work, look for some wise people
among their family and relatives, and from your own family
too, who they think highly of and who you hope can
help. Perhaps Allaah will decree that you will find a way
out through them, and they will give up these evil things
even if it is through pressure and embarrassment.
If that does not work, look for intervention on the part
of someone who is knowledgeable and wise, whom
they respect and look up to. Perhaps he will make them
feel ashamed, or will be able to convince them that what
they want to do is wrong, so they will give it up.
If none of this works, perhaps you can threaten them
with divorce or separation. They might pay attention to
that, because it would make them look bad in front of
other people, so they will give up that which has been
forbidden by Allaah. Perhaps leaving a long time between the
nikaah (marriage contract) and the wedding party will have
the result of convincing these people.
If they do not respond at all, then we would
seriously warn you against getting involved with these people.
But if the girl is religious and good-mannered, and she
does not agree with what her family are doing, and you
and she are able not to be present when the haraam things
are happening, and you can leave the party when they
start doing things that anger Allaah, and also announce
your objections and state that you are disassociating
yourselves from what is going to happen, (this is fine).
Remember the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"… then sit not with them… (but if you stayed with
them) certainly in that case you would be like them…"
[al-Nisaa' 4:140]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever among you sees an
evil action, let him change it…"
And Allaah is the source of help; to Him we
complain and in Him we put our trust.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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5240: He loves his cousin and wants to marry her
Question:
Can i get married to my cousin who is 1 and a half
year younger than me? She is my mom's brother's daughter.
i really love her.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your maternal uncle's daughter is not counted as one
of your mahrams, so the same rulings apply to her as to
other women who are "strangers" to you (i.e.,
non-mahrams). One of these rulings is that it is permissible for you
to marry her. But we should note an important point,
which is that even though love is something nice, and it
is mustahabb for a man to marry a woman whom he
loves, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "there is nothing better for two who
love one another than marriage" (Saheeh
al-Jaami', no 5200), nevertheless, this love should not be overwhelming
and cause a person to forget other characteristics which
he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The
most important characteristic is religious commitment.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "A woman may be married for four things _ her
wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to
religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands
be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!"
(Agreed upon). If your cousin is religious and has a good attitude,
then you have chosen well and we ask Allaah to fulfil
your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is
not, then think again about your choice.
May Allaah help you to do that which He loves and
which pleases Him.
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5202: Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband
Question:
i am a 18 yrs old girl who had been asked in marriage
5 times so far, and i have refused all of them becuase i
was young ... however, now im considering marriage ...
so my question is what should i look for to have a
good muslim husband? and what are the most important
things ... jazak allah khair
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We appreciate your eagerness to find out the
attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband,
in shaa Allaah. There follows a description of the
most important qualities which should be present in the
man whom you choose or accept to be your husband and
the father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you
will have children.
Religious commitment. This is the most important
thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The
husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws
and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman's
guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not
rely only on outward appearances. One of the most
important things to ask about is the man's prayer (salaah); the
one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to
neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress
or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and
if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or
humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those
who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meanings):
"and verily, a believing slave is better than a
(free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you"
[al-Baqarah 2:221]
"Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is
that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of
the Muttaqoon (the pious)]" [al-Hujuraat 49:13]
"Good statements are for good people (or good
women for good men) and good people for good statements
(or good men for good women)" [al-Noor 24:26]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said:
"If there comes to you one whose religious
commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female
relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do
that, there will be tribulation on earth and much
corruption." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).
As well as being religiously committed, it is
preferable that he should come from a good family and a
known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to
one woman, and they are equal in terms of
religious commitment, then preference should be given to the
one who comes from a good family that is known for
its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the
other person is not better than him in terms of
religious commitment _ because the righteousness of the
husband's close relatives could be passed on to his children and
his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from
many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the
father and grandfather are beneficial to the children
and grandchildren. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys
in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging
to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your
Lord intended that they should attain their age of full
strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your
Lord" [al-Kahf 18:82].
See how Allaah protected their father's wealth for
the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him
because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token,
if the husband comes from a righteous family and his
parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and
protect him as an honour to his parents.
It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and
his family from having to ask people for anything,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased
with her), when she came to consult him about three men
who had proposed marriage to her, "As for Mu'aawiyah, he
is a poor man who has no wealth…" (Narrated by
Muslim, 1480). It is not essential that he should be a
businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that
will keep him and his family from having to ask people
for anything. If there is a choice between a man who
is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy,
then the religious man should be given preference over
the wealthy man.
It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle
towards women, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in
the hadeeth quoted above, "As for Abu Jaham, his stick
never leaves his shoulder", referring to the fact that he used
to beat women a lot.
It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of
faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.
It is preferable that he should have knowledge of
the Qur'aan and Sunnah; if you find someone like this it
is good, otherwise you should realize that this is
something rare.
It is permissible for the woman to look at the man
who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at
her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it
is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for
him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her
own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.
According to Islam, the woman's wali (guardian)
should check on the man who proposes marriage to the
woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those
whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who
know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest
opinion and sincere, sound advice.
Before and during all of this, you must turn towards
Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you
to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then
after all these efforts, when you have decided on a
particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah
for that which is good. For more details on Salaat
al-Istikhaarah, please see Question # 2217. Then after
you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He
is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.
Adapted from Jaami' Ahkaam al-Nisaa' by
Shaykh Mustafaa al-`Adawi.
We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make
things easy for you, to help you make a wise choice, and to
bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring, for
He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad.
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6145: She wants to get married, and her mother
got pregnant with her without being married
Question:
When my parents did niqqa, my mother was
already pregnant with me. My father has now passed away.
As I will be getting married soon, I was told that
my younger brother cannot be my walee and that during
my niqqa, my name cannot be mentioned as "binte" with
my late father's name. Is this true?
This will cause suspicion, and I want to avoid embarrasment to my family and cover the fault of
my parents since they have taubah. Is there a solution to
this? As a child outside of wedlock, I know that I am
sinless, but I'm wondering why do I have to bear the burden
of my parents old sin with this complicating matter for
niqqa. Insha Allah, Allah will not place a burden on His
servant greater than he can bear.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It was reported in a saheeh hadeeth that the child
belongs to the bed and the stone is for the adulterer, so it is
not permissible for the child to be given the name of
the adulterer or of the mother's husband. Rather, she
should be called after her mother, so that her name will be
So and so the daughter of So and so [her mother].
Otherwise, her guardian should choose for her a common name
that cannot be attributed to any specific person. For the
girl who is asking this question, there is no sin on her at
all because of her parents' sin, and if she is patient in
putting up with any annoyance as a result of it, she will
be rewarded for that, in sha Allaah. And Allaah knows
best. See also Questions # 6195.
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6792: Does anal intercourse cancel the marriage contract?
Question:
I just want to know if a husband and wife have anal
sex does their nikah break?
do you have to marry again?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth
(Have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as
long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or
how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allaah to
bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves
beforehand. And fear Allaah, and know that you are to meet Him
(in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers
(O Muhammad)." [al-Baqarah 2:223]
From the word harth (tilth) we understand that what
is permissible is only in the vagina (the front
passage), especially because this is what will produce children.
The semen that is planted in the womb from which
offspring come is likened to the seeds which are planted in
the ground, from which vegetation comes, as both of
them are substances from which something else is produced.
The phrase translated as when or how you
will means, in any manner you wish, from behind or from the
front, sitting or with the wife lying on her back or on her
side, so long as it is in the place of tilth (i.e., the vagina,
the place from which a baby is born).
The poet said:
The wombs are lands for us to till; we have to plant
the seeds and whatever grows is up to Allaah.
It was reported from Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may
Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah is
not too shy to tell you the truth: do not have intercourse
with your wives in the anus." (Narrated by Imaam Ahmad,
5/213; a hasan hadeeth).
Ibn `Abbaas said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah will
not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in
her anus." (Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 3/529; narrated
and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 1165).
See Nayl al-Maraam by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan,
1/151-154.
If a man does this, his wife is not considered to be
divorced as many people think, because there is no shar'i
evidence at all that indicates this. But the scholars said that if
a man habitually does this, his wife has the right to ask
for a divorce, because he is an evildoer
(faasiq) who is causing harm by his action, and also because the purpose
of marriage cannot be achieved through this action. The
wife has to resist this evil action and remind her husband
about Allaah and about the punishment for transgressing
the limits set by Allaah. If the husband repents to Allaah
from this deed, there is no reason why she should not stay
with him, and there is no need to renew the marriage
contract. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
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6254: Is it possible to be pious without being married?
Question:
Hello. I recently visited your website. I appreciate
your strive to enlighten people seeking information on
Islam. I am also grateful for the opportunity to contact you.
If you would be so kind, I would like to ask you a
question about Islam. I have heard that Islam says that if one
does not marry, one cannot get into heaven. Is this true? If
so, what is the basis? I would suppose that the reasons
would be the propagation of humankind and to avoid promiscuity. The former of these seems to be common
to other religions, but I am curious about the latter.
Cannot one be both pious and unmarried?
I would greatly appreciate any information you have
and/or links that you know that address this topic.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not essential to be married in order to enter
Paradise, but if a person fears that he may do something
forbidden, then he has to get married. If he does not get married
in this case, then he is making a mistake.
With regard to your second point, it is possible for a
person to be pious without being married, but this is rare.
Usually no one forgoes getting married except one who is
either impotent or promiscuous, as `Umar ibn al-Khattaab
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said to a man who had
not got married: "Nothing is keeping you from getting
married except either impotence or immorality."
In any case, Islam urges people to get married
and considers marriage to be one of the ways of
the Messengers; it is forbidden to forego getting married
even if the intention is to devote oneself to worship. "There
is no monasticism in Islam."
And Allaah knows best.
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6276: Differences between Muslim and non-Muslim weddings
Question:
This question is regarding Muslim weddings. I
have recently embraced Islam. Previously I was Christian.
I am curious to know how the muslim and christian wedding ceremony and celebration differ? Does the
bride wear white? Does the couple exchange rings? Is
dancing allowed? Please let me know as soon as you are able.
I have not been able to find this information in any
books, or at this site.
Thank you!
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There are many differences between Muslim and
non-Muslim weddings, such as: the condition that the
woman must have a wali or guardian to marry her off,
the condition that there be witnesses and that the
marriage be announced, that the woman cannot be a mahram
(close blood relative) of the man, and that the wedding does
not have to take place in a mosque.
The groom can wear any kind of clothing that has
been permitted by Allaah, and it does not have to be any
specific colour.
It is not permitted for the couple to exchange
rings, because this is an innovation that has been newly
invented in the religion, and is even worse if the man wears a
gold ring because gold is forbidden for men in Islam. It
is mustahabb (recommended) for women in particular
to sing at weddings and to use the daff (hand-drum), but
not any other kind of musical instruments.
It is not permissible for men and women to mix,
at weddings or at any other time, or for the groom to
sit with his bride in front of the women.
If the women are alone and no men can see them, it
is permissible for them to dance, so long as this will
not cause undue provocation of desires.
And Allaah knows best.
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7174: She does not want to go through another
bad marriage
Question:
I am a practising Muslim woman, alhamdulillaah. I
got married to a man and travelled with him to a
strange country. Because of his bad attitude and bad treatment,
I got divorced from him. Now another man has come
and proposed marriage to me. He calls me up every day
to see what I think about it. He has admitted that he used
to have intimate relationships [with women] and that he
used to drink alcohol, but recently he has given that up and
has not had any relationships for six months, after he
regretted what he had done and promised to give up this sin.
I want to settle down and feel safe, and not live alone
any more, but I want someone who will fear Allaah with
regard to the way he treats me. I do not want to go through
another bad experience. What do you advise me?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The information you have stated about this second
person is not encouraging. The fact that he calls a
non-mahram woman on a daily basis is cause for suspicion. It is
not necessary to call her every in order to find out her
opinion and her response. The promises that he spoke about
may be genuine or may not be. Hence our advice to you is
as follows:
Try to ask others about him, and about the new
situation he claims to be in. Maybe you will find that he has
some righteous female relatives who will be able to give
you some useful pointers. Of course, asking questions
and checking information will take time, but that does
not matter, because of the seriousness of the issue. If,
after you have found out about the mosque where he
prays, the classes he attends, or the books and tapes he
reads and listens to, you feel that he is most likely sincere
and if you feel that you are able to cope with the possibility
of a second failed marriage _ Allaah forbid _ and that
it would not be too great a loss if you were to leave
him after discovering that he is a hypocrite and a cheat,
then we see no reason why you should not marry him. You
can set out conditions and make clear requests in the
marriage contract, such as requiring that he do all the prayers
on time, and give up major sins like drinking
alcohol, committing immoral actions, and so on. Tell him that
you are going to take him at face value and deal with him
on that basis. Also, do not forget to pray Istikhaarah. We
ask Allaah to help you make the right decision and to
guide you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and
his family and companions, and grant them peace.
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6376: He wants to commit suicide because they rejected
his marriage proposal
Question:
I am the brother who asked the question about whether
it was allowed for a girl who I wanted to marry to study
in university in a corrupt society. But now I have a
new problem, the girl does not want to marry me any
more because I'm from India and she's from pakistan and
she feels that her mother will not allow us to marry and
will kick her out. Does her mother have the right to stop
us from getting married just because we'er from
different countries? This whole situation is making me
feel extremely upset. Its been about 2 weeks since it
happened and I feel extremely depressed, I been constanly crying,
I haven't eaten anything, I just can't get any sleep and
I feel like I want to kill my self. I just can't cope with
this situation any longer, what am I to do? I need help
and your the only reliable source I can turn to, I am
desperate for help. Please brother answer my questions, I just
can't bear this pain any longer. Thank you, and any answer
will be GREATLY appreciated.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is
Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that
through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into
the Fire…" [al-Nisa' 4:29-30]
No matter what psychological pressure or extreme
distress befalls him, the Muslim cannot go ahead and kill
himself, because he knows that the punishment for that is
Hell and a painful torment, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and
kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing
himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and
kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it
in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills
himself with a piece of iron [a weapon] will have that piece
of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with
it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5778).
Starving oneself to death by refusing food is also a
kind of suicide and deliberately killing oneself. How can
a Muslim who believes in Allaah and the Last Day think
of trying to move from the suffering of this world to
the suffering of the Hereafter, which is more severe and
more long-lasting? No sane person would do this. And for
what? For a woman, when you could always find another
woman to marry, for there are many women besides this
one. Moreover, circumstances may change, and they
may change their minds and agree to the marriage after a
while. You could look for a college or school in your
country that is only for women, which your wife could join,
and that would solve a part of the problem. Whatever the
case, you have to seek the help of Allaah and persevere
with sabr (patience).
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to
Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from
every difficulty)."
[al-Talaaq 65:2]
"Allaah will grant after hardship, ease."
[al-Talaaq 65:7]
We also suggest that you refer to the book "Alhomoom
- Dealing with Worries and Stress", which is to be
found on this web-site, and put into practise some of the
things described therein, to calm you down and restore
your equilibrium. Allaah is the One Whom We ask to
relieve your distress and grief. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and
grant them peace.
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2579: His wife cannot conceive now and he wants
more children
Question:
About xxx years ago my wife underwent a
hysterectomy to remove her reproductive organs. She took this step
by herself, under doctor's consent, because of
complications with her ovaries and scarring. I wanted to have
more children with her, and now that we are Muslim, I
want them even more in order to bring them up in the deen
of Islam. I felt a deep sense of regret when she had
her operation, but was hesitant to say anything because I
did not want to worry her. Later, after the operation,
she changed. She had many complications, and lost
interest in me sexually. I still want more children, and I am
getting older. We have two — one together, who is xxx, and
a stepson, who is xxx. The younger one has received
Islamic instruction and accepts Islam as his religion, but the
older one rejects it completely. I love them all, but the
situation saddens me. I would like to start a new family,
not discarding old one. She prohibits me from another
wife (but not in the contract), and I know she will leave me
if I do. My question is, what advice do you have to
give me? I love my wife, but I want to have more
children, and my desire to be a father once again, raising
my children in Islam is strong. She also rejects adoption,
even if it were halal. I am just looking for a way out of
my dilemma. Do you think my desire to start another
family is halal? What does Islam suggest in this case?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your desire to form another family is halaal, and
your goal of having more children is perfectly legitimate.
Your wife does not have the right to object to that. If she
will leave you if you marry another woman, then she is a
sinner. Help her to bear with patience what Allaah has
decreed for her, and tell her that you will be fair and just as
Allaah has commanded if you marry another woman.
Break though the barrier of fear and look for a loving,
fertile, religious woman, and pray Istikhaarah when you
decide to go ahead. Put your trust in Allaah, for whoever
puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will be Sufficient for him.
Be optimistic that Allaah will relieve your distress and
grant you ease after difficulty. Keep calling the other son
to Islam; may Allaah open his heart and guide him at
your hands. We ask Allaah to give you strength.
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4318: Her husband did not respect her family and
divorced her after the nikaah but before the wedding party
Question:
I have a two part question.
First of all, I recently divorced from my husband.
There were many reasons but the main reason was that
he disrespected my mother and father by talking to them
very harshly not once but several times. I figured if he
could not respect my parents how could he possibly respect
me? I love my parents very much and I don't like to see
them hurt. My question is what is a husband's role in Islam
in repect to his wife . Isn't he suppose to respect her
family also? Once a woman gets married does it mean that
the husband is first priority and that her parents come
in second?
Secondly, I only had the Nikkah done, the rukhsati
was going to be in April but I still lost my virginity. Now
I fear my ex-husband will tell this in court which will be
a cause of extreme embarassment for me in front of
my parents especially my father. According to Islam, is
it wrong to lose one's virginity before rukhsati?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The parents have great rights, but the husband has a
greater right. It is not permissible for either party to abuse
the rights of the other. If the wife thinks that her husband
has wronged her parents, she should advise him and
remind him that the aayah (interpretation of the meaning
), "… and live with them [wives] honourably…" [al-Nisa'
4:19] includes treating her family well too, because that
makes her happy, and it includes not harming them, because
that upsets her. By the same token, if one or both of her
parents abuse her husband's rights, she should advise them
and remind them of the seriousness of backbiting,
wrongdoing and aggression. If they order her to do something and
her husband orders her to do the opposite, then her
husband takes precedence, because his rights are greater
in sharee'ah. This does not mean that she should forget
about their rights; this is the guideline she should follow in
cases where there is a conflict.
With regard to your second question, it is not
haraam according to sharee'ah for a man to have intercourse
with his wife after the nikaah (conclusion of the
marriage contract) and before the wedding party.
Whatever happened after the nikaah is halaal (permissible), so
there is no scandal involved and no need to fear
the consequences. If a man divorces his wife after
the marriage has been consummated, then she is entitled
to keep the entire mahr (dowry)
If it is possible for mediators to try to bring you
back together in accordance with sharee'ah and following
the proper etiquette, then this is better. And Allaah is
the source of strength.
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3002: Writing "Bismillaah ir-Rahmaaan il-raheem"
on wedding invitations is permissible
Question:
It is permissible to write the Basmalah ("Bismillaah
ir-Rahmaan ir-Raheem") on wedding invitations, given
that after the event they will be thrown on the streets or
into the garbage?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible to write the Basmalah on invitations
and other letters, because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) used to begin his letters
by mentioning the name of Allaah. It is not permissible
for anyone who receives a letter in which Allaah is
mentioned or an aayah of the Qur'aan is quoted to throw it into
the garbage or put it in any undesirable place. The
same applies to newspapers and other similar papers: it is
not permitted to mishandle them or throw them in the
garbage, or to use them to wrap food or other things, because
the name of Allaah is mentioned in them. The sin is on
the person who does this, not on the one who writes it.
And Allaah knows best.
Fataawa Islamiyyah, Ibn Baaz, 507.
www.islam-qa.com)
2731: He married someone other than the woman
his parents wanted
Question:
I had Nikaah with my cousin in our engagement ceremony.
The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at a later date.
I came to the US and got married to another
Muslima without telling my parents. We have been married for
4 months now.
I have informed my parents about it and they are annoyed.
They wanted me to divorce this Muslima and get
married to my cousin. But now they are saying that I've to
get married to my cousin irrespective of whether I
divorce this Muslima or not. But I know I will not be able to
treat them equally.
I never touched my cousin, but I've been living with
my 2nd wife for 4 months now. What should I do ?
Jazak Allah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If the wife who is with you now is religious and of
good character, then you are not obliged to divorce her. If
you are able to treat both wives equally, then respond to
your parents' request to marry the cousin you mention. This
is included in the words of the Qur'aan (interpretation
of the meaning): "… then marry (other) women of
your choice, two or three or four…" [al-Nisa'
4:3]. If you fear that you will not be able to treat them equally and
fairly, then be content with one wife, whether it is the first
or the second, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): "…if you fear that you will not be able to
deal justly (with them), then [marry] only one…"
[al-Nisa' 4:3]. Try in all cases to please your parents. And
Allaah is the Source of strength.
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3023: She is in love with a Muslim and wants to marry
him _ does she have to become Muslim?
Question:
I am a Christian and is in-love with a 19-year old
Muslim boy.
He is very nice for accepting me not as a
virgin.He proposed marriage to me and I am making plans about
it. Is it necessary for me to convert to Islam if I marry
him even I don't like to do so. We talked about the
children that they will be Muslims.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, it is very necessary for you to enter Islam. This
will solve all the problems, from making the marriage
valid, through giving a united direction to the future
upbringing of the children, to attaining success and happiness in
the Hereafter. Your feelings of unease about taking this
step may be due to the difficulty of leaving behind what
you are used to and the religion that you have grown up in,
or reluctance to go against your family and relatives, or
fear of hostility and criticism from others, or concern
about losing some worldly advantages. But all these issues
will be easily overcome when you seek the help of Allaah
and are determined to follow the truth. The wise person
is prepared to make sacrifices and put up with
difficulties for the sake of following the truth, because the truth
is worth pursuing. Any difficulties encountered will
become easy because the result is happiness in this world and
the next, and Paradise the width of heaven and
earth. Moreover, your marriage will help you to live in love
and harmony with your husband (if he repents to Allaah
for the forbidden relationship and becomes a religious
person of good morals) and his Muslim family. There will be
no dispute as to which religion the children will be raised
in, and they will not feel that there is any conflict in the
family, so they will be able to grow up free of the
psychological complexes that result from the parents' difference
of religion. Other people have felt something similar to
the feelings that you are experiencing now, as is reflected
in the following story, which happened at the time of
the Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him). Anas reported that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a
man, "Become Muslim." He said, "I feel that I don't want
to." He said, "Become Muslim, even if you feel that you
don't really want to." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad,
11618; Saheeh al-Jaami', 974). This is the correct approach
which people should have towards the true religion. For
more information on the topic of marriage, please see
Questions #3025 and #2527. We wish you every good thing
and success. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance.
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2246: Appearaing before one's fiancé before the
wedding (nikaah)
Question:
I am engaged to man who i attend to marry in
acouple months inshallah. whenever my fiance comes to my
house for dinner my parents tell me not to wear my jilbab
in front of him, and ot wear normal loose fitting
clohtes, because there is nothing wrong with him seeing
me without my jilbab because there is intention for
marriage. I would like to know, if this is allowed, or am i not
suppose to take my jilbab off?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
So long as the nikaah (marriage contract) has not yet
taken place, this man is still a "stranger" to you, and you
should observe hijaab with him (i.e., wear proper hijaab and
avoid contact) just as you would in the case of any other
man. He has no right to look at you beyond the look that
is allowed by sharee'ah at the time of making a
marriage proposal, beyond which no further look is permitted
until the nikaah is completed. What you father has told
you about it being OK for you to relax the rules of hijaab
in front of your fiancé is not correct, and there should be
no obedience to any created being if it involves
disobedience to the Creator. The mere intention of marriage does
not justify uncovering in front of him. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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1137: Wants to marry a woman but his parents do
not approve of her
Question:
I am a muslim brother who wants to get married, but
i need to know what my rights are, as well as what
rights my parents have over me, when it comes to the
question of marriage. my parents are XXX muslims, traditionalists.
I want to marry this muslim girl, she has agreed
to marrying me. i am in the last year of my degree & i
really do love this girl. however, one thing that i have
done wrong is that i have touched her intimatly & i can't
help myself when i am near her. i am scared of this, as i
do know that any contact is strictly forbidden, but i
cannot control myself. i have not gone any further than
touching. the reason as to why i want to marry her is not just
in order to satisfy my desires, but to take care of her i
every other way as well. i have known her for over 6 years,
but the last year has been the most difficult. please can
you give me any info or help on this matter.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. You must repent to Allaah for
what you have done and stop whatever haraam deed you
are doing, whether it is major or minor. If you feel that
in order to stop doing this haraam deed you have to
marry this woman even if your parents do not agree, then
go ahead and marry her, because that is the lesser of
two evils, and try to please them in other ways as much
as you can. See Question #988, 1114 and 1805. We
ask Allaah to protect us and you from committing
haraam deeds.
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988: He loves a woman but his mother disrespects
her because of her origins
Question:
Assalama alaikum, ya shaykhuna, I have a question
which is about my mother. I have a girlfried who is muslim
and my mother and same of my family don't want me to
get married to her because of her (tribe). They think that
her tribe is no good and no one gets married to them.
My girlfried and i came from the same country, culture,
and relegion but different tribes. What did the quaran say
about people who disrespect others for who they are. She
said that if I get married to her she will disowned me and
will never talk to her. I am so confused because the
quran says do what your mother tells you to do. I think what
my mother is doing is aneceptable in the quran which
I'm not sure. I never talk back to my mother and i respect
her opinions but what can i do and how can I handle
situation like this what can I do please helb me.
thank you
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Before we find out what the Qur'aan says about
despising others because of their origins, we should know what
the Qur'aan says about having girlfriends. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"… Wed them with the permission of their own folk
and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what
is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous,
nor taking boyfriends…" [al-Nisaa' 4:25]
In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said:
"Muhsanaat [translated as "chaste"] means that
they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful
sexual conduct), hence they are described as not
being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who
do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral
acts with them… Ibn `Abbaas said: `muttakhidhaati
akhdaan means lovers.' … Al-Hasan al-Basri said: `It means
a (male) friend.' … Allaah has also forbidden this,
meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…'"
Now that you know the Islamic ruling on this matter
and are sure that what you have done is haraam and
sinful, we will now move on to what Allaah says about
despising others for their origins. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at
another group, it may be that the latter are better than the
former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may
be that the latter are better than the former…"
[al-Hujuraat 49:11]
Allaah has not created mankind in nations and tribes
so that they may be proud and despise one another, but
so that they may be distinguished from one another and
thus get to know one another. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"O mankind! We have created you from a male and
a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that
you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable
of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has taqwa (i.e.
is one of the muttaqeen _ the pious). Verily Allaah is
All-Knowing, All-Aware." [al-Hujuraat 49:13]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, in
his commentary on this aayah:
"Here Allaah is telling mankind that He created them
from one soul, from which He created its mate _ this refers
to Aadam and Hawwa' (Adam and Eve) _ and made them into nations, which are bigger than tribes. Beyond
the tribe there are other smaller units and divisions, such
as families and clans. An alternative interpretation is
that `nations' refers to the non-Arabs and `tribes' refers to
the Arabs. All people are equal with regard to lineage
because of their descent from Aadam and Hawwa', upon
whom be peace, but some may be better than others in
religious matters, i.e., in obedience to Allaah and in following
His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). For this reason, after forbidding envy and
scornful attitudes towards others, Allaah pointed out their
equality as human beings: O mankind! We have created you
from a male and a female, and made you into nations and
tribes, that you may know one another _ i.e., that they may
know one another by referring to their tribes. Mujaahid
said that this meant by calling a person `So-and-so the son
of So-and-so, from such-and-such a tribe.' … Abu
Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked, `Which people are
the most honourable?' He said: `The most honourable in
the sight of Allaah are the most pious (those who have
most taqwa).' They said, `That is not what we were
asking about.' He said: `The most honourable of people is
Yoosuf the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the Prophet of
Allaah, the son of the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the
Friend (khaleel) of Allaah.' They said: `That is not what we
were asking about.' He said, `Are you asking about
which lineage of the Arabs is most honourable?' They said,
`Yes.' He said: `The best of you at the time of Jaahiliyyah
are the best of you in Islam, if they understand
properly.'" Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)
also reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `Allaah does not look
at your outward appearance or your wealth, He looks at
your hearts and your deeds.'"
Further information that is relevant to your question
may be found under #1805 and #1114. We ask Allaah to
bless us and you with strength and goodness, and to keep us
all away from that which is forbidden. May Allaah bless
our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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1805: Wants to marry a girl but his father does not
approve of her
Question:
I have chosen a religious and well-mannered girl to
be my wife, but when I told my father about this, he
rejected the idea. I have tried to convince him but he is
insisting. I wanted to know why, but he said there is no reason
why. I am confused. Should I obey my father and forget
about the girl I have chosen even though this will cause me
and my family so much pain? I hope that you will advise
of the right thing to do. May Allaah reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This question requires that we offer advice to both of
you. Firstly, to your father, who you say is preventing you
from marrying this girl whom you describe as religious
and well-mannered. He has to allow you to marry her,
unless he has some legitimate Islamic reason, which he
should explain to you to convince you and put your mind at
rest. He should also put himself in your shoes: if his own
father prevented him from marrying a religious and
well-mannered girl whom he liked, would he not feel
resentful about this denial of his freedom? If he would not like
his father to do such a thing to him, how can he do this to
his son? As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "None of you truly believes until he
likes for his brother what he likes for himself."
It is not right for your father to prevent you from
marrying this girl with no legitimate Islamic reason. If there is
a reason, he should explain it to you so that you
will understand what is going on.
Our advice to you is this: if you can possibly change
your mind and find another girl to marry, in order to
please your father, maintain family unity and avoid division,
then do so.
But you may find that you cannot do that, because
your heart is attached to this girl, and you cannot bear
the thought of marrying anyone else. You may also be
afraid that if you choose another girl, your father might
object to that marriage too, because some parents may try
to force their son to marry a relative, or a woman
whose qualities the father likes but the son does not. Some
parents may feel jealousy or envy even towards their own
children, so they prevent them from doing what they want to do.
If this is the case, then there is no sin on you if you
marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you
are married, your father may change his mind. We ask
Allaah to help you make the right choice.
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen, Fataawaa Islamiyyah, vol. 4,
p. 193 (www.islam-qa.com)
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854: What should a Muslim do when he wants to consummate his marriage?
Question:
assalamuvalakum
I am a 21yr old young man and inshallah next year
getting married.
My question is that, i need to know the way a marriage
is set to be planned, i mean how is the nikah supposed to
be performed, how many people can i invite is there a
limit, can i have music, dancing during my wedding or
during reception or valima. Also i need to know is that,
whose responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and valima, is
it the brides, or the bride grooms.
I need to know this answer a.s.a.p. so i could inform
my family and inshallah i will implement it in my life,
so Allah will bless me and my marriage.
My family is from XXX and so show alot of custom.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage,
a number of things are recommended in the sunnah:
He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like
offering her something to drink and so on, because of the
hadeeth narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazeed ibn al-Sakan, who
said: "I prepared `Aa'ishah as a bride when she married
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see
her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and
a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) drank some,
then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy.
I rebuked her and said: `Take it from the hand of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).' So she
took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, `Give some to
your companion (meaning himself).'" (Reported by
Imaam Ahmad and deemed saheeh by al-Albaani)
He should place his hand on his bride's head and pray
for her, saying "Bismillaah" and asking for
barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the
hadeeth narrated by `Abdullaah ibn `Amr ibn al-`Aas, who
said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "When one of you marries a woman or buys
a servant, let him say: `Allaahumma inni as'aluka
khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha `alayhi wa a'oodhu bika
min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha
`alayhi (O Allaah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which
You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from
her evil and the evil which You have created in her).'"
Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa'eed added: "Then let him
take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this
woman or servant." (Reported by Abu Dawud in
al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Nikaah, Baab fi jaami'
al-nikaah; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 341)
He should pray two rak'ahs with her, leading her in
prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the
salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning
this. (i) from Abu Sa'eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd,
which states that a group of the Companions of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught
him and told him: "When your wife comes in to you,
pray two rak'ahs and ask Allaah for the goodness of what
has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil."
(ii) from Shaqeeq, who said: "A man called Abu Hareez
came and said (to `Abdullaah ibn Mas'ood, may Allaah
be pleased with him): `I have married a young virgin
girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.' `Abdullaah
said: `Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes
from Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah
has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her
to pray two rak'ahs behind you.'" (These two reports
were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Aadaab
al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani).
When he wants to consummate the marriage, he
should say the words reported in the hadeeth reported by
Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his
father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) who said: "When one of you wants to approach
(have intercourse with) his wife, if he says:
`Bismillahi Allaahumma jannibna al-Shaytaan wa jannib
al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah,
protect us from Shaytaan and protect whatever You give to
us from Shaytaan)' _ then if they are given a child,
Shaytaan will not harm it." (Reported by al-Bukhaari,
Fath, no. 3271)
(For more information, see Aadaab
al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani, p. 91)
There is no limit to the number of guests one can
invite to a wedding feast (waleema), so invite whoever you
wish of your relatives, the bride's relatives, your friends
and anyone you have a good reason to invite.
It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is
haraam such as having music, letting men and women mix,
or letting women dance in front of men, or other things
that earn the wrath of Allaah. How can the blessing of
Allaah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality?
At weddings, women can do whatever is allowed in
Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words
or entertaining themselves by playing the
daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles)
only, so long as no men are present.
Providing the wedding feast (waleema) is the
husband's responsibility. The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep
or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to `Abd
al-Rahmaan ibn `Awf, "Give a wedding feast, even if it
is only one sheep." (Reported by al-Bukhaari,
al-Fath, no. 2048).
We ask Allaah to bless you and your bride and to
grant you a happy marriage.
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2135: Premarital sex, and is it the parents' obligation
to arrange marriage for their children?
Question:
I have heard that it is parents obligation to arrange
for marraige of adult children and if they fail to do
so, punishment for any sin committed by children is given
to the parents.
Secondly, if anyone indulges in sex (not intercourse)
with honest intentions to marry that person later, then is
the sin committed by them forgiven? How bad is it for
a muslim to do so?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. In answer to your second question,
to say that it is permissible for a man to engage in a
premarital physical relationship (even if it does not
include intercourse) with a woman who is not permissible
for him, claiming that he intends to marry her in the
future, is total and utter nonsense. This can never be allowed
by sharee'ah, and there can be no legitimate relationship
until after the completion of a legal marriage contract
according to Islamic law (i.e., nikaah).
I sent your first question to Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn
`Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen, and he wrote back to me with
the following Answer:
Yes, it is a duty on the father to keep his children
chaste by arranging their marriages, and spending on them
and clothing them, if he is able to do so. If he is not able
to, but the mother, grandfather or grandmother is able,
it becomes that person's duty to arrange the marriage.
If the son cannot afford it but he has the ability to earn
a living, it is his obligation to do so, in order to keep
himself chaste. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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2529: Wants to marry a girl who has repented of her
past but his mother does not approve
Question:
AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM
I am interested in marrying this sister, that my
mother doesn't approve off. My mother doesn't feel she is
the right one for me. I am a virgin and the sister has a
long sexual history. But I can tell that she has changed
her behaviors and is practicing this deen better than i am.
I would like to know, according to the Quran and
Sunnah, is it a good idea to marry this sister.
I am humbly awaiting your response
AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should treat your mother respectfully, and try
to persuade her to agree to your marrying this girl who
has repented and is practising her religion. But if your
mother does not agree, and you cannot be patient and you
fear that you will fall into sin if you do not marry her, then it
is still permissible for you to marry her. And Allaah is
the source of strength.
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2221: What is done between the engagement and
the marriage contract, and the marriage contract and
the wedding party
Question:
In Islamic Marriages, what symbols are used from
the engagement period to the celebrations?
And what is the significance of the rituals involved
from engagement to celebration?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The relationship of an engaged man with his fiancée
is the same as a man's relationship with any woman to
whom he is not related: he is not allowed to enjoy any kind
of physical relationship with her whatsoever, until
the marriage contract with her has been completed.
If it is asked what kind of relationship the husband
can have with his wife after the contract has been
completed and before the wedding party, the answer is that he
may enjoy a full husband-wife relationship, including
looking at her, kissing her, being alone with her, travelling
with her, having intercourse with her, etc. (al-Lajnah
al-Daa'imah li'l-iftaa: Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/154).
For more information on the Sunnah (way of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in
weddings, and what is done during the celebrations, you can refer
to the questions under the heading of Nikaah (marriage)
in the Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic rulings) section
of this Website. If you have any further questions,
please feel free to contact us again. And Allah is the source
of strength.
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1431: Loving a man in secret and praying that she
will marry him
Question:
is it wrong for a girl to love someone in her heart
and wish allah to marry her to this guy?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If this love is not distracting you from the love of
Allaah, and will not lead to you doing or saying anything
haraam, then there is nothing wrong with this, in sha Allaah,
or with praying to Allaah to make him a part of your
future _ so long as he is a Muslim who fears Allaah.
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2381: Fighting for love
Question:
Why it is not permissible for a muslim boy to marry
who he wants? I have read that he could marry any girl who
is a jew or christian? What is usually the reaction of
their parents? Do they accept him and give him support? I
think he should fight for the love he feel for someone who is
a non muslim. What do yo think? He is not doing
nothing wrong, just being happy. I will like to receive a
response. I am very interested. Thanks,
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A Muslim man is permitted to marry anyone he likes
of the women whom Allaah has allowed him to marry,
but he is encouraged to marry a Muslim woman who
is religious and has a good moral character (because this
is the basis of true happiness). Similarly, he is permitted
to marry a chaste woman of the People of the Book,
i.e., Jews and Christians. Another basis for a happy
marriage is that his parents should be pleased with his choice
of bride, and part of the way in which parents show
their love and kindness towards their son is by helping him
to get married, whether financially or in other ways.
As regards what you say about striving and fighting for
the sake of love, we should stop and think about this
matter carefully. We believe that feeling love for a
particular woman is not the be-all and end-all in a Muslim's
life, for which he should give up everything that matters
to him. No way! The Muslim is wise and pays attention
to everything that is in his interests, such as the
woman's religious commitment and moral character, his
parents' approval, his own honour and reputation among
people, the future of the marriage and its potential to
endure, whether any bad things will result from his marriage to
a particular woman and whether this outweighs his
interests, the environment in which the children of the
marriage will grow up, the nature of his future in-laws with
whom he will have to mix, etc. It is not the matter of a
fleeting desire, rather it is the matter of one's future and
eventual destiny.
Finally, we say that the love of a woman is not some
god to be worshipped, rather it is a matter that is governed
by the laws of the One God, Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds.
Islam Q&A
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2132: A Christian woman got married in a church
then became Muslim
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum:
Upon chatting with a Muslim sister who recently
moved to our community, I came upon something disturbing.
She has been married for about 7 years (she was Catholic
at the time and al hamdullilah she has reverted to the
right path). Her husband was a brand new Muslim at that
time. They were married in a church by a priest. He did
not know any Muslims at the time and thought that
marrying the people of the book could be done in a church. It
was only last week that they both found out that the
ceremony should have been conducted by a Muslim. They
already have 4 kids. What are they supposed to do now? Is
their marriage contract valid? Do they have to redo
the ceremony? What about all the years they have
been together not knowing that Muslims do not get married
by priests?
Please advise, so that we could correct the situation if
it needs correction.
Jazakum Allah Khairan.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Praise be to Allaah Who has guided them to Islam.
We ask Allaah to help us and them to be steadfast in
adhering to His religion. In response to your question, if
the marriage was contracted through an offer or
proposal (eejaab) from the walee (guardian) of the bride
and acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom, with
the consent of the bride, in front of two Muslim witnesses
of good character (as regards piety, attitude, conduct,
etc.), then the marriage contract is valid. Ibn Qudaamah
(may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "A marriage is
not properly contracted unless there are two
Muslim witnesses, regardless of whether the bride and groom
are both Muslims or only the groom is. This is what
Ahmad stated, and it is also the opinion of al-Shaafi'i."
(Al-Mughni, 9/349; al-Mufaddal fi Ahkaam
al-Mar'ah, 6/120).
If the marriage was conducted as described above, then
it is valid, otherwise it must be repeated. It is
permissible for a non-Muslim woman to be married by her
non-Muslim guardian, but if she becomes Muslim, this
role can only be played by a Muslim. If she has no
Muslim walee, then this role can be delegated to the director
of the Islamic Centre or whoever is acting in his stead.
As regards the children who were born during this time,
they are the children of the man and should be given his
name, as is the ruling in cases where there is uncertainty of
this nature.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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2067: What to recite during a marriage cerimony
Question:
DEAR SIR, I am a muslim, ALHAMDOLILLAH. I want to help one non-muslim girl become MUSLIM.
Kindly tell me what is QURANIC to marry (NIKAH) with
her after she becomes Muslim. I want ARABIC
(QURANIC) VERSES which the IMAM uses for NIKAH. SIR now
I stay in CHINA so I have no place to get this
material. please send me complete information. I am sure you
can help a non-muslim become muslim. may ALLAH
bless you for this good deed. I am waiting for your reply.
Please don't disappoint me
Answer:
To the one who is asking this question, we say that
this woman should be taught to say the
Shahaadatayn (the two declarations of faith) and then how to practise
Islamic rituals such as salaat (prayer), etc. After that, a
Muslim qaadi (judge) could do the marriage contract (nikaah)
for him. If there is no qaadi there, then the director of
the Islamic centre could do it, in the presence of two
male witnesses.
As regards what should be said by the one who does
the marriage contract, he should say khutbah
al-haajah, which you will find under the question that comes before
this one (# 2066); I will send it to you with this reply, in
sha Allaah.
May Allaah reward you.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
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2021: Asking about a person's past
Question:
As-salam wai lai kum,
When helping brothers/sisters to find suitable
Muslim partners, what questions can be asked, and what
is forbidden to ask ?
Can one ask about their past when they were
non-Muslim or not practicing Muslims ?
Can one ask ones wife/sister to describe in detail
the appearance of an intended wife or describe in detail
to them regarding a brother ?
Was Salam
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. If you want to look for a wife
for someone, or a husband for a woman, then you can
ask him about his wishes, such as the desired age, level
of education, employment situation, country and origin
and position of the family, and whether he has any
preferences about her general appearance, such as skin colour,
height, etc. The most important characteristic to ask about is
a person's level of commitment to Islam. This kind of
useful question is fine.
But asking for details of a person's past and wanting
to know what sins they might have committed when
they were ignorant about Islam _ this is not right at all.
Allaah covers people's sins and loves to see them covered
(i.e., not dragged out into the open). So long as a person
has repented, his sins have been wiped out. Islam
deletes whatever came before, so why should we ask
questions that will only embarrass people? Allaah accepts
people's repentance without their having to confess or expose
their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah
had committed adultery and murder repeatedly, or had
buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they
entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to
be reminded of a shameful past; it is over and done
with, and Allaah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
What matters when considering a person for marriage is
how that person is now: is he righteous or not? Has he cut
all ties with his past and his wrong deeds, or not? If he
is clearly living a good and righteous life now, then it
is wrong to dig up the past. If there is any fear of
anything that could have future implications, such as
certain diseases and so on, then there are medical tests
which can give the answer and put your mind at rest.
As far as giving a detailed description of a
prospective wife to someone is concerned, this can be done in
writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. a blood relative to
whom marriage is permanently forbidden) or a woman
who knows her can write down a description, then a trustworthy person can deliver it to one who is
seriously considering a marriage proposal. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No woman
should describe another woman to her husband as if he can
see her."
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4839)
The wisdom behind this prohibition is the fact that
a husband might like the sound of what he hears, so
he may divorce the one who described the other to him,
or there may be temptation to do wrong. (Commentary
on the above hadeeth in Fath al-Baari).
We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He
loves and will earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad.
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1897: Shaking hands etc. after nikaah
Question:
After Nikaah (if final ceremony is not done), are
you allowed to meet each other, similarly travel together
and are you allowed to shake hand and hug each other?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The answer is, yes, all of this is permitted, even if
it happens before the wedding party, so long as the
contract has been drawn up according to Sharee'ah, with a
guardian and two witnesses, and the proposal has been given
and accepted, and both parties consent to the marriage.
And Allaah knows best.
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682: Father preventing his son from marrying because
he needs his help to take care of siblings
Question:
Does a father have any right to prevent his son from
getting married on the grounds that he needs his help in
providing for his brothers and sisters?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If the son will commit haraam acts if he does not
get married, then the father has no right to prevent him
from getting married for the reason stated in the question.
Allaah is the Provider and those brothers and sisters are part
of His creation; He will never forsake them. Allaah
has promised to help the one who gets married in order
to keep himself chaste. He says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a
man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband)
and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable
ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female
slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His
Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs,
All-Knowing (about the state of the people)."
[al-Noor 24:32]
The Messenger of Allaah said: "There are three to
whom Allaah's help is due: the mujaahid who goes out to
fight for the sake of Allaah; the slaves who makes a
contract with his master to pay installments towards his
freedom; and the one who gets married because he wants to
remain chaste." (al-Tirmidhi, no. 1566. Abu `Eesaa said: this is
a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh al-Jaami', no.
3050).
But if the son is able to be patient and give himself up
to working and helping his father to provide for his
brothers and sisters, then he will be rewarded, for Allaah
never allows the reward of those who do good to be lost.
And Allaah knows best.
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653: Divorced wife due to her family's use of sihr (magic
or witchcraft)
Question:
In The Name Of ALLAH.
(Q)I was married to a Muslim girl, and I divorced
her because, I couldn't intercourse with her,and I'm
100% O.K., and I discovered the reason for that,which
was "SEHER"(MAGIC). We(my father and I)were
advised to go to a "SHIEKH" to solve this problem, and
that SHIEKH read some"QUR'AN VERSES" only,and
my ex. wife was totally shaking,and was absolutely
obvious that someone did a "SEHER" to her.
After that, I discovered that my ex. wife's family use
the "SEHER" in their life, so I decided to divorce
her because,her family wanted to carry on with
"SEHER". Now I'm asking about any USEFUL INFORMATION
to help me to overcome my problem, because I need to
marry again ?
Prompt answer would be appreciated. Thanks,
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
What I advise you to do is to put your trust in Allaah
and hasten to remarry. Nothing will harm you so long as
you put your trust in Allaah, as He says (interpretation of
the meaning): ". . . And whosoever puts his trust in
Allaah, then He will suffice him. . ." [al-Talaaq 65:3]
But this time you should make the effort to check
out your future wife and her family very carefully. Take
a lesson from your past experience, for the Prophet
SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"The believer should not stung from the same hole twice."
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, no. 6133).
Something that may help you not to worry is the fact
that it appears from your question that the fault lay with
your ex-wife, and not with you. So you must strive to
recite the verses of the Qur'aan which offer
protection (mu'awwidhaat i.e., Surat al-Falaq and Surat
al-Naas) immediately after each prayer and before sleeping,
blow into your hands when you recite them, and wipe your
face and body with your hands.
May Allaah protect you and us from all evil.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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1249: If A Wife Deserts Her Husband Marriage Will
Not Be Nullified
Question:
What is the iddah period of a woman who deserts
her husband? Is the marriage nullified, or must the
husband pronounce the divorce, or does a kuli' go into effect?
Answer:
Praise be to Allah;
If a woman deserts her husband, the marriage
contract will not be nullified. It remains valid until the
husband divorces the wife, the wife gets a divorce (khul'), or
the Qaadi (judge ruling according to Islamic shari'ah)
annuls the marriage contract.
Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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1103: Ruling on Intercourse with a Woman in her rectum
Question:
Please accept my apology if this questions offends, but
in the pursuit of Islamic knowledge, we cannot afford to
be shy for fear that if we are not well advised, we may
commit a sin.
I have been advised by a friend that there is a
"qawl" (opinion) among some ulamaa' (scholars) that it
is permissible to conduct anal sex (anal
penetration) (between man and wife only) during the time of the
wife's haydh (menstruation).
Is this correct?
Please also advise the laws and penalties relevant to it.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah.
Your apology is accepted. Striving to understand
the rulings of Sharee'ah in this and similar matters is
not haraam or shameful; it is necessary.
As regards your question, anal intercourse with one's
wife is a major sin, whether it occurs at the time of
menstruation or not. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of
Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this: "Cursed
is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum"
(Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5865).
The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be
upon Him) also said: "The one who has intercourse with
a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum,
or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what
was revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi,
no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5918).
In spite of the fact that many wives of sound nature
refuse this, there are some husbands who threaten their
wives with divorce if they do not obey them (in this
matter), and some even deceive their wives, who are too shy
to ask scholars about it, into thinking that it is
permissible. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be
upon Him) said that a man may approach his wife in any
way he likes, from the front or the back, so long as
intercourse takes place in the place from through which a child
is born. There is no doubt that the rectum is the place
from which waste matter is expelled, not the place from
which a child is born.
Another reason why some may commit this immoral
act is that they enter upon what should be a clean
married life with some jaahili (ignorant) traditions and
odd practices, or with memories of scenes from
indecent movies, for which they have not repented to Allaah.
It is known that this act is forbidden even if both
partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does
not make it halaal.
I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper understanding
of His religion and to make us adhere to its limits, for He
is the All-Hearing, the One Who answers prayers.
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225: No prescribed period for consummating marriage
Question:
How soon do a married couple have to consumate
their marriage in Islam?
If one of the partners feels uncomfortable, what is
he/she to do, if he/she does not want to consumate right
away, but would prefer to wait about 3 months?
Answer:
al-hamdu lillaah.
If a man executes a valid marriage contract with a
woman then it is permissible for the two to do as they
please between themselves, even with only the contract.
There is no period prescribed by Islamic shari'ah between
the contract and consummation of the marriage, so this
issue is up to the two partners as to what they decide is
most appropriate and in their best interests.
It is incumbent upon both parties to consider,
respect, and ensure the other one's personal comfort and
ease. Thus, if the husband sees that the wife needs some
time to become acclimated and develop their relationship
and level of intimacy before consummation, such as 3
months, for example, he should do so, and vice versa. Likewise,
it is incumbent upon the wife if she sees that her
husband feels an urgent need to guard his chastity by
consummating the marriage that she should not prolong the period
so that he does not fall into a state of awkward
discomfort and difficulty, and vice versa.
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