Chapter 2
Transactions
Marriage: Rights of spouses
20433: Is it permissible for a wife to take from
her husband's wealth without his permission?
Question:
Is it permissible for a wife to take from her
husband's wealth without his permission? and if that has
happened what is the expiation for that?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a woman to take anything
from her husband's wealth without his permission, unless
he is falling short in his spending on her, in which case it
is permissible for her to take what is sufficient for her
and her children on a reasonable basis, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind
bint `Utbah when she complained to him that her
husband Abu Sufyaan was falling short in his spending on her
and on her children. He said to her: "Take what is
sufficient for you and your children on a reasonable basis."
There is no kafaarah required for that if the situation is as
we have described. But if she takes when there is
no shortcoming on his part, then she has to return what
she took even if that is without his knowledge, if she is
afraid that telling him will make him angry with her.
May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our
Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 21/167.
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36818: Her husband left her for a long time with
her agreement; is she sinning by not asking for a divorce?
Question:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who asks her
husband for a divorce with no reason, the fragrance of
Paradise will be forbidden to her."
My question: What is the ruling on a wife whose
husband left her 4 years ago and she is neither divorced nor is
she a wife in any real sense, but she does not want a
divorce because she loves him very much, and she hopes
that Allaah will guide him and she can go back to him _ is
she sinning with regard to herself or her husband?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Islam has given men a great deal of responsibility,
which is to take care of the family and to be the protector
and maintainer. The man's role in fulfilling his duties
towards his family is very great, and this role requires him to
be present all the time so that he can keep an eye
on everything, correct mistakes and guide his young
children. He is the mainstay, protector and foundation of this family.
If a man neglects his role, that results in unjust
treatment for his wife. Allaah says in a hadeeth qudsi: "O My
slaves, I have forbidden injustice to Myself and I have made
it haraam amongst you, so do not treat one another
unjustly." This may lead to destruction of the family and a
great deal of evil may result from this separation, for both
the man and the woman. Each of them may take a lover
to make up for missing their spouse, for the
Shaytaan exploits weak points and flows through the son of
Adam like blood.
In addition to that, think of the injustice that happens
to the children as a result and the shortcoming in taking
care of them that means that the woman has to work
harder and play the role of both father and mother at the
same time. This is something that cannot be done in most
cases. We all know the status of the father and the role that
he plays in the family, and what may happen when he is
not there. How will the children be raised, and how
much will they suffer when their father is absent from
them? This is what makes children hate their fathers,
because they abandoned them and did not take care of them
or look after them as they should.
Secondly:
A man may dislike his wife and not be able to stand
being with her any longer. In that case it is prescribed
in sharee'ah for him either to keep her in a proper and
decent manner or to let her go in a kind manner. He may not
be able to keep her in a decent manner because of his
intense dislike for her _ for example _ or for some other
reason, so there remains no choice but to be frank, in a
kind manner, and divorce her kindly, and give her all her
rights in full.
The woman may want to stay with him as a wife, so
she may ask him to keep her and forego some of her
rights over him, such as the division of his time (in the case of
a plural marriage) and spending. In that case the man
should agree to her request, because that will make her feel
good and will mean that he is still being kind to her,
especially if that will not cause him any harm or problems.
The following verse was revealed concerning
such situations (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on
her husband's part, there is no sin on them both if they
make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace
is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed.
But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allaah
is Ever WellAcquainted with what you do"
[al-Nisa' 4:128]
`Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said _
as narrated by al-Bukhaari (4910) and Muslim (3021) _
that this verse was revealed concerning such situations.
She said: " `And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on
her husband's part' this refers to a woman who is married
to a man who does not want to keep her any longer
and wants to divorce her and marry someone else, and
she says to him: `Keep me and do not divorce me, but
marry someone else too, and you do not have to spend on me
or give me a share of your time.' This is what Allaah
says: `there is no sin on them both if they make terms of
peace between themselves; and making peace is
better'."
Conclusion:
It is not permissible for a man to leave his wife for
so long; if he does that, then the woman has the right
to refer the matter to the qaadi and ask for a divorce so as
to avoid harmful consequences.
If she chooses to be patient in the hope that Allaah
will guide him and he will give up this mistreatment, there
is no sin on her in sha Allaah, subject to the condition
that this does not expose her to temptation because of her
being away from her husband.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims
straight and to guide them aright. And Allaah knows best.
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38105: He is afraid that he caused his wife's death
Question:
My wife died recently (pregnancy complications)
and during 5-8 months pregnancy period, me and my
wife quarrel on some issue and I did not telephone her for
3 months. When she admitted in the hospital on her
serious condition, I came back to from Saudi Arabia and I
met my wife in the hospital and we forget about our issue
of quarrel. I kiss her and spend a lot of time in the
hospital sitting with her and pursuade her that Inshallah she
will be alright and I spend nearly 15,000 S.R towards
medical expenses but she died. Q:1) Is she died because I was
not talking to her on the telephone and she took this
matter seriously in her heart ? Q:2) My mother-in-law
blames me for the cause of her daughters heart because I was
not sending sufficient money for her because my mother
wants my wife to stay in our home rather then she stays with
her parents. My mother told me that if I send money she
will not come back to our house, so I used to send only
little money. Is that could be the cause of my wife dealth as
my mother-in-law said ? Please help me and I feel very
much guilty upon hearing my mother-in-laws words as I
can not sleep properly and feeling quilty. It was a love
marriage and we quarrel on small issue sometimes, but I
never wants her death.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: we ask Allaah to shower your wife with His
mercy and to record for her the reward of martyrdom,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Martyrdom is of seven types besides being
killed (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah," and among them
he mentioned the woman who dies because of pregnancy
or childbirth. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3111;
al-Nasaa'i, 1846; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. And we ask
Him to help you and her family to bear this loss with
patience and to compensate you in this world and in the Hereafter.
Secondly: there is no doubt that life and death are in
the hand of Allaah and that the time of death and
life-spans are decreed by His will. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Who has created death and life that He may test
you which of you is best in deed"
[al-Mulk 67:2]
"Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to
be worshipped but He). It is He Who gives life and
causes death"
[al-A'raaf 7:158]
No one has the power to benefit or harm another
except by Allaah's leave. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "The Holy Spirit inspired
to me that no soul will ever depart this world until it
has completed its allotted time and used up its
allotted provision, so do not be too desperate when
seeking provision. If you feel that provision is slow in coming,
do not try to hasten it by disobeying Allaah, for that which
is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying
Him." Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 8/166; classed as hasan by
al-Albaani).
Thirdly: Islam enjoins kindness. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah
has prescribed kindness in all one's affairs." Narrated
by Muslim, 1955. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) even spoke of a woman who went to
Hell because of a cat that she detained until it died.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2365; Muslim, 2242.
To what degree then do you think Islam enjoins
kindness towards one's wife_ one's companion in this world
and in the Hereafter?
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "I urge you to treat women kindly." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 3331; Muslim, 1468.
Imam al-Tirmidhi narrated a hadeeth (1163) which
he classed as hasan, and al-Albaani agreed with
him, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, during the Farewell
Pilgrimage: "They (women) are like prisoners in your hands."
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The most complete in faith of
the believers are those who have the best attitude, and
the best of you are those who are best towards
their womenfolk." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1162; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani.
Fourthly: If you know from the above that you fell
short in your duty towards your wife, by cutting
off communication with her when she was sick and was
most in need of you, and the quarrel between you was
about some minor issue, as you mention, then how could
you fall short in spending on her, for spending on one's
wife is obligatory according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah,
and scholarly consensus, as it says in
al-Mughni (9/229)? If your mother told you to do something other than
that, you should not have obeyed her, because there is
no obedience to any created being if it involves
disobedience towards the Creator. Your feelings of shortcoming
and sin are appropriate. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Righteousness is a
good attitude, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in
your heart and which you dislike people finding out
about." Narrated by Muslim, 2553.
But this sin should not be regarded as the cause of
your wife's death, because it is not directly connected to it
and such things do not usually kill a person. You
mentioned in your question that she died because of
complications in pregnancy. And you did well _ may Allaah reward
you with good _ by sitting with her in her last days
and spending on her. Your doing these things will be
an expiation for you in sha Allaah.
Our advice to you is to pray a great deal for
forgiveness for yourself and for her, and make du'aa' for her, give
in charity on her behalf, honour her family and uphold
your ties with them and treat them kindly; put up with any
bad treatment you may encounter from them because of
the loss of their daughter; and let what happened be a
lesson for the future so that it does not happen again.
And Allaah knows best.
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45715: Can the wife of a prisoner wear
provocative clothing for him when visiting him?
Question:
In some Muslim countries those who are
religiously committed and adhere to the Sunnah of the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
are detained and imprisoned.
The wives of these prisoners visit their husbands and
the visits occur in a place where they are allowed to sit
with them. Of course these sisters wear niqaab and they
put something like a tent over their heads so that
their husbands can see them. But some of the sisters
wear revealing blouses so that their husbands can enjoy
looking at them, because they have been in prison for 6 years
or more. Is it permissible for a sister to do that,
knowing that no one else can see her except her husband? As
I said, they do that to reduce the pain suffered by
their husbands.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A woman may adorn herself for her husband in
various ways and uncover her charms before him at any
time, because he has the right to enjoy intimacy with her.
With regard to what you have mentioned about doing
that inside the prison, there is nothing wrong with that,
subject to two conditions:
1 _ That no stranger (non-mahram) can see the
woman, either directly or through surveillance equipment.
2 _ That this does not have a negative effect on
the husband, such as provoking his desires and inflaming
his emotions, or causing him to compromise his
religious commitment and give up his adherence to the truth
that he is following, because he wants to get out and go to
his wife and children. Allaah has warned us that our
wives and children may be a source of fitnah (temptation)
who may prevent a man from doing that which Allaah
has enjoined upon him. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your
wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained,
the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the
dwellings in which you delight are dearer to you than Allaah
and His Messenger, and striving hard and fighting in
His Cause, then wait until Allaah brings about His
Decision (torment). And Allaah guides not the people who
are AlFaasiqoon (the rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tawbah 9:24]
"O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and
your children there are enemies for you (who may stop
you from the obedience of Allaah); therefore beware of
them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive
(their faults), then verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving,
Most Merciful"
[al-Taghaabun 64:14]
`Attaar ibn Yassaar said: All of Soorat al-Taghaabun
was revealed in Makkah, apart from these verses, which
were revealed concerning `Awf ibn Maalik al-Ashja'i, who
had wives and children, and when he wanted to go out
for jihad they wept and tore at his heart, and said, "Who
are you leaving us to?" He felt sorry for them so he
stayed, then this whole verse was revealed in
Madeenah concerning `Awf ibn Maalik al-Ashja'i.
Al-Tirmidhi narrated that Ibn `Abbaas said, when a
man asked him about this verse: Those were some men
from Makkah who became Muslim, and they wanted to go
and join the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) [in Madeenah], but their wives and children
refused to let them go to join the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). When they finally came to
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
they saw that the people had learned a great deal about
Islam, and they wanted to punish (their wives and children),
then Allaah revealed this verse. This was classed as hasan
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 3317.
We ask Allaah to make His religion prevail and to
relieve the distress of our Muslim brethren, for He is Able to
do that.
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48956: Can a man prevent his wife from
observing i'tikaaf?
Question:
Does a husband have the right to prevent his wife
from observing i'tikaaf?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a woman
to observe i'tikaaf without her husband's
permission, because her observing i'tikaaf in the mosque affects
the husband's rights.
If he does give her permission, he has the right to
cancel it and call her out of i'tikaaf.
Ibn Qudaamah (4/485) said:
The wife does not have the right to observe i'tikaaf
without her husband's permission… if her husband gives
her permission, then he wants her to come out after she
has started i'tikaaf, he has the right to call her out in the
case of a voluntary i'tikaaf. This is the view of
al-Shaafa'i… If what he gave permission for was something that
she vowed to do, then he does not have the right to bring
her out, because it becomes obligatory once it is started
and must be completed, like Hajj once one has entered
ihraam for it.
The Sunnah indicates that it is permissible for a man
to prevent his wife from observing i'tikaaf without
his permission.
Al-Bukhaari (2033) and Muslim (1173) narrated
that `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) wanted to observe i'tikaaf, he would
pray Fajr then enter his place of i'tikaaf. He ordered that
his tent be pitched, intending to observe i'tikaaf for the
last ten days of Ramadaan. Then Zaynab ordered that her
tent be pitched, and others among the wives of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also
ordered that their tents be pitched. When the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) prayed
Fajr, he saw the tents and said: "Do you intend
righteousness by doing this?" Then he commanded that his tent be
taken down, and he abandoned i'tikaaf in Ramadaan
and observed i'tikaaf for ten days at the beginning
of Shawwaal.
According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari:
`Aa'ishah asked him for permission (to observe i'tikaaf) and he
gave her permission, then Hafsah asked `Aa'ishah to ask
for permission for her and she did so.
Al-Nawawi said:
"Righteousness" here means obedience or worship.
Al-Qaadi said: He (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said this by way of rebuke. He (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) had given some of
them permission to do that, as narrated by al-Bukhaari.
The reason why he criticized that was that he feared that
they would not be sincere in their i'tikaaf, and all they
wanted was to be close to him because of their jealousy
concerning him, or because of his protective jealousy towards
them, so he did not want them to stay in the mosque when
it was the place where people gathered and was
attended by the Bedouins and hypocrites, and they would need
to go out and come in to attend to their needs and thus
they would be exposed to people's gaze… Or it may have
been because he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) saw them with him when he was in the mosque and
it was as if he was at home with his wives, which was
a distraction from the purpose of i'tikaaf, which is to
keep away from one's wives and worldly concerns, etc. Or
it may have been because they were crowding the
mosque with their tents. This hadeeth indicates that
women's i'tikaaf is valid, because he (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) gave them permission, and he only
stopped them from doing it afterwards for a reason. And it
indicates that a man may prevent his wife from observing
i'tikaaf without his permission. This is the view of all the
scholars. If he has given her permission, can he prevent her
after that? There is a difference of opinion among the
scholars on this point. According to al-Shaafa'i, Ahmad
and Dawood he has the right to stop her and bring her out
of a voluntary i'tikaaf.
Ibn al-Mundhir and others said: This hadeeth
indicates that a woman should not enter i'tikaaf until she has
asked her husband's permission, and that if she enters
i'tikaaf without his permission he has the right to bring her
out; if he has given permission he has the right to change
his mind and stop her. It was narrated from ahl al-ra'y that
if the husband gives her permission then stops her,
he commits sin thereby and she may refuse. It was
narrated from Maalik that he does not have the right to do
that. But this hadeeth is proof against them.
From Fath al-Baari..
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49834: The reason why a woman is not allowed to
observe a naafil fast without her husband's permission
Question:
What is the reason why a woman is not allowed to
observe a naafil fast without her husband's permission even
though that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to
any created being if it involves disobedience towards
the Creator?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Al-Bukhaari (5191) and Muslim (1026) narrated from
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "It is not permissible for a woman to
fast when her husband is present except with his permission."
The version narrated by Abu Dawood (4258) and
al-Tirmidhi (782) says: "No woman should fast when
her husband is present except with his permission, apart
from Ramadaan." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Al-Haafiz said: i.e., when he is present and is not traveling.
"Except with his permission" means apart from
fasting the days of Ramadaan, and obligatory days apart
from Ramadaan if there is not much time. This
hadeeth indicates that it is haraam for her to observe the
fast mentioned in the question without her
husband's permission. This is the view of the majority of scholars.
This hadeeth indicates that the husband's right over
his wife takes precedence over her doing voluntary
good deeds, because his right is an obligation and doing
what is obligatory takes precedence over doing a
voluntary action.
Al-Nawawi said:
This is to be understood as referring to voluntary
and recommended fasts that are not to be done at a
specific time. This prohibition was stated by our companions.
The reason for that is that the husband has the right to
be intimate with her on all days, and his right must be
fulfilled immediately and cannot be delayed by a voluntary
action or an obligatory action that could be done later on. If it
is said that he should let her fast without his
permission, and if he wants to be intimate with her he can do so
and break her fast, the answer is that if she fasts, that
usually prevents him from being intimate with her, because
he would not want to spoil her fast.
With regard to the questioner saying, "even though
that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to
any created being if it involves disobedience towards
the Creator" _
We say: Yes, but if a woman does not observe a
voluntary fast, that is not an act of disobedience or sin, rather
what is sinful is not fasting in Ramadaan. Hence a
woman should fast Ramadaan without her husband's
permission, as is indicated by the wording of the hadeeth narrated
by Abu Dawood and al-Tirmidhi, quoted above.
The husband's rights take precedence over observing
a naafil fast because this is something that is
obligatory, and when there is a conflict regarding acts of
worship, that which is more important takes precedence.
And Allaah knows best.
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48489: Her husband is weak _ can she put medicine in
his food without him knowing?
Question:
I am a woman who needs intimacy with my husband,
but my husband is weak in this regard. I have tried to
convince him to get treatment but with no success. Can I
put medicine to strengthen his desire in his food without
him knowing?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
I asked our Shaykh `Abd al-Rahmaan al-Baraak
about this and he replied:
She should not do that. If she cannot put up with it
she may ask for a divorce.
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43123: Obeying one's husband comes before obeying
one's parents and siblings
Question:
how important is a husband to his wife, are her
sisters more important than husband, who should she listen
to, how up on the importance ladder does husband comes.
is husband more important than her own parents and sisters.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Qur'aan and Sunnah indicate that the husband has
a confirmed right over his wife, and that she is
commanded to obey him, treat him well and put obedience to
him above obedience to her parents and brothers. Indeed,
he is her paradise and her hell. For example, Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the
other, and because they spend (to support them) from
their means" [al-Nisa' 4:34]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "It is not permissible for a woman to fast
when her husband is present except with his permission, or
to allow anyone in his house without his
permission." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899.
Al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: Since it is obligatory for
a woman to obey her husband with regard to his
satisfying his desire, it is more appropriate that it be obligatory
for her to obey him in that which is more important than
that, namely raising their children, guiding the family, and
other rights and duties.
From Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 282
Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If
a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her
month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her
husband, it will be said to her: `Enter Paradise from whichever
of the gates of Paradise you wish.'" Classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 660.
Ibn Maajah (1853) narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Abi
Awfa said: When Mu'aadh came from Syria, he prostrated
to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) who said, "What is this, O Mu'aadh?" He said, I went
to Syria and saw them prostrating to their archbishops
and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for you. The
Messenger of Allaah (S) said, "Do not do that. If I were to
command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allaah, I
would have commanded women to prostrate to their
husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad,
no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she
fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for
intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse."
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn
Maajah.
Ahmad (19025) and al-Haakim narrated from
al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for
something and he dealt with her need, then the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do you have
a husband?" She said, "Yes." He said: "How are you
with him?" She said, "I do not neglect any of his rights
except those I am unable to fulfil." He said: "Look at how
you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell" _
i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise if you fulfil
his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall
short in that.
Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of this hadeeth as
jayyid in al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb
wa'l-Tarheeb, no. 1933.
If there is a conflict between obedience to one's
husband and obedience to one's parents, then obedience to
one's husband takes priority. Imam Ahmad (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said concerning a woman who has
a husband and a sick mother: Obeying her husband is
more obligatory upon her than (taking care of) her
mother, unless he gives her permission. (Sharh Muntaha
al-Iraadaat, 3/47).
In al-Insaaf (8/362) it says: She does not have to
obey her parents with regard to leaving her husband or
visiting etc., rather obedience to the husband takes priority.
There is a hadeeth concerning this issue which
was narrated by al-Haakim from `Aa'ishah (may Allaah
be pleased with her) who said: I asked the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),
"Who has the most right over a woman?" He said:
"Her husband." I said, "Who has the most right over a
man?" He said, "His mother."
But this is a weak (da'eef) hadeeth, which was classed
as such by al-Albaani in Da'eef al-Targheeb
wa'l-Tarheeb, 1212, and he criticized al-Mundhiri for classing it
as hasan.
And Allaah knows best.
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43166: Does the husband have to make his wife happy?
Question:
What r the duties of a husaband towards his wife.
he should keep her happy or not. my husband sometime
wont treat me as his familymember.he always only see
his parents &sisters worries& happiness. i want him to
treat me and love aslso as his family member.can u plz
give some explanatipn so that i can tell him to love me also
& take care of me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to treat his wife in a good and
kind manner, and to spend on her food, drink, clothing
and accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"and live with them honourably"
[al-Nisa' 4:19]
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands
as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree
(of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty,
All-Wise"
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
Ahmad (20025) and Abu Dawood (2142) narrated
that Mu'aawiyah ibn Haydah (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: I said, "O Messenger of Allaah, what are
the rights of the wife of any one of us over him?" He
said: "That you should feed her when you feed yourself,
clothe her when you clothe yourself, you should not hit her
on the face, you should not curse her and you should
not forsake her except in the house."
Al-Albaani said concerning this hadeeth in Saheeh
Abi Dawood: (it is) hasan saheeh.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) enjoined good treatment of women in more than
one hadeeth. Hence the husband has to fear Allaah with
regard to his wife, and give each person his or her
rights. Honouring one's parents and upholding the ties of
kinship do not conflict with treating one's wife kindly
and honouring her and taking care of her. The best that can
be mentioned concerning that is the words of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "The
best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am
the best of you to my family." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
(3895) and Ibn Maajah (1977). Classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) regarded being kind to one's family as being the
criterion with regard to who is best. Whoever wants to be one
of the best of the Muslims should be kind to his family,
which includes being kind to one's wife, children and relatives.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "You will never spend anything seeking thereby
the Face of Allaah, but you will be rewarded for it, even
(the food) that you put in your wife's mouth." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 56.
You should examine the reasons for the shortcomings
in the way he treats you; perhaps that is due to a
shortcoming on your part with respect to his rights; perhaps you
do not pay attention to him, or adorn yourself for him,
or hasten to meet his needs.
You should be more patient, because there is a lot of
good in being patient and it brings a great deal of reward.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who
are AsSaabiroon (the patient)" [al-Anfaal 8:46]
"Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him
(by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by
performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely,
Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (gooddoers.
See V.2:112) to be lost" [Yoosuf 12:90]
"So be patient. Surely, the (good) end is for the
Muttaqoon (the pious)"
[Hood 11:49]
We ask Allaah to put our affairs and the affairs of all
the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and
he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce?
Question:
Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah,
I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The
first time was because I asked my husband to give me and
my children just one day each month when we could
sit together, against his wishes and those of his family.
The second time was because he loves another woman and
he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows
favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the
feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the
phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is
not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me
alone with our children, and he has no connection with us
apart from some money which he sends via his family.
If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with something better and make me independent of means
by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the
wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man?
Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree
of Allaah? Do I have the right to have a husband with
whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have
to put up with living a life of humiliation, me and
my children, for the sake of this monthly allowance that
he sends via his family in order to humiliate me even
further? Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken
because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of
the word of divorce?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives,
and has forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man
wants to have more than one wife, then he can keep the
first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or he can let
her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him
to keep her married to him whilst forsaking her and
not giving her her rights. It is not permissible for him to
be negligent with regard to his family and the upbringing
of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed
in order to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to
build families and increase their numbers.
This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam
for him, even if he had another wife according to
sharee'ah, so how about if he is forsaking his wife and
neglecting his family for an illegitimate reason such as a
haraam relationship and corrupt desires?
Secondly:
The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from
her husband if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This
does not mean that she does not accept the decree of
Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her to
stay with a husband who commits major sins and
whose children are not safe from his evil influence and
bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in Islam and it may
even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases, there
is no need to think that this may go against belief in
the divine will and decree, because Allaah has decreed
both marriage and divorce.
The wife has the right to live with her husband and
be treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have
a husband with whom she can feel happy and who will
be like a garment for her, so that there will be love
and compassion between them. This is the reason for
which marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts
from what we have mentioned, then it is contrary to the
reason for which marriage was prescribed.
Hence the husband should choose a woman who is religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians
should marry their daughters and female relatives under their
care to men who are religiously-committed and of
good character, because if the Muslim household is
established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing
or cruelty will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her
husband for a legitimate shar'i reason, then she can ask for
divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula', and if he
dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights
in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms
or release her with kindness.
If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that
she finds a good, righteous husband, as He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will
provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty"
[al-Nisa' 4:130]
Thirdly:
Some woman stay and put up with their husbands
because of the possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so
that he will remain in contact with his children and take
care of them and spend on them. If a long time goes by and
he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children
too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on
herself and her children, then there is no point in her staying
with him. Rather the right thing to do is to rid herself of
him so that she can live a better and more decent life,
and raise her children to obey Allaah and His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
You should take stock of yourself and repent to
Allaah for any sins or transgressions that you may
have committed against the rights of Allaah or the rights
of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has
happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you
have committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because
of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much"
[al-Shoora 42:30]
Think long and hard about your situation and how
likely it is that you may find a husband after him or live
a peaceful life without him. Consult people around you
who are close to you and are sincere. I advise you, if they
agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you
describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah
for guidance, and if you feel at ease with the idea of
divorce then go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you
independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set your
affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile
between you if that is better for you both.
And Allaah knows best.
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44997: Her family took her away without her
husband's permission
Question:
I have a brother who has been married for several
years, and he has a son and a daughter. He often has
arguments with his wife, then they make up. The most recent
incident was when she started to cursing her parents-in-law,
then she went even further and hit her husband. Then she
told her family, and they came and took her away without
her husband's permission. There is a lot of immorality
and lack of religious commitment, the extent of which
Allaah only knows. We have tried to advise them on
many occasions but without success.
I hope that you can help us and tell us to which
department we may refer this matter, so that we can put an end to it.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her
husband's house without permission, rather many of the
scholars regarded this as nushooz (defiance) and going against
the husband, if there is no excuse for doing that, such as
if her husband is harming her in a manner that she
cannot ward off and so on.
Moreover, if the wife is withholding herself from
her husband, he is no longer obliged to spend on her
because of her defiance, as the fuqaha' have stated. See
al-Mughni, 8/182.
Secondly:
What your brother should do is to handle the
situation wisely and carefully in order to bring his wife back
home. He should remind her of Allaah, and remind her
family of Him; if he cannot do that himself, then he should
enlist the help of some relatives who have
knowledge, experience and wisdom, and get them involved so
that they can solve the issue.
He should exercise deliberation and not be hasty in
taking decisions, for "Deliberation is from Allaah and haste
is from the Shaytaan," as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. (Classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1895).
A man may make a decision at the time of anger,
then regret it, but at a time when regret will be to no avail.
He should also adopt an attitude of patience, put up
with his wife and try to put an end to the disputes
between them that have gone on for years and years. Let him
start a new life with her, forgetting the past and its arguments.
Thirdly:
No one is perfect, so he should accept her good
points and overlook her bad points, and try to change her in
a wise and calm manner. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No believing man
should hate a believing woman, for if he dislikes one of
her characteristics, he will be pleased with another."
Al-Nawawi said:
This means that he should not hate her, because if he
sees in her a characteristic that he dislikes, he will find
another that is pleasing; she may be bad-tempered but at the
same time religiously-committed, or beautiful, or chaste, or
kind to him, and so on. End quote.
This is how all people are; they have good qualities
and bad qualities. The wise man is the one who strikes
the right balance between good and bad, accepting the
good things and overlooking the bad, whilst also trying
to correct them.
Fourthly:
If the husband does all that but the woman still does
not change, then he may refer to the shar'i courts to
resolve this dispute.
And Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set the affairs
of all the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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6913: The wife of a Daaiyah is complaining because
her husband is so busy
Question:
brother iam involved in Dawaa now and my wife complains that i have more responsibilty to her and
kid and i need to devote more time to her and kids. I
fulfill my responsibilities and work and also spent time
with her, but she is not happy with it, so kindly guide me
that what i need to do here? slow down which i cant
because she doesnot like whenever i go or stop since Allah
nows the best.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This ummah is the nation of moderation and balance,
so everyone who belongs to this ummah must be like that
in all areas of his life.
At the same time as we are hearing of some
Muslims who spend most of their time away from their families
_ whether for da'wah or for travelling or some
other permissible purpose _ we are also hearing of the
opposite, where some people stay with their families all the
time and never devote any time to calling others to Allaah.
Just as a man's family has rights over him that he
should not neglect, other people, Muslims and non-Muslims
_ also have rights over him which he should not ignore..
It was reported from al-Hasan that `Ubayd-Allaah
ibn Ziyaad visited Ma'qil ibn Yassaar during his final
illness. Ma'qil said to him, I will tell you a hadeeth which I
heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). I heard the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
"There is no person to whom Allaah has given people
to take care of, and he fails to take care of them
properly, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142)
`Abd-Allaah ibn `Umar said: the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will
be questioned [about those under his care]. The leader is
a shepherd and will be questioned. A man is the
shepherd of his family and will be questioned. A woman is
the shepherd of her husband's house and she will
be questioned. A slave is the shepherd of his master's
wealth and will be questioned. Each of you is a shepherd
and each of you will be questioned [about those under
his care]."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4892; Muslim, 1829).
Many women wish that their husbands would not go
out and leave them, not even to pray (in the mosque)!
So how about to call people to Allaah? A woman said in
the past: Three co-wives would be easier for me than
my husband's library! Because her husband was fond
of learning and reading.
So she should not be given everything she wants;
the matter should be referred to what Allaah loves and wants.
In the case of some acts of worship, the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us not to
go beyond what is prescribed in sharee'ah, for fear that
the rights of others _ above all the family _ may be
affected because of that. A number of ahaadeeth were
narrated concerning this matter, such as:
`Awn ibn Abi Juhayfah narrated that his father said:
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) established brotherhood (mu'aakhah) between
Salmaan and Abu'l-Dardaa'. Salmaan visited Abu'l-Dardaa'
and noticed that Umm al-Dardaa' appeared scruffy
and unkempt (this was before the aayah of hijaab
was revealed). He said to her, What is the matter with
you? She said, Your brother Abu'l-Dardaa' has no need of
this world. Then Abu'l-Dardaa' came (to visit him). He
made some food for him, and said, Eat. [Abu'l-Dardaa'] said,
I am fasting. [Salmaan] said, I will not eat until you eat.
So he ate. When night came, Abu'l-Dardaa' went to
pray qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said to him, Sleep, so he
slept. Then he wanted to get up for qiyaam, but [Salmaan]
said, Sleep. When the last part of the night came, Salmaan
said, Now get up. So they prayed, then Salmaan said to
him, Your Lord has a right over you, your soul has a right
over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each
one his due. He [Abu'l-Dardaa'] went to the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him
about that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said, "Salmaan is right." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 1867).
`Abd-Allaah ibn `Amr ibn al-`Aas (may Allaah be
pleased with them both) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, "O
`Abd-Allaah, have I not heard that you fast all day and pray
all night?" I said, yes, O Messenger of Allaah. He said,
"Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, pray qiyaam
and sleep, for your body has a right over you, your eyes
have a right over you, your wife has a right over you and
your visitors have a right over you. It is sufficient for you
to fast three days of every month. For every good
deed (hasanah) you will be rewarded tenfold, so that will
be like fasting for an entire lifetime." But I went to
extremes and made things hard for myself. I said, O Messenger
of Allaah, I can do more than that. He said, "Then
observe the fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be
upon him), and no more." I said, What is the fast of the
Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him)? He said,
"Half a lifetime." After he grew old, `Abd-Allaah used to say,
I wish that I had taken the easier option which the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) offered
me. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1874; Muslim, 1159).
In these ahaadeeth you can see how the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised
moderation in fasting, praying qiyaam and reading Qur'aan _ for
those who were doing a lot and neglecting their families'
rights. He was drawing attention to the rights of others,
including wives and families.
Whoever organizes his time and pays due attention
to everyone who has a right over him, should not worry
about who is happy and who is not. Do not let da'wah
activities take over your life and occupy all your time, but do
not listen to your wife and give them up altogether.
One of the things that may help you is to get your
wife involved in da'wah activities. Ask her to listen to a
tape and summarize it, or to read a book and write down
what she has learnt from it, or ask her to attend a study
circle or take part in women's da'wah activities at the
Islamic centre or attend women's seminars held in parallel
with the men's seminars, etc., so that she will feel that she
is sharing these activities with you, and she will not
feel bored because her husband is away.
Another issue to bear in mind is that you have to help
her to understand that she will have a share in the reward
if she is patient with you and creates the right
atmosphere for you to learn and engage in da'wah. The
Sahaabiyyaat (women of the Sahaabah) used to take care of
their husband's houses and children when the men went
out for jihaad; they would serve their husband's guests
when they came to visit. If a woman takes care of her
husband's house when he goes out to seek knowledge or engage
in da'wah or jihaad, and she serves the seekers of
knowledge and daa'iyahs who come to visit him by honouring
them and preparing food for them, then she will have a
great reward for that. Allaah may admit three people to
Paradise because of a single arrow: the one who makes it with
a good intention and the one who hands it over _ not
just the one who shoots it. If a wife understands
and remembers this, it will make it much easier for her
to bear it when her husband is absent or busy.
We will end with the story of a great woman, Asmaa'
bint Abi Bakr As-Siddeeq, and see what she used to do
when her husband was busy with jihaad and da'wah and
taking care of the affairs of the Islamic state with the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):
Asmaa' bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with
them both) said: I got married to al-Zubayr and he
owned nothing in this world apart from a camel for carrying
water and a horse. I used to feed his horse, and bring water,
and prepare his saddle, and make dough, but I was not
good at baking; some women of the Ansaar who were
my neighbours used to bake my bread for me, and they
were good women. I used to bring the dates from some
land which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) had given to al-Zubayr, carrying
them on my head. (The land) was two-thirds of a
farsakh [parasang=approx. 3 miles] away. One day I was
coming with the dates on my head, and I met the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
with a group of the Ansaar. He called me and made his
camel kneel down so that I could ride behind him. But I felt
too shy to go with the men, and I remembered al-Zubayr
and how jealous he was, for he was the most jealous of
men. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) realized that I felt too shy, so he went on
his way. I came to al-Zubayr and told him that I had met
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) whilst I was carrying the dates on my
head, and there was a group of his companions with him.
He made his camel kneel down so that I could ride on it,
but I felt too shy, because I remembered your jealousy.
He said, By Allaah, your having to carry the dates is
harder for me than your riding with him. Later on, Abu
Bakr sent a servant who took care of the horse, and it was as
if I had been set free from slavery.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari,4823).
We ask Allaah to reform the affairs of the Muslims
and make things right between husbands and wives.
May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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27104: He talks about marriage secrets and gets
married with the intention of divorcing the woman
Question:
I'm married to a muslim to whom I'm losing trust.
We've been married for a few years. I knew him prior to
marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on
(2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On
both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out
of desire and assuming that things would be different
with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that
lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at
the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that
he wants this second wife to have similar manners and
deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past
(I know that as muslims we should keep these things
to ourselves) and he was married several times as a
kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that
he's using Islam as a justification for doing this (having
mutiple wives). He's says that he loves me, but I feel that he's
just used to me and my good manners and
resourcefulness, but he doesn't attempt to treat the second spouse the
way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about
the second spouse that I don't want to hear.
Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a
very sneaky and questionable manner. I don't have a
enough space to go into the details. He has stated on
occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in
Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as
he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one
every few months, even if he's just marrying another
woman for the purpose of having something different
temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as
a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I
allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot
continue to cope with these situations and I'm losing the love
and desire for my husband.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of
the marriage, especially anything that has to do with
their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted
with the husband's secrets and the husband is entrusted
with the wife's secrets.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the
men and said, "Is there any man among you who, when
he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his
blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover
of Allaah?" They said, "Yes." He said, "And does he sit
after that and say, `I did such and such, and I did such
and such?'" They remained silent. Then he turned to
the women and said, "Is there anyone among you who
speaks (of private marital matters)?" They remained silent.
Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
would see her and hear her words, and said, "O Messenger
of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak." He
said, "Do you know what the likeness of that is? The
likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil
in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the
people are looking on."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh
by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 7037.
Secondly:
With regard to your husband's other marriages, if that
is for the purpose of "having a change" as you say, then
this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which
is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis).
Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The fact that the scholars of the earlier and
later generations emphatically forbade mut'ah
(temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention
of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha' said that
a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to
be temporary but did not state that as a condition in
the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded
as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to
be annulled more than one in which he stipulated
the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of
the husband, the wife and the wife's guardian. This leads
to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great
bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and
going along with one's whims and desires. When this
condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal
which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity,
hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to
get married in the real sense, which means protecting
the chastity of both partners and cooperating in
establishing a righteous home…
Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq,
2/39
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such
marriages. He said:
Moreover this view _ the view that (such marriages)
are permitted _ may be exploited by those who are weak
in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people
have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies,
to other countries to get married with the intention
of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them
marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only
to satisfy their desires which are more like zina
(adultery, fornication) _ we seek refuge with Allaah.
Because of this we think that even if there is a view that
it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door
because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we
have mentioned.
With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that
this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves
deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that.
It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her
guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that
his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then
divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that
sense he is deceiving and betraying them.
If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for
the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to
that, then this marriage is mut'ah (temporary marriage).
Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes
ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but
it involves sin.
Liqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391.
But if he married you with the intention of making
the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of
divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for
divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case.
Thirdly:
With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is
in the presence of the woman's guardian and two
witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then
it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the
woman's guardian or without the presence of two witnesses,
then the marriage is not valid.
See questions no. 7989 and 2127.
Fourthly:
We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to
his family, and to fear Him with regard to people's
honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to
fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility
and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means
of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman.
We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing
your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home,
and be sure of what you mention about his intention in
taking several wives and what you do not like about
him. Remember that a woman's jealousy towards co-wives
may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and
the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it
worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families.
So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially
the matter of his intention, which you cannot really
know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and
pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or
asking for separation. Think about your situation if you
get divorced and what the consequences of that would
be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or
to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because
of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right
to ask for separation.
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22026: Her husband only has intercourse with her
every four months
Question:
If a husband has sex with his wife every four (on a
constant basis)months but it does not fulfill the womans
sexual needs then is there any Islamic recourse that a
woman can take concerning this matter. Is it fair that a man
can have sex with his wife everyday but the wife can
only have sex every four months with her husband? (after
all it is not like she can marry another man to satisfy
her needs. but her husband has ample room to satisfy
his needs).
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This action is undoubtedly wrong, and it is contrary
to good treatment of one's wife. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"and live with them honourably"
[al-Nisa' 4:19]
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands
as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable"
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said:
"The best of you are those who are best to their
wives." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
It follows from this that the husband has to
have intercourse with his wife in the manner that is
sufficient to meet her needs. It is not a part of living with
her honourably to forsake her for this length of time,
namely four months. If that causes harm to the woman, then
she has the right to demand an annulment of the marriage,
With regard to the comment made by some of the
scholars, that the husband only has to have intercourse with
his wife once every four months, this is a weak view,
for which there is no clear saheeh (sound) evidence.
The correct view is that he has to have intercourse with
his wife as often as will satisfy her needs, because of
the shar'i principles mentioned above.
Dr. Khaalid ibn `Ali al-Mushayqih. (www.islam-qa.com)
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38013: Her husband cannot have intercourse with
her because of the pain she feels. What is the solution?
Question:
I apologize for this question,but I feel really bad. I am
a muslim sister and married for 2 months now. The
problem is this: I love my husband very much but every time
when we have intercourse he can't put his penis in my
vagina. It hurts so much for me. I know this is called frigidity.
I had a bad youth, an uncle touched me when I was
young and I know I cant have intercourse with my
husband because my uncle did this to me. My husband is
very patience with me and very sweet,but he don't know
what to do either. Can you please help me?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to be gentle with his wife if
intercourse is painful for her or causes her psychological
difficulty. He has to be patient with her until she recovers from
her problem or gets used to him and feels at ease with
him, and she herself wants it as much as he does.
Ibn Hazm said:
Slaves and free women are obliged not to prevent
their masters or husbands having intercourse with them
when they call them, so long as the woman who is called is
not menstruating or sick and will not be harmed by
having intercourse, or is observing an obligatory fast.
Al-Muhalla, 10/40.
This matter is undoubtedly difficult, especially for
one who is recently married, but it is better than
causing problems that will wreck married life. The sister
mentions that she loves her husband; he should take note of
that and use it to fulfil his desires in a permissible manner.
We advise the husband to read the answer to question
no. 5560, which explains the matter further.
The wife should also try to treat herself, physically
and mentally. She should not give in to the psychological
pain or be a prisoner of the past. Her husband is not her
evil uncle who abused her when she was small. Now she is
a grown up and she is with her husband, and they
are permissible for one another.
With regard to the physical pain, this is something
natural when one is first married. This pain will soon go away,
in sha Allah. All it needs is a little patience.
You should both make a lot of du'aa' and strive to
follow the commands of Allaah by regularly performing
the obligatory duties, observing the commands of Allaah
on time and adhering to what He enjoins with regard to
dress etc. All of that may be a means of Allaah hastening
to relieve you and remove whatever psychological and
other barriers may be present.
And Allaah knows best.
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38724: Her husband wants her to sit in front of the TV
with him
Question:
My husband gets annoyed at my reading Qur'aan a lot,
as he says, because I am leaving him alone. Will I be
sinning if I stop reading Qur'aan for him because he wants me
to watch TV with him? If I do not read Qur'aan and I
sit with him, will I be sinning whether that is during the
day or at night in Ramadaan? Please note that I try to
read Qur'aan when he is sleeping or doing something
that keeps him busy, and I do not read much, but I am
learning tajweed [correct recitation].
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no blame on you if you read Qur'aan and do
a lot of acts of worship, so long as that does not
impinge upon your husband's rights, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It is
not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband
is present, except with his permission." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5195; Muslim, 1026.
That is because the husband's right to physical
intimacy is obligatory, so it is not permissible to impinge on
that by doing something that is naafil (supererogatory).
The righteous wife should be happy that her husband
is interested in her and wants her to sit with him. She
should realize that by pleasing him and making him happy
she will earn a great reward. So do you best and try to
create a balance, and choose times for your worship when
your husband is busy or is outside.
With regard to watching TV, it is evil and should
be avoided, because it provokes desires and stirs up
doubts, and propagates many evils, such as mixing of men
and women, uncovering `awrahs, and using music and
musical instruments. What good there may be in it is
outweighed by these great evils. Many of those who tried it and
have it in their homes will you tell you that it is difficult
to control it and keep away from its evils. Because even
the religious programs _ which are the best of what
is available _ are not free from the sound of
musical instruments, or else they are presented by women
who are clothed yet naked, astray themselves and leading
others astray, so how about other programs? And Allaah is
the One Whose help we seek.
What your husband has to do is to fear Allaah and
make sure his wife and children avoid seeing and hearing
these evil things, for he is a shepherd and is responsible for
his flock. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men
and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern
(and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they
are commanded" [al-Tahreem 66:6]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you
is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and
is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of
his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is
the shepherd of her husband's household and is
responsible for her flock…" Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893;
Muslim, 1829.
If he calls you to watch or listen to any of the
haraam things that we have mentioned, it is not permissible
for you to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no obedience
in disobedience to Allaah; obedience is only with regard
to that which is good and proper." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. Be kind and gentle when you
advise him, and ask Allaah to set his heart straight and
make him come to his senses.
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11872: Obedience is only with regard to that which is
right and proper
Question:
If a man threatens to divorce his wife unless she
does some prohibited deed, what should she do?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We should note that there is no obedience to any
created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator, as
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Obedience is only with regard to that which is right
and proper." Haraam actions do not come under the
heading of that which is right and proper, rather this is an
evil deed, so if the husband threatens his wife and says
that he will divorce her if she does not do it, she should try
to explain to him and warn him that this is haraam and
is not permitted, and she should explain the evidence
for that. The questioner does not explain what the
haraam deed is and to what degree it is forbidden. She should
tell us what it is so that we can answer more clearly. But
the basic principle is that she should not do it and that
there is no obedience to any created being if it
involves disobedience towards the Creator.
This woman should refuse to do the haraam
action, because obedience to Allaah takes precedence
over obedience to her husband. She should strive and
seek reward, and turn to Allaah and pray to Him and
beseech Him to guide her husband away from such deeds.
For du'aa' is a mighty weapon, and Allaah will not turn
away one who asks of Him.
Moreover, she can buy him some books or tapes, and
seek the help _ after Allaah _ of one of her relatives or one
of the seekers of knowledge in her city, or the imam of
a mosque, etc, to advise her husband and remind him
of Allaah, and encourage him by telling him that
whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah
will compensate him with something better.
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12403: Advice to one who wants to get married but is
not able for it
Question:
In the mosque we had a program where the Muslim
youth could discuss with those who are older the ahaadeeth
of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) concerning marriage, and the fact that they
should make it easy for the youth to get married. This subject
led to a number of discussions, because the parents
are concerned about the situation and welfare of the
couple, especially if they have children.
Young people nowadays do not complete their
university studies until the age of 21, or 23 for those who
study medicine. They cannot afford the expenses of
marriage. So what practical advice can you give them? Many of
the Muslim youth in the west want to complete half of
their religion.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Discussing Islamic matters and spending time on that
is one of the most beneficial things that a person can do
for himself, because seeking knowledge is an obligation
and an act of worship, and he is spending time in
doing something that is of benefit to him and to others. If
the people who are discussing do not understand
something, then they have to ask people who have knowledge.
Secondly:
Our advice to those who live in the lands of
immorality and kufr is to migrate from them to the Muslim
lands where the temptations of this world and of women
are less. The Muslim countries are not equal in that
regard, so he has to choose the best of them.
We advise them to leave every environment in which
he may stumble and fall, whether that is his
accommodation, his work or his school/college.
We advise them to hasten to marry, and to
choose righteous wives who do not make extravagant
demands with regard to the mahr, etc.
We advise those who are unable to get married to
fear Allaah and not to look at or listen to haraam things,
not to walk towards haraam things, not to touch that which
it is not permissible for him to touch. They should
help themselves in this regard by fasting and praying,
making du'aa', and keeping company with righteous people.
They should keep themselves busy with beneficial things
such as seeking knowledge, memorizing Qur'aan and
making du'aa' to Allaah, for if a person keeps busy in
obeying Allaah, that will distract him from disobeying Him.
Thirdly:
Our advise to community leaders and parents and guardians of boys and girls is not to regard completion
of studies as an impediment to marriage. Since when
is marriage an obstacle to acquiring knowledge?!
Rather reality and experience point to the opposite,
because marriage helps a person to focus and makes his mind
clear, and above all that it is obedience to the command of
the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) to the youth to get married.
So parents and guardians should not burden the
youth with excessive demands that may be regarded as a
form of extravagance. They should limit the demands to
that which the woman and the house need only. They
should understand that marriage is one of the means by
which provision is sought.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a
man who has no wife and the woman who has no
husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and
capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maidservants
(female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out
of His Bounty. And Allaah is AllSufficient for His
creatures' needs, AllKnowing (about the state of the people)"
[al-Noor 24:32]
And Allaah knows best.
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26898: Husband's parents preventing the wife from
visiting her own family
Question:
Do the inlaws have the right to not send their
daughter-in-law to her parents so that she can spend her time
with her parents & all & can relax for some time in her
parent's home.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
What the wife is obliged to do is to obey her husband;
he is the one whom she is obliged to obey. If the
husband agrees that she may visit her family, it does not matter
if his parents do not approve.
But a woman should strive to please her husband's
parents and treat them in a manner that is better, and not
confront them. This will have a great effect on giving stability
to her life with her husband.
You should understand that your husband's parents
may make things difficult for you because they think that
you have taken away the one who is most dear to them.
So you should handle this matter wisely and not be the
cause of arguments or division between your husband and
his parents. Rather you should try to help your husband
obey and honour his parents, and you will find the effects
of that, in sha Allah, in your own children [i.e., they
will honour you in turn].
You have to treat them kindly, because kindness is
never to be found in a thing but it beautifies it, and it is
never lacking in a thing but it makes it ugly. If you see that
they are treating you badly, then remember the words of
Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e.
Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time
of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly)
then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity,
(will become) as though he was a close friend"
[Fussilat 41:34]
For more information see al-Mughni, 7/225
And Allaah knows best.
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23390: Her husband is not satisfying her sexual desire
Question:
I know that I am supposed to go to him when he calls
me to his room, even if I'm not in the apropriate mood. I
also know that lying is a despicable thing, but pleasing
my husband is utmost on my mind. So is it wrong of me
to fake having a sexual climax with my husband? This is
a terrible problem for me, because I don't want to lie, but
it embarasses my husband if he cannot fulfill my
pleasure. This pretending is hard to stop, and also
extremely embarassing for me to admit to my husband. Please
help me, and also remember me in your du'ahs.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to reward you with good for your
patience and for fulfilling your husband's desires in obedience
to the command of your Lord.
The solution to the problem you mention is by
speaking frankly. That does not mean embarrassing your
husband or accusing him of being inconsiderate. This
problem often stems from the fact that the husband is not
aware that there is a problem at all, not from the fact that he
is inconsiderate. The husband may go ahead and
have intercourse and not pay attention to some things that
he should be doing, one of which is fulfilling his wife's
needs. Perhaps you could benefit by reading some books on
the topic which explain the basis of the relationship
and intimacy between a man and a woman such as Tuhfat
al-`Aroos by Mahmood Mahdi Istanbuli.
The point is that there is nothing wrong with speaking
to your husband about this matter, and suggesting that
he read about it. Speaking frankly is preferable to
suffering in this manner, and the problem can be solved easily.
This does not excuse the woman from sharing some
of the responsibility. She also has things that she must
do, such as adorning herself for her husband, being
loving towards him and encouraging him to be intimate
with her.
We ask Allaah to set the Muslims' affairs straight.
And Allaah knows best.
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10143: Ruling on tying the tubes unnecessarily
Question:
I am a 36 year old woman with 6 kids and i am now
with my 7th child and would like to know if it is
permissible in Islam to tie my tubes when this baby is born? i
don't want to cut and burn them i want to place a band
around the tubes to avoid the egg from dropping all the way
down. i know i cannot stop the will of Allah i just want to try
to loose weight i weigh more that 250 lbs. everytime i try
to loose weight i end up pregnant.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to prevent pregnancy except in
cases of necessity where competent doctors have stated
that giving birth will cause the mother to become
exhausted or ill, or will make her sickness worse, or there is the
fear that pregnancy or childbirth will most likely cause
the mother to die. In that case it is essential to have
the husband's agreement and consent to prevent or
end pregnancy. When this reason is no longer a factor,
then the woman should go back to not using contraception.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/977
Because losing weight does not reach the degree
of necessity mentioned above, it does not come under
the same ruling, especially since this operation to tie the
tubes requires the female doctor to uncover and touch
the `awrah. It is even worse if the doctor is male, so this
is another reason not to allow it.
But you have to follow the guidance of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to
food. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The son of Adam does not fill
any vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the
son of Adam to eat a few morsels to keep him alive. But if
he must (fill it), then one-third for his food, one-third for
his drink and one-third for air."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Zuhd, 2303; classed as
saheeh in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 1939)
You should also follow the permissible means
(of preventing pregnancy), such as withdrawal
during intercourse (`azl). The correct scholarly view is that
there is nothing wrong with `azl even if there is no reason
for it, because of the hadeeth of Jaabir: "We used to
practise `azl at the time when the Qur'aan was being revealed."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4808).
And Allaah knows best.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/658
Perhaps what Allaah has decreed for you of children
will be better for you than you think, and they will be a
blessing that is stored up for you, especially in old age.
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12509: She has gone off him and doesn't want to have
any intimacy with him in bed
Question:
I love my wife, but she has said that she doesn't love
me. She does not want to have intercource with me. Earlier
in our marraige we performed oral sex. Her position
now that it is najas (impure), therefore she is turned
of completely sexually. We have agreed that to fulfill
my needs, I should marry another wife. But my job cut
my salary considerably. I am afraid of angering Allah
by divorcing her. Could I marry a woman who would
waive some of my financial responsibilities until I am able
to equally provide for both?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should know that it is not permissible for you to
force your wife to do anything repulsive or that may
cause impurity (najaasah) to enter the stomach, and you
should have intercourse with her in a natural manner. Your
wife should know that it is not permissible for her to
forsake her husband's bed when he calls her to do something
that is permitted in Islam and to fulfil one of his rights,
which is to enjoy her in the manner that Allaah has permitted.
It is not permissible for a wife to refuse to share
her husband's bed without a legitimate shar'i excuse,
such as when she is menstruating or bleeding
following childbirth. A stern warning is issued to the wife
who refuses to share her husband's bed, and there are
many ahaadeeth concerning that. It was narrated that
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
"The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: `When a man calls his wife to his
bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with
her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.'"
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Bid' al-Khalq, 2998)
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: "The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `If
a woman spends the night having forsaken her
husband's bed, the angels will curse her until she goes
back.'" (narrated by al-Bukhaari,
al-Nikaah, 4795)
And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said:
"The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: `By the One in Whose hand is my
soul, there is no one who would be pleased with her.'"
(Narrated by Muslim, al-Nikaah, 2595).
It was narrated that Talq ibn `Ali said: "The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: `When a man calls his wife to him, then let
her respond, even if she is at the oven (baking
bread).'" (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1080, classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani, no. 927, in Saheeh Sunan
al-Tirmidhi).
If a woman consistently refuses to spend the night
with her husband in his bed, then she forfeits her rights
to maintenance and also her share of her husband's time
[in the case of a plural marriage], because maintenance is
a right given in return for intimacy. Such a woman
is considered to be naashiz (defiant, rebellious,
disobedient). Al-Bahooti said: Nushooz (defiance, rebellion)
means when a wife does not let her husband be intimate
with her or she responds to him unwillingly as if she finds
it too much when he calls her, and she only
responds reluctantly.
(Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat by al-Bahooti, vol. 3, p. 55)
If a woman is defiant, then she no longer has the right
to maintenance, because maintenance is in return
for allowing her husband to have intercourse with her.
Nushooz means a wife disobeying her husband
with regard to her obligations towards him. Allaah has
stated what the husband is permitted to do in the case of
his wife's being disobedient. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"As to those women on whose part you see
illconduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their
beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if
they return to obedience, seek not against them means
(of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High,
Most Great"[al-Nisa' 4:34]
The fuqaha' said: If she persists in her disobedience
after he has admonished her and refused to share her bed,
i.e., not slept with her as long as she persists in that, and
not spoken to her for three days, because Allaah says,
`refuse to share their beds' _ if she persists even though he
has refused to share her bed and not spoken to her for
three days, then he may hit her, but not hard.
In this case, it is permissible for him to divorce her.
Al-Mardaawi said: divorce is permissible when
necessary because of the woman's bad attitude and bad
behaviour, or because of harm caused to him by her actions.
So divorce is permissible in this case, and there is no
scholarly dispute on this point.
(al-Insaaf, vol. 8, p. 430)
But if she has gone off you in a way that cannot
be remedied, and she dislikes you so much, then in this
case divorce is recommended, because staying married in
this case is harmful to the wife. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There should
be no harming or reciprocating harm."
See al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 305.
You will not be considered a sinner if you divorce her
in this case. With regard to the solution of your
financial problems, it is permissible for you to marry a woman
who agrees to support herself, or who agrees to let you
off some of your financial responsibilities towards her,
just as it is permissible for you to agree with your first wife
to stay married whilst forgoing some of her rights. It
is permissible for a wife to forego some of her rights to
a share of her husband's time and maintenance so that
he will keep her and so that she may stay married to
him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on
her husband's part, there is no sin on them both if they
make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace
is better" [al-Nisa' 4:128]
`Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
"This refers to a woman who is married to a man and he
wants to divorce her, so she says, `Keep me and do not
divorce me, and you are freed any obligation to spend on me
or give me a share of your time…'"
al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 296
Because maintenance is one of the wife's rights, so
when they reach an agreement that she will forgo her rights
or some of her rights, then that is up to her. On this
basis then if the woman whom you want to marry agrees
to forgo maintenance, that is permissible. And Allaah
knows best.
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13802: The husband's responsibility to educate his wife
Question:
If a muslim man has taken a muslim wife, and not
fulfilled his obligations set forth by allah and the quran.
As a result the muslim women leaves the deen, and
now doesn't cover and maybe not even practicing
islam anymore.
My question is, what are the consciquences of
their actions?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men
and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern
(and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they
are commanded"[al-Tahreem 66:6]
It was narrated from Ibn `Umar that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of
you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his
flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd
of the members of his household and is responsible for
them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband's house
and children and is responsible for them. A slave is
the shepherd of his master's wealth and is responsible for
it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829)
From these two texts it is quite clear that a man
is responsible for his family with regard to teaching
them and making sure that they follow Islam, and he
should use forceful measures when necessary and when that
is the only way to serve this purpose. Allaah will call
every shepherd to account for whatever was under his care,
so whoever neglects his wife and children in this regard
is undoubtedly taking a great risk. Indeed, there is a
stern warning issued to such people which makes the
flesh crawl. In Saheeh al-Bukhaari (7151) and
Saheeh Muslim (142), in Kitaab
al-Imaarah, it is narrated that Ma'fil ibn Yasaar al-Muzni (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said, "I heard the Messenger of Allaah () peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "There is no slave to
whom Allaah has entrusted the care of people, and he
dies neglecting his flock, but Allaah will forbid Paradise
to him."
So a man's responsibility towards his wife is great
indeed and he must fear Allaah and do the best he can to fulfil
it, whilst always making du'aa' for himself and his
family, that they may be guided and granted strength.
As far as the wife is concerned, she is also
accountable and is responsible for her own actions, because
the obligations of sharee'ah apply to both men and
women, except in cases where Islam differentiates between
them in some rulings, such as when it says that it is better for
a woman to pray in her own home than in the mosque,
in order to protect her from mixing with men. Hence it
is narrated in Sunan al-Tirmidhi (113) and elsewhere
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Women are the twin halves of men". This
was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, 1/35.
In the hadeeth quoted above it states that the woman
is also a shepherd and is responsible for her flock.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned"
[al-Toor 52:21]
"And everyone of them will come to Him alone on
the Day of Resurrection (without any helper, or protector
or defender)"
[Maryam 19:95]
So responsibility is an individual matter, and each
person will be brought to account on his own. So when a
young man grows up, if he goes astray because of his
parents' bad upbringing and the message of Islam reached
him, then he will have no excuse, because Allaah gave
him the power of reason and therefore he is accountable,
even though his father will be accountable for falling short
in supervising his child's Islamic upbringing, and he
(the father) is even more accountable with regard to his
wife. So the wife must fear her Lord and give thanks to
Allaah for His blessings for having given her the blessing
of Islam, unlike the kuffaar. She should do her duty
towards Allaah by doing that which is obligatory and
refraining from forbidden things. She should know that death
may come suddenly and that after death there will be
the reckoning and questioning, and after that there will
be either Paradise and eternal delight that will never end,
or Hell with fire that could melt firmly rooted
mountains and huge rocks, so what about our weak bodies? We
ask Allaah to save us from it.
With regard to you, my dear brother, you have to
repent sincerely. No matter how great one's sin, if a
person repents and meets all the conditions of repentance,
Allaah will accept his repentance. Then start to teach and
guide your wife, using a gradual approach and
kindness, accompanied by wisdom, asking Allaah to help you
and give you strength. See also Question No. 10680 for
more information on this topic.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
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13924: Does she have to obey her husband's mother?
Question:
his parents are constantly interfering with our lives.
His mother specifically and his sister. He is a grown man
and he has no independence , not even a slight bit. Please
tell me what rights does his mother or sister have over
me? She told me she has more right over me now and
my parents have none. And I need to take her permission
to something or go somewhere. I know I need to take
my husbands permission and I do that. But I dont think
she has a right to tell me how I should run my
household. Please clarify this issue for me?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to the rights of your husband's mother
and sisters, they have the right to be treated kindly, you
should keep in touch with them and treat them kindly as much
as possible.
But with regard to your mother-in-law's claims that
you have to seek her approval in all matters, this is not
correct, and none of the scholars has said that this is one of
the rights that a husband has over his wife. Rather your
duties are those which have been mentioned (by the
scholars), namely obeying your husband and seeking his
approval, so long as he does not tell you to commit a sin. That
does not mean that you should not benefit from your
mother-in-law's experience or her advice if it is useful. And
if you are patient in putting up with some of her
difficult behaviour in order to honour your husband, that is a
good deed for which you will be rewarded in sha Allaah.
But as for her saying that your family have no rights
over you, this is not correct, rather they still have the rights
of upholding ties with them, honouring them, treating
them kindly and visiting them from time to time,
especially your parents. Their rights come after your husband's
rights over you.
We ask Allaah to open your hearts to one another and
to grant you wisdom.
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9144: Ruling on having one's tubes tied
Question:
I am expecting my fourth child. I have
high-risk pregnancies, according to doctors, due to
physical problems. Also, each time I have to deliver by
caesarian-section, so this will be my fourth caesarian, Inshallah.
I have been advised by doctors and family members to
get my tubes tied during the coming caesarian operation,
so as to avoid getting pregnant again. My husband has
no objection, as long as is allowed in Islam to take this
step due to health risk.I feel the same way. Please, guide
me because soon I have to make a decision.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have
mercy on him) was asked a similar question, and he answered:
There is nothing wrong with the operation mentioned,
if the doctors have stated that getting pregnant would
cause her harm, so long as her husband has given
permission for that. And Allaah knows best.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/978.
(www.islam-qa.com)
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12496: A husband has not been fulfilling his
responsibility towards his wife for five years
Question:
If the husband does not take the responsiblity of a
wife throughout his marraige of 5 years . what is the
wife suppose to do in such case, Is she entitled to
maintaince, or if she decides to have a seperation what is the
procedure for the divorce according to Quran and sunnah?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly it is the husband's obligation to spend
on his wife and to do his duty towards her and give her
all her rights. If he fails her and falls short in his
duties towards her, or he causes her harm, then she has the
right to demand separation, i.e., divorce. But before that
she has to ask him to spend on her and provide her
with accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Lodge them (the divorced women) where you
dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]
"Let the rich man spend according to his means; and
the man whose resources are restricted, let him
spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah puts
no burden on any person beyond what He has given
him"[al-Talaaq 65:7]
And he has to live with her honourably. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"and live with them honourably"[al-Nisaa'
4:19]
If her husband gives her her rights as prescribed
in sharee'ah, then it is haraam for her to ask for
divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Any woman who asks for divorce
when there is no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will
be forbidden to her." But if she is being harmed, and
the situation is too much for her to bear, and he is not
spending enough on her or he is not giving her her rights, then
she has the right to ask for a divorce. She should go to
the qaadi and explain the situation to him, and he in
turn should ask the husband to give her her rights or to
divorce her.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen.
(www.islam-qa.com)
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12539: Is it obligatory for a wife to cook food for
her husband?
Question:
Is it compulsory (Fard)for a wife to cook food for
her husband? If she doesn't will it be a sin?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen said: the custom of the Muslims
has always been that the wife should serve her husband
in the customary manner, by preparing food, washing
his clothes and vessels, cleaning the house, etc.,
according to what is appropriate. This was the custom at the time
of the Prophet and has remained so until the present
day, and no one has objected to it. But the wife should not
be burdened in a manner that causes her hardship or
difficulty, rather it should be in accordance with her ability and
what is customary. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
See Question no. 10680.
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22216: Shar'i procedures when a wife rebels
Question:
What should a husband do if his wife rebels against him?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Ibn Qudaamah said: If a man fears rebellious
behaviour on the part of his wife, because she shows signs
of rebellion by not responding to his requests for
intimacy, or she responds but does so reluctantly, then he
should warn her and advise her to fear Allaah; he should
remind her of what Allaah has enjoined upon her of duties
and obedience, the sin involved in what she is doing and
the rights of spending and clothing that she will lose, and
the fact that he is permitted to hit her and forsake her in
bed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"As to those women on whose part you see
illconduct, admonish them (first)"[al-Nisaa'
4:34]
If she persists and shows signs of rebellion and refuses
to share his bed, then he may forsake her in bed as much
as he wishes, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"(next) refuse to share their beds"[al-Nisaa'
4:34]
If she still persists, then he may hit her in a manner
that does not cause harm, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)"
[al-Nisaa' 4:34]
The phrase (interpretation of the meaning):
"If you fear a breach between them twain (the man
and his wife)"
[al-Nisaa' 4:35]
means, if it is known to have reached this stage, then
the judge should send an arbitrator from his family and
an arbitrator from hers, both of whom should be
trustworthy, to decide either to reconcile and keep them together or
to separate and divorce, and whatever they do will be
binding upon them. That means that if the spouses reach the
point of separation or enmity, the judge should appoint two
free, Muslim arbitrators of good character, preferably from
their families, with their approval and appointed by them,
so that they can investigate the case and do what they
think is best to reconcile them or to let them divorce by
talaaq or khula'. Then whatever they do will be binding
upon them. The basis for this is the aayah (interpretation of
the meaning]
"If you fear a breach between them twain (the man
and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his
family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace,
Allaah will cause their reconciliation"
[al-Nisaa' 4:35]
al-`Iddah fi Sharh al-`Umdah by Ibn Quddaamah
al-Maqdisi, p. 481 (www.islam-qa.com)
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22027: Prevention of pregnancy using the coil
Question:
Is it permissible to use the coil (IUD or intrauterine
device) to prevent pregnancy?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Using the coil is permissible subject to two conditions:
The first condition is that it should not cause harm to
the woman.
The second condition is that her husband should give
his permission for that.
We would like to remind women that a woman
should not do things to prevent pregnancy, because this
goes against the aims of sharee'ah. It is better for her to
remain as Allaah created her, bearing lots of children,
because having lots of children serves a great purpose and
does not harm a person in his provision, in raising them or
in health.
But if a woman is physically weak and is very sick,
such that having a child every year would harm her, in
this case she is excused if she takes something to
prevent pregnancy. But she has to have her husband's
permission to use that which will prevent pregnancy, and using
it should not cause any harm.
Hence it is prescribed in Islam for a man to marry a
woman who is loving and fertile, i.e., she should be one of
the women who are known to have many children, so
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) may feel proud of the great numbers of his ummah,
and the numbers of Muslims may be increased thereby.
Summarized from a fatwa of Shaykh Ibn
`Uthaymeen. See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, vol. 3, p. 784
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0680: What are the rights of the husband and what are
the rights of the wife?
Question:
what are a wife's rights on her husband according
the Quran and Sunnah? or what are a husbands duties to
his wife and viceversa?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards
his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are
some which are shared by both husband and wife.
We will mention _ by the help of Allaah _ some of
the texts of the Qur'aan and Sunnah which have to do
with the duties of the spouses towards one another,
quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.
Firstly:
The rights of the wife which are hers alone:
The wife has financial rights over her husband,
which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.
And she has non-financial rights, such as fair
division between co-wives, being treated in a decent
and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a
harmful way by her husband.
1. Financial rights
(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which
the wife is entitled from her husband when the
marriage contract is completed or when the marriage
is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged
to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And give to the women (whom you marry) their
Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his
wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart"
[al-Nisaa' 4:4]
The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the
seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a
token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahr is not a condition or essential part of
the marriage-contract, according to the majority of
fuqahaa'; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If
the marriage-contract is done without any mention of
the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of
the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while
yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with)
them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money
given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)"
[al-Baqarah 2:236]
The fact that divorce is permitted before
consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr
indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in
the marriage-contract.
If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon
the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the
mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.
(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it
is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on
the condition that the wife make herself available to
her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is
not entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that
the woman is available only to her husband, because of
the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave
the marital home except with his permission. So he has
to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return
for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is providing what the
wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right
to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"but the father of the child shall bear the cost of
the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis"
[al-Baqarah 2:233]
"Let the rich man spend according to his means; and
the man whose resources are restricted, let him
spend according to what Allaah has given him" [al-Talaaq 65:7]
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said to Hind bint `Utbah _ the wife of Abu Sufyaan
_ who had complained that he did not spend on her:
"Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on
a reasonable basis."
It was narrated that `Aa'ishah said: "Hind bint
`Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
and said, `O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a
stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my
children, except for what I take from his wealth without
his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?'
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said, `Take from his wealth on a
reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your
children.'" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in
his Farewell Sermon:
"Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with
them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah.
You too have rights over them, and that they should not
allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the
house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that
you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner" (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wife's
rights, which means that her husband should prepare for
her accommodation according to his means and ability.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Lodge them (the divorced women) where you
dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]
2. Non-financial rights
(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that
a wife has over her husband is that she and her
co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other
wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending
and clothing.
(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good
attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer
her everything that may soften her heart towards him,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"and live with them honourably" [al-Nisaa' 4:19]
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands
as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable" [al-Baqarah 2:228]
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `Be kind
to women.'"(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).
There follow examples of the kind treatment of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) towards his wives _ for he is the best example:
1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah
that Umm Salamah said: "I got my menses when I was
lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away
and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said to me, `Have you got your menses?'
I said, `Yes.' Then he called me and made me lie with
him under the same sheet."
She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her
when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to
cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)
2. It was narrated that `Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said:
" `Aa'ishah said: `By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing
at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians
were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch
their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was
the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate
the fact that young girls like to have fun.'" (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)
3. It was narrated from `Aa'ishah the Mother of
the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would
recite Qur'aan when he was sitting down, then when there
were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and
recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo', then sujood;
then he would do likewise in the second rak'ah. When he
had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake
he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c) Not harming one's wife.
This is one of the basic principles of Islam.
Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it
is even more so in the case of harming one's wife.
It was narrated from `Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) ruled, "There should be no harming
nor reciprocating harm." (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)
This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam
Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See
Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew
attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in
a severe manner.
It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in
his Farewell Sermon:
"Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with
them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah.
You too have rights over them, and that they should not
allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the
house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that
you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner" (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
Secondly:
The husband's rights over his wife.
The rights of the husband over his wife are among
the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater
than her rights over him, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands
as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree
(of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]
al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each
of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the
husband has one particular right over his wife which she does
not have over him.
Ibn al-`Arabi said: this text states that he has
some preference over her with regard to rights and duties
of marriage.
These rights include:
(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the
man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman
by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just
as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of
the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given
only to men and the financial obligations that He has
enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the
other, and because they spend (to support them) from
their means" [al-Nisaa' 4:34]
`Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn
`Abbaas: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women" means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should
obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined
upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and
taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil,
al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn
Katheer, 1/492)
(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of
the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he
should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a
woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to
submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks
her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and
gives her some time _ two or three days, if she asks for that _
to sort herself out, because that is something that she
needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her husband's request
for intercourse, she has done something haraam and
has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar'i
excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `When a man
calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to
sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until
morning.'" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes.
One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that
she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter
his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It is not
permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present
without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house
without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity)
of his wealth without his consent, …."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn `Amr ibn
al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the
Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa') with the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a
sermon and said: "Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners
and you have no other power over them than that, if they
are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their
beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return
to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of
annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and
your women have rights over you. Your rights over your
women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike
sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom
you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are
that you should feed and clothe them well."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 _ he said this is a
saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with
them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah.
You too have rights over them, and that they should not
allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the
house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can
chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that
you should provide them with food and clothing in a
fitting manner" (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)
(d) Not going out of the house except with the
husband's permission. One of the rights of the husband over his
wife is that she should not go out of the house except with
his permission.
The Shaafa'is and Hanbalis said: she does not have
the right to visit (even) her sick father except with
the permission of her husband, and he has the right to
prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the
husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect
an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.
(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline
his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if
she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah
has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in
bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a
husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her.
These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to;
not responding when he calls her to bed and she is
taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going
out of the house without his permission.
The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one's
wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):
"As to those women on whose part you see ill
conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their
beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)"
[al-Nisaa' 4:34]
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men
and stones" [al-Tahreem 66:6]
Ibn Katheer said:
Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey
Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in
charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah,
and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and
help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience
towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them
for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil:
that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family,
including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has
enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them.
(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)
(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal
of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has
been mentioned above.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She is obliged to serve her husband according to what
is reasonable among people of similar standing. That
varies according to circumstances: the way in which a
Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of
a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not
be like the way of a weak woman.
(al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of
the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid,
then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her
husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because
once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to
enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which
is the mahr.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good
manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands
as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable"
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
Al-Qurtubi said:
It was also narrated from him _ i.e., Ibn `Abbaas _
that this means: they have the right to good
companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their
husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of
their husbands.
And it was said that they have the right that their
husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a
similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning
them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all
of that in the rights and duties of marriage.(Tafseer
al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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8801: Wife's duties towards her husband's father
Question:
My husbands father has come to live with us because
he has Alzheimers Disease. It is creating alot of stress in
our house.
My question: What exactly are my responsibilities
toward him?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not obligatory for a woman to serve her
husband's father or mother, or any of his relatives. But it is the
matter of chivalry and good manners, if she is in the house,
to serve his parents. But with regard to forcing her to
do that, it is not permissible for her husband to force her
to do that, and it is not a duty upon her. What I suggest
is that the wife should be patient in serving her
husband's father, and know that this will not do her any harm;
in fact it will make her more noble and more loved by
her husband. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
/Fataawa al-`Ulamaa' fi `Ushrat al-Nisaa' wa Hall
al-Mushkilaat, 128 (www.islam-qa.com)
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11582: It is hard for her to ask her husband for intimacy
Question:
.I am a married woman with a great husband Alhumdulilallah, But I dont think he gives me all
my rights. For example right now I am ill and I have a
very strange period,I asked him to take me to the doctors
and he refused he doesn't think it is nessary even though
I have told him that I think I am pragnant and it might
harm the baby. He just says its in the hands of Allah (which
I agree) But dont we have to take the nessary steps to
take care of our selves? A thing to note is I am not allowed
out with out him (which I'm glad for) but that means I
cant go to the doctor by myself. After 8 days of having a
strange period and feeling ill he is finelly taking me By the
Mercy of Allah. Also if I approch him for my needs in the bed
he gets angry and tells me that woman from back home
would never do such a thing (back home being Arabic country)
I would ask at a Halakah But I fear he might find
out about my asking. By the will of Allah you are my
only way to find out how to advise him. Please for the Sake
of Allah try to help.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to pay attention to these
matters concerning his wife, but we must always be realistic
and put up with the negative aspects and mistakes of
one another, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "No believing man should hate a
believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he
will be pleased with another."
With regard to the second matter, according to Islam
there is nothing wrong with what you mention. Indeed it is
the right of each spouse to enjoy intimacy with the other,
and both should pay attention to the other's needs. But in
our Arab societies the man usually takes the initiative
because the women tend to be shy, and this is something that
is praiseworthy. I think that you should try to convince
your husband that if customs and traditions have no basis
in sharee'ah, there is no need to adhere to them. But if
you cannot convince him then in both your interests,
each partner should pay attention to the customs of the other.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)
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12094: Her husband threatened her with divorce if
she covers her face or her head
Question:
Her husband wants to divorce her because she covers
her face. Another woman has been threatened with divorce
if she covers her hair. They live abroad (not in a
Muslim country). Does this count as coercion that would
allow them to uncover in either the first or the second case?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen, may
Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:
If this is a third talaaq (divorce), then yes, because it
is irrevocable. In this case the wife is being forced. But if
it is a first or second talaaq, then she should not pay
any heed to him. He will be the first one to regret it. So let
her continue covering her face and her hair. We ask Allaah
to make her steadfast and to guide her husband. And
Allaah knows best.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com)
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9550: Is it permissible for a man to be present with his
wife when she is giving birth?
Question:
Can a man be present during his wife's childbirth ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, it is permissible for him to be present when she
is giving birth, because it is permissible for the husband
to see all of his wife's body with no exceptions. Anas
ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
and one of his wives used to do ghusl from janaabah
from one vessel. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
264).
So there is nothing wrong with a man attending when
his wife gives birth, so long as other women are not
uncovered in the same place. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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452: She asked him to divorce her if he takes a second wife
Question:
My wife and i have discused me having a second
wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse
me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a
islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that
contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my
question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is'nt
she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a
good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer
whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically
and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just
manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed
to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"… then marry (other) women of your choice, two
or three, or four…"
[al-Nisaa' 4:3]
And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his
Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from
the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives.
It is well known that women are by nature jealous
and reluctant to share their husband with other
women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for
it existed in the best of righteous women, the
Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives
of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object
to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not
try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to
marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating
in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth
whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever
pays attention to his brother's needs, Allaah will pay
attention to his needs."
The first wife's consent is not a prerequisite for a man
to take another wife. The Standing Committee for
Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows:
"It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take
a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it
is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such
a manner that will reduce the hurt which women
naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to
her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner,
and by spending whatever money may be necessary in
order to gain her acceptance of the situation."
Concerning her request for divorce if her husband
wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they
should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope
with living with another wife, then she can ask him for
khula' [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby
she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with
the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should
be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan
(may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no
reason, but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for
her." (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed
as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).
If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it
easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her
peace and calm), and will compensate her with something
good. The husband must also help her by treating her
kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her
part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the
source of help.
Shaykh `Abd-Allaah al-Haydari. (www.islam-qa.com)
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7653: She does not want to live with her husband's family
Question:
I live with my inlaws for last 7 years, I dont get
along with my father inlaw, I have asked my husband to
move out from them. He is very hurt on this matter, He says
he cannot live without his parents, and its hard for me
to live with his parents and his younger brother, am i
asking too much. What does islam role says on this.
Please answer me ASAP. I am desperate to move out, But I
like my husband to be happy with me also.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) warned against the husband's relatives who are
not mahrams to the wife entering upon her. It was
reported from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the
Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the
brother-in-law?" he said: "The brother-in-law is death."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172).
It is not permissible for her to be alone with any of her
in-laws except those who are so young that there is no
fear that they will tempt her or be tempted by her.
Secondly:
The husband must provide his wife with a dwelling
place that will conceal her from the eyes of people and
protect her from heat and cold, where she can live and settle
and be independent. Whatever meets her needs is
sufficient, such as a room in good condition with a kitchen
and bathroom _ unless the wife has stipulated
larger accommodation in her marriage contract. He does
not have the right to make her eat with any of her
in-laws. The kind of accommodation provided must
be commensurate with what the husband is able to
provide and be suitable according to local custom (`urf) and
the social level of the wife.
(a) Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
He has to provide her with accommodation according
to his means, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Lodge them (the divorced women) where you
dwell, according to your means" [al-Talaaq 65:6]
(al-Muhallaa, 9/253).
(b) Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
She (the wife) is entitled to accommodation
because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Lodge them …" [al-Talaaq 65:6]
If it is obligatory to provide lodgings for a divorced
wife, then it is even more appropriate that lodgings should
be provided for one who is still married. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"… and live with them honourably…" [al-Nisaa'
4:19]. Part of that means providing them with
accommodation, because she cannot do without proper accommodation
to conceal her from people's eyes and so that she may
go about her business, relax and her keep her belongings
in order.
(al-Mughni, 9/237)
(c) Al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If a husband wants to make her live with a co-wife or
her in-laws, such as his mother or sister or daughter
from another marriage or another relative, and she refuses
to accept that, then he has to provide her with accommodation of her own… But if he lodges her in
a room of the house that has a door of its own, this
is sufficient for her and she should not ask him for
alternative accommodation, because the harm caused by fear for
her belongings and not being able to relax is no longer
there. (Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/23)
(d) Ibn Qudaamah also said:
A man does not have the right to make two wives live
in the same dwelling without their consent, regardless
of whether the house is large or small, because this will
cause them harm due to the enmity and jealousy between
them. Making them live together will cause conflict and
each of them will be able to hear when the husband
spends time with (has marital relations with) the other or
she will see that. If they both agree (to live together in
one house), this is permissible because they have the right
to do to ask for independent accommodation, or they
may choose to forgo this right. (al-Mughni, 8/137)
He did not mean that it is OK for the husband to
have marital relations with one where the other can see
and hear that; what he meant was that it is permissible
for them to live in one house, where (the husband) can
come to each of them on her night in a place in the house
where the other cannot see her.
If he can give each wife a part of the house with a
bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, this will be sufficient.
Similarly, he could give each wife a separate house or apartment.
Al-Haskafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) _ one of
the Hanafis _ said: Similarly, she is entitled to a place in
the house that is free of his family and her family
according to their means, as is the case with food and clothing.
A separated part of the house with a door of its own
and facilities such as a bathroom and kitchen will be
sufficient for the intended purpose.
Ibn `Aabideen commented:
What is meant by "a bathroom and kitchen" is
bathroom facilities and a place for cooking that should be
within the room or in a place which is not shared by any
other family members.
(al-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 3/599-600)
I say: what indicates that what is meant by "house"
[bayt _ literally, "house", translated above as "room"] is a
room is the comment of al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have
mercy on him): If the house has rooms, a room should
be allocated to her and given its own door. They said:
she does not have the right to ask him for
alternative accommodation.
(Badaa'i' al-Sanaa'i', 4/34)
On this basis, it is permissible for him to
accommodate you in a room of the house that has its own facilities,
so long as there is no fitnah (temptation) or being alone
with any non-mahrams who have reached the age of
puberty. He does not have the right to force you to work for
them in the house or to eat and drink with them. If he is able
to provide you with accommodation that is
completely separate from his family, that will be better for you, but
if his parents are elderly and need him, and they have
no one else to serve them and the only way he can
serve them is by living with them, then he has to do that.
Finally, we urge you to be patient and to strive to
please your husband and to help him to honour and be kind
to his family as much as possible until Allaah grants you
a way out. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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2993: Woman goes out to gatherings of dhikr
without permission
Question:
A woman is asking: what is the ruling on my going to
the mosque or to a gathering of dhikr in a Muslim's
house for da'wah or to learn, without my father's
permission? If he knew about it he would stop me from going,
but eemaan (faith) wears out just as clothes wear out, and
I need to renew my faith because I am in an
environment that is filled with munkaraat (undesirable things). Is
it permissible for me to go in secret or what?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Before marriage, a woman is under the guardianship
of her father, so it is not permissible for her to go out of
the house except with his permission, whether it is to go
to the mosque or elsewhere, because obedience to
one's father is obligatory so long as it does not
involve disobedience towards Allaah. We advise you to listen
to broadcasts from the Al-Qur'aan Al-Kareem
station, because there is much knowledge and sound teaching
to be gained from it. They have a program called
"Noor `ala'l-Darb (Light on the Way)" in which a group
of scholars answer questions from listeners. May Allaah
help you to do all that is good and grant you a
sound understanding of Islam.
From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah, 12/101
(www.islam-qa.com)
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7669: How should she deal with a husband who
watches pornographic movies and does not give her her rights?
Question:
My husband has not been intimate with me for many
years. I feel like he doesn't love me anymore. He has had
sexual problems even when I first married him and I noticed
he watches alot of movies which contain sex and nudity
but will never aproach me or even kiss me. I have
children and I believe divorce is not the right option. What is
the solution? I feel shy to say anything to him about
this matter.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: do not feel too shy to speak to your husband
and advise him about these matters, because speaking to
him may be more beneficial and make it easier to find
a solution. Exhort him and speak to him in an
effective manner such as will reach his heart; remind him of
the punishment and wrath of Allaah; scare him with
the torment of Hell; remind him of the trust and
the responsibility he has towards his wife and children,
(as in the hadeeth): "Each of you is a shepherd and each
of you is responsible for his flock; the man is the
shepherd of his household and is responsible for those under
his care."
One of his rights over you is that you should tell him
that what he is doing to you is a sin, and that watching
these filthy movies is keeping him away from Allaah and
from remembering Him. Perhaps he will relent and pay
heed to your words. Keep repeating that to him, with
wisdom and paying attention to what is in your best interests.
If he does not respond, then seek the help of someone
who you think he will listen to, such as knowledgeable
and righteous people, relatives, friends or anyone who
may have some influence over him.
Secondly:
Try to get him to listen to some effective tapes of
khutbahs, speeches and lessons, directly or indirectly, and give
him some Islamic books, so that maybe his heart will
be opened to the truth.
Thirdly:
If none of this has any effect, then appoint an
arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from your family,
who you think will be able, by their involvement, to
improve the relationship between you and make him give up
the evil things he is involved in. These arbitrators should
be righteous people, in accordance with the words of
Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"If you fear a breach between them twain (the man
and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his
family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace,
Allaah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever
All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things"
[al-Nisaa' 4:35]
If these two arbitrators wish for peace, then we ask
Allaah to bring you back together in a good and proper
manner and to reconcile you with the best relationship there
can be between a husband and wife.
Fourthly:
If the arbitrators cannot achieve a complete
reconciliation, then make the following offer to him, if you can be
patient and put up with it:
Suggest that he marry another wife, and let you stay
with him without any rights as far as the intimate
relationship is concerned, on the condition that he gives up his
sin and you stay with your children and he spends on
you. There is nothing wrong with that, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on
her husband's part, there is no sin on them both if they
make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace
is better" [al-Nisaa' 4:128]
One of the meanings of making peace here is that
she agrees to forego her right of having him stay with
her overnight, in return for her staying married to him.
`Aa'ishah said: "When Sawdah bint Zam'ah grew
old, she gave her day to `Aa'ishah, so the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spent Sawdah's day
with her." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4914; Muslim, 1463).
Sawdah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was one of
the wives of the Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him).
If you do not reach an agreement with him, even something of this nature, and you cannot be patient
and put up with it, then you should not think about or
suggest divorce except after being sure that that the
disadvantages of staying with this man outweigh the disadvantages
of separating from him. In this case, you should bear in
mind the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will
provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty.
And Allaah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs,
All-Wise" [al-Nisaa' 4:130]
In this difficult situation, you must turn to Allaah
and seek His Help and ask for guidance to make the
right decision. We remind you again that it is your duty
to remind and advise this man in all situations. May
Allaah protect you and take care of you.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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5971: If she calls her husband to bed and he refuses
Question:
Somre sisters ask the following question:
We hear the hadeeth that if a man calls his wife to his
bed and she refuses, then the angels curse her until
morning. The question is, what if the wife calls the husband to
bed and he refuses?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a man to forsake his wife
and thus harm her, except in the case of nushooz
(rebellion) and disobedience. But he is not committing a sin if
he does not lie with her without intending to harm
her, because the need is his and depends on his desire and
he cannot control his desire at will. If he forsakes her,
then he is a sinner because there should be no harming
or reciprocating harm. And Allaah knows best.
Written by Ibn Jibreen.
(www.islam-qa.com)
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6713: The problem of a wife being left alone because
the husband works long hours
Question:
is it wrong to keep your wife at home, not to let her
leave the house on less she is with you ?
she will get bored ,,i work 15 hours a day 7 days a
week ,,i get one day off every three weeks if im lucky.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly the temptations in this life are many,
and the ways in which the Shaytaan deceives the sons of
Adam are many and varied. So the husband has to
take precautions. Allaah has entrusted him with an
important task, which is to take care of his wife and children;
He has made him responsible for educating and
protecting them. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you
is responsible for his flock… a man is the shepherd of
his family and is responsible for those under his care;
a woman is the shepherd in her husband's house and she
is responsible for her those under her care."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893)
The wife is a human of flesh and blood, and is
affected by what she sees and hears from the people of evil
and fitnah (temptation). So the husband should take this
into account, so he can protect her from bad influences
and stop her from going to bad places.
The Muslim husband should not live only for
worldly purposes and work like a dumb machine. Wealth
is tempting, but that which is with Allaah is better and
more lasting. He should try to find work with shorter
hours, even if the pay is less, as long as it is sufficient to
meet his needs. This will give him more time to take care
of his family and educate his children.
It is not right to leave his wife alone for this length
of time, unless there is something to compensate the
wife for the absence of her husband, such as studying
sharee'ah or meeting with people who fear Allaah and can
teach her something good, and so on. But if she is just
being left alone, or is being left with the TV and its bad
shows, or with bad neighbours and evil companions, then this
is neglect and is to be condemned. Those who are
neglectful often get their punishment in this world, before they
even meet their Lord.
With regard to a woman going out of her house,
according to sharee'ah it is not conditional upon her
being accompanied by her husband or mahram as long as she
is trustworthy and she goes to places where there is no
fear for her, and the route she takes is safe. The presence of
a mahram is a condition when she is travelling, but
she does not have to be accompanied by a mahram
everywhere she goes in the city _ unless there is some evil or
fitnah (temptation, tribulation) involved in her going even a
short distance, in which case a woman should not go out
on her own. Then it is better to be on the safe side and not
go out unless she is with her husband or someone who
can protect her and take care of her.
When a Muslim lives in a kaafir country, he has to
make extra efforts to protect his family, such as getting
together with other Muslim families and renting an
apartment building together, or moving to live next to one
another, so that this will offer a kind of protection and create
a good environment for families and children. At the
same time, the Muslim woman should find good,
righteous women with whom she can fill her time when her
husband is absent.
"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our
offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of
the Muttaqoon (the pious)" [al-Furqaan 25:74 _
interpretation of the meaning]. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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6228: Should he try not to have children with his
Christian wife?
Question:
married with a christian; also have converted to
islam from Hinduism myself. Wondering, if it is okay to try
my best to not have children with this christian wife
since there is no agreement on raising the child as muslim.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly, we would like to offer our congratulations to
you for the blessing that Allaah has bestowed upon you
by bringing you into Islam. We ask Allaah to help you to
be steadfast in Islam and to die as a Muslim.
Secondly, we do not advise you to prevent having
children with your Christian wife, for two reasons:
Having a lot of children is required according to
sharee'ah. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Marry women who are loving and fertile,
for I will be proud of your great number before the
other nations on the Day of Resurrection."
(narrated by Abu Dawood, 1754; al-Nisaa'i, 3175;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on
him) in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 132)
It is not definite that your wife will remain a
non-Muslim. Allaah may bless her with Islam as He has blessed
you, then you may regret having gotten older without
having children to bring up in the right religion and with
proper manners.
So we advise you not to prevent having children, and
to try to call your wife to Islam _ maybe Allaah will
bless her with Islam.
If Allaah does bless you with children, then you have
to bring them up in the right religion and with
proper manners from an early age. This is one of the duties
that Allaah requires of you, and your non-Muslim wife
has no say in the matter. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and
your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones"
[al-Tahreem 6:66].
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you
is responsible for his flock… a man is a shepherd of
his family and will be asked about those who are under
his care…" (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 844, and Muslim, 3408).
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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6257: Ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray
Question:
My husband neglects his religion; he does not fast
in Ramadaan and he does not pray, and moreover, he
stops me from doing any good deed. He has also started to
be so suspicious of me, that he has left his work to stay
home so he can watch over me.
What should I do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to stay with a husband who is
like this, because by neglecting the salaah (prayer) he is
a kaafir, and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman
to marry a kaafir or stay with him. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"… if you ascertain that they [women] are true
believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not
lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers
lawful (husbands) for them…"
[al-Mumtahinah 60:10]
The marriage between you and him is null and void,
and there can be no nikaah (marriage) between you
unless Allaah guides him and he repents to Allaah and
comes back to Islam. In that case the marriage will remain
valid. The husband's conduct is not correct, and it seems to
me that he is suffering from some kind of (mental)
illness, namely paranoia and waswaas (insinuating whispers
of the Shaytaan) from which some people suffer with
regard to their worship and their dealings with others.
Nothing will get rid of this sickness but remembering
Allaah (dhikr), seeking refuge in Him and putting one's trust
in Him to get rid of it. What matters is that for your
part, you have to leave him and not stay with him, because
he is a kaafir and you are a believer. With regard to
your husband, we advise him to come back to his religion
and to seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed
Shaytaan, and to try to recite some beneficial du'aa's with which
to rid his heart of this waswaas. We ask Allaah to help
him. And Allaah knows best.
From the Fataawa of Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen, in
al-Da'wah magazine, no. 1709, p. 34 (www.islam-qa.com)
Our Price: $13.95 Pages: 300 Downloadable
5322: She wants to travel for five months away from
her husband
Question:
Is it permissible for a woman to travel away from
her husband for five months or more?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. If the couple both agree to that
then there is nothing wrong with it, unless staying apart
will lead one of the couple to do something wrong such
as doing something haraam or neglecting the children.
In this case it is not permissible, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There
should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm." And
Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Our Price: $13.95 Pages: 300 Downloadable
3320: Is it permissible to allow a Christian wife to
practise her religion in the home?
Question:
know that Allah (S) has permitted us to marry
Christians and the Jews. Now, can she practice her religious rites
in the same house and have pictures of the crucifiction
of Jesus (A) and celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and
etc. Can her kids join her? If no, would not it hurt her
feelings? Please, answer me on this issue.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for a Muslim to allow his wife
from among the People of the Book to celebrate her
festivals in his home, for the man is in charge of that woman
and she does not have the right to openly celebrate her
festivals in his home, because of the resulting effects of
corruption, forbidden things and display of the symbols of kufr in
his home. He should keep his children from taking part
in those innovated festivals, because the children belong
to the father and he should keep them away from
these forbidden celebrations. At the same time he should
direct them towards what will benefit them, even if that
affects his relationship with his wife. The aims of sharee'ah
and protecting one's religion _ which is one of the
most important aims of sharee'ah _ take priority over
everything else.
Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was asked about a man
who had a Christian wife _ could he let her go out to join
in the Christian festivals or to go to the church? He said, no.
In al-Mughni (1/21), Ibn Qudaamah says: "(Treatment
of women): If his wife is a dhimmiyyah [a Jew or
Christian living under Islamic rule], he can prevent her from
going to the church, because that is not an act of obedience
to Allaah."
If these scholars said that the husband should stop
a Christian wife from going to church, then what do
you think is the case with regard to her celebrating
these innovated festivals in the house of her Muslim
husband? Especially when we know the harm that results from
these festivals, which is far worse than her merely going to
the church. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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3758: Complaint from a wife about her husband's treatment in bed
Question:
My question is very embarrassing but there is nobody
I can ask about this.
My husband is good and pious, and I have no reason
not to trust him, but he is not giving me my rights in bed. Is
it permissible for me to ask him for a divorce, or will I
be one of those who will not smell the fragrance of Paradise?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If a husband is fulfilling his Islamic duties towards
his wife, it is not permissible for her to ask him for a
divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "If any woman asks her husband for
a divorce for no compelling reason, she will be deprived
of the fragrance of Paradise." (Reported by Imaam
Ahmad, 21874, and Ibn Maajah, 2055). The meaning of the
phrase "for no compelling reason" is anything that gives her
a strong motive for seeking divorce. (Sharh Ibn
Maajah `ala al-Sanadi).
As for intercourse in bed, if the wife's demands are
greater than what is normal, it is not permissible for her to seek
a divorce (the word "normal" refers to what is usual,
such as once a week or once every ten days and so on,
and people vary in their capacity in this regard). For
more information, please see Question #
1078.
If the husband has some defect or sickness that
prevents him from having intercourse (i.e., he is impotent), then
it is permissible for his wife to ask for a divorce. And
Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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2407: Being absent from one's wife for more than
six months
Question:
I'm getting married back home , but unfortunately I
will not be able to bring her to this country because I,m
student. I know a Hadith where Omar ibn Alkhatab (RAA)- if
I,m right - said that husband and wife must not be way
from each other for more than six months. Unfortunately ,
I will only be able to comeback after a year
minumum. Am I allowed to do that using the islaamic
principal "necessity dictates exception".
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If your wife accepts your being away for this length
of time, then there is nothing wrong with it. May
Allaah bless us and you with all strength and goodness.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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482: Wife complaining of husband's mistreatment
Question:
My husband and I have been married for almost 5
years, and we have very young children. My love for my
husband has greatly decreased since we got married, because
of his behaviour. He has a very bad temper, which he has
no control over. When something makes him angry, he
hits me. It cannot be called beating, and he never hits me
on the face, but he hits me hard enough to leave a mark.
This has happened many times in our marriage, but it is
not every day. We are aware of the three steps that Allah
has told the husband to follow in such situations but, as
I said, my husband has no control over his anger. This
is what is causing the problem. I have borne my
husband's anger with patience up to this time, which I do
sometimes out of love, but also out of fear. Because of this
prolonged situation I have become afraid of him. I feel
resentment towards my husband which is causing more
problems because my husband does not like the way I talk to
him, because I have lost patience and feel that I am being
treated unfairly. He has hit me many times in front of the
kids, and even when I have been holding them. The older
child is starting to copy his father and act out his anger on
me. What can I do to stop his behaviour (please don't say
not to make him angry), apart from more patience? What
can I do with this resentment that I feel towards him? I
have tried to forgive him but my heart has been hurt too
many times. His behaviour and my bad feelings are tearing
our marriage apart. Allah knows best if we should
stay together or not. And if we stay together, what is the
best way to stop this behaviour and this cycle of bad feelings?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah,
There is no doubt that the problem you have described
is very sad and painful. First of all let me say that there
is no alternative to turning to Allah, for He is the One
Who makes a way out of every difficult situation. The
following are a few points of advice:
Your husband needs someone to advise him - look
around for a suitable person to do this.
- Avoid making him angry (although you asked me not
to say this, I cannot avoid giving this advice). Again,
avoid making him angry as much as you can.
- Whoever sees the problems of others will see his or
her own problem in perspective. There are husbands who
beat their wives on the face, and injure them and break
their bones; some kick their wives out of the house in
the middle of the night and lock them out; others do not
give their wives a penny, and even take their money
and jewelry; some eat outside the house and never bring
food home for their wives and children, leaving them to
beg from their neighbors; others drink alcohol, take
drugs, and bring prostitutes to the house. Some do not
recognize Allah at all; they do not even know the direction of
the qiblah. I myself have dealt with these and other
cases involving the problems suffered by wives; these
examples are not made up. Perhaps looking at the problems of
others and putting things into perspective will offer
some consolation and make you feel better.
- Think about your husband's positive aspects - his
religion or his relationship with you or his spending, or the
fact that he does not hit you on the face, and so on.
Perhaps this will help to reduce your negative feelings
towards him.
- Remember that what you are suffering is a test, one
of the trials that Allah decrees for whomever He wills
in this life, to see how people will behave. So face it
with patience and the hope of earning reward. The
Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said:
"How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for
everything is good for him, and this applies only to the believer.
If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for
it, and this is good for him; if something bad befalls him,
he bears it with patience, and this is also good for
him." (reported by Muslim, may Allah have mercy on him,
in al-Saheeh, no. 2999).
- Think about the tragedy of divorce and what
would happen to the family in this case. A wise woman may
put up with something bad in order to avoid something
even worse, because some evils are less than others.
- Write him a letter, reminding him of the Prophet's
advice concerning women, e.g., ". . . Be kind to women, for
they are your prisoners and you have no rights over them
other than that. If they are guilty of clear immoral
misconduct, then avoid them in their beds, and beat them, but
not severely. If they then obey you, do not seek means
of annoying them, for you have rights over your wives
and they have rights over you. Your rights over your
wives are that they should not allow anyone you dislike in
your bed, and they should not let anyone whom you
dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you
should treat them well with regard to clothing and
food." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1163; he said: this is
a saheeh hasan hadith.)
- The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon
Him) said: "Many women have come to the family
of Muhammad, complaining about their husbands.
Those (husbands) are not the best among you. (Reported by
Abu Dawud, no. 2146). If he becomes angry and hits you
hard, wait until he calms down, then provoke his pity by
saying words such as "Is this how you treat the mother of
your children and the one who is closest to you?" and
showing him the mark left by his blow, so that he can see with
his own eyes what his hand has done. Also, remind him
that oppression is haraam, and that Allah is able to deal
with him. Then disappear and leave him to think things
over. In most cases, if the husband has any shred of
decency and real character, and religious sensitivity, he
will apologize.
- Some marital problems can only be resolved with
the passage of time, as the number of children increases
and they grow up, and the husband grows to love them
even more. This makes the wife more precious to him too,
as he sees her as the one who is bringing up and
protecting his children. As he also increases in maturity and in
his understanding of the realities of life, he will realize
the evil of what he has done and his behaviour will
improve, so he will stop doing some of the things he used to
do. Hoping for improvement is a good thing: people live
on hope.
Supplication (du`aa') is the refuge of the believer.
How many times, I wonder, have you prayed to Allah to
reform your husband? Persist in du`aa' and seek ways of
making Allah respond.
I ask Allah to improve your situation and to guide
you both.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Our Price: $13.95 Pages: 300 Downloadable
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